Friday, June 3, 2011

Reader Mail: Bring Back The ‘Sock!

Responding to my two week walkabout in which DarkSock ran the site, reader Michael has some thoughts:

—–
You need to go away again. The site was so much better with others running it.
——

Yes but can one ever truly go “away?” Don’t we all leave spectral patterns behind us as we traverse the great unknown of space/time itself?

# posted by douchebag1
9:37 am June, 3 fatness said...

It was fun while he was at the helm…but helms are not really his thing…and there were a lot of dehydrated horses.

9:51 am June, 3 Mr. Biggs said...

I disagree. Darksock was like the teenage kid raiding the parents’ ass-pear liquor cabinet while they’re away on vacation.

9:52 am June, 3 Mr. Biggs said...

But I do hope DB1 can appreciate my haul of Memorial Day Vegas bag-tags and post ’em already before it’s old news.

9:56 am June, 3 Mandouchian Candidate said...

I am a relative Nube to this sight. All that matters is that I have douche to mock and Hott to shake my stick at. Way to go DarkSock, welcome back other guy.

10:06 am June, 3 Vin Douchal said...

Michael? Who? Non-regs have no say in anything. Piss off .
.
Sure, while the boss is back we behave a little better. Such as a lot less of this stuff:
.

.
And no nightly pear. But the Sock fixed my grammar a few times and let’s face it you can’t expect Baron to hit a five-run-homer every day.
.
Db1 got the car back with minimum scratches, a half tank of gas and a bunch of empty booze/prescription bottles floating around under the seats. So be it

db1 you worried about readership/commenter capture brah?

nah, dude, you are still the man that put this here, and keeps it here, of course the downside of that is, you have to be somewhat polite and respectable, and leave the real good stuff for others.

darksock captures the joie de soylarde cheval .

10:10 am June, 3 Vin Douchal said...

Yeah! Baby
<img src="“>
.
.gifs are great. We all need to thank Herman Gif for inventing them

10:11 am June, 3 Vin Douchal said...

GAH!

10:16 am June, 3 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Sock did awesome… but the site still needs it’s DB1.

I mean, you can let Chewbacca drive the Millennium Falcon for while… but if it was all Chewbacca all the time, you’d come back to find the furniture all chewed to hell and the place would smell like monkey ass.
.
@Vin, wtf is that clip from?! Whatever she is selling, I want a dozen.

10:19 am June, 3 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

I detect John Largeman lurking behind severe looking blonde. He is watching.

10:28 am June, 3 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Dark Sock, after being pushed off the dock by DB1. Has resorted to multi-layered drinking binges and aliases to come up with Mike’s weak complaint. That is why we know it’s an alias. Son. Cause it’s meant to dis….Fuck it. It was me. No it wasn’t!

10:30 am June, 3 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

A nightly or at least semi-nightly would be nice for the mentally ill, insomniacs, general ranters, and hockey fans. Just a little something, something, Or however they say that in the city, Son.

10:30 am June, 3 saulgoode42 said...

DarkSock is blow, DB1 is weed. You can’t do blow every day and maintain composure. Nuff said. That said, looking forward to some blow down the road!

10:36 am June, 3 Vin Douchal said...

Now here’s a little difference. I would have posted this picture if Sock was in charge, but with Db1 back, it’s just a link

10:37 am June, 3 Nancy Dreuche said...

DB1, without you there would be no Nancy Dreuche. You think I’m on other sites going by this retarded moniker. No. I most certainly am not. CatFancy.com kept deleting my posts. I peed in a tabby once is not greeted with the same chuckles as it would be here. You created a unique site that allows me to make fun of people. Like everybody, including you guys. I can’t do that anywhere else. I mean I could but it would be erased immediately or in real life I would never stop having the shit kicked outta me. I have had grown men tell me that the only thing saving me from a sucker punch to the face is the fact I’m a woman. So yeah I appreciate the environs here where I can fire off some insults and it counts as contributing to a greater purpose. A douche-free world.
.
Sure it is awesome to see posts from the regs, and DarkSock’s reign of posterrorior was epic, butt in the end you’re the dude that made this all possible. So tell “Michael” to send in a pic so I can make fun of the hairlip and weak chin he most assuredly has.

10:48 am June, 3 Et Tu Douche? said...

DarkSock was like that cool, rich uncle with a lot of time, money and grownup toys on his hands, who you visited once a year, usually during summer time, in your late teens/early 20’s. He’d let you crank up his kick ass stereo system, he’d take you for rides in his oft damaged yet still fast as hell speedboat. He always had good beer & good food in the fridge and gave you free reign of the beach house. He’d always have a funny off color comment or bawdy joke about the seemingless endless array of hot chicks that seemed to be everywhere when he’d take you out for lunch or dinner. You’d meet some of his cronies who were just as fun loving, salty talking and wild as he was. He’d let you you do and see stuff that you normally weren’t allowed to do. It was exhilarating yet exhausting but you couldn’t get enough. When the week was over and you knew you had to got back to the usual routine you were kinda bummed but realized there was always next year and you couldn’t wait.
.
That being said I propose that DSock be given a once a year weekly residency. It’s just a thought.

10:48 am June, 3 Wedgie said...

Hey Vin:

I didn’t know you were a frequent guest in Frank McCourt’s luxury box in Chavez Ravine. Keeping all the fun to yourself, eh?
PS: Regards to Jamie.

10:57 am June, 3 Et Tu Douche? said...

@Vin
That chick’s boobs are great but the upskirt almost snatch reveal is Nice. Son!!!
.
Oh and ah GO B’s!!!!!!

11:04 am June, 3 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

@Nancy, If your main alias is having that much fun, I can’t imagine the orgasmic joy of all your aliases put together. You are probably Michael AND John Largeman.
.
@Et Tu Douche?, Maybe with a little bit of wicked Uncle Ernie mixed in.

11:20 am June, 3 Anonymous said...

Almost reveal? I swear I see some Holy Triangle there.

11:23 am June, 3 Anonymous said...

The Sara Varone gif is just the “tip” of the iceberg so to speak. Holy Areolas, Batman!!

http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=sara%20varone&bav=on.2,or.r_gc.r_pw.&biw=1259&bih=818&wrapid=tlif130712565698911&safe=active&um=1&ie=UTF-8&tbm=isch&source=og&sa=N&tab=wi

11:27 am June, 3 Et Tu Douche? said...

Continuing in the “uncle” DarkSock theme, this song has it all, horses, booze, gambling, loot etc;
.
Me & My Uncle:

Me and my uncle went ridin’ down,
South Colorado, West Texas bound.
We stopped over in Santa Fe,
That bein’ the point just about half way,
And you know it was the hottest part of the day.

I took the horses up to the stall,
Went to the barroom, ordered drinks for all.
Three days in the saddle, you know my body hurt,
It being summer, I took off my shirt,
And I tried to wash off some of that dusty dirt.

West Texas cowboys, they’s all around,
With liquor and money, they’re loaded down.
So soon after payday, know it seemed a shame;
You know my uncle, he starts a friendly game,
High-low jack and the winner take the hand.

My uncle starts winnin’; cowboys got sore.
One of them called him, and then two more,
Accused him of cheatin’; Oh no, it couldn’t be.
I know my uncle, he’s as honest as me,
And I’m as honest as a Denver man can be.

One of them cowboys, he starts to draw,
And I shot him down, Lord he never saw.
Shot me another, oh damn he won’t grow old.
In the confusion, my uncle grabbed the gold,
And we high-tailed it down to Mexico.

I love those cowboys, I love their gold,
I loved my uncle, God rest his soul,
Taught me good, Lord, Taught me all I know
Taught me so well, I grabbed that gold
And I left his dead ass there by the side of the road.

@nancy now if you really want to have some fun, take your catfancy persona over to bossip, and say “i peed in a maine coon once”. that is called synergy, son,

11:35 am June, 3 Anonymous said...

Great tune!!

11:37 am June, 3 Marcellus Shale DIscount Sale said...

sometimes i forget where i am

11:59 am June, 3 Vin Douchal said...

@ Et Tu
.
Gotta get me some of them shorts like Bob Weir
.

12:07 pm June, 3 Hermit said...

DarkSock’s reign was a frantic, fast-paced cluster fuck reminiscent of a ravenous school of piranhas as they attack a pregnant, helpless tapir attempting to cross an Amazonian tributary. Wild-eyed and nervous, the tapir first feels only a small but sharp nip at her flanks, the nip is soon followed by more as she tries to pick up speed, with images of armless supertangas flashing into the consciousness of her primordial psyche.
As the bloodletting gains momentum, the piranhas’ frenzy increases like Mary Mamm’s gargantuan boobies as she falls forward off the pop-culture precipice and into the frothing, bloody turmoil of gnashing, razor-like teeth and torn flesh.
The pace quickens as the unfortunate tapir becomes disemboweled and her eight partially formed fetus’ squirm through the stagnant blood-red water, desperately trailing their umbilical chords behind them like Rubber Johnny’s prolapsed rectum dragging across the moist basement floor.
Then, as quickly as it started, it’s over and there’s nothing left but skeletal remains, cigarette butts and a case of empty scotch bottles.

12:17 pm June, 3 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Ass pear!
Ass pear!
Ass pear!
.
I’ll get the pitchforks, y’all get the torches.
.
Then we’ll burn the pictured douchebags and bleeths to the ground. Purify them with fire!

12:17 pm June, 3 Wheezer said...

Thanks to Vin (10:06 a.m.) and Anon (11:23 a.m.), I now know who Sara Varone is, fell in love with her, and just jizzed in my shorts.
.
Yeah, like I’m alone in that.

12:19 pm June, 3 Wheezer said...

Oh, and perhaps “Michael” will just need to join AA: AssPear Anonymous.
.
I have the address in my Rolodex. They have a great 12-ass-tap program.

12:26 pm June, 3 NYCMike said...

OK, DB1, your people have spoken. I withdraw my comment in front of one and all.

12:27 pm June, 3 jonezy said...

^um, on second thought, instead of DarkSock getting an annual guest appearance, let’s let Hermit take the reigns next time.
.
Had been drinking scotch already, it would be sprayed out my nose onto my keyboard after that last one.
.
Michael is like Bud Light Lime- I didn’t know he was even there, but when I did, it was depressing to see

12:37 pm June, 3 Et Tu Douche? said...

@Vin
re; Booby’s shorts, at least there not as bad as Clifford The Big Red ‘Bag’s those were horrifying.

12:41 pm June, 3 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Sara Varone, eh? Their civilization may have peaked 2,000 years ago (incidentally the date of the last garbage collection in Venice) but Italians still know how to make cars and women. Hopefully they can further redeem themselves by first arresting, then executing, the cast of Jersey Shore.

1:29 pm June, 3 Collaz B. Popped said...

This is a no brainer.

1:47 pm June, 3 Nancy Dreuche said...

@McCrudeshoes 11:04a, I’m also RevChad, when he’s sober. Its a wild ride I tell ya. And yay NYCMike, way to puss out.
.
I second Jonezy’s request in letting Hermit take the reigns of this mocking horse for a week with DarkSock tying up any loose ends as well.

3:17 pm June, 3 Medusa Oblongata said...

DarkSock is like that one uncle everyone has. He always has a joke and pulls quarters out of your ear and has a funny nickname like “Uncle Knucklehead”. But then that one time he catches you alone in the basement on Thanksgiving…things change….

3:18 pm June, 3 Medusa Oblongata said...

Dear everyone in this picture: I hope the ghosts of Wendy O. Williams, Sid Vicious, Poly Styrene, Stiv Badors and Jim Carroll all make your lives a living hell.

3:28 pm June, 3 Hermit said...

@jonezy and Nancy,
.
Thanks, but I can say without the least bit of false humility, that I couldn’t do one tenth the job that DarkSock did during his stint.
.
Besides, after a few days of my blood-tinged, morose depravity, DB1 would lose half of his readers due to lack of interest or mass suicide.
.
@ Dude 12:41,
.
Those wops also produce a fuckin’ awesome motorcycle!

4:08 pm June, 3 Choad The Douche Sprocket said...

All hail to the Sock, but his reign, like that of Mark Addy’s on Game of Thrones, was destined to end on the horns of of some wild swine…belching phlegmatically as he contemplates the hole in his soul.
.
.
.And by “hole in his soul” I mean his perverse addiction to ass pear.
.
.
.But wait! Who among us doesn’t suffer from that affliction?
.
.
.Welcome back DB1. May your continued presence on the Iron Throne, as the King of ‘Bag Hunters, be longer than Ned Starks’.
.
.
.
.And may your first child be a masculine child.

4:23 pm June, 3 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

@Hermit
Agreed. Italians (like Miss Varone) must riden hard and fast. Amazing they excel at 6 figure vehicles in a country that is worth about 85 cents, and that is if they thow in a bottle of Chianti.

4:37 pm June, 3 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Hermit 3:28p Its wop-dego to you.

7:07 pm June, 3 Medusa Oblongata said...

@ Dude 4:23
Lulz were had.

10:28 pm June, 3 Stephanie said...

I think DB1 knows how to post things little by little where,darksock just posts crazy every day. Two different ways to go. I’d combine the two more often. Just my 2 cents.

3:31 am June, 4 Douchble Helix said...

Dark Sock opened up that whole alternative universe with the clicking the photo thing. Looks like the Chief repaired that tear in the t/s continuum.
.
Looks like that I-talian girl uses that as her go-to move. The page of images has another photo, different dress & necklace, which is otherwise I-dentical. Funny thing, I had seen that loop before, and I was certain it was Selma Hyack. No hesitation. No doubt. Go figure.

3:38 am June, 4 Collaz B.P. said...

^ Vin Douchal – thank you for letting us know who Sara Varone is,,,,fwap city.

6:49 am June, 4 Troy Tempest said...

I think the most important thing proven by Darksock’s turn at the wheel was the reinstitution of voting for the weekly. It brought forth some excellent mock, and the kind of democratic involvement helps make this *our* site, not just what DB1 deems excellent.

11:13 am June, 4 DarkSock said...

What saulgoode42 said…
.
“DarkSock is blow, DB1 is weed. You can’t do blow every day and maintain composure.”
.
Shit was a lotta work, and that was WITH me getting regs to do half the whitewashin’ of Aunt Polly’s fence. I don’t know how DB1 has kept at it for years.
.
My particular stint, while fun, just ain’t sustainable. I ran through a month’s worth of pharmaceuticals and two half-gallons of Maker’s in two weeks.
.
And yeah, bringing back the vote was fun, and I always believed that was the one hook that pulled casual visitors from the calm surface of the front page down into these bloody and chaotic depths of the back page comments. That’s what snagged me after my first visit: there was some scrote named “Peaches” and it said to click on comments and vote, so I did, and started in with the cast of regs at that time, many of whom have been killed by Doc (Phah, Jailergrrl, Douche Vader, Spongebob Scrotepantes, and so on…).
.
So I brought back the weekly vote for shits and gigs. But THAT was about the same amount of work as 3 or 4 days of posts. I can see why Boss shit-canned it. It was fun but dayum that’d be the first thing I’d have tossed out of the balloon gondola when the hot air started waning a little.
.
I think we’re all on the same page here: Hot Chicks in Dark Socks was a fun place to visit but you would NOT want to live there.

11:56 pm June, 4 Yam said...

Is that Pink on the left?

8:39 am June, 5 idfma said...

Too harsh.
.
Dark did an awesome…AWESOME fucking job, but DB1 is DB1, and let’s not forget that.
.
Dark, I hear you about the weekly, but, it WAS one of my favorite parts. Since I don’t have to do it, I don’t really care how much work it was….
.
Anyway, the boss is back, and he’s doing a damn fine job too–let’s not forget where we came from and who got us here.

12:30 am June, 7 Baron Von Goolo said...

@ 10:06 Vin Douchal said
and let’s face it you can’t expect Baron to hit a five-run-homer every day.
.
Maybe it’s the Mountain Dew talking, but did you just call me out, son?

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