Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Reader Mail: Mr. Pink

——
Boss,

It’s been a while since I have joined the mock, but I come to you in extreme forgiveness with a sacrifice of a fully, self-admitted full-blown douche.

This creature, knowingly, & willingly practices the Dark Arts of Douchbaggery like some kind of Grand Wizard of the Jersey Shore without shame, commanding the will of the Grieco Virus to do his bidding for the evil conquest of the Hott.

As a long-time follower, I ask you DB1, bring the wrath of HCwDB down upon him like the chosen prophet that you are, weaving a trapestry of scripture like never before heard!

Have no mercy on his wretched soul as he asked to be cast down!

May the mock wage on and keep up the stellar work my friend! The world needs you…

-Battlescrote Gallactica
—-

He is pink. She is hot. I need a coffee.

# posted by douchebag1
9:28 am June, 8 creature said...

Pink sez, “check out these guns!”
& by guns he means Holly’s chest cannons

9:33 am June, 8 Mandouchian Candidate said...

This guy is kind of a diet douche. Yeah he has a pink shirt, shaved head and is making some hand gestures, but both his fingers are pointing right at her mamms, and I like that he has simplified the whole stimulus/response part of my afternoon mocking. She on the other hand, is just an average girl, sure she is blonde and has decent boobage, but nothing spectacular. Maybe next time she goes out to the corner pub, she will put on something that didn’t come from the Misses section at Dress Barn.

9:33 am June, 8 Colossus of Choads said...

Dude: Where’s my bicep?

9:34 am June, 8 The Reverend Chad Kroeger with an infected computer said...

This guy is a douchecon.

9:34 am June, 8 The Reverend Chad Kroeger with an infected computer said...

This guy put the douche in the douche-she- bop-a-dop-a-dang-ding-a-ling-dong. Son.

9:36 am June, 8 creature said...

I’m sure you’d change your tune, Mandouchian, if Holly was on you like shrink wrap

9:39 am June, 8 Et Tu Douche? said...

Nothing to see here, Move along.

9:41 am June, 8 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

“Und dis iz dee face I make when I get my lipz stuckz in zee glory hole.”

9:41 am June, 8 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

kissy lips and the 6 lbs white watch are the nail in the coffin, full blown douche (with a weak bicep). and I think my aunt Millie wore that exact dress to the Iowa state fair when she won the hog calling contest.

9:48 am June, 8 DarkSock said...

ergr

9:57 am June, 8 creature said...

many a swimmer has met an untimely demise uponst her chest

10:26 am June, 8 Douchble Helix said...

Hey, M-Candidate,
You were having a good day here, until…
“She on the other hand, is just an average girl, sure she is blonde and has decent boobage, but nothing spectacular.”
How many contradictory statements can you make in one sentence?
Of course, this comes from the guy who equate, ‘she has a pussy and a pulse’ with ‘She’s The Total Package’.

10:35 am June, 8 Mandouchian Candidate said...

DH- she is just average. check the face, the clothing and the pooch, plus the 160 pounds of trash on her right arm. Also discern from the photo that she is in a bar with a pool table AND Karaoke. Unless this picture was taken in the Council Bluffs, IA area she would be pretty low on the Hott Totem Pole. Just sayin.
>
Brought to you by the Bill Clinton Institute for Cankle Hunting.

10:37 am June, 8 Mandouchian Candidate said...

Looking at that pooch, you would get biceps like that from holding up her curtains whilst going south on her…

10:47 am June, 8 Vin Douchal said...

Mr Pink, blechh.
.
Index finger ring. Folks? Am I alone here in thinking this is as tacky as pierced navels on woman?
.
An unnecessary accessory foisted upon our consciousness by the fashion-starved looking for a new commercial application in much the same way as tattoo-ists have clamped onto our collective acceptance (to a degree) in bringing social acceptability to new lower levels, one barbed wire bicep or tramp stamped lower back at a time?
.
Or the grammatically challenged warbling / lackadaisicall lifestyle of hip hop/urban/rap artists that have brought simple public manners and the collective speaking and reading skills of a generation to a standstill one wannabe gangster at a time with the excuse of “keeping it real”?
.
Or the …..shit , who cares…..Boobies !

10:47 am June, 8 Douchble Helix said...

I think this is her first time in that bar. She’s divine. He’s a douchebag.

10:48 am June, 8 schlicht bindenburger said...

i believe this scrotation is wearing lip gloss…the horror!

10:51 am June, 8 Banana Hammock said...

Yes Mr. Pink… We see her boobies… ,mmmm boobies.

11:00 am June, 8 Choad The Douche Sprocket said...

My jumbo, A-gap, pull-right, dive package wants to blitz Lila’s Alzedos..
.
.
.His face needs to be drop-kicked into a spit bucket.

11:16 am June, 8 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I came inside to check on things and made the mistake of opening this again to only increase my heat stroke induced rage. Fucking dog won’t let me turn on the air conditioner until she gets a swim. Old bitch. Shoulda put her down before that last knee surgery. I think I have to get drunk now, too hot for weed.
Son.

11:18 am June, 8 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

And that it not a pooch or gunt. His hand is in her dress pocket. Dress pocket?

11:22 am June, 8 DarkSock said...

Is she holding a glass vuvuzela?qwer

11:30 am June, 8 Ted Brogan said...

Which way to the gym?

11:30 am June, 8 Mayor McDouche said...

I thought that guy from Right Said Fred swung the other way?

11:31 am June, 8 Mandouchian Candidate said...

Dress pocket, what is she a mennonite? Did some clan of eunuchs make that dress for her?

11:46 am June, 8 creature said...

D-Candidate, why you hatt’n on Holly….she has a Leno chin, granted, but think of the delight as it massages your taint

11:59 am June, 8 tall guy said...

From what I can see of the background this bar is the type of place that plays on the insatiable douche desire to become some sort of instant celebrity. Besides offering justification for their own blustering, boorish behaviour, it also provides hope to the douche who strongly believes it has a God given right to celebrity status but, not unlike the contestants on Jersey Shore, (no, Nancy D., I dared not watch it this week!) are unremarkable human beings without the required talent or ambition to achieve this. In fact at a bar like this – a place where nobody knows your name because nobody can devote anything more than about 56 seconds worth of attention to something that isn’t their reflection from the bar mirrors – the douche is fully aware that by exhibiting behaviour that should warrant a kick in the cock he stands a reasonable chance of both getting on television and also reviving interest in the now defunct Ed Hardy store, thus utilising a wardrobe full of garish tee-shirts.

11:59 am June, 8 Nancy Dreuche said...

The fact that she is in such close proximity to stinky pinky here tells me two things. She is easy pickin’s and she should probably not be drinking and walking.

12:02 pm June, 8 Nancy Dreuche said...

@tall guy, I have never been more proud of you than I am right now. That took courage. Now I also hope you tripled up on the porn of your choosing as I also suggested, to eradicate any remaining orange brain stain. The road to recovery is a rough one, but its easier when you walk with friends.

12:06 pm June, 8 Nancy Dreuche said...

@M. Candidate, I’m gonna have to echo Creature on this one. She’s not hideous and from my assesment probably would be willing to give you a proper chin to taint massage with minimal effort expended on your part. So why you be hatin’ player?

12:19 pm June, 8 Anonymous said...

Aside from obvious signifiers, he’s in a bar where there’s karaoke. And the current tune (check the TV in the upper right hand) is cracklin rosie. If you’re in a bar and cracklin rosie is playing through a karaoke machine, you are an AUTODOUCHE. Period. No exceptions.

12:25 pm June, 8 Medusa Oblongata said...

He looks like a big, pink lamprey eel.

1:19 pm June, 8 ehcuodouche said...

She needs to lose the corset. We’ll notice her bust easily enough and it looks painful. Maybe if she pops off that buckle it will have enough velocity to travel through douchebag’s skull and solve two problems at once.

2:36 pm June, 8 Stephanie said...

A guy that’s roughly 40 years old and acts like that is a douche,it looks like he’s dating a girl half his age,didn’t you see that? He looks like a construction worker that shaves his head because “it’s hot outside”,but more like losing his hair like his dad.

3:00 pm June, 8 Douchble Helix said...

The photo magnifies to really huge, then it has the plus sign for even bigger.
You can see in her eyes that she’s a virgin. And she’s not with him. Or his humongous fucking watch.

4:30 pm June, 8 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Tell me he didn’t walk by the little girls’ Fairy Store at the mall and grab himself a pink lemomade tee shirt, and lord knows, probably a tutu.

5:02 pm June, 8 The Dude said...

mmmph! <- post of the week candidate

5:06 pm June, 8 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Anonymous 12:19p, why you gotta hate on Neil Diamond?

1:35 am June, 9 Blackhawks Jerseys said...

Nice post,Thank u for sharing! Thanks for a great post and interesting comments

7:27 am June, 9 Douchebag#613 said...

Damn, I thought duckface was only fer dah hotts…

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