Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Ask DB1: Are Sleeve Tatts Autobag?

Reader American Bagger objects to the generalization:

————
Dear Sir,
i’ve written in before and i will undoubtedly start this letter the same way i did my last. that is by saying first and foremost – bravo, sir. bravo. you continue to constantly mock the douche and worship the hotties to the utmost of any of our abilities to do so and for that i do applaud you.

but i’m writing in reference to the picture ‘smug night’. while no doubt a douchebag, i think you totally missed the boat on why he is such a specimen.

while you list “stupid tatt sleeves” and the “hitler chin fung” as his douchal attributes, i can’t help but stare at the bendless brim of his ‘serpentine’ hat and his terrible blue blocker sunglasses.

while i’m not disagreeing with you on the fact that he is a douche to the utmost, i am disagreeing with you on as to why.

no doubt the chin fung is terrible, but this is where my bone is gonna be picked in the form of a question. why to you are all tattoos auto-douche? you even posted my letter last time and told me yourself that all tattoos are not autodouche. so why is smug’s tattoo such an exception to your own rule?

people like myself with one sleeve and one on the way and not a douchebag in any way, shape or form whatsoever kind of take offense to “stupid tatt sleeves” comment.

if you yourself said that all tattoos are not autodouche, please just remember that next time. and you know you’ve seen way many more douchey tattoos than that. his is just a nice japanese 3/4 sleeve. no stars, no stupid sayings or script writing like his douchey hat.

so please, pretty please, lay off the tattoos. some are actually pretty cool.

thanks and i will continue to be a loyal reader either way. and you know this, man.

American Bagger
——

Fair enough, but I have two words regarding the Sleeve Tatt’s fight for legitimacy: John and Mayerbag.

Now I’m not saying sleeve tats can’t walk the stereotype back. But when the Mayerbag is championing the ways of the sleeve tatt, the result is problematic. That being said, douchetattery is found in the obnoxious display of tatts, not inherently in the tatts themselves.

Unless said tatts involve Chinese or Mayan symbols. They be = autodouche.

# posted by douchebag1
12:03 pm July, 20 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

I’ve been told that people get tatts to be unique and use their bodies as a canvas to express themselves. But when so many people do this and there are soooo many bad tattoos on peoples’ bodies, the effect is just the opposite. The person looks like they are just doing it to appear trendy and cool and the end up looking like a douche.

And blondie in the pic looks like she’s banged the entire Hell’s Angels – Milwaukee Chapter. Last weekend.

12:11 pm July, 20 Vin Douchal said...

Sleeve tatts are like abortion, homosexuality and religion: Do what ever you want just don’t try to steer me into your way of thinking. Knock yourself out , that’s why we live in America. Leave me out of it
.
That said, kooks protesting in front of doctors’ offices , GLAAD parades and fire and brimstone TV preachers searching for your wallet are easily ignored.
.
When you have the arm tatts and act normal, who cares, it’s your fuccen arm. But add in the other shit like piercings in disgusting areas like lips, tongue and eyebrows and I’m asking for a different waiter/waitress at Applebee’s. You want to draw attention to yourself? Do something that takes talent.
.
.
.
.
Pentecostalists

12:12 pm July, 20 Douchie Arnaz said...

F U American Bagger. Tatts, especially these days, are the prime signifier of the brainless, betesticled testerone happy dochebag. No exceptions. End of Story. Now get off your “me-too” Harley, take off your Hitler youth “I’m a badass” Nazi helmet and get back to cutting my lawn.

12:22 pm July, 20 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

There are more bandanas in this picture than the sale bin at dollar tree.
.
Martina Navrotilova apparently rocks to the crue.

12:39 pm July, 20 Wedgie said...

Pass the dochebag on the left-hand side…..

12:40 pm July, 20 Wedgie said...

Mayan Eye of Coitus symbols are acceptable under certain circumstances.
If properly displayed along with female GSR.

12:47 pm July, 20 Troy Tempest said...

Like Vin – I have no problem with tatts. Some of my very best friends have tattoos, extensive tattoos, and I do not hold it against them at all. I even have friends who are tattoo artists, and they have a very respectable profession, thank you very much.
.
It’s not the tatts as tatts – it’s the KIND of tatts and how they are displayed and how they look – that’s the problem. Some stupid dipshit with a swastika on his forehead is still a stupid dipshit and will be forever. A lovely hot woman with a sleeve of finely painted tatts is a hot woman with sleeves of finely painted tatts, and will be until gravity and menopause takes over, and then she can age into being a beautiful older woman with sleeves of finely painted tatts. And some drooling moron with star tatts on his underarms and INFLICTED emblazoned across his belly is still a Drooling Moron. and when he gets old and his belly swells from the acres of beer he drank over te years, his tatts will just look really fucking stupid, because he’s a drooling moron.
.
So, let’s be clear: it’s the type, placement, and style of the tatts that make the tatted douche. Swastika between the eyes? Douche. A delicate pattern from Iran than melts into a wave by Hiroshige across the shoulders? If well painted, probably rather beautiful.

12:51 pm July, 20 Southern Scrotic said...

Let’s discuss young douche on the far right. When do long ‘shorts’ just become baggy manpris.

Strip off all the bad choices and mom would look pretty tasty.

12:52 pm July, 20 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

As I attended the carnival which was part of the reunion thing of which I will no longer speak about, I noticed many things.
.
In Ontario every piece of shit welfare case, every marginally employed rockerbag, every construction worker, biker, bodybuilder and cop has been sleeved. Some are my friends and some are my relatives, but they are odd company when a fucntion goes down in the rear Druid party pasture. As I spoke to these sweet Children of God, or your preferred deity, there was one common thread to their stories which went as follows: I got fired. My boyfriend dumped me. I can’t get promoted. I can’t get a job. The police hassle me. Well look at you freak! You’re forty years old with minimal education, a lip piercing, meth cankers and tats up the fucking ying yang so stop you’re fucking whining and what the fuck are you doing at a carnival with no kids. I had to leave before Mrs. Kroeger saw the panic on my face as I realized, ex pharma, that I have returned to my hometown and put my rotten little daughter’s futures in jeopardy. Fuck off Trebek. Another think is that these tatts are only used as a perceived menacing weapon or coping mechanism for one of myriad other inferiority complexes. Same as bodybuilding, the user or addict sees a void which they have to fill.
.
Now a little rose on the ankle of back target can be hidden on the ladies. Similarly, a babies name or mother on the bicep is acceptable, if it can be hidden by a short-sleeved oxford or sensiblework wear.
.
The sleeve is douche and the sleevee will have a life of terrible affliction and the Wrath of God will smote them like a Creed song. Don’t do the sleeve children, it is the hula hoop of the 2000’s.
.
Alter Boys

12:53 pm July, 20 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

^And what Vin and Troy said.

12:59 pm July, 20 Mandouchian Candidate said...

Couldn’t have said it any better than Rev,Troy, and Vin.
*
“Myriads of Inferiority conmplexes,” FTW

1:05 pm July, 20 DarkSock said...

Perhaps rather than lumping everyone with a tatt into one douchebin, as Douchie “Pit Bull” Arnaz has done, or apologizing for all tatts, as others do, I must agree with Vin and Troy on the exceptions, and for the rest I coin the phrase “Tattools”.
.
Shit tatts are like porn; y’know it when you see it.

1:06 pm July, 20 DarkSock said...

Butthead had the best tattoo idea: “I’ll get a tattoo of a butt that has a butt-shaped tattoo on it, and I’ll get it right on my butt”.
.
my mind = blown.

1:09 pm July, 20 Wedgie said...

^And I want to see more of it.

1:09 pm July, 20 Wedgie said...

Tubesocks

1:13 pm July, 20 Mad Douchigan said...

Troy Tempest Said…

A delicate pattern from Iran than melts into a wave by Hiroshige across the shoulders? If well painted, probably rather beautiful.

I’d like to see that, sounds pretty cool.

As far as anything else, Vin got it right as usual!

1:26 pm July, 20 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

When I want attention, I take one of those tattoos of Myley Cyrus that comes with the box of freezies in the spring. I put it on my elder cock, strip down and skateboard by the park. Cheaper than a Harley, lip piercing and a sleeve. And I love the breeze on my giant ballsack.
.
Pederasters

1:29 pm July, 20 Hermit said...

I’m amused by all these assholes who get a tatoo to, “Honor my cousin Richie who had a bout of colitis in ’04.”
Spare me.

1:46 pm July, 20 Hermit said...

If someone wants a rose on their ankle or a name on their butt cheek, go for it. But if you want full sleeves, formulate a game plan. I’ve seen very few good sleeves and hundreds of shitty ones. Find a good artist, be prepared to pay good money and ask his advice. Despite what you think, he knows better than you!
.
Myself, I’m gonna’ start shaving my legs and have vericose veins tatted on them in honor of my Grandmother. Maybe a butterfly on my ‘taint just because I’m naughty that way.

2:26 pm July, 20 THEONETRUEDOUCHE said...

“one sleeve and one on the way” And he thinks he is not a douche? Next week it will be two sleeve tatts and growing out the pubic hair on my chin, but I am not a douche LOL

2:36 pm July, 20 CraigBradTodd said...

People with tattoos are generally trashy people. Anyone dumb enough to get permanent “art” tattooed on their entire arm probably isn’t going too far in life. I don’t care how clever you think it is or how artistic it is – it’s trashy. The only people that like them are other trashy people. They crave attention because they have nothing else to live for. How many people with full sleeve tattoos do you see, sans professional athletes/musicians/entertainers, having a successful career? It’s not the tattoos themselves that keeps them from getting good jobs and contributing to society – it’s the stupidity required to GET the tattoos in the first place. If I had a dollar for every time I saw a single mother buying cigarettes at the gas station complaining about gas prices while wearing a backless shirt to show off their disgusting back tattoo…I’d have enough money to buy a full sleeve tattoo so I could pretend that I’m hardcore.

I’ve gotta say…a full sleeve is auto-douche (or at least auto-loser.)

2:55 pm July, 20 tall guy said...

It’s their common desire to be seen as mysterious, tough, edgy or dare I say unique coupled with a demanding need to conform to bottom feeder social trends that mark the douche as permanently as an ink stain on satin sheets. Australia is similar to other places whereby its ‘bags often opt for offshore tatts. In our case it’s SE Asia, where they’ll haggle with a poor semi-skilled tattooist who’s only trying to feed his family and invariably misunderstands the brief and writes (spelling incorrectly) something like “boil noodles for 3 minutes”. Back home the douche can regale one and all with details of the expedition and just what the indecipherable script bleeding across their arms really means. Sheesh!

3:43 pm July, 20 Steve L. said...

i’d be plenty suspicious of Chinese symbol sleeve tatts myself.

3:52 pm July, 20 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

I’m not sure I can add too much more to what the others have said other than to say if you want attention, there are many ways to go about getting it.. You can style your hair in a certain way, dress in a certain way, act in a variety of ways when in public and all will get the attention of others that is so craved by the attention seeker. Tattoos are just another avenue for that attention seeker. What was once taboo or rebellious back in earlier decades has now become mainstream. “How can I draw even MORE attention to myself? I know, I’ll go the whole 9 yards and cover my entire arm with tatts! Yeah, that’ll look totally bad ass.” and so more and more start to jump on the bandwagon until there is no more room. Earlier in my life I would openly point, let out a big guffaw, and the loudly proclaim to the Mrs what a dumbass these people were. And then it hit me: I’m still giving them the attention they crave for their dumbassery so I stopped doing it. Now I just shake my head a little and ignore them. I still bitch to the Mrs (I’m just a cranky old fuccker anymore) but I never give the attention seeker their drug of choice. Just my $0.02.

6:06 pm July, 20 Douchie Arnaz said...

@tall guy: “boil noodles for 3 minutes”

You owe me a new monitor.

6:08 pm July, 20 Douchie Arnaz said...

Oh and what’s with the bandanas in the back pocket? Is this like a Stonewall picnic or something? Is he looking for a bareback top with a *left* sleeve tattoo?

6:24 pm July, 20 Elwood Blues said...

Following the flock HispterBag Sleeve Tatt’s are a free ticket on the Doucheland Express. And that train is packed like a Japanese subway heading to the next iPhone release.

It’s all the same shit in a different wrapper.

NEXT!

8:21 pm July, 20 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

NEGATIVE! When have you ever met a guy with a sleeve that isn’t an A-1 asshole/douchebag?
.
SLEEVE TAT = AUTO-BAG!!!!

8:32 pm July, 20 Stephanie said...

Tats all over the arms,usually men think they’re the “hot shit” therefore,autodouche. Maybe we’re all tired of the person who’s just too smug,and thinks paying out all of the wasted money proves you’re a real man,when we all know it’s not what a real man is. Maybe it’s the showing off thing,but it’s tiresome. Next. I agree!

8:53 pm July, 20 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

In this photo, I see clear evidence that there is no longer a threat from douche-Bleeth virus, but rather the douche virus has mutated and now taken over females entirely so that they, too, are douchebags. Female posing on the right is proof of that. Male posing on the left, just another douchebag.
In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if it is now a RETRO-VIRUS and the female on the right infected the male on the left with her doucheosity, er, retro-virus.

8:55 pm July, 20 idfma said...

I cannot comprehend ritual disfigurement. Especially today when the ritual is completely irrelevant and non-existent. If girls want to get their ears pierced great (no skin off my nose if they don’t)–THAT is still a ritual. One of the few nearly universal and recognizable rites of passage still widely practiced
.
Other than that, what the fuck is with all this disfigurment?
.
I tell you what: if you like sticking needles and shit into your body so much and showing off–do some really badass shit: let’s start with public male and female circumcision (16 yrs old?). At the same time we’ll start putting those huge fucking disks in our lower lips. Top it all off with some foot binding and those weird-ass rings that elongate your neck making you look like a giraffe, and that sleeve tat is going to look fucking awesome.
.
I agee with the regs above: do whatever you want, but why? WHY?

8:56 pm July, 20 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

And I stand by my scientific observations, by right of my long experience as an Audubon bird-counter and frequent-flier to this site.

9:01 pm July, 20 idfma said...

Oh, and tattoos on non-asians in asian characters–WHAT IN THE FUCK IS THAT?!!? Does it mean more to your white/black/italian-ass in your native Madarin Chinese?
.
What in the fuck is that? If you are displaying something on your body that supposedly has meaning–why would you get something NOBODY CAN UNDERSTAND WHAT IT SAYS?

9:39 pm July, 20 creature said...

imagine going into a store & seeing a great shirt that really makes you say, “bitchin”…you buy the shirt, put it on & can never take it off

11:23 pm July, 20 Stephanie said...

Dude’s got a patch on his back for his motorcycle club,they’re called “The Lemmings” . He has all of those bandannas in his back pocket to cry into.

1:33 pm July, 21 why did the chicken cross the choad? said...

Dude! Seriously?! All tattoos EXCEPT mayan and chinese are douchey? Is it opposite day or something? I think the sugar in the Oreo O’s cereal has gotten to DB 1’s brain. I never write in but had to write in on this one. I feel like tattoo’s shouldn’t be auto-douche at all, but if they were to be, the Mayan and Chinese sleeves would be the FIRST to be auto douche. There are cool sleeves out there. What if someone had a Star Wars sleeve? It would be dorky, but not douchy! Sleeves that are just squiggles and shit might be douchy but sleeves dedicated to actual things shouldn’t be auto douche. What say you DB 1?

6:14 pm July, 21 douchebag1 said...

You read it wrong, WDTCCTC, My point *was* that Mayan and Chinese Sleeve Tatts = autodouche.
.
– management

1:41 am July, 22 Holbrooks said...

We have a revolting beer her in Oz, called Crown Lager or “Crownies”. Some say it’s created from the dregs of other beers, and I have trouble disbelieving that. It’s portrayed as a premium beer, supposedly upmarket, and priced accordingly. The snobs put the wine down and go for Crownies to “slum it” for the night. It’s the beer for the people who don’t know beer.

While I don’t have tattoos, I can still appreciate good and cool-looking artwork. But the one I detest is the fucken STAR TATTOO. Like Crownies, they’re the tattoo for the person who doesn’t know what the fuck they want.

I saw a guy at the supermarket wearing a baggy singlet and shorts – so you could see his arms, ribs, neck and lower legs. Just in the bits I could see, I counted about 10 tatts, all stars. They weren’t even matching, such as one on each forearm, it’s like he pointed to a random body part and said, “Star”. Looked like a rash, and frankly, unimaginative and retarded. I’ve despaired seeing one on people since then.

4:55 am July, 22 why did the chicken cross the choad? said...

Ahh, I read it as “Unless the tats involve chinese or mayan symbols (comma) they be auto douche.

I was seriously flabbergasted by such a change in normally sound reasoning.

Nominate myself for douchebag of the day at least.

5:58 am July, 22 Douchie Arnaz said...

The only thing I could probably live with is a tattoo of Roger Rabbit. That’d be cool. Not Jessica Rabbit. Roger Rabbit. I would show it to everyone.

1:57 pm July, 22 tall guy said...

Agree with Holbrooks re. the star tattoo, or rather star tattoos as they’re seldom singular. They’re the porn star T-shirt of the murkier inky-types and whether it’s some sort of virus that’s transmitted through the tattooist’s needle or something entirely random I cannot say with certainty, but every – yes every – person I’ve ever notice with a star tatt is a prime example of everything I do not ever want to become.

7:03 pm July, 23 44Bagnum said...

F’n hell… a lot to chew on.. i can sympathize with everyone’s point of view here… American Bagger all the way to tall guy.. one thing is for certain.. heavy tattoo coverage is trendy as F#$! right now.. and since most D-bags who are tattooed actually lead with their douche scars, we are left with an awful view of all tattooed folks. i am heavily tattooed from when i was in HS and college and am now in my mid 30s.. i do my best to hide my tattoos these days, as to NOT be grouped in with the Meyerbags and hipsters in Williamsburg.. perhaps in 20 more years, i can resurface and be ok with wearing mine.

9:09 am July, 24 american bagger said...

hey douchie arnaz. hear me and hear me well. you are a bigger douchebag than anyone in any of the pics and i don’t even know what you look like. obviously you know me or you couldn’t make such judgements. get your fat ass away from your computer and pick up a habit besides mocking people. some, like riding motorcycles, are actually pretty fun. try it sometime.

Leave a Reply

What is 2 + 14 ?
Please leave these two fields as-is:
IMPORTANT! To be able to proceed, you need to solve the following simple math (so we know that you are a human) :-)