Friday, July 8, 2011

Buddha Took a Dump

The DB1’s Friday To-Do List:

* Brush teeth
* sniff underarms, consider wiping with paper towel
* scratch crotch
* Enjoy tasty HoHos and a fifth of the ‘Train for breakfast
* Pick up alpaca food at Bob’s Country Bunker
* View this pic, ponder the waste of what’s left of human achievement as it sinks into cultural collapse
* do the dishes

# posted by douchebag1
9:30 am July, 8 UFO Destroyers said...

Let’s see….
Nice Mercedes Benz tattoo on hip.
Tattoo of 45rpm record adapter.
Thirteen functioning brain cells between the three of them.
Too late to get the Preparation H out of the pool because it already made him shrink.
All three have daddy issues.
Skank on right will have to go on gov’t chees when the side show drops her from the routine because she’s giving shows to everybody at the pool for free and nobody will pay to see her now.
.
God I hate these people.

9:31 am July, 8 DarkSock said...

This lifestyle brought to you by: Parents Overprotecting Overgrown Parasites (P.O.O.P.).

9:33 am July, 8 DarkSock said...

When Mom ‘n Dad die, and the inheritance goes up the C-Note tube into the nostrils in one wondrous snowy year, there will always be Carnie Work for them.
.
And by “Carnie Work” I mean Welfare Checks.

9:34 am July, 8 DarkSock said...

In 20 years all three of these twits will be skulking through truck stops at night, hanging off of Peterbilt and Kenworth mirrors like shaved gibbons, whispering “Pssst! Hey, Mister, you wanna buy a nut?”

9:40 am July, 8 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Her tattoos read like a Highlights magazine hidden picture puzzle. I see an alien head. And a pocket watch. And a Mercedes sign. And four gold stars. Oh, and there’s a 22-y-o girl who crapped away a fairly decent future because she felt ignored and needed to get attention just any kind of attention even if it was bad attention or worse the kind of attention that comes on the head of a diseased cock and through dressing skanky drinking too much becoming a human f*ck toy humiliating her parents distancing herself from all of her troo friends living on a steady diet of Red Bull and cheap cigarettes and spending all her money and maxing out her credit cards on said diseased cock.
.
Can you find her?

9:45 am July, 8 Mandouchian Candidate said...

Chick on the right is fugly and all inked up to be damned. Chick on the left has a penis (zoom in) and all bruised up to be damned. Chick in the middle reaks of black cock and astroglide.

9:46 am July, 8 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Girl on left is alright except for the forearm herpes she got at Johnny’s Grill N’ Tug. Fuck I hate forearm herpes.
.
Lepers

9:47 am July, 8 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

If you look at outer cleavite of right girl, it appears that she has a tat-on tan. Is that possible?
.
Artists.

9:56 am July, 8 The Dude said...

He looks naked on the un-tatted majority of his torso. I need to get my eyes tattoed with something kaleidoscopic to compensate for having seen these three. Does Lasik™ do kaleyedoscrotomy?

10:08 am July, 8 Mandouchian Candidate said...

If you look at the face on girl on right, it appears she has Horse DNA.

10:15 am July, 8 Vin Douchal said...

I’ve seen that atrosity on the right before in a nightmare. The one where all the pens in my office came to life and began scribbling satanic verses on my arms and legs like a 50’s Disney film on bad heroin until one finally stabs me in the jugular and femoral arteries over and over again until I bleed out and get my sweet release.
.
I wish I could unsee this, Db1 rat bastid

10:29 am July, 8 Anonymous said...

Wow. H/Nott on the left managed to stuff Clifford’s teeny tiny weeney into her bikini bottom.

Either that, or she has a clitoris the size of a slice of a super ripe Florida Ruby Red Grapefruit. Either way, it’s the stuff of screams and nightmares.

Chums.

10:50 am July, 8 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Lisa Rinna called. She says you can keep her look.

11:04 am July, 8 Ultra Bagnus said...

As soon as this picture appeared on my screen, my browser crashed. Coincidence? Hardly. Bathe this pool in nuclear fire and vanquish it and it’s inhabitants (especially these three) from the earth.

11:06 am July, 8 smackdouche said...

Does it make me gay that I think the guy is the most attractive thing in this picture?

11:32 am July, 8 Charles Nelson Douchely said...

I understand why tat girl has daddy issues. He built her a swing set facing the wall.

11:48 am July, 8 justadouchalo said...

In a perfect world, that tat on Francis’ (aka Psycho) chest begins to spin and lops his melon off at a 45 degree angle. Continuing on, it becomes lodged in the skull of that fellow with all the crazy tattoos.

12:02 pm July, 8 tall guy said...

@ smackdocuhe, probably not, but it’s something that might develop into a disorder if left unchecked. Keep sharing about it.
Bleeth on right gives the impression of one who hopes to be amply compensated for her efforts. Of course this would upset the natural order of the world so by my calculations her payday will amount to about one eighth of a pittance. Lobster ab Le Idiot regards having his picture taken as a competitive pursuit and has spent the best part of the previous 5 years working himself into a state of near permanent exhaustion in preparing to strike this pose. He’s probably gainfully employed in a retail assistant’s job that requires wearing a shirt and tie. His pay may be reasonable and the receptionist/office chickadee probably has a great rack. I guess he’s paying off a McMansion in a boondock ‘burb that offers little in the way of civic infrastructure (lest the callow, disaffected youth should have something constructive to do with their time besides pick on the nerds and ogling future sluzzahs) with multiple flat-screen televisions. Much to his chagrin however, it turns out that his manager is like one of those nerds from back in school who he used to pick on mainly because they wouldn’t fight back. The manager’s been chosen for his intellectual prowess and that’s something that really gets up this douche’s nozzle. This manager not only earns twice as much, but is also seeing the receptionist’s super rack in the sack each night. Full circle. Hey, wasn’t that the name of a Doors album? Rock-on, dude!

12:10 pm July, 8 tall guy said...

Also, why is it that so many of these skanolas have a subtle though pronounced masculinity about their appearance. Rhetorical question really. Plus I’m not making the tranny call – although skank on right looks very suspect… Shit, it’s early and I need more caffeine!

12:18 pm July, 8 DarkSock said...

Holy shit, Scrotato Head!
/
/
/
I see the pocket watch!

12:38 pm July, 8 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

@ Tall Guy
.
Arguably, from a media-shove-it-down-your-throat perspective, theres been a shift for some time in terms of women’s looks towards masculinity. We can thank ol’ Hef in part for that. If you were to look at the centerfolds decade by decade you’d see a hardening of facial features becoming more and more masculine with every wife – errrr, Pet of the Year. Uncle Larry didn’t do us any favors either with his flat chested model/skanks that look like little hairless boys. Same for other media/merchendising outlets. Take the Victoria Secret models. Attractive? Yes, but their faces are very angular, almost manish. And their bodies offer very little of the curves that come with an attractive WOMAN. Toss on top of that the blending of typically gender specific fashion and personal grooming (Try looking at an Abercrombie and Fitch add and not ask yourself “If the girl was topless like the guys, could I tell any of them apart?”), and the androgification (trade-mark pending) which comes with plastic surgery and botox, and you’ve two sexes with one look.
.
Is it gay to be attracted to a woman that looks kind of mannish? No, but the reality is we’ve reached that point where women looking mannish are meeting in the middle with men looking womanish, and regrettably society has leapt past saying “Who gives a f*ck.” to “Whoot Whoot! Me Likey the Andro!”.
.
Marilyn offed herself just in time. Only a handful of us like women like Christina Hendricks (I’m uncluding you too Medusa), but we don’t count intoday’s numbers driven society.
.
F*ck, save some of that caffiene for me. Better yet, tell me where I can find me some Mae West movies. Bring on the real women!

1:02 pm July, 8 Organic Alpaca Nutrition said...

DB1, don’t watste time and gas going to Bob’s Country Bunker for inferior, non-organic, steroid and pesticide-laced alpaca feed.
We deliver anywhere in the US and parts of Canada within 48 hours.

3:21 pm July, 8 Wedgie said...

I’m not sure this is Las Vegas. I see these three all the time in Venice Beach. Or something like that.
The one on the right might be Arnold’s second love child.

8:49 pm July, 8 Stephanie said...

And who exactly thought you guys looked sexy?
There’s like an oily tube of lube on all three.

8:56 pm July, 8 Steve L. said...

Buddha took a dump and forgot to flush the toilet.

somebody’s gotta fucking flush it. hard.

9:03 pm July, 8 Mr. Biggs said...

Dear God. That reminds me I should have an omelete tomorrow.

10:22 pm July, 9 Medusa Oblongata said...

@ Scrotato–‘including’ or ‘uncluding’? ‘Cause I spent all weekend pleasuring myself with this. I think the acids in my gash actually melted off her facial features, but damn, we had a good time.
.
I will agree on your ramping up the manliness in pop culture. Take a look at the arms on Madonna an Jennifer Aniston–they have pythons that put most men to shame. The total lack of body fat is to blame for it, the total lack of softness that affects the face, first and foremost. Mr. B. and I had the misfortune to be in Chicago’s Hipster Hell (Wicker Park) and saw a creepy couple come out of a used record store. The boy was horrifyingly thin, in wee, skinny jeans that looked more like my dad’s old black socks, a Modest Mouse T-shirt that would fit a five-year-old, and a pair of white shutter shades. As we got closer, I thought, Man, that girl is kind of cute, why is she with that ugly, stringy thing? We got closer and closer, and just as we passed, i got a look at his face–and realized he was a she. WTF. I suddenly forgot about the five pounds that have been vexing me and causing me to pass on seconds for the last few days. I’m thinking I’m going to work towards a more chompable physique like the days of old….gimme me some more of that Easy Cheeze, willya?

9:24 am July, 10 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

@Medusa
.
“Uncluding” damn dachshund fingers.
.
Curves. That’s what the world needs. Curves.

7:21 am July, 11 Douchelips said...

Vegas choadbaggery is the WORST kind…

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