Saturday, July 9, 2011

Comment of the Week: Count DeDouchebags


Newbie Count DeDouchebags wins the coveted Comment of the Week with his brief yet on-point narration of the story of Crotch Johnson and the Sara Bikini Hotties:

—–
Noon: Oh, yeah!!! Vegas baby!! VIP at the pool!!

1:00 pm: I’m Crotch Johnson, from Omaha, Muthafukas!! Look at these bitches!! Woo Hoo!!! Bring me another bottle!!

2:00 pm: Crystal… HELL YEAH!! I love Crystal!! another bottle, dammit!!

3:00 pm: WADDAYAMEAN it gonna be $500 each? I thought you chicks were really into me!!!?

4:00 PM: …Yes, sir, $4500… If you don’t pay your bill, I’m going to have to call the police immediately…

5:00 pm: Dude…. come on man… bail my ass out!!!
—–

Sort of says it all.

Oh, and here’s a random picture of Patriotic Speedo Crotch Guy and Unfortunate Victim of Limited Life Opportunities By Virtue of Being Born in a Small Town Hottie for your Saturday perusal.

# posted by douchebag1
1:44 pm July, 9 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

She’s all slim and shit. No, wait. She’s slim up top and pear-shaped below.
.
Her hip are so wide she has to stand sideways for the boat to trim.

1:44 pm July, 9 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Her hips are so wide he needs a bigger boat.

1:45 pm July, 9 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Her hips are so big they are measured in leagues.

1:46 pm July, 9 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Her hips are so wide she will only have multiple births.

1:47 pm July, 9 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Her hips are so wide he needs a bigger beam.

1:48 pm July, 9 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Her hips are so wide my Jesus-sized cocck might fit,

1:49 pm July, 9 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Her hips are so wide I am rolling a sample of the new Purple Kush for this weeks festivities.

1:59 pm July, 9 creature said...

tri colour hot has the flag on my pole pinned!

2:12 pm July, 9 Wedgie said...

Last time I saw hips like that they had a plow hitched to ’em.

2:19 pm July, 9 The Dude said...

Is it douchey to talk your way down from a huge tab? I’m really good at that.

3:46 pm July, 9 Nancy Dreuche said...

@The Dude, dpends on if you’re talking it down because the service or product was legitimately bad (that’s okay) or if your just talking it down to get out of paying because you overtextended yourself (its not their fault you have no self control). If you go into the same place and do it again and again, douchey. If you do it once and aren’t a giant asshole about it then you’re a skilled negotiator and I would like you with me when I buy my next car or a house. We can negotiate your fee of course.

4:12 pm July, 9 Hermit said...

It’s no longer Friday, but here’s someRoyal Ass Pear.

5:28 pm July, 9 Et Tu Douche? said...

Mmmmmm!!!!!!!!!!!!! Royal Ass Pear

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7:16 pm July, 9 DoucheyWallnuts said...

He has to be wearing that as a joke. And she’s Trash Hott…don’t discount Trash Hott…

7:30 pm July, 9 Troy Tempest said...

Ummmm them wide hips provide PEAR. Big yummy PEAR. And dOooOOooOOoOoon’t. you. forget. it.

stars and stripes rampant on a bag of douche.

and by rampant i mean, being desecrated by being attached to a pole that is so small the flag can never unfurl.

her hips are so wide she can use old faithful as a bidet

ranger dicks.

9:44 pm July, 9 Wheezer said...

Anyone up for firecrotch sapphic action?
.
It’s just an article, but this is where you get to imagine how this would play out. That got me a boner, for what it’s worth.

2:48 am July, 10 tall guy said...

Wideset girl looks alright to me. Nice boobies too. Douche’s swimwear leaves little to the imagination.

4:49 am July, 10 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

There is NO REASON to own a boat if you intend to use it on a body of water a 5 year old could swim across.

6:55 am July, 10 Boner said...

Yes!!! She wins and by win I mean BONER!!!!!!!!!!

10:00 am July, 10 I R A Darth Aggie said...

She makes me want to stand up and salute.
.
He makes me want to send a kitten over to punch him in the choadsack. I’d do it myself, but there’s no way I’m getting that close to that choad. I might get some on me…

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6:46 pm July, 10 DarkSock said...

I’d ram her islands with my irresponsibly piloted meat boat.

6:47 pm July, 10 DarkSock said...

She’s hot as hell, you weird Canadian fuck.

8:04 pm July, 10 Steve L. said...

small town hott Wanda and Vegas Sara hotts may not have a future, but they have a present. for they do not have to work a single day in their lives until… oh let’s say… age 40.
.
i’m being generous here.

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6:36 am July, 11 Anonymous said...

Small town hott is hott. Seriously, who among you would throw her out of bed for eating crackers?

2:08 pm July, 11 Vin Douchal said...

Okay ^ Gimme one of each

2:16 pm July, 11 douche equis said...

Damn, you guys are critcizing that wonderful body? Glad to see some voices of sanity toward the end there.

8:47 pm July, 11 Stephanie said...

Dude’s trying to say “hey look at my swimmin’ trunks”. But you know,if you aren’t packing a rod,why decorate it so much?

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