Friday, July 22, 2011

Friday Thoughts and Links

Remember that game you always wanted to play with a girl in 8th grade but never have the courage to actually try on? You know, “Tune in Tokyo”?

Yup.

This is the douchal version of that game.

But it’s nice to see Jonathan Silverman and Sarah Jessica Parker found work back in the 80s. And I’m referring to the photo, not the linked clip.

As to our hallowed Hall of Hott, it was a tough crowd and a split vote, with only the lovely Arielle gaining entrance. Sorry ladies. Maybe next time.

Here’s your links:

Your HCwDB DVD Pick of the Week: “You know, I could lay a big line on you and we could do a lot of role-playing, but the simple truth is, is that I find you very interesting and I’d really like to make love to you.”

Donkey Douche: Still in Jail. Eye Color still “BRO”

Speaking of bros, Bro seeks Bros for Manhood Camping. Possibly to oil up each other pecs and then grind to Right Said Fred. No homo.

And speaking of bros seeking bros, HCwDB legend Cro ‘Bagnon needs a date. “Eggs whites, Protein shakes, Jack Daniels” ladies. C’mon now, can you resist?

Russian Girls want to date you, yes?

Yet more from the Rebecca Black school of untalented viral despiration: Some Annoying Chick Raps

Best Cry Ever. Finally, a use for autotune.

Texas Scrotesackery: The Hillbilly Music Video.

Summer’s Eve new ad campaign involves talking vagina hands.

Speaking of T.V. ads, let us never forget far and away the greatest ad of the past twenty years: “You tell ’em, Johnny! You tell the world.”

Nicholas Cage’s son is something something.

Remember Swatches in the 80s? Today’s kids’ watches are far more scroatier.

Holy Mackeral! It’s:

Fishing Boat Pear.

A bit meaty for your Friday, perhaps. But well inspiring as we sail onward until dawn.

EDIT: For those objecting to the real world meaty meat fishing pear, your cries for more Pear have been heard. Enjoy:

Modernist Walkway Pear.

It’s Gehry by way of Crumb.

# posted by douchebag1
12:57 pm July, 22 boone doggle said...

We’re gonna need a bigger boat! BOOYAH!

12:57 pm July, 22 Anonymous said...

Worst.Pear.Ever.

1:04 pm July, 22 hermit android thumbs said...

Ass pear has thighs like a Mac truck.
.
.
(If a Mac truck had thighs.)

1:09 pm July, 22 Mr. White said...

Kardashian pear?

1:09 pm July, 22 Wedgie said...

I like the Russian girl who’s shitting out a pink stuffed hippo.
My kind of girl.

1:09 pm July, 22 Mr. White said...

Also, inmatesearch.dupagesheriff.org is the worst dating site ever.

1:10 pm July, 22 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I don’t come here for the pear and am thankful today for that. Octomom Pear. Ughfy. Genius FTAL. I don’t know whether to laugh, cry, or kill someone. Maybe a JO circle tonight for fun. The end is truly nigh.
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My game was Tokyo Rose. You ask a girl if she likes to talk into microphones and stick it in het dirty little mouth.
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BRO

1:12 pm July, 22 DarkSock said...

Since the Manhood Camping FireQuest is NOT GAY then can I assume that the J.O. in “JO circle” is not “jerk-off”?

1:13 pm July, 22 DarkSock said...

I shall be in Sacramento for a week (old Sac…heh heh heh) so until then, safe boating.
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.
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Piers.

1:17 pm July, 22 Et Tu Douche? said...

Cro-Bagnon, doesn’t read? shocking!!!
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Manhood Camping was funnny, sad thing is I bet there is Ed Hardy camping gear.
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Nick Swardson rules!!!!!

1:25 pm July, 22 Et Tu Douche? said...

@DarkSock the JO in “JO circle” stands for Jovial Octopus, I think that or Jizz Octet.

1:31 pm July, 22 Wedgie said...

^But he’s NOT GAY

1:32 pm July, 22 Wedgie said...

“Scotty, have you ever seen a grown man naked?”

1:32 pm July, 22 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Gehry is such a bad architect he may have designed the first broads face.
.
Wright!

1:39 pm July, 22 mr.reeve said...

That first pear made my boner dissapear. Second pear made it reappear.
Off to Vegas to hang with the choads of the world.
.
.
.
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Schwetty Balls

1:41 pm July, 22 Banana Hammock said...

Someone caught a Marlin…

1:43 pm July, 22 Banana Hammock said...

JO = Jiggly Orca?

1:47 pm July, 22 Vin Douchal said...

Re: Nicholas Cage’s son
.
.
Billy Ray Cyrus’ son will out douche that tool all day

1:53 pm July, 22 ehcuodouche said...

Damn, Vin! You need to warn a guy before linking to something like that. My eyes retracted three inches into my skull. Gonna take all afternoon to pop them out of there.

Also – the Nick Cage kid site is totally not safe for work, unless you work in porn.

1:56 pm July, 22 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

DB1, some exceptional links this Friday.

I nominate Hi Dolla for Hall of Hott. Those clear grillz and hefty bag dresses really get my juices flowin.

2:24 pm July, 22 I R A Darth Aggie said...

CAN I HAZ REDHEAD PEAR? KTHNXBAI!

2:29 pm July, 22 I AM NOT GAY! said...

Hmmm, Cro Bagnon’s dating profile looks pretty hot. I wonder what he would take with him on a secluded island where he would be by himself if he could only bring 5 things. *fingers crossed* Please say sporting equipment CroB. Then I will know for sure that you are the one. Also I want to watch you play baseball by yourself, because I’m sick like that.

2:53 pm July, 22 Stephanie said...

The other inmates are going to think Donkey douche has pretty brown eyes.

2:59 pm July, 22 Cindy said...

Yes Stephanie, I do believe you are correct. They are also enamored with his pretty brown eye. If you catch my drift, amiga.

3:23 pm July, 22 Vin Douchal said...

I think I owe this to everyone after a week of being annoying ( I am a little brother , after all):
.
.
Canadian Hotties
.
.
.
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Hosers

4:12 pm July, 22 schlicht bindenburger said...

when i was with ASS TEAM6 they gave us extensive training on how to handle them big bums, but-no pun intended- that thing scares the fuck right out of me!

4:20 pm July, 22 Cindy said...

I believe I’ve finally seen an ass you can set your drank on. I thought those comedienes were making that up, but I could definitely set my Yoohoo on that chick’s behind and it wouldn’t slide off.

5:07 pm July, 22 Wedgie said...

Thanks Vin, I like Canada a lot better now.
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.
.
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Mounties.

5:08 pm July, 22 Wedgie said...

This just in:
Boehner quits…..I forget the rest.

5:08 pm July, 22 Doucheywallnuts said...

I wonder if D squared has kitchen trusty status.
.
I think I would be both happy and terrified to meet the Reverend Chad.

5:14 pm July, 22 Douche Assassin said...

There is so much pear in this friday thoughts and links that ancient romans had to come forward in time to solve their famine of 43 AD

5:59 pm July, 22 Chris in 'Baghdad said...

Bro Camping…bring “5-10 of those clip things climbers use.” Carabiners maybe? Jon Krakauer should get ready to write a new book: “Into the Wild II – Ed Hardy Bunghole Edition.” I usually bond with other guys here in Afghanistan with fire: enemy fire. And we make due with a few of those “clip things climbers use.” Psychotropic fungus? Now that’s a fungi! Whoever goes “camping” with this twit bro is gonna wake up robbed of his new Ed Hardy camping gear, find himself with a curiously sore bunghole, and will have a long walk back to the highway.

8:57 pm July, 22 Troy Tempest said...

So someone on OKCUPID posted their opinion of dating CroBagnon. It’s lovely:
.
When I first saw him at BlizzCon 08′, sandwiched between the two dwarves and the orc, jaeger bomb in hand, I knew that we were destined to be fast friends… .
.
Aaaaaah, nothing like true romance.
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The Russian Dating site is Bleeth central.
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Nicholas Cage’s son is a FUCKING IDIOT.
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What I find most disturbing about the photo at the top is that the girl’s thighs are bigger than her butt. That’s very disconcerting.

9:21 pm July, 22 Bromancing the Choad said...

I might have to turn in my baghunting membership card for saying this, but the lightning bolt watch is kind of awesome. As is the dude that designed it, I mean, he goes right through douche and went right to holy shit that dude’s wearing a matador jacket and Vanilla Ice pants and I kind of want to hang out with him.

10:00 pm July, 22 DarkSock said...

FB Pear’s ass is so big she has to wipe using Carabiners.

10:01 pm July, 22 DarkSock said...

FB Pear’s ass is is so big J-Lo’s ass filed a cease and desist.

10:01 pm July, 22 DarkSock said...

FB Pear’s ass is so big it is filled with other asses.

10:01 pm July, 22 DarkSock said...

FB Pear’s ass is so big she needs a doctor’s approval and a certified mechanic to ride a bike.

10:12 pm July, 22 DarkSock said...

FB Pear’s ass is so big she cannot walk without attracting German Oompa Bands who are compelled to follow her and play in time to her stride.

10:43 pm July, 22 Indiana Choad and the Temple of Douche said...

@Et Tu Douche at 1:17
Yes he does read. Muscle and Fitness, and Hustler.



Care to guess which one of those he fwaps to?

5:51 am July, 23 anonymous said...

NO BOND.

Ouch. It won’t belong before The Donkster will be pining for the days of solid bowel movements that he can release at his own discretion.

6:32 am July, 23 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

So Douchey Wallnuts goes to Biloxi for a fishing trip Cajun style….http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nc-e8EGkLMo&feature=related.

9:27 am July, 23 DarkSock said...

Well, in shocking news, Amy Winehouse was found dead.
.
.
.
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Shocking in that she wasn’t found dead in 2008…

10:03 am July, 23 schlicht bindenburger said...

lets all pray that gagabag checks out next!

10:32 am July, 23 idfma said...

You guys are being waaay too harsh–he was very clear it was NOT A GAY THING.
.
On the other hand Dark, I can’t think of anything but JO = Jack Off when he says at one point ‘no cock rings’. Maybe his teeth get caught on them when he’s giving a blow job. Except for the protestations that it wasn’t a GAY THING, that is the gayest thing I’ve ever seen.

10:34 am July, 23 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Amy ‘s going back to rehab, the vodka said no, no ,no.

11:44 am July, 23 Wheezer said...

I am in love with Modernist Walkway Pear…..even though I do understand that, as a Playboy model (lower right), she is clearly out of my league. But that little roadblock won’t stop me from naming my right hand after her (at least for tonight).

2:21 pm July, 23 Jeet Kune Douche said...

WHOA! Both pears are shockingly bad, with Fishing Boat being downright vomitous. Furthermore, miss light green bikini has a pair of thunder thighs that evoke nightmares of a transvestite Godzilla.

4:24 pm July, 23 Guid is Good said...

Don’t can the Douche.

11:04 pm July, 23 Sir David Douchenborough said...

Given Cro-Magnon’s profile information on what he does for a living, I can now warn Sally in accounting who has taken up internet dating that “livin’ it up” is really code for ‘not having a real job or career ambition.’

6:42 am July, 24 idfma said...

Wait a minute, Sir D.D., are you trying to tell me I wasted my money on CB’s book: “Road to the MMA. How You too can Live It Up, Take A Lot of Steroids, and Hurt People for Fun and Profit”. Shit, I thought I had finally found my calling.
.
Once Sally sees his ‘Pretty face’ it won’t matter, she’ll be hooked.

10:15 am July, 24 Sir David Douchenborough said...

CB’s book is tempting literature, especially paired with the companion series of “The Secret Strategies of The Swole,” with contributions from Stackhouse, Samurai Scrote, Fishslap, and others, to be sure. Hopefully, Sally will break from CB’s visage, but being informed by Sophie Kinsella, she may just be too captivated into believing that CB’s face is a work of Michelangelo and that staring into his eyes is staring into the crucible of time and existence…or maybe she just likes bottle service.

12:50 pm July, 24 Steve L. said...

Cro Bagnon needs a date? look no further than manhood camping!

12:51 pm July, 24 Steve L. said...

Modernist Walkway Pear looks kinda sad, but far better than annoying rapping chicks and fat lip Russian girls.

1:00 am July, 25 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Modernist AssPear looks like someone’s been playin’ a little PinTheTailOnTheDonkey with her.

Fishing Boat Ass Pear looks like she IS the donkey.
With an ass like that, she either rocks the boat or stabilizes it.

I say we ship them both off to Manhood Camp and see if the Boyz can use some butt target for those circle- jerk-off sessions.

9:32 am July, 25 jonezy said...

probably a little late for anyone to see this one, but this is my favorite commercial– looks to be older than 20 yrs though.

5:13 pm July, 25 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Older than 20 years, but timeless, Jonezy…

3:53 pm July, 27 Ultra Bagnus said...

I can’t believe somebody else remembered the genius that was the Barq’s commercial!! Douche on… and, oh yeah, you tell the world!

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