Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Hairpocalypse Now

I hate the smell of Vegas in the late afternoon.

It smells… like hair grease.

# posted by douchebag1
11:25 am July, 6 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

With one last giant FWOP, Moby Dick managed to launch his pod-producing power pack to have it successfully land on Chad’s head.

11:29 am July, 6 Troy Tempest said...

From left to right:

Cindy: “OK honey, snap the picture”
thinks: of your housemate Jeremy. I know he’s a dick, but he asked for the picture, so let’s get it done and get out of here. These chicks are as skeezy as Jeremy. Pity we had to run into him here…

Madison: (thinks) man I’ve been slammin’ Miller lite since before breakfast. I’m fuccen ripped and Jeremy thinks I’m hot. Fuck I’m drunk. I think I might need to hurl in a few. Photographer seems like a nice guy. His girlfriend is OK. Too bad I’m so fuckin blasted. It’d be nice to like have a conversation or something. I hope Lisa can think of something.

Jeremy: (thinks) I’m gonna fuck Madison tonight and I’m gonna tell my housemate Max here ALL ABOUT IT when I get back. Yeah, SHWING BABY YEAH GET SOME! I’m tellin’ ya – the fuckin heair gel works EVERY TIME. Hot shit.

Lisa: (thinks) Max and Cindy seem nice. How’d they get mixed up with Jeremy – god he’s such a douchenozzle. He told me he thinks he’s gonna “bang” my girl Madison. No way, Jose. Madison got me through freshman English and without her I ne4ver would have finished my nursing degree at Chico State. I have to keep her away from Jeremy. I have to think of something….

11:32 am July, 6 Nancy Dreuche said...

White tank top has some sweet cans. Nice nip reveal too.
.
P.S. This site has ruined me.

11:45 am July, 6 Douchey Lewis and the News said...

Someday this war’s gonna end…
.
.
.
.
Yay!

11:46 am July, 6 Et Tu Douche? said...

May they rot under the noon day Vegas sun

11:47 am July, 6 Et Tu Douche? said...

The horror… the horror…

11:49 am July, 6 Et Tu Douche? said...

What are they gonna say about Jeremy? What are they gonna say? That he was a kind man? That he was a wise man? That he had plans, man? That he had wisdom? Bullshit, man!

11:49 am July, 6 Et Tu Douche? said...

This is for Hermit
.
I watched a snail crawl along the edge of a straight razor. That’s my dream; that’s my nightmare. Crawling, slithering, along the edge of a straight razor… and surviving.

11:50 am July, 6 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Apparently being the winner of the Vaseline eating contest went straight to Joey’s head.

11:54 am July, 6 Douchey Lewis and the News said...

Any man douchey enough to pose with his hair blown out can drink from my canteen anyday.

11:55 am July, 6 Douchey Lewis and the News said...

^^^the canteen is full of poison.

11:55 am July, 6 Et Tu Douche? said...

“My orders say I’m not supposed to know where I’m taking this boat, so I don’t! But one look at you, and I know it’s gonna be hot!”
.
“I’m going 75 clicks above the Hoover Dam.”
.
“That’s Vegas, captain.”
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“That’s classified.”

12:02 pm July, 6 jonezy said...

there is something very gnawable about Asian’s hips and muffstache.

12:02 pm July, 6 Mandouchian Candidate said...

Fuck these 4. All hideous fucking chuds. Next!

12:04 pm July, 6 Et Tu Douche? said...

The Dental Hygienist, the one they called Cindy, was from Toledo. She was wrapped too tight for Vegas; probably wrapped too tight for Toledo. Madison, was a beach bunny from the beaches south of LA. One look at her and you wouldn’t believe she never had a 3 way her whole life. Jeremy… Mr. Jeremy… was from some South Bronx shithole and the light and space of Vegas really put the zap on his head.

12:07 pm July, 6 Douchey Lewis and the News said...

How’re you lookin’, Jimmy?
.
.
Like a stupid motherfucker, sir!

12:08 pm July, 6 Vin Douchal said...

Wouldn’t matter if they filled that pool up halfway with chlorine, there is no fuccen way in hell I’d even stick a toe in it.
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And every human in this photo is a skank. I can smell the decay from here
.
.
.
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Beezlebub

12:10 pm July, 6 Wedgie said...

C.H.U.D.

12:11 pm July, 6 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I love the smell of puke, diarrhea, genital warts and abortions in the morning.
.
Horrors

12:11 pm July, 6 hermit android thumbs said...

Et tu 11:49,
Thanx i got wood.

12:12 pm July, 6 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Et Tu 11:49a, hey, I can appreciate a quality dream/nightmare as well. As for Vegas, I think its a necessary evil. That doesn’t mean I want to party there 24-7 or even 15/1440min-7. But for those 9 to 5ers who need a place to escape their dreary existence its definitely a viable vacation option.

12:16 pm July, 6 Douchey Lewis and the News said...

How many people had I already mocked? There were those six that I knew about for sure. Close enough to blow their axe body spray in my face. But this time, it was an American and drunk. That wasn’t supposed to make any difference to me, but it did. Shit… charging a man with douche baggery in this place was like handing out speeding tickets in the Indy 500. I took the mission. What the hell else was I gonna do?

12:29 pm July, 6 Douche Springsteen said...

Vegas…shit.
I was still in Vegas.

his hair is more conked than nat king cole.

i think there is a world of revulsion being expressed by blonde’s left hand.

would my own left hand get jealous? it shouldn’t, it always should know, its my bottom bitch.

somehow that makes me less angry, but he is still a douche, and there are lesser hots who won’t be this repulsed.

nappy headed hos.

1:56 pm July, 6 Baleen said...

Here we have the most clinically depressed palm trees we’ve seen in a while.

2:02 pm July, 6 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Jeremy: You haven’t seen the worst of it. I knock things over… throw up all the time. These past few days I’ve been very controlled. You’re like some sort of antidote that mixes with the liquor and keeps me in balance. But, that won’t last forever.

Madison: That’s nice talk, Jeremy – keep drinking. Between the 101-proof breath and the occasional bits of drool, some interesting words come out.

Jeremy: You go back to your hotel and I’ll go back to my glamorous life of being alone. The only thing I have to come home to is a bottle of mouthwash to get the taste of cum out of my mouth. I’m tired of being alone. That’s what I’m tired of.

Madison: That’s MY line, dumbass.

2:08 pm July, 6 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

It’s pictures like this that make me think that the cultural and physical differences of douches is so vast, that speciation is inevitable. One day, alien scientists will write a book (or a chrono-crystal, or whatever they are using) about how the vaguely anthropomorphic creatures oozing along slime trails of skin grease and Axe body oil are distantly related to humans. If these future aliens are really sharp, they’ll even be able to trace the origins to Vegas, though there will some confusion about how this relates to the Jersey Man fossils.

2:35 pm July, 6 Muebles Costa Rica said...

I thinks this is not a Horror is amazing !!!

2:47 pm July, 6 Chris in 'Baghdad said...

Agreed, but that in no way diminishes pink-suited, Quartasian Pocohontas cutie giving me laser-direct Mayan Eye of Coitus….oh, she’s doing it…

3:04 pm July, 6 DarkSock said...

That jersey blowout is like one of those brushes you see atop Roman Centurian helmets (and the little Martian guy that wants to blow up the earth).
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Except it’s sideways.
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And constructed of ass pubes, santorum, and Astro-Glide™.
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Appalling.
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.
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Guidos.

7:36 pm July, 6 Count DeDouchebags said...

Hey, thanks girls… Without your help, I never would have gotten my head out of that horse’s ass…

7:56 pm July, 6 Douche ex Machina said...

The Bleeth is strong in Orange Bikini.

8:16 pm July, 6 Steve L. said...

suddenly napalm smells like boobs.

8:17 pm July, 6 Steve L. said...

and that’s rose-scented boobs.
.
brownies.

9:19 pm July, 6 Medusa Oblongata said...

I was unaware that you could make conquistador helmets out of Elmer’s glue.

9:31 pm July, 6 The Dude said...

@jonezy 12.02 “muffstasche” – dang, that’s the third gnu werd I’ve lernd today. Is there gonna be a vocabulary test?

9:32 pm July, 6 The Dude said...

A friend referred to Casey Anthony as a “ditzy slattern”. This phrase could be used quite often on these pics, and not just on the douchebags.

8:57 am July, 7 I R A Darth Aggie said...

All I see are scantily clad hotts, showing off boobies and exposing cleavite. And Eye of Coitus. Especially you, redheaded, vaguely Asian hott in the off-red bikini on the right. Yeah, invite your two girlfriends along for the ride…

4:02 pm July, 7 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Well, one thing I must say about the LATE AFTERNOON SUN is that it affords great shadowplay to curvaceous projectiles of the human physique.
And as long as it’s a PHOTO I can’t smell the grease, but can certainly see the peaks and valleys.
I’ll just take your word for it, the grease-pit stinketh.

9:16 am July, 8 jonezy said...

Asian Hott’s face does look surprisingly similar to an Ewok

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