Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Hall of Hott: Champagne Katie?

While last week’s Hall of Hott vote inspired some quality debate, a number of readers wrote in to ask why I didn’t include Champagne Katie from the HCwDB of the Week winning Billy Dee Willhelm and Champagne Katie in the debate.

Especially in light of Champagne Katie’s threats of lawsuit, and HCwDB’s highly professional legal response.

But with two pics of quality hottness, albeit in creepily similar poses, the suckle thigh top shelf quality is undeniable.

What say you?

Yea or nay?

One more pic for your consideration.

Vote as ever in the comments thread.

# posted by douchebag1
9:26 am July, 27 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Threatening a lawsuit disqualifies a bleeth for consideration. Plus she’s not HOH material anyway.

9:29 am July, 27 baffomet said...

Nay!!!

Throw her and her silly comb over back into the pit of despair!

9:31 am July, 27 Jeff said...

Do it. I like the way she lols. Champagne Katie for my champagne boner.
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.
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What? Whatever, you know its an accurate mock of you tards.

9:36 am July, 27 Troy Tempest said...

No no, a thousand times no. She is bleeth. She has curves. That is all she has. Her writing is so bad, she makes Snooki look like Cicero. Which isn’t hard, I suppose – they’re both fat Italians. But you get my point. Champagne Katie sucks. Badly. She doesn’t even swallow.

9:44 am July, 27 Southern Scrotic said...

Meh.

9:48 am July, 27 Mandouchian Candidate said...

There is something off about Champaign Katie and I imagine it is because as soon as you get her home after plying her with shots, as soon as those spanks come off from under her dress she probably has a lumpy doughlike consistency and a very high moisture level. I do enjoy me some chubby chasing from time to time, but I have to vote Nay based on the fact that she is guilty of false advertising. Cute, and nice looking for a chunky monkey, but not HOH.

9:48 am July, 27 Mandouchian Candidate said...

Spanx, not spanks… my bad y’all.

9:49 am July, 27 dbBen said...

Nay to the HoH. Any plans for a “Sorrows of Bleeth” online exhibit? She would qualify for highest honors. I hope you’re making money.

9:57 am July, 27 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

She is giving me a chubby with her teen Selena Gomez grin and maybe some really young young Tiffany-Amber Theissen tongue skills. I’m alright with that cause Mrs. wants a nooner and Mr. Chub needs a little help when he’s drunk. HOH no. Too young and bitchy. in my pants!
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Tobey McGuire’s

9:57 am July, 27 Jeff said...

Dudes, c’mon! Did you see the additional pic?! She’s wearing animal print. Sure her boobalas are covered but still! She’s in the right position if you know what I am talking about. We’re all bros here, please feel free to discuss what on your minds in regards to Champagne Katie.
.
.
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Champagne Katie for HOH

10:05 am July, 27 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Hell yes. The legal threats, if anything, strengthen her case. Her letter was hilarious. How many HOH alumni can say they also make us laugh? The response letter was even more hilarious. And finally she drops the whole thing when she realizes that for an ego-centric future Bleeth with dilutions of being a c-list celeb, any exposure is good exposure. Did I mention she is hot as hell? To the HOH with her!

10:15 am July, 27 Szechuan Magistrate said...

Nay. Too big a head/gunt combo.

10:16 am July, 27 Mandouchian Candidate said...

Great, my evil twin is now on here.

10:17 am July, 27 The Dude said...

woof! the doggie style pic is compelling
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No. Spontaneous hottness is required for HoH in my book.

10:36 am July, 27 Fatness said...

Nope. Pick any random HoH entrant and compare. No contest.

10:37 am July, 27 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

@ Mandouchian Candidate^
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Please. I believe it should always be spanks, not spanx.

10:37 am July, 27 Anonymous said...

No way! If she’s let in, you might as well induct Tila Tequila. Boooo!!!

10:43 am July, 27 Douchetastic Sam said...

Champagne Katie is proof positive that 1000 monkeys in a room with typewriters would eventually produce “Hamlet”. Enough Jerz DNA combined and recombined over and over through 20 or 30 generations can produce a Champagne Katie.

As a tribute to The Infinite Monkey Theorem, a place in the Hall of Hott for Katie.

Jean-Luc says: “Make it so”.

10:46 am July, 27 Douchetastic Sam said...

Harley Davidson FTW!

10:50 am July, 27 Andrew Douche Clay said...

A hefty NO. The chick in the second picture is hotter than this broad.

10:51 am July, 27 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Hall of Twattery, a shoo-in. HoH, no fuccen way.

10:52 am July, 27 Anonymous said...

No.

Cynthia is not in the HOH.

Raquel, while winning Golden Globes, is not in the HOH.

Yet where are the support groups?

Findertweet

10:59 am July, 27 Bigbag said...

NO. Not even close. I mean, I would be tickled pink if she even responded to my heartfelt hello but no Hall of Hot hot.

11:01 am July, 27 Selina Gonads said...

This bitch stole my look. Who do I contact to prosecute her site?

11:08 am July, 27 Tyrannosaurus Douche said...

In the immortal words of Whitman Mayo, aka Grady Wilson from “Sanford and Son,” “Nope Nope Nope!”

She’s not even spanxable.

11:16 am July, 27 Stephanie said...

What I don’t like and what’s disturbing is how they bookend each other,all he needs are the boobs,and he’s practically her. What is it with these guys? Why are they trying to be women all of the time?

11:16 am July, 27 jonezy said...

yes, but also because in Pic 2 she is defying the laws of physics, much like the post earlier this week.
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I didn’t realize Cynthia was not HOH, as anon noted above. That is a travesty. She is the relief on the top banner, but she ought to deserve her own link in the HOH.

11:18 am July, 27 spazzy mcspazzerson said...

I say Nay until i see the second (and third) eye.

11:27 am July, 27 Mandouchian Candidate said...

@ Scrotato Head- Yeah I hate when people, especially corporations murder the Kings English just to really go after the Tubby Tweener market… It is sort of like how back in the mid 90’s, everything became extreme to after GenX.
*
I mean what the Fuck are extreme Pringles?

11:28 am July, 27 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

This debate could go on longer than the looming debt default crisis. I personally think she’s smokin hot. H.O.H. or not, Katie’s response deserves its own place on this site. Maybe a “Hall of Poorly Written Demands to Take Down My Picture” section.

11:39 am July, 27 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

@spazzy:
Both eyes, and my closing arguments in this case:
http://photos.modelmayhem.com/photos/110628/19/4e0a87b2eca79.jpg

11:42 am July, 27 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Katie didn’t bother excusing herself as she got up from the table and walked quickly to the ladies room. Billie Dee wouldn’t notice. He was too busy scanning the club for other skanks to f*ck. She pushed the door open, and seeing no one else inside, stepped up to the vanity, rolled her hips forward, hiked up her skirt, and checked her crotch out.
.
“Fuck” she hissed, seeing the twin trails of cum dripping down the insides of her thighs. Her thong had done little to slow the leak and only the warm sticky feeling had saved her from what would have no doubt been a very embarrassing situation.
.
Billy had been insistent on doing it in the car after they’d pulled into the parking lot. She’d resisted but two lines of coke later she’d rode his hips for what had become an all too familiar three minute ordeal she’d dubbed the “whistling Jesus”. Billy could get it up very quickly, but staying hard was an entirely different matter. Once he was hard Katie knew time was her enemy and so she always got him inside of her as quickly as she could. The whistling would start immediately as Billy began desperately sucking air in through his pursed lips, his face screwed up in concentration, blood rushing from his cock to his face as he tried desperately to keep his erection. A few seconds later the first “Jesus” would escape his mouth until the air was filled with a cacophony of sharp whistled breaths and exaltations of “Jesus! Jesus! Jesus!” until Bill shot first his load.
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Katie lowered the hem of her dress and checked her make-up in the mirror. She was a beautiful woman. She knew that because so many people told her that. Her family. Her agent. The photographers. Everyone of her Facebook friends. Even Billy said she was hot though he would always follow the compliment up by saying once she got rid of her little tummy pooch she’d be porn star hot.
.
Her hand went to her stomach as if it had a mind of its own. She looked in the mirror again. Tits too small. Eyes too close together. Lips thin and flat. Hair brittle and thinning. Legs too short. Hips too wide. How could anyone say she was beautiful? The icy stare of her reflection raked her body with hatred.
.
She turned and walked over to the first stall shutting the door behind her, leaned over the toilet, and quickly stabbed two fingers deep down her throat. Her stomach responded immediately, sending up its contents in a practiced spray of yellow bile and small bits of ochre mash. Katie no longer needed to fight back tears, she’d done this too many times for it to cause her any discomfort. Just like she’d f*cked too many guys for the cum to stay inside, she thought. Two more jabs with her sticky wet fingers and dinner was no longer there to haunt her. She flushed the toilet, hiked up her dress, and sat down, closing her eyes as she did. She reached out mechanically, grabbed a handful of tissue and wiped her mouth clean. She swiped the same wad of paper down each thigh, pulling her panty aside with the other to clean herself completely.
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She kept her eyes closed, tucking the soiled toilet paper into her palm, her fingers closing around it and squeezing it.
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Now the tears came, black trails of mascara cutting down her golden cheeks, and she hated herself for being weak. Her lips shook and she trembled, trying desperately to regain control.
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She opened her eyes then and looked at the back of the stall door. There, carved into the paint in jagged, crooked letters, it said “Katie is a Cock Eating C*nt”. The club owner always tried to paint over the graffiti, but as quickly as they were covered up, they reappeared, each time larger, more resolute in proclaiming to anyone who cared to read them that Katie was a Cock Eating C*nt.
.
And Katie knew they would be there. Waiting for her. Waiting to torment and humiliate her every time she came into the restroom of the club, every time she sat down to wipe the cum from between her thighs. And not just this club, but every club she frequented. There to remind her what she had become, what she couldn’t deny no matter how many drinks she downed or lines she snorted. Cock Eating C*nt.
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The tears dried quickly on her cheeks. Katie took the sticky tissue paper and slowly dragged it down each cheek, smearing the black stains into her face. She opened her mouth and poked the paper between her lips and onto her tongue. She reached out with her other hand, extended a finger and scratched away at the paint, enlarging the “C” in “Cock” until it was nearly twice as thick as the other letters.
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Katie knew the words would be there. She knew because she put them there herself.

.
Hall of Hott? I don’t think so.

11:47 am July, 27 Douchie Arnaz said...

You have the greatest fucking lawyer ever, and he has the greatest fucking lawyer job. If I had known lawyering might have involved clients like you I would have gone to law school.

12:01 pm July, 27 Wedgie said...

If you can’t spell “permission” correctly, you probably belong in the Hall Of Prostitution, errr…..Prosecution.

12:07 pm July, 27 soy bomb said...

Mr. Scrotato…I think I speak for us all when I say: “Thank you.”
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The cork popped on Champagne Kate about a decade ago when some random Guido she had met only hours earlier spunked his Jersey seed into her no longer virginal womb. She sucks.

12:08 pm July, 27 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

@Scrotato
A beautiful work of fiction, but Billy Dee’s lawyers will be contacting you to persecute their case. Billy would never, ever, touch a woman’s vaginus.

12:11 pm July, 27 Douche Meter said...

She over estimates her own hotness which always softens the penis.

The Douche Meter has her at a “Three”.

12:15 pm July, 27 Douche Springsteen said...

Nay. I wouldn’t even masturbate while thinking about hate fucking her.

12:36 pm July, 27 tall guy said...

I say nay. Atrocious grammar, punctuation and run on sentence aside, it seems wrong to induct Katie when other more deserving hotts remain excluded. Plus, I’m sure the forces of gravity would be most unfavourable once that push-up bra is unsprung.

12:44 pm July, 27 Douchey Lewis and the News said...

I got a freaky old lady name a Champagne Katie, who doesn’t get in the hall.
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She keeps getting bitchier’ but she can’t get her picture on the cover hall of hot.

12:53 pm July, 27 Taint Nuthin But A G-Thang said...

DB1, if you put this Bleeth in the Hall Of Hott, I’ll have to beat myself repeatedly over the head with my soon to be empty bottle of rye whiskey in protest. CK isn’t worth cleaning the toilets in the HOH.
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I vote a resounding NAY, good sirs and madams.

1:01 pm July, 27 CanuckSmacker said...

Jesus NO! I fail to find anything hot about some VIP Lounge skank sporting a glass of champagne she couldn’t possibly afford to buy herself (judging by her Desperately Seeking Susan-esque “gloves”). Plus, should we really encourage the women of the world to do their hair like Donald Trump? Say no to the lady combover!

1:12 pm July, 27 Colossus of Choads said...

My vote, for what it’s worth is a firm “no”.
Too dumb.

1:25 pm July, 27 Et Tu Douche? said...

She’s gross so i say no.
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@Mr Scrotato Head
Well said sir, well said

1:38 pm July, 27 I R A Darth Aggie said...

What say you? Yea or nay?
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She’s cute, and the legal threats were even cuter, and I certainly wouldn’t kick her out of my bed should I find her there unless it’s the morning after and I’m late for work. But sadly, no.
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But I can be bribed, CK. And in the immortal words of Mel Gibson first, you blow me. Then we can discuss your purchase of my vote.

1:47 pm July, 27 Joey Bagadouchey said...

An increase in production often is a harbinger of lowered quality. the only time this was not true was when the ‘ sock ran nearly excessive pear pics…. Spoiling us all, and creating a feeling of entitlement, with no mock required. Speaking of which, how about considering ‘ latex zipper pear’ for the Hall?, or at least finding more pics of her….. Mmmmmmmmm, latex zipper pear

3:31 pm July, 27 Ted Brogan said...

Oh, HELL NO. The lawsuit threat is obvious disqualification.

5:08 pm July, 27 cocopuff said...

Sarah Palin called. She wants her stylist back.

5:13 pm July, 27 tballou said...

Just not that hott.

5:36 pm July, 27 Choad The Douche Sprocket said...

As an official lawyer-at-law (as well as my many other deplorable traits), I must submit to the court an irrefutable conclusion, arrived at through the impeccable logic and undeniable reasoning, that Ck’s character, depth, and veracity are called into question by her ill-advised threat of spurious, unfounded litigation to remedy a wrong only she, but not the majesty of the law, perceives.
.
.Thus must we sanction her most severely for her breach of good faith, diligence and obligation to this court of public opinion.
.
.And by “sanction” we mean to ban her forthwith from this site for all perceived transgressions, both past, present and future, known or unknown to DB1 or this jury of ‘bag/bleeth hunters…in perpetuity.

.Judgment shall be entered, denying her HOH status, with all due expediency…but until this honorable court finishes beating off like a crazed monkey to that second picture of her.
.
.
It is so ordered.

5:38 pm July, 27 Choad The Douche Sprocket said...

…but NOT until this honorable court….
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damn one handed typing.

6:57 pm July, 27 Medusa Oblongata said...

Scrotato for the Nobel Prize in literature.
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@ Mandouchian 11:27
The whole thing really jumped the shark when they came out with Mickey (as in Mouse) and Friends Xtreme Coolerz, which was a juice box. How the fuck is Mickey Mouse, or a juice box, extreme? I stood in the aisle of the grocery store and tried not to stab other shoppers in the neck with my carrots.
.
HOH? No. Too dumb, too arrogant, too manufactured. The ‘doggy style’ photo is so ‘shopped it might as well be a painting. Take off all that stuff she’s wearing, wash her face and flop her into your bed for eight hours of sleep. Now wake her up. See what you got? Yeah. I know some of you see it. If not, let me help you.

7:04 pm July, 27 Steve L. said...

i could be grasping at straws here, but if Champagne Katie privately repented for her bleethy sins to DB1 through email and such, then kudos to her.
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however – no. her face looks like a gourd. or squash. whichever.

7:07 pm July, 27 Steve L. said...

that being said, if Robert B. Kleinman did get to party / hang out / pound shots with Champagne Katie, i envy him with all my heart. because getting a snobbish champagne girl to pound shots is sexy. and also, Katie has curves and stuff.

7:41 pm July, 27 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

I hate Medusa for that link. I may never fap again to Asian porn… that’s like 3/4 of my life down the drain.
.
Those circle lenses do work miracles though, while they are slowly making you blind.

7:48 pm July, 27 Chris in 'Baghdad said...

The photo of Champagne Katie when she first appeared may have met the minimum threshold for admission to HoH. But subsequent juvenile, low-IQ rants have completely disqualified her. Imagine lovely Mia Sara Hott…we never heard a peep from her, which allows us to imagine only the very best. The moron Champagne Katie, on the other hand, let all of her worst baggage into view when she showed herself to be nothing but a shallow, vituperative, half-bright twit. No HoH for the Katester.

7:53 pm July, 27 creature said...

I would ride her plump lil’ rump ’til she shat out bananas by the bunch, then make her wash my dishes!
…does that qualify Champagne Katie for HoH? Nah, it just makes her a good housekeeper
the creatch votes nae, laddy

8:41 pm July, 27 Baron Von Goolo said...

She’s not a hott. She’s a bobblehead of a hott.
.
Seriously, look at that melon. It’s a beautiful face. Gorgeous. It’s just that there’s about 40% too much of it. The woman’s built like a lollipop. If she was holding a tennis racket and pretending to run in place, she’d be a church carnival caricature of herself.
.
But you know what? That makes her perfect for movies. The camera LOVES a big head. Dustin Hoffman? HUGE head. Al Pacino? Thunderous. Kathy Bates? It’s like someone sewed a water buffalo’s skull onto a fetus. And don’t even get me started about Ed Begley Jr. It’s almost axiomatic that frying pan faces and Oscar-worthy performances go hand in hand. She could be a STAR.
.
In Hollywood. Here’s, she’s more fodder for the skank mines.

12:03 am July, 28 Douchble Helix said...

Lena for HoH!!!
.
http://kleinmanlawfirm.com/the-team/

12:06 am July, 28 Douchble Helix said...

“12:18 pm March, 1 Dude McCrudeshoes said…
.
I think it would be hilarious to induct her into the HOH.”

Not busting on ‘Shoes… just thought it was ironic. Or something. I guess?

6:31 am July, 28 FoghornLeghorn said...

Wait a minute here. I think we’re over emphasizing Katie’s poor language skills and annoying personality, and we are not paying enough attention to her bosom. What are we looking for in the HoH? Did Arielle submit a five paragraph essay to support her nomination, or did we vote simply on the promise of her sultry stare? Did Holly provide references, or were we infatuated with her rings to bliss?
.
I suggest we get back to our first principles. Yes for Katie in the HoH, imperfections and all. This could be a life changing experience for her, and it might even encourage her to get that GED.
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Mr. Scrotato Head @11:42: That was excellent.

7:14 am July, 28 DouchYouWannaDance said...

IIRC, “Katie” demanded her photo be taken down altogether, so I think adding it to the HoH is not an option.

7:15 am July, 28 DouchYouWannaDance said...

If she changes her mind on being posted, then maybe.

8:32 am July, 28 kneejerk said...

A Bleeth shall not be famed.
SHALL NOT!

10:17 am July, 28 Claude Douchenbagger said...

That’s a big Yippie Yi Ty Yo YEA in caps.

10:54 am July, 28 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

@Douchble Helix,
I am never ironic.

2:18 pm July, 28 Mr. Biggs said...

Champagne Katie for HoH!

And Kleinman’s legal response for HoLR (Hall of Legal Responses)! Never have I seen a legal document so solidly grounded yet mocking. It’s like he’s saying “You don’t have a leg to stand on, except for that pair of humpty suckle thighs. Come, get off your high horse and enjoy our company.”

2:20 pm July, 28 Mr. Biggs said...

I just hope that bang isn’t covering some hideous birthmark.

9:04 pm July, 28 Baron Von Goolo said...

I finally went back and read this thread today.
.
@ Scrotato 11:42. Damn. That was cold. I mean, a joke’s a joke but I’m pretty sure you just wrote the world’s first NC-17 Lifetime Original Movie.

9:39 pm July, 28 Indiana Choad and the Temple of Douche said...

Nay. I see a dozen skeevy bleeths every day.

9:40 pm July, 28 Indiana Choad and the Temple of Douche said...

^skeevy bleeths like her evey day. fuck, I suck at sentences.

9:40 pm July, 28 Indiana Choad and the Temple of Douche said...

^every. OK, I just plain suck.

11:21 pm July, 28 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

If Katie wasn’t Asian, she’s be a Hottentot Not-Hott.
She’s a lot more cute than she is hott.
Hott means “Suck my breath away,” and she doesn’t begin to do that.
But that does remind me of the way cats are said to suck the breath out of babies.
Meow.

9:25 pm July, 29 Guid is Good said...

Why all the hatey for Champagne Katie?

And no.

9:26 pm July, 29 Guid is Good said...

Although I would like to get all President Clinton with that little black dress.

1:36 pm July, 30 army (ret) douche said...

i say she is a quality submission. sometimes you just have to hope the crazy is not deep rooted and others you just have to surrender

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