Tuesday, July 5, 2011

HCwDB of the Month

It may be the post July 4th-ish weekend, but that don’t mean the Mock stops. The Monthly is here. And it is important.

So stop that silly “work” thing. Put down all that you do. And get to votin’.

Your finalists:

HCwDB of the Month Finalist #1: Clifford the Big Red ‘Bag and Bethany and Brittney

Clifford may at first seem like this unholy crimson coelacanth of douchebaggery. You think, he has to be faking it.

But let it be clear.

The evidence does not show a Halloween party or any sort of costumic dress up on the part of the backround participants in the evening’s festivities.

Therefore we can conclude that this is not dressup, and is indeed, douche.

For logic dictates, and by dicktates I mean dicktaters, that no ironic dressup could possibly include shrunken nads inside of tight-ass jean shorts.

Clifford is pure douche essence. And deserved to be mocked accordingly.

Mmmm… tiny Bethany and Brittany.

How your lack of conversational skills is made up by your ability to do shots and “Woo” every time the D.J. plays Katy Perry. And Katy Perry sucks. But I pretend to like it and offer to buy you a Mai Tai.

HCwDB of the Month Finalist #2: Mr. Hawk Doesn’t Deserve This and Hottie Heather

For sheer hotchickery, there may be no competition in this Monthly contest, for Hottie Heather delivers Mayan Eye of Coitus on a number of thematic, structural and esoteric levels.

We also can’t diminish the douchal power of the stupid Hawk.

For it is very stupid.

No less so than when combined with some strange ironic suit and tie wearage.

Lame.

Not to mention, Mr. Hawk and Hottie Heather, together, remind us of one of the most offensive HCwDB photos in the history of the site.

For all these factors, they must be considered in the Monthly for sheer toxic amplification that goes beyond the quantification of their ‘bag/hott substrata.

But enough to win the hallowed HCwDB of the Month? There’s two more finalists to go:

HCwDB of the Month Finalist #3: The Roastbeefer and the Nikita Twins

For pure overpriced bottle poppin’ noxious classic douchebaggery, is there anything more culturally destructive than shiny penis pants in presence of paid-to-party hot chicks like the Nikita Twins?

I think not.

And lets not forget a week later, when part two of The Roastbeefer’s beefing came our way.

Here’s one hoagie covered in the societal molds, spores and fungi’s of Egon’s hobby collection.

HCwDB of the Month Finalist #4: Manos: The Pecs of Fate and Back Arch Marsha

Vegas spectacle rounds out our quite potent HCwDB of the Month, as Manos: The Pecs of Fate horrifies old ladies and cauterizes poodle nads without antiseptic.

Don’t forget the second part of our two-part drive-in extravaganza: Manos,The Pecs of Fate II: Ass Pear Reveal Thigh Grab.

Back Arch Marsh has all sorts of douchadox slutsappeal, and cannot be dismissed as potent H.C., regardless of trashiness.

But can they win the Weekly?

I honestly have no idea who’s going to win and earn a spot in our hallowed HCwDB of the Year in December.

So I need your vote. Which of these four couplings most (dis)embodies the spirit of Hottie/Douchey dialectics?

Vote, as always, in the comments thread.

# posted by douchebag1
6:55 am July, 5 Wedgie said...

Hawk & Heather. She is tastiest, and he is hate-siest.

7:09 am July, 5 Mr. White said...

I must concur with my colleague, Wedge. Hawk and Heather must triumph. Plus I’m really sick of seeing that nasty dude in a bikini, i.e., “Marsha.”

7:13 am July, 5 Mandouchian Candidate said...

I was at first going to vote for Manos, but after consideration, have to throw the vote for Hawk. Reason- effort. Manos has spent many a George Washington on those tattoos, has spent many an hour either at the gym, or injecting roids/mixing roid smoothies; and countless minutes at the hot topic researching trends amongst tweeners and carefully selecting his mudflap sunglasses, chinese San Francisco Giants hat, and Puma wristband. He has put forth much effort to achieve so little, in that his Hott is a Just south of 40, mom of 2, and in the rain, makes her own gravy. Mr Hawk, on the other hand- all he does is don a mohawk and offer promises of 3″ asian penis and coke- and BAM! Hottie Heather. Mr Hawk for the win. And by win, I mean loss.

7:16 am July, 5 ehcuodouche said...

Heather is the hottest, to be sure, but Clifford has two relatively normal-looking attractive women sheltering under his redmess [sic] who are not bazooka barfing. You can’t explain that. Clifford FTW.

7:21 am July, 5 Et Tu Douche? said...

Clifford the Big Red ‘Bag and Bethany and Brittney, FTW.

7:35 am July, 5 Anonymous said...

The Roast Beefer, FTW. Clifford is just an idiot with tigh shorts and a little weiner. The Hawk is retarded even though Steph is the hottest. Manos is a run of the mill Tatbag, but the Roastbeefer has that sneer about him, that says “look how much better I am than you.” Plus, that douche is wearning A BLOUSE for the love of Christ. What man wears a BLOUSE? He is CLASSIC TEXTBOOK PROTOTYPE DOUCE. And right Nikita is pretty sweet.

The Roastbeefer with a side of Horsey Sauce for the win.

8:01 am July, 5 I R A Darth Aggie said...

This is like a banner Monthly. The douche are strong with them. And so are the hott.
.
So I’ll probably base my vote on the hott content. Wait, I almost alwasy do that…but in this case, the Doucheadox content. Manos and Back Arch Marsha FTW. And by “win” I mean “I want a kitten to punch me in the nuts” because I’m horrified that I’d like to dork Marsha in her squeakhole.
.
Thus the power of the Douchedox. I will now go shower, and hope to get the taint off me. If that doesn’t work, I’ll try a pressure washer. And if that doesn’t work, I’ll go for the sand blaster.

8:11 am July, 5 Colossus of Choads said...

Pecs of Fate, he’s got a sweatband!!

8:17 am July, 5 MrEvilBreakfast said...

This is a tough call… but hawk FTW. It’s just that’s incredibly doucheristic. Clifford’s high up there, but he just reeks so heavily of retard. But that mohawk is just so deliberate….

As for the other two, they’ve made a lot of mistakes along the way, but MY GOD IT’S NO MOHAWK.

8:21 am July, 5 'Daggerbagger said...

Roastbeefer FTM. Its his poised, coy smile combined with an exact 14degree eastwards face-tilt that requires oh so many hours of mirror practice to perfect that sells it for me. This is a sign of learned douchebaggery. It is this, plus gay V-neck shirts eminiscent of ‘NON’ from superman in the presence of babes that make me want to destroy myself. Roastbeefer must fall

8:22 am July, 5 MrEvilBreakfast said...

Oh and Heather is just…. so… undeserving of that abuse. Such a shame.

8:23 am July, 5 'Daggerbagger said...

Oh yeah and I want to bash his nose with a dry crusty baguette

8:28 am July, 5 icame isaw idouched said...

Manos FTW. That fuccen fuceer is all fucced up.

8:43 am July, 5 Fatness said...

Clifford’s a clown who probably walked up to Bethany and Brittany doing some half-assed Borat imitation. He’s not trying to hit on the girls and they aren’t the least bit interested i n him except to get the photo out of the way and move on. Annoying but not enough douche.
.
Roastbeefer could very well be the Nikita Twins’ F-list club choad brother brother. No heat between any of them.
.
Manos: The Pecs of Fate and Back Arch Marsha are bringing it but she is far too bleethed out to qualify as the hot chick, and those legs have spent some time gripping a shiny metal pole. Nope.
.
That leaves Mr. Hawk Doesn’t Deserve This and Hottie Heather. He’s moving in and she is politely smiling for the photo and not leaning away. Either she just won a bet or she actually likes this hawk-tard. Winner (and we all lose).

9:43 am July, 5 Vin Douchal said...

This is a quality matchup. Process of elimination while paying close attention to the hotts.
.
A 98 pound weakling could sugar-foot Clifford to the ground and stretch him ’til he cried. He’s a wuss and I guarantee you these gals are not Peter-in-Laws where Cliff is concerned
.
The entire Roastbeefer scene smells of foreigners to me. As in cabbage, cabbage farts, cabbage shit and B.O. However , super hott babalicious brunette action. RRRrrr! I’d like spend an afternoon “Kickem’ Out Wide ” with the brunette on the right. In my mind, she’s a squirter
.
Fuccen Manos and Marsha are both Jabronis. She’s too stern and he’s funny looking. Not funny ha ha , either. Douchebag with way too much time on his hands for sure but he comes in second to:
.
Mr Hawk and Hottie Heather FTW. Heather has some Silky Milky’s and I’m hoping she immediately went back to her paralegal studies after this photo was taken. And by paralegal studies I mean stripping her way through cosmetology school.
.
Hey Hawkster, tuck your shirt in when you wear a tie. I know you’re off work, it’s 11PM at a club ferchrisakes. Jackass

10:09 am July, 5 Choad The Douche Sprocket said...

WTF fellow ‘bagslayers! The Hawk is so devoid of douche signifier-s he shouldn’t have been nominated.
.
.A faux hawk and an earring do not a douche make. He is a putz. A weenie wannabe and that’s about it and thus is the first half of the equation negated…
.
.The Old Choad thinks the comeliness of Hottie Heather has blinded you to the true douchebaggery brought by Manos and Clifford — for like the Mavericks and Heat, they are the two true finalists for monthly consideration.
.
.Like LeBron in the clutch, though, Manos looks good but lacks serious douche game. Manos, like Nowitzki powering his trademark jumper, barrels into the lane sporting tatts, soul patch, hat tilt, wristband (Puma no less!), stupid sunglasses, even stupider stare, and a pulchritudinous hot pressing her arch-backed fun bags into his pits
.

Manos FTM. Game over.

10:16 am July, 5 RAPETIME said...

Manos and Marsha make me want me want to projectile vomit.

The rest are bad, but goddamn.

10:16 am July, 5 Douche Springsteen said...

Clifford almost got my vote for the stupid face and nut-hugging shorts but he looks like he is a near a pool and the Roastbeefer is wearing those heinous shorts in da club which makes his crime greater. Plus the Nikita twins are all kinds of top shelf hott that I would love to have a threesome with. And by threesome I mean stare at awkwardly on the subway until they get off one stop early because I’ve been staring at them too long and putting them in my spank bank for later.

10:22 am July, 5 Douchey Lewis and the News said...

The Roastbeefer and the Nikita Twins FTW.
I don’t know where he got that outfit but it damn sure wasn’t the men’s department. Anyone who can wear that and still look like a smug ass gets my vote.

10:33 am July, 5 Colossus of Choads said...

AGAIN I cast my vote for Manos.
He’s got so many insigia(s) I don’t know what to believe.
MANOS! fate has doomed this man!

PS – ginger chin/lip fung ftw too.

10:34 am July, 5 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Hard picks. These couples go together like Rip Van Winkle and blow. Like Mylie Cyrus and porn. Like Jimmy Kimmel and funny. Like most of us and sobriety. Like Dane Cook and likeable. Like teenage girls and my cock. Like British people and teeth.

10:36 am July, 5 Anonymous said...

I’m sorry, but I think that the Roastbeefer’s outfit looks like he took a pair of scissors to the little black dress that Audrey Hepburn wore as Holly Golightly in Breakfast at Tiffany’s. The guy is a total douche and deserves the monthly.

10:50 am July, 5 baleen said...

The Roastbeefer ftw because there is such a thing as Gypsydouche if you can wrap your mind around such a concept. Otherwise it’s just low rent views of Chernobyl and high dollar milfs.

11:07 am July, 5 Mr. Biggs said...

Pecs of Fate is garden variety club poo. Roast Beefer is garden variety penthouse douche. Clifford is certainly the douchiest, but for eye-gouging zen “WTF ARE YOU DOING YOU CRAZY @#*@&!?” that we HCwDB connoisseurs go for, It’s gotta be Mr. Hawk and Heather.
.
I mean you want to talk about our civilization being flushed down the toilet in the glint of an eye, it’s the glint in her eye as she’s being mugged by taint that’s doing the flushing.

11:24 am July, 5 percy douchetonsils said...

Do the shorts make the man red, or does the red man make the shorts? I’m not sure, and quite honestly, I find my lack of certainty comforting.

Between the Ballston Stranglers, the Knopfler circa “Money for Nothing” headband and that smug-pugly smirk that makes Bradley Cooper seem humble, I gotta go with Elway, for the win!

11:42 am July, 5 Douchie Arnaz said...

Now you got a monthly. Haven’t seen competition like this since Borg/McEnroe. I honestly fucking hate all the bags and I want to lick (like a kitten, not offensively) all the hotts. Paper/scissors/rock says Hawk FTW. Manos doesn’t get it because his hott seems kinda into him, and that’s just gross.

11:43 am July, 5 Nancy Dreuche said...

I’m gonna go with the one who I would be least likely to ask for a peen pic from. And that would be Manos.
.
Manos and the Chick who makes her own gravy when it rains (thanks for that M. Candidate) FTW!

11:51 am July, 5 tall guy said...

I initially considered The Roastbeefer, with a side of HoH nomination for Nikita twin on right, whose present day beauty hints at a future eating disorder. However the trio, but more particularly The Roastbeefer, reek of Euro in the trashiest way possible. So not them. Back arch Marsha and Mano are too bog-standard, and while Mr Hawk’s taste in shirts deserves a slap, he’s just an idiot who probably won’t remember his time spent with Hottie Heather because he blacked-out, which is punishment enough. That (obviously) leaves Clifford the Big Red Bag. And a fouler, more putrid sight I have not seen in a long time. School boy tighty shorties? In acid wash fabric no less? And if that is a gun in his pocket, it resembles an Austrian 2mm pinfire miniature… So it’s Clifford the Big Red Bag FTW.

11:57 am July, 5 army (ret) douche said...

this will be a hottly contested monthly… however due tho the mostoffensive of all douche signifiers, the douche face, cast my vote for roastbeefer. he will make afine candidated for most trashcan to the head worthy at the coveted douchies

12:14 pm July, 5 Vin Douchal said...

These couples go together like menstruation and cunilingus

12:15 pm July, 5 Vin Douchal said...

These couples go together like Yankee fan and baseball knowledge. Or Angels fan for that matter

12:15 pm July, 5 Vin Douchal said...

These couples go together like Pamela Anderson and a clean bill of health

12:18 pm July, 5 Vin Douchal said...

These couples go together like 105 degree day in July in Fontana , CA and a snow shovel (unless it’s being used to El Kabong Manos)

12:18 pm July, 5 Vin Douchal said...

These couples go together like spinners on a Kia Sportage

12:19 pm July, 5 Vin Douchal said...

These couples go together like MIchele Bachmann and Presidential Material

12:23 pm July, 5 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Clifford the Big Red Dawggiebag gets my goat, er, vote with that caricature of a comicbook body and those teeny tighty jeanshorts. It’s a total irony that he has no tatts I can see, but then, his starin’ ‘tude is more visceral than his obvious viscera. Please, someone slip that headband onto his neck, attach a leash, and lead him far, far away, before he takes a dump on us all, because those two pooper-scoopers with him are not up to the task of cleanin’ up after him.

12:35 pm July, 5 Ol' Dirty Douchebag said...

Hawk and Heather, FTM. Getting a writeup reference to Deathtongue (link omitted due to laziness) pushes them into rarefied and malodorous air.

12:36 pm July, 5 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

An odious mess of comingling and sack sweat jelly going on here. How after a weekend of english North American festivities celebrating democracy in its purest forms of constitutionality and free speech can we pick one of these the most vile forms of protein to enjoy the plenty our great nations have to offer. I for one will abstain, nay, protest the celebration of one of these jism reservoir dogs and there companions, be they bleeth or hot or dudes. I can have none of this and reserve my constitutional right to protest this most legal and admirable of democratic procedure by spoiling my ballot.
And by spoiling my ballot I mean http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PqMIfeTc-CM&feature=related .
.
Anarchist Boner

12:39 pm July, 5 Troy Tempest said...

1. Hawk doesn’t belong here. He’s got a mohawk. BFD. Compared to Clifford who OOOOOZES douchetude like a snail leaves a snot trail, Hawkie is for nothing.
2. We can’t give the award to the roast beefer and his harem because they are dead, as they were incinerated by the nuclear airburst about six miles away, visible in the photo. At least he died with a smile on his face a hottie on each arm. I can think of worse ways to go. Like having sex with a whiny fat hag until her cheap ass bed breaks and she snaps your neck as you both flop onto her filthy floor which is covered in nail clippings, dried vomit and cat hair and the last thing you see is her dopey O-face.
but I digress….
3. Manos, is a mighty douche. And his girl – the one with scoliosis – is one fine specimen. But I get the impression she does glory hole porn for a living. So, this makes her and Manos pretty much even-steven.
4. Clifford, the big red douche, is a mighty fucking douche, and he has the smug fuckwittery of true douchebags every where, and his hotts look like fairly normal people caught in a horrible photo. The one in green is smiling because that’s her brother’s roommate, so she has to smile for political reasons. The girl in stripes is thinking – get me the FUCK OUTA HERE.

So, I vote for Clifford because Hawk doesn’t rate, Manos pulls bleeth, not hotts, and roastbeefer has been reduced to radioactive confetti.

1:18 pm July, 5 mr.reeve said...

HCwDB of the Month Finalist #3: The Roastbeefer and the Nikita Twins FTM
Roastbeefer is a top notch douche nozzle. Right Nikita twin is a top notch hott and should be considered for HoH. “Git sum” “Baby Guns”
.
.
.
Eurobags

1:36 pm July, 5 Boner said...

Well the Nikita twins get me up and ready. So they get my vote FTM.

2:37 pm July, 5 Charles Nelson Douchely said...

If Clifford stopped using tanning beds, if Hawk got a real haircut, and if beefer start buttoning his shirt in a manner that good breeding would dictate, they would not garner a second glance.

That leaves my vote – Manos whose douchery runs straight through to the bone. And by bone, I mean mine while looking at the Nikita Twins.,

Gotta go!

2:59 pm July, 5 Choad The Douche Sprocket said...

These couples go together like fidelity and my three marriages.

3:00 pm July, 5 Choad The Douche Sprocket said...

These couples go together like Casey Anthony, a three year old, and a swimming pool….
.
.
.Too soon?

3:02 pm July, 5 Choad The Douche Sprocket said...

These couples go together like Amy Winehouse and the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.

3:02 pm July, 5 joey-joe-joe said...

clifford is clearly a satire of himself — can’t give a monthly to that effort. mr. hawk is a no-no — anybody that can get any semblance of hottie heather to appear in public with them smiling like that even in the face of full-on lip assault gets a pass. ‘beefer is only mugging for a family photo of him wedged between his fourth wife (pictured here to his right) and her daughter from her first marriage — and even though he may be having the unholy relations with both at the same time, his fourth wife was the one that laid those clothes out for him to wear for this picture taken at ‘beefer’s surprise 50th birthday bash at the hotel kiss-n-tell (check out the back support on that fine mattress!); can’t fault a guy for trying to enjoy his enduring mid-life crisis. so, the clear pick for the monthly is manos, seen here selecting the most manly of pole-polishers in an attempt to make himself appear somehow relevant by applying the classic head-fake of “is it he or is it she” distraction. that straight-billed slightly-off-center cap with stupid sunglasses and pubic-triangle-chin crapsmear make me wanna gargle with port-a-pot waste and spit in his drink (if only it wouldn’t be such a waste of perfectly good digestive enzymes). yes, mano and his pecs FTM.

and, for the record, i’m pretty sure mano doesn’t work out… anybody could have a build like that simply by sitting on the couch eating bottomless sacks of KFC double-downs (with potatoes and biscuits) and watching re-runs of “american gladiator.”

3:04 pm July, 5 Choad The Douche Sprocket said...

These couples go together like Cher and a heterosexual.

4:03 pm July, 5 Horace Dangleballs said...

Cliff Nag and the BB girls. Overwhelming attributes…
.
Sweatband? Douche.
.
Red goggles and you’re not preserving your night vision like a WW 2 submariner? Douche.
.
26 inch cutoff jean shorts on a 34 inch waist? Douche. (But, as someone said in the original post, his lowered sperm count IS a benefit to society.)
.
Desperately holding your breath to keep your beer gut from exploding over the waistband of said shorts? Douche.
.
Looking like you just ate a jar of sour pickles while pawing two hotts? Douche.
.
Brittany’s VERY subtle middle finger extended while clutching her drink? MAJOR hott points to supplement her lovely smile and cleavage.
.
Tiny Bethany’s “Invasion of the Bee Girls” retro 70’s sunglasses? Interesting, especially when combined with her complete lack of facial expression…
.
Belated Happy Independence Day to all!

4:03 pm July, 5 Horace Dangleballs said...

Cliff BAG. Stupid drunk typing…

4:43 pm July, 5 Indiana Choad and the Temple of Douche said...

Gotta go with the Roastbeefer, for actually wearing more feminine clothing than his hotts are sporting. Quite possably the gayest thing I’ve seen in quite some time. It’s only a matter of time before he starts begging for my “jelly” and “Mirin”, and to “come on me, bro”.

5:15 pm July, 5 boosh dag said...

Heather is out of sighteous, but I have to vote for the Roastbeefer. Penis pants and paid-to-pose FTW.

5:50 pm July, 5 Hermit said...

Clifford’s chin is horribly scarred from playing bobbing for sea urchins in a vat of hydrochloric acid, but it’s nothing that some Bondo and a neckbeard couldn’t hide.
.
The girl on the right looks appropriately unhappy at being in this picture. It begs the enigmatic query;
Why is she there?
.
I suppose we’ll never know.

6:35 pm July, 5 Grand Douchemeister said...

I gotta go with Manos. The question which scientists have attempted to answer for decades has been which spawned which. Did the movie spawn the douche or did the douche paradoxically travel back in time and spawn the movie which spawned his name which and so forth until we all yearn for the sweet taste of oblivion.

Also, those scientists all went mad.

I blame Manos (the douche, not the movie).

9:00 pm July, 5 DarkSock said...

I must agree with Troy and (I think) Hermit and go with Clifford, and the Big Red Log in his shrink-wrapt shortz.
.
He did his doodie. Now DOO yours.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Poopers.

9:09 pm July, 5 Steve L. said...

the only thing more annoying than ‘hawks are corporate America twerps with ‘hawks. let it not be said that he’s riding on Heather’s boobs in this win (loss). his douche demands (dis)respect in and of itself. Hawk & Heather for the win / loss.
.
and by the way, is it me or did Marsha grow a full beard in Pecs of Fate II? is that supposed to be a plot twist?

9:34 pm July, 5 idfma said...

I gotta go with Clifford. I have never seen someone look like an arrogant dickhead and completely befuddled all at the same time. Those rose colored shades make his eyes look swollen shut, and he either looks like he’s about to barf or say something really stupid.
.
Don’t get me started on those shorts–huge bowl of wrong there. His sausage may be small but his body is bursting out of those shorts like a sausage casing being squeezed in a denim vice.

9:56 pm July, 5 skrag2112 said...

Manos for month, year, and decade.

9:58 pm July, 5 skrag2112 said...

I would have voted for Clifford, but he loses points for no visible tatts.

10:57 pm July, 5 jk said...

Roastbeefer.

5:54 am July, 6 Doucheywallnuts said...

Clifford the Big Red Bag FTW. Channeling Will Ferrell while being a douchebag is an incredible achievement and must be rewarded.

6:03 am July, 6 FoghornLeghorn said...

Manos and Marsha for the win. Clifford looks like the biggest bag and Heather makes me drool, but their dates bring them down. If Clifford and his shorts could get together with Heather, or even the Nikita twins, that would be a winner. But that won’t happen in his lifetime.

6:40 am July, 6 Wheezer said...

Clifford is just a larger, dumber, straight-haired version of Napoleon Dynamite. He appears to have gone up to these ladies and asked, “Hey…..can I take a picture with you?” And they said, “Yeah, whatever.” Bethany’s throwing a halfhearted sideways peace sign while Brittany is confused about the events leading up to this photo, gazing off to where she thinks her dignity may have gone. But this is a chance beach encounter and not a coupling/tripling, so they’re out.
.
Next up in Manos and Marsha. She’s bleethed out quite a bit, and he’s choad, so they’re done. They’d easily take a weak Monthly, but this one is a bit too strong for them, even for his poo stench and her need for a Bud Light Lime with an extra lime. “AND YA BETTAH GET IT ROIGHT DIS TOIME! I want EXTRA!”
.
Roastbeefer and the Nikita Twins are strong contenders and wouldn’t surprise me with a win here. There are two hotts here, of course, including one apparently up for HoH consideration. That’s tough to beat. I also pegged Roasty as a Baby Gator, and it appears he may have some money. But the fact that both of these hotts are in photoS with this assclown tells me that they’re into him for his money. If you dare pull up in anything less than a Ferrari, they’ll snub their noses at you. “A LEXUS????? PFFFFFT! Come back later when you’re a man!” They scream “high maintenance” to me and deserve a greasy pudwank like Baby Gator.
.
So I’m left with Mr. Hawk and Hottie Heather FTMonthly. This is a real world coupling – he of the “I say ‘hawks are NOT out of style yet” douchery and she of the “well, he sometimes buys me nice things” innocence. She can be saved from him, though, and has that sweet look of someone who is on the verge of either accepting the douche because “he makes me laugh,” or may be soon able to understand that choadiness is definitely not next to cleanliness. As soon as he uses her Nair products to sculpt his eyebrows, that will be her breaking point.
.
So what will be Heather’s decision at that critical juncture? We must be there to rescue that sweet damsel, my baghunters! And by “we,” I mean “me.” Or “I,” I suppose. It is our/my duty! The ‘Hawk/Hott coupling must be exposed for the atrocity that it is!

6:50 am July, 6 douchedeleche said...

I think it’s a no brainer. A lot of pictures have hotter hotts, but I have to vote for Manos the text book douche. Everything about him is douchey.

The only item left would be a red cup and this could be an encyclopedia douche reference on wikidouchia.

7:12 am July, 6 creature said...

Manos & Marsha….they need to be sanitized!

7:38 am July, 6 Anonymous said...

Manos + 1. Plus she gets high ‘baguette points, more than the other girls…

8:56 am July, 6 jonezy said...

My vote is cast for Manos. He is classic “all that is wrong with our generation” douchenozzle. And she is pearlicious.
.
But I’ll be damned if we don’t see Heather Hott at some point in the Yearlies.

11:47 am July, 6 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

The Roastbeefer and the Nikita Twins FTW! Why? Here is your choicest cut of douche prime. He is not mere pig knuckle. He towers above the burnt carcass of Clifford and makes Manos look like the equivalent of tree-slung chitlins. He is Grade-A USDA Prime Roastbeef from only the choicest cuts of the douche and that’s why he’s the hands down winner. Plus the crazed looks of Nikita Twins frighten me enough that they may enjoy feasting on raw human flesh.

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