Monday, July 11, 2011

HCwDB of the Week: Crotch Johnson and the Sara Bikini Hotties

With two weeks to review since last week was the Monthly, this week’s winning/losing couple wasn’t easy to pick.

We had the heinous monstrosity that is Poppa Squatter. Phlippy’s White Man Overbite. The crypto-bronze gayery and confused doe hott of Crazy Eyes Killa (Jared) and Svetlana.

There were prefect suckle chaw grapefruits in Nayara and the Grapefruits.

There was the Nipple That Ruined Civilization.

There was Pear. And there was Perfect Pear.

We even had the nihilist apocalypse that was The Sons and Daughters of Porsche.

But something about Crotch Johnson’s heinous display of douchery and the quality underfed anorsexia of the Sara Bikini Hotties was too toxic to ignore.

Last week’s Monthly was a tough one, and Crotch Johnson and the Saras will be formidable in the next one. Chalk ’em up for the Monthly, and your hungover back-in-L.A. narrator for Pops.

# posted by douchebag1
7:12 am July, 11 creature said...

Poppa Squatta thinks he was robbed!
….& by robbed he means shat upon by a roving herd of cocoa berry eating lemurs

7:19 am July, 11 Mandouchian Candidate said...

This was a tough week for douches, excellent week for the Mock! As much as I hate to see Poppa Squatter and Crazy Eyes Killa not win; This clown does deserve this weeks crown. My only hope is that somehow, someway this guys dead, beaten, and bloated exoskeleton is found face first in the Nevada desert with a bottle of unpaid for Grey Goose keeping his upper bowells company.

7:21 am July, 11 DarkSock said...

With the faux-glam photos on the wall behind them, and pay-for-Star-Bellied-Sneech-Status bottle service in front of them, this is Shart Imitating Life.
.
I nominate this for the 2011 entry into the “Most Likely to be a Part of the HCwDB Show at the Guggenheim Museum in 2023” category of this year’s Douchies…

7:22 am July, 11 DarkSock said...

And Poppa Squatta is crying into Brazilian Emo Hulk’s left moob right now…

7:24 am July, 11 Douchble Helix said...

They are perfect specimens. I yearn for them tragically.
He is a specimen sample. I urine his ilk spastically.

7:26 am July, 11 Anonymous said...

The only consolation here is that Poppa Squatter was flushed into the Hallowed Closet of Poo. Poppa and Poo are two of my all time favorites. There’s just something about Poo’s smile that cracks me up every time.

7:58 am July, 11 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Every time I see this cockbush I feel the need to do the laundry, “Old School.” I also have the urge to smoke more purple kush and prepare my late morning beverages.

8:20 am July, 11 Douchble Helix said...

The Sons and Daughters of Porsche deserve something.
.
Holy shit! You see the rack on that broad?

8:30 am July, 11 Nancy Dreuche said...

Yeah, this douche sucks. He’s got a Rorschach test on his belly button. What do I see when I look at it? The steak dinner those two bikini broads just threw up in the bathroom. Does that mean I’m a crazy? I sure as fuck hope so.
.
These two skanks for HOH. ¡Andelay! (My apologies to the Spanish language if I spelled that wrong.)

8:40 am July, 11 Douchble Helix said...

Now you’re talkin’, ND!!

9:05 am July, 11 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Holy shit! You see the rack on that broad?
.
Indeed. I think I need to inspect the goods…

9:46 am July, 11 Edith Anne Tarbox of Dripping Springs Tx said...

@darksock

word on the street is the stackhousian institution, through their gettysomeson museum and goose sanctuary was the secret and silent partner in the purchase of myspace. they may be trying to corner the market on .

sockpuppets.

9:48 am July, 11 Edith Anne Tarbox of Dripping Springs Tx said...

corner the market on douchebaggery.

omitters and deleters

2:49 pm July, 11 Medusa Oblongata said...

I appreciate the warning skull above his groin, like the skull and x-bones on old bottles of poison. As if I couldn’t tell by looking at him from the waist up, he is clearly Famine, one of the four douchemen of the Apocalypse. I’m hazarding a guess that he’s flanked by Pestilence and Death in the photo here.

9:57 pm July, 11 Troy Tempest said...

His eyes…His Eyes…. HIS EYES!!!!!
.
Either he is SATAN or he has cataracts.

8:11 am July, 12 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Barechested washboard-ab zombies in fedoras look spectacular in purple and pink granny-style crazy-quilt shorts.
Just sayin’.

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