Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Julie Dumps Cookie Monster Guy


Reader and butt chomping hottie hott Julie writes in with a self-tagged HCwDB submission:

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Subject: me and a pasty ginger

oh the power of the douche bag. he actually convinced me to date him for a short period of time til i realized i could do WAY better.

– Julie
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I’d like to judge you for this one Julie, but, like Garth before me, I’ve always had a creepy fixation on Bugs Bunny in a dress. So I’m not really one to judge here.

# posted by douchebag1
9:20 am July, 19 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

She’s all hot like Juliette Lewis when she wasn’t on meth. Dirty Crazy cookie. Nom.Nom, Nom , Nom , Nom.
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Schwing

9:21 am July, 19 Choad The Douche Sprocket said...

She’s the douchette…perhaps full on Bleeth material.
.
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.He is just very patriotic….
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….and pale.

9:23 am July, 19 Choad The Douche Sprocket said...

F*ck @Rev Chad!….we thoughts we’d beats you to da punch!!
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…and Julie’s thinking she could do WAY better just confirms my point.

9:24 am July, 19 Choad The Douche Sprocket said...

….and oh what the Old Choad wouldn’t give to be the index finger on Pasty Pat’s right hand….

9:29 am July, 19 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

So by “convince” you mean he told you that you were the hottest bitch he’d ever seen while buying all your drinks that night? And by “short period of time” you mean for a year or so until your parents said they wouldn’t give you any more money unless the Cookie Monster found his way back to Sesame Street? No, no, I believe you. Really I do.

9:30 am July, 19 The Dude said...

He’s just goofy. Nice extra pair of eyes.

9:41 am July, 19 Vin Douchal said...

Very strange coloring on this chap. Jaundice? Canicola fever? Bilirubin? His dad should have got the extra shots when he got back from ‘Nam.
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Now Julie needs to send in a photo for Friday Ass Pear.
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.
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Needle sharers

9:42 am July, 19 Douchio Iglesias said...

I thought this wasn’t going to become a forum for vengeful women to strike their exes, DB1. What happened to our morals?

9:52 am July, 19 soy bomb said...

It’s sad that you were overpowered by the Douche in the first place, but we’d like to see a pic of your pear and of the current dude you’re dating now. Have you really moved on or just found a “better” ‘bag?

10:44 am July, 19 douchebag1 said...

@ Douchio Iglesias, I made an exception because she’s really really hott. I blame the Douchadox.
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– management

10:44 am July, 19 Troy Tempest said...

Oh, come on people – she’s clearly very young in this photo. A youthful indiscretion. when you were 19 did you ever bang someone dumb as a post because they seemed nice under the beer goggles? I’m sure it was much the same for Julie.

She has learned her lesson – go in peace young Julia.
O Julia – when the leaves turn from green to brown and autumns shades come tumbling down to leave a carpet on the ground where we have laid – O Julia…
O Julia – when winter leaves the branches bare and icy breezes chill the air, and freezing snow lies every where – my darling – will we still be there?
O Julia – when spring rejoices down the lane and everything is new again, will everything be just the same – will we be there?
O Julia….

.
Now sit on this puppet’s face and tell me that you love me – I’ll show you what a REAL WOODIE looks like my petite mountain flower. Cuz mine’s made of rock hard pine baby….

O Julia –

10:46 am July, 19 DarkSock said...

Gingers have no soul, Julie; you made the right move.
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Now brace yourself for an onslaught of abuse; putting a photo, ANY photo, on this site will invoke a Pavlovian attack response much like tossing a cock-tail weenie clad infant into a pen of starving dingos. We are a dickish bunch, you know.
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This unpleasantness could, of course, be avoided if you provided a tasteful photograph of your butt, as my esteemed colleague Soy Bomb suggests above. Because LOVE conquers all. And we LOVE Ass Pear.
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-D.S., esq.

10:47 am July, 19 DarkSock said...

And ignore Troy, aka Woody Woodpecker; he will try and put splinters in your teeth. Nasty ol’ puppet.

10:50 am July, 19 DarkSock said...

Yes, Douchio Iglesias; Hott beats morals every time. And she’s hotter than 9 Victoria Secrets models licking 10 Victoria Secrets models.

10:51 am July, 19 DarkSock said...

She is hotter than fat people fucking in an Alabama hot tub in August.

10:52 am July, 19 DarkSock said...

She is hotter than a Habanero suppository.

11:18 am July, 19 Hermit said...

Julie needs a corn-fed rural boy with yellowed toenails that curl under sweaty feet and cause staff infection and an odorous, gangrenous ooze which stain his white socks and cause pain to motherless children. The intense heat has caused the corn leaves to curl up reflexively, looking like millions of pineapple plants struggling to survive in the Hellish heat. Un air-conditioned hovels lay sweltering in the sun, suffering from centuries of the white man’s abuse by axe, crosscut saw and skeletal plough mules beaten into submission with whips and gnarled fingers. Once- stately oaks and sycamores burned in place as the piercing rays of the sun baked the earth into hard pan.
Illiterate High-School graduates draw unemployment until they’re sent to Afghanistan to die in the blood-soaked desert, leaving their overweight baby mommas crying over a carton of Marlboros.
Elderly women take refuge in gas stations and general stores ‘til they’re chased out by broom-wielding Pakistani shopkeepers.
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Hang in there Julie, Prince Charming will come to your rescue in a four-wheel driven implement of destruction, bearing a box of chocolates, chemical fertilizers and cheap domestic beer.
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Your dreams can come true in RedState, Ämërïkä.

11:28 am July, 19 Anonymous said...

^I’m packin’ my bags right now. That place sounds tight.

11:49 am July, 19 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Honey, first of all you ain’t that hott. Secondly, don’t try to sell me on that “aw shucks, I didn’t know any better, I’m an insecure chick,” BS. He’s a total pudwackian douchebag. I could accept your position if there was some redeeming qualities about him, if he was good looking, or even a good representation of a douchebag. But this guy should have been killed at birth, at lunchtime in middle school, in high school he should have been poisoned at a party, and he should have been shot before someone let him out of the house on the night this photo was taken. My dear, you part of the problem, a big part of the problem, and not an innocent victim.

11:59 am July, 19 Medusa Oblongata said...

^ What DWN said. And this is a terrible photo. But I’ll reconsider if you send me a bikini photo. And let me smell your hair.

12:03 pm July, 19 Medusa Oblongata said...

And I agree, turning this into a revenge site for jilted women is a slippery slope. I could send a hundred photos in for this site of myself with some fine examples of bikerbaggery, hipsterbaggery, ghoulbaggery and Italobaggery. See Troy’s comment above, youth is defined by its poor choices. BUT…. I neither qualify as a proper hot chick, nor am I cunty enough to publicly humiliate any of my exes. Even if they turned out to be total choadknuckles in the end, at one time I did like them, they were somewhat nice to me, and yeah, probably supported my habits in one way or another. Allowing bitter women to humiliate men they at one time saw fit to commingle with is trouble. The coupling is what we expose, not the remorse afterwards.

12:09 pm July, 19 jonezy said...

I think she looks like a skank that is just desperate for attention. And attention she’ll get. Well, at least 4 inches of attention from me.
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she looks fairly ginger herself- a pear pic would prove beneficial for resolving such matters.
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she looks like the type of girl that tells you “I’ll come home with you, but I won’t sleep with you” and then asks you to put it in her butt cuz that’s not “real” sex. I actually did have a girl say that to me this past weekend, and much to my chagrin, she actually did refrain from sleeping with me- I mean WTF? When a girl says that, it’s like code, isn’t it? It’s just a saying- had I known she actually meant that, I never would have brought her back to my mother’s basement, you know?!?

1:30 pm July, 19 McLeery said...

Nice; She is bleeth to the core and a stage 9 post-chemo (failed) douchette. Ginger-Snap-Monster is not a douche, just a poor fashion victim. Good enough for her at one point (non-nom-nom on his tom-tom-tom) but now revenge has turned its ugly head. Go in peace Red.

P.S. When did skin colour criticism become an acceptable post on here. Imagine a post on here ‘I dumped this brother because he was too dark”, or, “Mr Lee was too jaundiced for me”.

2:03 pm July, 19 Wedgie said...

I also want to smell your hairs. No, the other ones.

2:05 pm July, 19 Wedgie said...

I forgive you. But your poor taste in men has created an imbalance in the force. The only known way to restore harmony is to send some pear photos.
Sorry, I don’t make the rules.

3:52 pm July, 19 Mr. White said...

Does no one else notice the Borg implant sprouting from her shoulder?
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I’m not saying I wouldn’t hit it like a phaser set to stun…I’m just saying.

10:18 pm July, 19 Stephanie said...

Roach on her shoulder or holding her leg?

8:22 am July, 20 Sir David Douchenborough said...

Hell hath no fury than a woman s’mored (by the cookie mosnter).

8:24 am July, 20 Sir David Douchenborough said...

That would be *monster, ya idiot. And I farkin’ put my e-mail in the website section. Dammit, if a mod can fix that, that would be swell. If not, I need another drink. It is happy hour somewhere in the world.

8:49 am July, 20 kneejerk said...

I think that terrible tat shows that her stupidity covers many areas.
And no, she isn’t that hot.
But I’d still Wendy Deng her.

3:14 pm July, 20 Steve L. said...

i’d love to “judge” Julie too. YEAH BABY YEAH I GET TO JUDGE HOTTIES!

sorry.

3:14 pm July, 20 Steve L. said...

and what does Julie mean when she says “WAY better”? money? physical / social stature?
.
eh never mind. i’ll just go back to “judging” Julie.

6:48 am July, 24 DamonTheDeamon said...

Ha!…I feel sorry for the guy…she posed for the picture like a true Douchette, then submitted the photo. Can we say attention whore?! What a skeevy, trash talking baby Bleeth! Mr. Cookie Monster is one lucky puppet to be rid of her.

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