Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Moped Mike May or May Not Be a Douche But Bikini Clara is Tasty

Moped Mike? Who gives a rats ass.

I would breakdance tai chi through a field of twitching mushrooms wearing only worn boxers and a hairnet and playing the orchestral version of a Nico harmony from early Velvet Underground using only a plastic comb and tapping spoons while sipping fermented grapefruit juice from a gimmick baseball cap can holder just for the chance to cup slap the brain addled aardvark that once upchucked on her cotton candy outside the Tea Cup ride at the 2004 summer carnival in Decatur, Illinois. And then I would tickle her underboob with an ostrich feather.

# posted by douchebag1
7:04 am July, 6 creature said...

butterface…tho, I would gladly floss with her thong

7:04 am July, 6 Flyingdouce said...

DB1, can you be more…specific??

7:06 am July, 6 Bigphatnotadouche said...

nice tatas..

7:07 am July, 6 Wedgie said...

A fine example of GSR being properly displayed….and I don’t care if it’s in a club at night, either.

7:13 am July, 6 Anonymous said...

“I thought by now, you’d realize – there aint no way to hide your Mayan Eyes” — Glen Frey.

7:31 am July, 6 Anonymous said...

Mike should get a pass. In presence of Clara, douchy boob-dive or even douchier boob-lick would be forgivable.
But he keeps his posture.

7:55 am July, 6 Nancy Dreuche said...

Moped Mike gets a whatevs from me. Party on, guy. Let me guess, you also own a Seadoo.
.
Bikini inside means someone’s gettin’ paid. All is right with the world.

8:13 am July, 6 ehcuodouche said...

Her hair is too big.

8:53 am July, 6 jonezy said...

I frequently visit Decatur, IL. True story.
.
Have never once seen a specimen like Clara however.

9:16 am July, 6 Nancy Dreuche said...

@ehcuodouche, hahahahahaha! You guys and your excuses. I’ve gotten, “You’re too funny”, “You’re too smart”, and “You live too far away.” But I haven’t heard “Your hair is too big.”yet. Ah, the art of rejecting someone is an underappreciated skill.

9:37 am July, 6 Mr. Biggs said...

Geez, what was that impressionist painting of the guy in a full suit, next to a nude woman?

10:00 am July, 6 smackdouche said...

She makes me hurt in all the right places. She is by far the greatest hott to appear recently.

10:05 am July, 6 Mr. White said...

@nancy
It’s obvious that this girl has 84 eyelashes on her left eye and only 83 on her right. She’s a disgusting pig.

10:06 am July, 6 Mr. White said...

One of the hairs in her front forelock has a split end. She’s a rancid slambeast.

10:07 am July, 6 Mr. White said...

She has a 0.5-mm, non-cancerous mole on her right insole. I wouldn’t even fuck her with Frank Mercurio.

10:08 am July, 6 Mr. White said...

Her tennis bracelet isn’t from Tiffany’s. My weiner just shriveled.

10:08 am July, 6 Mr. White said...

She doesn’t use hypoallergenic detergent to wash her unmentionables. Someone should bury her in a shallow grave.

10:10 am July, 6 Mr. White said...

Her bellybutton is only 7.3 mm deep, which is almost one standard deviation between the human average. If you still think she’s hot, that means you’re gay.

10:10 am July, 6 Boner said...

WINNER!!!!!!!!! HoH!

10:10 am July, 6 Mr. White said...

^below, not between, asshat Nobody should fuck me, either.

10:11 am July, 6 Mr. White said...

The slope of her nose is 54 degrees, not the 53.5 degrees that everyone agrees is the ultimate. I’d rather make sweet love to an orangutan.

10:21 am July, 6 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Mr. White, Bravo! 10:10a FTW!

10:30 am July, 6 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Sometimes she doesn’t check for shredded tissue knots after she wipes her yummybits.

10:38 am July, 6 ColorMeDouche said...

Definitely HoH material

10:49 am July, 6 I R A Darth Aggie said...

I hope y’all wouldn’t classify me as an oldbag if I pursued Bikini Clara with a stick of butter.
.
Actually, upon further review, I wouldn’t care if youse guys did, if she relented and let me rub butter into her skin…

11:18 am July, 6 Nancy Dreuche said...

@I R A Darth Aggie, is rubbing condiments into the hotts strictly for oldbags? Also butter is cool only if you cook her afterwards. Seriously, if you feel the need to baste attractive women just rub lotion on them or you know, whatever. Maybe I’m a prude but if a dude approached me with a stick of Land ‘ O Lakes I would probably give him the “No worries pal, when heated properly I make my own gravy” look.
.
I’m gonna put in a HOH nom on behalf of Douchble Helix.

11:38 am July, 6 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Mr. White
.
Good God man you missed about 87 other things wrong with her. Like her eyebrows not being 2.348769912 mm apart, or her nostrils being separated by only 0.68993426378 mm of skin or the hideousness that the nail on her right pinkie toe is 4.74325978 nm thicker than the one on her left. Hell, I wouldn’t beat her with a bag full of rancid, regurgitated porch beef let alone have sex with her. ICKY ICKY ICKY!

1:36 pm July, 6 Fatness said...

@Nancy D., 9:16 am: How ’bout “my dick is too big”?

2:05 pm July, 6 The Dude said...

*claps*

2:18 pm July, 6 Tanath said...

HOH – especially after you even considered that last girl…

3:11 pm July, 6 DarkSock said...

Her ocular fluid is the wrong viscosity; rutting hog slit.

4:12 pm July, 6 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Fatness, noone has ever said that to me.

5:35 pm July, 6 army (ret) douche said...

i’m hopping on the HoH bandwagon. if barelylegal kelly got a vote…

7:06 pm July, 6 creature said...

ND 4:12
is that because you have a gaping abyss?
…just askin’

8:02 pm July, 6 Nancy Dreuche said...

@creature, why don’t you ask your Dad.

8:32 pm July, 6 Steve L. said...

yep. boobies.

10:53 pm July, 6 creature said...

ND
I would, but, he fell into a foul bottomless pit a while back…

4:49 am July, 7 wonderdouche twin said...

I would have sex with her if her hair didn’t remind me of Jennifer Aniston, please!

9:23 am July, 7 Nancy Dreuche said...

@creature, well then, I guess you found your answer.

4:12 pm July, 7 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

I dunno….methinks Crucial Head wrote this description because DB1 was in too much of a parlyzed state to mutter even a partial syllable when he made a mere a quarter-glance at this half-dressed dish and the fully-attired moped-man.
IMHO. Son.

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