Thursday, July 7, 2011

Reader Mail: The Rastabag

Aussie ‘bag hunter Whac-a-Douche, aka Tof, writes in with another quality tag:

—————
G’day DB1.

We have met before, I had the pleasure to submit Homeless Phil Collins a few few months. Funny you would choose such name not knowing the guy is actually a drummer. Anyway, I digress…

Today I have both a submission and a question.

My submission is vaginoplasty specialist and celebrity surgeon Dr Rey.

I had never heard of him before this morning, but the interwebs brought him to my attention while drinking my 9am bourbon and searching for the perfect pear. One might say this is holy endeavor.

My question: Have you ever featured rastabags? I have been reading your web site for quite a while now, but can’t remember ever seeing these annoying chillaxed skateboarding whine-about-everything-but-not-do-anything-about-it pot smoking silly hairdoed creatures. I believe they deserve mock.

Till next time,

Tof
—–

Firstly, excellent ‘tag with Dr. Rey. A true celebudouche of the reality sort in all the wrongest of fake authorial performative doucheries. Good work.

Secondly, to answer your question, our best Rastabag was either Blondbacca from way back in 2006, Buffalo Scroteja from 2008, or our recent Yamo Been There.

The Rastabag is an important subset of alterna-douchery in hitting on hot chick, and are underrepresented here at HCwDB. However, the mock will continue.

Oh yes.

It will continue.

# posted by douchebag1
1:49 pm July, 7 Bigphatnotadouche said...

The perfect pear is perfect. Thanks DB1,

1:57 pm July, 7 Horace Dangleballs said...

I’ll bet Perfect Pear takes excellent dictation.

2:01 pm July, 7 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Am I alone in thinking that Dr. 90210 has serious and deep seeded mental problems? I mean to the point where watching him sets off my flight or flight response. I seriously have to turn him off not because he is a craven douche spigot (he is) but because he squicks me out.

2:18 pm July, 7 jonezy said...

I don’t know what he’s planning to do with that severed child hand, and I don’t wanna know.

2:19 pm July, 7 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Dude McCrude, nope, that Dr. Douche sets off my creepometer too. And his wife isn’t much better.
.
I would be cool with the Rastabags if they didn’t whine so much and maybe took a shower every other day. I know that’s asking a lot. A whiney dude is such a lady boner kill no matter how much sticky icky he can get for you.

2:27 pm July, 7 Anonymous said...

Frequent urination

2:27 pm July, 7 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

I made it as far as perfect pear and all the blood drained from my body into my cockk. At which point I had a purple head aneurysm.
.
My cock now looks like a whie Oprah if she’d just lose the weight and keep it off for more than just a couple days.
.
What? Rastabags? What about ’em?

2:29 pm July, 7 Anonymous said...

Astral Projection

2:29 pm July, 7 Anonymous said...

Wheat germ

3:16 pm July, 7 Elwood Blues said...

White unemployed non-showering hipsters in dreads = auto bag.

/Thursday Pear? Nice.

3:29 pm July, 7 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

I fail to detect the Rastafarian dreadlocks in our Doc here, but he does have an upbeat air about him.
And the ass-pear has given me fits of ass-piration, among other things.
Such as in-spiration-al ideas. Spiraling out of control.

this guy is like seeing the preachers who run megachurches, its hard to believe rich women pay this man to do mingeoscopy.

i don’t know if they qualify as a submission or not but googling “cedric benson pool party” yields a wealth of dichotomous douche/hott combos, and multiples.

now, a tribute to pear, every one is the best one, until the next one.

Who put the donk
In padonk a donk a donk ?
Who put the ass
In the ass alassa ding dong?
Who put the pear
In the pear view pear view pear?
Who put the hip
In the hip da hip da grip?
Who was that man?
he ought not to shake my hand
He made my fingers
Fall in love with me

4:18 pm July, 7 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Edith Anne, single fucking salty tear. Best song about masterbation since “Blister in the Sun”.

5:43 pm July, 7 The Dude said...

Thursday Sharts and Links, brought to you by Dr. Rey. Yuck

6:13 pm July, 7 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Is this really the dude from the MUMMY or am I halucinageneationng again. WoWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWPJV VCsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssMmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm=================================

6:32 pm July, 7 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

@Nancy
You are my barometer of normalcy. I will sleep better tonight… though still with a flashlight and Mr. Puppy after the trauma of David Carradine Emo Hulk yesterday.

7:31 pm July, 7 The Dude said...

I’ve installed a barometer over my keyboard because of Nancy’s Dreuches.

7:45 pm July, 7 The Dude said...

aaaaaahhhhyeeeeeek! I just noticed the detached baby hand. I was looking at a different area of the body of the sheila.

7:50 pm July, 7 Stephanie said...

I’d like to sew up Dr. Rey’s mouth with some sutures.

8:12 pm July, 7 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Dude McCrudeshoes, I will try to take the “normal barometer” as a compliment. When it comes to pointing out creepsters I shan’t let you down. Word to the wise though, occasionally I am a little impulsive. I’m glad you have Mr. Puppy to keep look out, those to walking turds from yesterday could pop up in anyone of our toilets.
@other Dude, how’s the keyboard condom working out? Sure it cuts down on key stroke sensitivity but overall it should keep your keys from sticking. Try a moniter merkin for images (like the Dr. above or in my case, Four Prong) that you want to cover up.

8:32 pm July, 7 Steve L. said...

if this is a celebrity plastic surgeon, i can only imagine that he must be 10x douchier than his patrons.

8:33 pm July, 7 Troy Tempest said...

So, this guy strips women’s pussy’s of flappy lips? WTF?

I mean dayum. What the fuck are you supposed to lick if you remove the pussy lips? Great. A hole. And a clit. and a place where the pee pee comes out. Wuendershoen. Utter rubbish. When I’m going down on a pussy, I WANT SOME LIPS TO LICK there.

Aqua Marina – now that chick has some pussy lips. Not super huge, but certainly prominent, and a NICE big pussy and when I’d sink my face and go “LABALABALABALABALABALABA” with my nose stuck all the way in to my eyeballs and her pussy lips aquivering on my cheekbones and then she’d start all this moaning and screaming and shit – well – I KNEW she was having a good old time – it was like Cthulu sucking the life out of my face only without the tentacles and evil and shit and injecting all kinds of happy fucky fuck fun into my face and when her back would arch and she’d push my head away, there’d be those awesome drippy pussy lips and my face covered in Aqua goo and then she’d fuck me stupid and I’d wake up with her Aqua goo all dried on my face and I’d peel it off and eat it over breakfast and she’d say “What the fuck are you eating?” and I’d say “PUSSY CHIPS!” and she’d say “Damn you’re gross.” and I’d mumble “tastes fine with coffee…” and she’d say “Oh really?” and I’d say “Tastes fine without coffee too.” and she’d say “Yeah right.” “And I say “Well drop trou cuz you’re gettin’ some more right now!” and then I’d be face deep in her baby basket doing it all over again, but faster cuz we had to go to work and stuff.

And THIS douchenozzle is the kind of guy who removes pussy lips. What a scum dog. Taking all my fun away. I bet his bitch can’t even cum.

8:36 pm July, 7 Troy Tempest said...

Oh, and Rastadouches make me ill.

8:43 pm July, 7 Doucheywallnuts said...

Sir Elton John called. He wants his hair back.
.
http://imstars.aufeminin.com/stars/fan/elton-john/elton-john-20040429-1698.jpg

10:39 pm July, 7 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Let us stop the mutilation by sending $44.98 to Kroeger Ministries and licking as many pussies as we can.

4:27 am July, 8 Hermit said...

I dated a girl who had tiny suction cups surgically implanted on the lips of her vagina, much like those of an octopus. It made things interesting, (and painful) when trying to withdraw.
She would also expel a thick, inky substance from her vagina when distressed.
.
Wild times.
.
Regrettably though, I’ve never had sex with a woman wearing a backpack and hiking boots.

9:19 am July, 8 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

@Troy Tempets
.
Amen my wooden brother. Amen.
.
.
.
.
.
On the pussy lips thing.

10:24 am July, 8 Anonymous said...

Perfect Pear plus the boob reveal of Buffalo Scroteja’s Milf is a great way to start the weekend.

4:37 pm July, 11 Anonymous said...

this

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