Thursday, July 14, 2011

Reader Mail: Wedding Douchery

——
Greetings from Calgary, Canada!

I was at a wedding yesterday at a hotel where a number of banquet rooms had been rented for same. The room next to ours had a large photo posted outside the door. People were looking at it and recoiling in horror.

Upon close inspection, the bride-to-be was hot – and the groom-to-be sported numerous douchal signifiers. Please note the watch, hair, and chin fung, also the popped collar, and most of all, the douchey expression on his face.

It’s not a really bad case…except that this was their official WEDDING PHOTO!. Please DB1, supply the needed societal mock to encourage this nasty case to reform.

— Roy
———-

This is deeply disturbing, and an excellent catch of yet another signifier of the impending global scrotocalypse, Roy. When even the wedding photos are douchetastic, be careful to double check with your food taster. For the creme brulee tastes like ass.

# posted by douchebag1
11:35 am July, 14 tall guy said...

Good Lord, that’s hideous! Pity coz she’s definite hott.

11:54 am July, 14 Vin Douchal said...

Yeah, but it’s great when the ass taste like creme brulee

11:55 am July, 14 Southern Scrotic said...

One day she’ll learn enough English to finally understand what he is saying. Then she’ll hit the exits since her citizenship application has been approved.

11:57 am July, 14 jonezy said...

Since when did Calgary start allowing inter-racial marriages?
.
I feel an impending doom approaching when Chad sees this homegrown pairing

11:58 am July, 14 tall guy said...

Yeah, I’m looking for that Chad too. Anyone seen him?

11:59 am July, 14 Nancy Dreuche said...

That is like the World’s Largest Couch. But yeah keep these two outta the pool. I’m happy for them and shit. They probably found their wedding photog at the nightclub where they met. I know it says in the invite that you two would prefer cash instead of a gift but I got you guys a gift certificate to TJ Maxx. If you a-holes don’t have an after party with an open bar I’m taking it back.

12:23 pm July, 14 Nancy Dreuche said...

And my B, its called a reception, not an after party. Seriously though, not free drinks, no gift certificate.

12:28 pm July, 14 Vin Douchal said...

@ Roy
.
You should have walked in and started slapping everyone in sight like Moe Stooge , not even sparing the old and infirmed
.

12:30 pm July, 14 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Douche looks like he’s pissed at the company that sent him his mail-order bride. “Damn it! I wanted the one on page 65. No no no! The one in the middle. Yeah the one the says she’s six feet tall, has red hair and loves anral. Yeah, that one! You sent me the one who won’t shut up, doesn’t speak English and doesn’t love anral. What? Hell no! She won’t even let me touch her. I want my money back or you’ll be hearing from my left-handed joow lawyer you sons-a-bitches.”

12:32 pm July, 14 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Doc B. Anral? Holy shit, how is that different from anal? One more thing I gotta worry about.

12:40 pm July, 14 ehcuodouche said...

He wants to be Samurai Scrote, but there is only one Samurai Scrote. And the couch appears to be actual size. She’s about 4’10” and he’s 5’2″ in stacked heels.

12:50 pm July, 14 Vin Douchal said...

On a related note, anyone for a few nut shots?.
.

12:51 pm July, 14 Vin Douchal said...

12:52 pm July, 14 Vin Douchal said...


GIFSoup

12:52 pm July, 14 Vin Douchal said...

12:53 pm July, 14 Vin Douchal said...

12:53 pm July, 14 Vin Douchal said...

And the winner is:
.

GIFSoup

1:30 pm July, 14 Nancy Dreuche said...

Wait Vin, are you saying marriage is like getting kicked in the nuts? Why the fuck are married then? Feels good to be single again. Thank you. Where’s RevChad? I need him to tell me why I should never get married. I’ve been feeling like a single loser recently and I hate it. Its the summer months and that when people typically tie the knot around the nuptial noose, and I just need some encouraging words that the grass isn’t greener on the side with His and Hers towels.

1:31 pm July, 14 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

Nancy, Anran is just like Anal except that it won’t cause you any pain or discomfort. Next time you go on one of your hot dates with Mr. lol :), ask him to show you.

1:31 pm July, 14 THEONETRUEDOUCHE said...

Squiggy!!!

http://davidllander.com/images/lander_pics/med_res/squiggy_bw_med_res.jpg

1:39 pm July, 14 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Magnum Detective, yeah, he hasn’t texted me back after Date 1. So uh, I’m pretty sure I won’t have to figure out how to get out of doing anral with him.

1:48 pm July, 14 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

cause you didn’t give him anral on the first date. duh!

2:06 pm July, 14 jonezy said...

@ND 1.30
this about sums it up

2:11 pm July, 14 Stephanie said...

What would be on Mr & Mrs asshole’s gift registry?

2:24 pm July, 14 Wedgie said...

I don’t know, I kind of like Creme Brulass.

2:58 pm July, 14 DarkSock said...

His collar is popped harder than a naughty girl’s arse

2:59 pm July, 14 DarkSock said...

His collar is popped harder than Rush Limbaugh’s fistful of Vicodin the afternoon he got out of rehab.

3:00 pm July, 14 DarkSock said...

His collar is popped harder than Rupert Murdoch’s neck veins after losing the BskyeB deal to hack-fuckery.

3:01 pm July, 14 DarkSock said...

His collar is popped harder than Anthony Weiner’s boner as he unboxed his new iPhone.

3:01 pm July, 14 DarkSock said...

His collar is popped harder than an ass zit when Plinky’s mom sat bare-butt onto pea gravel.

3:02 pm July, 14 DarkSock said...

His collar is popped harder that the right testicle on Vin Douchal’s final nut-hit GIF.

4:59 pm July, 14 Indiana Choad and the Temple of Douche said...

Are you even sure it’s from Calgary? Douche and bleeth aren’t wearing cowboy hats. Those Calgary fuccers will put cowboy hats on anything.

Living in a city that has a hockey rink shaped like a saddle? Autodouche.

http://www.google.ca/search?q=calgary+saddledome&hl=en&client=firefox-a&hs=FWr&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&prmd=ivns&source=lnms&tbm=isch&ei=UoQfTpLdI9KGsgLYpuW8Aw&sa=X&oi=mode_link&ct=mode&cd=2&ved=0CCkQ_AUoAQ&biw=1680&bih=986

5:27 pm July, 14 Nancy Dreuche said...

@jonezy, ha! that sums it up nicely.

9:15 pm July, 14 Troy Tempest said...

@Vin – it’s been done – in the movie Idiocracy – “OW MY BALLZ!

9:15 pm July, 14 Troy Tempest said...

8:22 am July, 15 Mr. Biggs said...

Lo, for when the suckle thigh becomes as dumb as it is sucklable, and falls for the douchey hard-ass look which is as transparent and putrid as gramma’s racy new panties, the skies shall darken as the heavens redden, while the archangels flush with paroxyisms of laughter: “we’re supposed to sanctify THAT?!? BWAHAHAHAH!!!!”

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