Monday, July 11, 2011

The Eyes of Larry Mars

Don’t look it in the eyes!!

Too late.

Your first born will now have an affinity for prunes.

Swim Team Stephanie never spoke to you in High School. And she won’t speak to you now, either.

# posted by douchebag1
2:09 pm July, 11 Mandouchian Candidate said...

A dude wearing a blouse. How clever. His teeth are probably the whitest things that the mens swim team have ever come across.

2:12 pm July, 11 McLeery said...

Is that makeup he’s wearing?

2:17 pm July, 11 Vin Douchal said...

John Lackey’s little brother, Lance Cockksmoke Lackey

2:17 pm July, 11 Stephanie said...

Is that a ladies blouse he’s wearing?

2:21 pm July, 11 Nancy Dreuche said...

Why are all the hot chicks named Stephanie? And pass to this gay because he’s her guy bestie, wait I think I have that reversed. Just like this dude likes it, in the revarse. Cheezus Christ, I fuckin’ hate Mondays. And my first born better be a freakin rocket physicist so he or she can find a cure for these fucking douchebags and if that means eating ten prunes a day, so be it.

2:21 pm July, 11 Stephanie said...

The one photo where he isn’t sucking a man’s cock.

2:24 pm July, 11 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Stephanie, Is that you, gal pal of gal pals? If so I’m sorry I called you a dude. I guess I’m just jealous that you’re hilarious AND beautiful. Not fair!

2:26 pm July, 11 Stephanie said...

yup,I’m still notta dude…

2:39 pm July, 11 Medusa Oblongata said...

Gheybag.

2:53 pm July, 11 Wheezer said...

Was this from Jessica Simpson’s high school Homecoming Dance? Little did Harry Palmer here know what kind of gold he missed out on striking.

3:06 pm July, 11 G said...

I guess Larry took the pirate shirt Seinfeld episode to heart…he’s a gaybag…and Stephanie…well, let’s just say I have to wash my keyboard now…

4:35 pm July, 11 Mr. White said...

Stephanie doesn’t have the massive shoulders of a true competitive swimmer. And lucky for her. All the high school athletes I knew blew up to the size of hippos once they went from daily workouts to the workaday world.
.
And I say this having just seen 20-year reunion pictures posted on facebook. (I did not attend.) The group picture looks like an aquarium stuffed full of beach balls.

4:42 pm July, 11 soy bomb said...

Yeah, we know, Larry. That sequined iPhone is just so f*cking fabulous!

5:26 pm July, 11 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Mr. White is right. Half of swimming chicks blow up to be the size of hippos. Some very early. Won’t happen to my kids though, they have amphetimines and diuretics with their fried egg whites and oatmeal for breakfast. I have a thirty year reunion this week and I’ll have more hair than the rest of my class. Probably a lot of pigs I won’t recognize while stoned. Good times.
.
Youngsters

yes, yes its true, swim team stephanie not only wouldn’t speak to me in high school, she didn’t know i existed.

of, course, we will always have that one time, at the week before homecoming costume party/

what happened was, a week before the week before, i found out through her always broke, pothead little brother that her and her boyfriend at college were fighting because he didn’t want to come to a “gay” high school dance now that he was a fourth year sophomore.

so i had her little brother rifle through her things, find his address, and a picture of them, him in a ronald reagan mask,a gorilla costume, an american eagle sweatshirt, and walmart jeans. i paid him with an 1/8th, that is a half quarter to our canadian posters who are here reading illegally, of some mediocre weed i wouldn’t smoke out my dog with, and went shopping. fortunately “kirk” bought the most obvious and easily copied clothes costume and mask around. then i copied the picture at the photolab at school(kids todays have it so easy), drove to kirk’s college and dropped a love note off in the mail, letting her know i might come this weekend, and possibly the next, and i was remembering the times we had, in the copy of the picture i enclosed.

so at the party i had my costume, i found stephanie, and put a gorilla hand finger to whisper quiet, and took her off behind the pool shed, and nailed stephanie like,

like,

well, a gorilla with a nail gun….the analogy isn’t important, what is important is, and what i think the moral of the story is, just because a woman won’t give you the time of day, doesn’t mean you can’t truck her into having sex with you if she thinks you are someone else.

ninjas

6:13 pm July, 11 Lil' Fartknocker said...

3:33–
Dew Dew Dew Dewd looks like a layday,
Dew Dew Dew Dewd looks like a layday,
Dew Dew Dew Dewd looks like a layday,
Dew Dew Dew Dewd looks like a layday,

6:23 pm July, 11 Nancy Dreuche said...

@The right honorable yadda yadda yadda 5:29a, I thought you had sex in the Funhouse jumpy room. Oh wait, that was Revenge of the Nerds.

@nancy, no this is totally different because it happened in high school.

6:35 pm July, 11 Douchble Helix said...

@ND – d’OH!

8:11 pm July, 11 Steve L. said...

if i ever spoke to Larry Mars in high school, i’d stab myself today, and then track him down and break all his ribs.

8:16 pm July, 11 Nancy Dreuche said...

@The Right Honorable thingy, so she couldn’t tell the difference? You really trucked her good.
.
@Douchble Helix, don’t you have some nominating to be doing? So many skeezes, so little time. I try to help out when I can but seriously guy its more of your thing.

@ nancy d

well, if she could, its not like she was going to speak to me, to tell me, anyway. what you think i am going to look her up on facebook? what do i look like, some sort of stalker?

truckin

8:47 pm July, 11 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Your royalness, you look like more of a toilet with a tongue to me. I just find it interesting that she never once questioned during the trucking process that you weren’t her actual boyfriend. The mask came off never and you were able to pull off the whole thing without saying a word. Must have been no pillow talk afterwards, then again it was behind the tool shed. I don’t know man, either she was really drunk or you’re an excellent mimic. And Facebook stalking is sooo last year. Its all about Google + or whatever its called stalking now.
Do you have any stories about the time you brought home a robot named Ronnie 5 and all the hjinx that ensued when the government wanted him back. That would be neat if you did.

@nancy,

no, but i fell in love with a mannequin once, until the bitch gave me termites.

9:29 pm July, 11 Vin Douchal said...

Guilty Pleasure # 2365: Stackhouse’s Website
.
tremendous content on this oneFAT UNCREATIVE PUSSY, VS A GROWN FUCKING MAN, WHO HAS SHIT ON FAT BLOBS LIKE YOU SINCE DIAPER GRADUATION..

.
.
.
‘I think everyone at this point realizes that I am in no way friends, allies2, or associates with Jay Louis, the man that runs the website HCwDB, however, his internet predominance, and noteriaty toward “douchebags” like me, have enabled me to reach a larger target audience, and generate more traffic through my website.
.
‘Now, just so we make this clear, i don’t like or agree withe HCwDB on anything they fucking say. I think the sight is ran by a child cock fuck wad, who has a following of similar, mentally abused men, that can not come to grasps with their actual cock sizes, and egos.”

9:48 pm July, 11 avto said...

Hi, your blog design looks very similar to my one: Bitter описание

9:50 pm July, 11 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Vin, whose that dipshit cankle clown calling a mentally abused man? I am a verbally abusive woman! Shows what you know Shitstack. Like I said, keep up the shallow end pool dives. One of these days humanity is gonna get lucky, i.e. your C4 and C5 will cease to be neighbors.

10:01 pm July, 11 Vin Douchal said...

@ Nancy
.
My L-4 and L-5 became mortal enemies a few years back and now I get vicodin with a simple push button telephone and my local WalMart. So we all win.
.
.
@ Nancy pt 2
:
.
THIS

10:02 pm July, 11 Vin Douchal said...

Cowbell in the bridge! Fuck yeah!

10:10 pm July, 11 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Vin, do you think he will give you enough material to crank out another hit this year? I sure hope so.

4:08 am July, 12 tall guy said...

He’s screamingly gay. She’s a nordic-looking princess who probably prefers anal.

7:12 am July, 12 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Swim Team Stephanie never spoke to you in High School. And she won’t speak to you now, either.
.
That’s OK. I looked into her eyes, and was spared an awful fate. I’m grateful to her for that.

8:07 am July, 12 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Sometimes it’s just plain fun to state the obvious: This guy is highly effeminate.

9:00 am July, 12 jonezy said...

I feel like Vin’s entire day is one long string of guilty pleasures. Stackhouse website visiting, Bachelorette watching, anal-fisting Plinky’s mom, check-in with Bar Stool sports, search “sick guitar solo riffs” on youtube, et al.
.
.
and the end of the second stack quote reminds me of the age-old psychiatry advice of “you’re always angry because you hate yourself”. Stackhouse is one black ass kettle if you get my drift.

10:30 am July, 12 Sir David Douchenborough said...

When the supposed ‘no homo’ -ness of the douchebag androgynous aesthetic reaches a level of absurdity where you become a failed clone experiment of one of the Spice Girls, an intervention is likely needed.

11:18 am July, 12 Ol' Dirty Douchebag said...

“You know where you got that shirt from. It damned sure wasn’t the men’s department.” – Charlie Murphy

11:46 am July, 12 memphis doucheworkers local 421 said...

that has to be the first “Eyes of Laura Mars” reference made by anyone since 1978

1:42 pm July, 12 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

He just finished his first Anne Rice novel “The Vampire LeTwat”. She can store a years supply of crab apples in those cheeks.

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