Monday, July 4, 2011

üllar jörberg’s Mustache Says Happy July 4th!

C’mon!! Everyone do the Kutse Tantsule!!

# posted by douchebag1
7:45 am July, 4 Ted Brogan said...

That’s a surprisingly little amount of effort, from somebody with a mustache that intimidating.

Oh, and red dress.

8:00 am July, 4 Mr. White said...

I don’t think black dress is showing the appropriate amount of enthusiasm, but slightly spastic floral dress can wiener my schnitzel anytime. Ja wohl.

8:02 am July, 4 boone doggle said...

Flowery skirt chick is on different combination of drugs than the rest of them.

…and yes. Red dress.

8:02 am July, 4 Chris in 'Baghdad said...

The background dancing douchebag with the mandanna is a nice touch!

8:05 am July, 4 Et Tu Douche? said...

Ok I got about 15 seconds in and then realizing how awesome this wasn’t going to be I turned it off.
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Happy 4th to all haterz!!!!

8:26 am July, 4 Hermit said...

“Cleave my achy foot soon?”

8:29 am July, 4 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

The only thing I hate more than intolerance is the Dutch. And the fucking Swedes don’t get me started. This herring bone must be the Swedish Ron Jeremy. Yngwe Malmsteen, I hate that fucker too. Abba’s pretty dope though.
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Bad crop of lifeguards at the pool this year, fuck. I’m miserable. I wish I had a hot-dog eating contest to enter today. Jap pricks.
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Uncle Sams

8:38 am July, 4 mr.reeve said...

That is a true Cocksmen Mustache. Happy 4th “Baby Guns”
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Mounties

8:52 am July, 4 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Can somebody update me on the Nathans Famous Contest please? This nanny state I live in seems to have banned ESPN 3 from my satellite. Commie fuckers wonder why I don’t pay my taxes on time. Fucking frenchmen. Ya. Happy Holidays you bunch of imperialist redneck jew hatters.
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Golfers

8:53 am July, 4 Medusa Oblongata said...

That guy looks like he should be the frontman for some grindcore outfit that wears butcher’s aprons and sings songs about reverse abortions (that would be shoving the dead fetus back in there). I agree. Red dress.
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I have fine itinerary set out for me today. Mr. Biscotti has turned out to be quite the benevolent dictator without me knowing. By gently and politely asking, and pleading cultural ignorance, he consistently buffaloes me into lists of difficult and time-consuming tasks. I gleefully comply because I like to be a hard-ass and show off what a manly man I am. Little do I know I’m really a sweaty jackass doing shit that I might not be doing if I were smarter. God damn Italians, they took over the world once, I’m pretty well convinced they’re able to do it again.
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Off to assemble a barbecue grill-smoker in the blazing midwestern heat. May your hangovers be mild and may food poisoning come nowhere near your picnic tables.
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Patriots.

9:17 am July, 4 Wheezer said...

He’s clearly saying he’s too sexy for his…..oh crap, I didn’t catch the whole thing (mainly because I could listen to it without impaling my eye socket on a pencil, Joker style)…..

@medusa how used to this place am i, that i not only laughed at reverse abortions, but i had in my mind the proper idea, before reading your explanation.

as to the video, i stopped when i started grinding my teeth to it.

i think my plan for today is to get drunk enough to invent the frolicing dougie, later on, which will either be a dance or a mixed drink, or perhaps both.

rapscallions

9:31 am July, 4 Hermit said...

Dude can bust a move like Tonnetta.
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“Clean my stinky footstool?”

9:38 am July, 4 Nancy Dreuche said...

I would only pay a penny for a mustache ride from this wëirdö. Sorry, my Norwegian joke generator is on the fritz.
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Happy 4th Day in the month of July!

9:44 am July, 4 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Edith Anne, please make sure there is someone nearby with a camcorder to record your new dance. Also, wear tube socks.
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@Hermit, I forgot to wish you good luck as you head out into the sexy exciting world of singledom. Its a jungle out here. I think you’re well armed with the riding crop though. Get Some for me, okay?
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@Medusa, yes its true. Italians are sort of natural dictators. Please pass that along to your beau. Thank you.

9:53 am July, 4 Mr. White said...

@hermit
The comparisons to Tonetta are surprisingly accurate.

9:53 am July, 4 Mr. White said...

@me
LINK FAIL! Douche.
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I’ll try again.

10:00 am July, 4 MrEvilBreakfast said...

That wandering off at the 4:25 mark is a nice touch.

10:00 am July, 4 Choad The Douche Sprocket said...

Ullar’s ability to dance without moving his feet reminds me of someone I know.
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. The rest of his not-too-live-crew reminds me why Northern Europe to stick to the things it does best:
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. waging war on each other for perceived slights and centuries-old geopolitical trivialities…
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…..and eating lutefisk. (or surstromming).
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Leif Erickson.

10:09 am July, 4 a deal a day said...

The Swedish Ron Jeremy. Yngwe Malmsteen, I hate that bastard too. Abba momentum pretty well.

10:40 am July, 4 schlicht bindenburger said...

i just cant believe all the amazing talent this planet has to offer! im gettin misty.

10:41 am July, 4 MrEvilBreakfast said...

For reference sake, he’s Estonian. I’m not sure if that makes any of that video better, or worse…..

10:55 am July, 4 Hermit said...

One can question intelligent design, but there’s no denying the fact that Tonetta and baby ducklings are the reason God made Canada and edible thongs.
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I watched with disdain this morning, from deep within my hidden position, as they gathered in Small Town America, congregating on the sides of the parade route with their plastic lawn chairs. Dragging patriotic symbols through the mud and hog urine. Family patriarchs carrying coolers full of intestines, Vietnamese yak bladders and fermented vegetation, chilled, to numb the senses.
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Strike up the band! Seventy-six trombones lead the way blowing taps from behind hidden synthesisers. The standard garbage soon followed and marched with surgically implanted smiles in the somber procession; local County Fair Queens, dressed in drag, leaving discernible trails of artificial estrogen, Motorcycle drill teams with hidden agendas, wearing American Legion hats and bulging pantie-liners, scraping the curbs and glancing off the sides of meat wagons.
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Vladimir Putin rode shotgun on a deflated Zodiac with a spear gun pointed into the heart of Middle Ämerikä.
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I ejaculated softly into a hot dog wrapper.

11:07 am July, 4 Nancy Dreuche said...

^God Bless the USofHermit!

12:11 pm July, 4 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Somewhere in the fertile estuaries off the coast of Louisiana, an architect in a speedboat is towing a barge of ladyfingers and plastic explosives. When the last glass of Jim Beam and RC is quaffed, a travel sized Ambien packet is revealed and the twilight turns into a fresh New Sodom.
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Y’all

12:15 pm July, 4 boone doggle said...

lick my icky but. son.

12:26 pm July, 4 Douchble Helix said...

That video makes no more or no less sense than SNL’s What Up With That sketch, which i loves.

12:27 pm July, 4 Douchble Helix said...

Any chance one of you artistes can make a director’s cut with just Sun Dress Blond?

12:29 pm July, 4 Douchble Helix said...

Anybody know what all this shit means?

http://et.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kutse_tantsule

12:34 pm July, 4 Douchble Helix said...

Jewllar Jörberg

12:35 pm July, 4 DoucheWeasel said...

In Estonia, doucbagery is often confused for machismo….

12:47 pm July, 4 Choad The Douche Sprocket said...

@Double Helix: It means deep in your alpaca-loving heart, you yearn to be Latvian.

12:48 pm July, 4 Choad The Douche Sprocket said...

Sorry @Douchable Helix….spelling’s a bitch after a case of wine, all-night partying at the Rhino and searching in vain for what’s left of my dignity (and wallet).

12:52 pm July, 4 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

In Estonia the douche dances you?

1:00 pm July, 4 Vin Douchal said...

Need my blinky boots, soon
Need my blinky boots, soon
Need my blinky boots, soon

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….and some Ban du Soliel

1:34 pm July, 4 Douchble Helix said...

Nobody ever sampled Sanford and Son before, so they got that going for them.

Beady eyed foo’s.

2:34 pm July, 4 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

My right nipple has been sensitive since Thursday.

3:58 pm July, 4 Nancy Dreuche said...

^A typical symptom of PMS. Nothing to worry about.

4:44 pm July, 4 UFO Destroyers said...

Okay, I let the video play while I read the comments up to here. Are the four “dancers” even listening to the same song?
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As a bonus when it ended and the embedded YouTube videos came up, another of Üllar’s masterpieces had some white bikini pear. Of course the singing was unintelligible, but sounded something like Roger Miller on a Wild Turkey bender in Finnish.
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Happy 4th to all you hatters.

4:46 pm July, 4 UFO Destroyers said...

Red dress is an extra from the 1983 Robert Palmer/Northern Lights Tour Live from Riga.

8:33 pm July, 4 DarkSock said...

@ RevChad 12:11 pm:
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GET OUT OF MY HEAD
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And RC Cola™ is every bit as good as Pepsi™. But not as good as Co-Coler™
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sisters
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Time to strafe teh barges…who says you can’t pilot a boat drunk at night? Fast?

8:39 pm July, 4 DarkSock said...

And DAMMIT just because I have 4 kids doesn’t make me Catholic! If you want stereotypes read the thread below!
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Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go eat some corn pone and chitlin’s while I sweat profusely and glare into the camera all sweaty-like.
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Far-Crakkas…Happy Fourth! Or in the case of me, RevChad and Mr. Scrotato Head, HAPPY FIFTH!!!

8:51 pm July, 4 ehcuodouche said...

Oh, and Joey Chesnutt ate 62 hot dogs today.

8:58 pm July, 4 Stephanie said...

He needs a bottle rocket up the ass,happy 4th!

11:28 pm July, 4 Floppy Dick said...

Red dress is hot, oh yeh!

12:02 am July, 5 Steve L. said...

if floral dress and red dress dance like that when they’re having sex, that’d be kinda sexy in a goofy way.
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damn. now i have to shoot the monitor. i keep telling myself not to.

12:06 am July, 5 Brooke said...

Hell yes, i want write something like this but didnt learn time, may i repost this üllar jörberg’s Mustache Says light-hearted July 4th! « Hot Chicks with Douchebags

6:03 am July, 5 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Avery Brooks X Tom Selleck = Ullar Jordberg

8:02 am July, 5 DarkSock said...

In Soviet Russia, mustache wears you

4:02 pm July, 5 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Let’s give a hand to The Rev Chad dancers and Rev Chad’s dealer for allowing themselves to be trapped in his basement for the entire 4th of July. After passing the stash around several times this was the best video they could come up with. Sorta a modernized version of Ina Gadda Da Vida except the singer is letting us know how much Rev Chad owes him but he’s using looneys instead of dollars.

10:55 pm July, 5 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I just watched that video really stoned and appreciated the high production values. In Soviet Canada, the dealer owes you.

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