Monday, July 25, 2011

Willie and Karen Defy Physics at the Office Party


A six pack of Snausages
to the first poster who can explain to me, using the Hugh Everett Many World Theory of physics, exactly how this image is transpiring according to the known laws of thermodynamics.

A twelve pack of Snausages to anyone who can get Karen’s shy bestie, Mandy, to try tequila for the first time, and then let me fondle her coaster with a feather duster while she’s distracted when the DJ plays “I Gotta Feeling” for the eighteenth time.

# posted by douchebag1
1:35 pm July, 25 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Willie might look like he’s defying gravity and hovering in mid air. But he has slyly snagged Karen’s underwire. That’s about as solid as rigging an anchor into 55 tonnes of granite. He could literally cantilever out and repel to Australia if he had enough rope.

1:35 pm July, 25 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Well Boss, it goes a little something like this…
.
The many worlds theory of quantum mechanics and the laws of thermodynamics are tied together through the concept of informational entropy. You have to kind of think of in terms of what happens when you fall into a black hole i.e. “the suck”. As an observer you’d see me fall forever into “the suck” until I looked like I had stopped. But from my POV I would continue to fall until I was torn asunder by the large gravitational field that is present. At first Steven Hawking said that all my information would be lost forever at this point because there would be no way that I could be put back together again in the same form. But then Leonard Suskind stepped in and said “Whooa Nelly! I think you’re full of shit Stevie-boy and I’ma gonna prove it.” So he went back and said that information is NOT lost due to entropy but kind of displayed in two dimension around the edge of “the suck” and we can find it if we look for it. Stevie said, “No way you bitch Suskind!” and then invoked a many-worlds theory that is popular with string theorists (what a bunch of losers). So Stevie copped out and Suskind is acting like a prima donna, right? That where this pic comes in. Neither of them have any idea but they sure know that some new fundamental theorem must be found in which to not only explain the forces involved here but also why she is with such a douche. So you got that all, right?

1:50 pm July, 25 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I would have tried but the Black Eyed Peas rage you have tossed me into allows me to think in only one are of science at a time, and that is sweet Buzzage. Don’t toke and fly kids.

1:58 pm July, 25 jonezy said...

whatever it is, it’s definitely void of light… and dignity. The black hole of douchebaggery, otherwise known as the Slap di Pesce in parts of Europe, reverberating throughout the cosmos, interconnected and real, but virtually impossible to explain why Mandy is attracted to this force.

2:02 pm July, 25 Troy Tempest said...

the problem with information entropy is that information doesn’t really exist, so you can’t really lose something that wasn’t there in the first place. This doesn’t mean that there is nothing to know, as much as it means that nothing is knowable because knowledge is kind of an “optical illusion” – things exist and the mind creates relations between them. These relations only exist as electrochemical reactions in brains. In fact, nothing is related to anything – everything is an object in and of itself and when one seeks the object in itself, it withdraws due to the reductivism inherent to language. Hence, both Suskind and Hawking are both wrong, but for the wrong reasons. The idea of communication entropy goes back to Shannon in 1948. While his work was very avant garde at the time, it was still part of a modernist totalising system of naive realism. This was long ago blown out of the water, and we are now in more of a mode of “speculative realism”.
And my speculation is that willie is able to maintain his height off the floor by his jet powered poo hole. What we don’t see is what happened 2 seconds later – where they are both sprawled on the floor doing a douchie dry hump in te middle o fth office party with willie screaming to the CEO “YO MR. SHAPIRO! I’m dry humpin’ your nepotistically hired niece only because fucking her for reals would be in poor taste, MUTHAFUCKA!!!!” and then he turns to Karen and yells “Spread those legs of yours bitch and take some of my manly nub rubs! BITCH!!!!”
And of course the next day he’s fired, Karen’s disowned, and it’s all a dreadful mess with parents weeping and all that.

2:31 pm July, 25 Vin Douchal said...

Doc and Troy just made this gal wet
.

2:32 pm July, 25 Vin Douchal said...

.
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But the more important discovery here is : “You can get Snausages at Amazon.com ?!?!?”

2:33 pm July, 25 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Wow! You guys are blowing my mind. Only God knows the true hearts and minds of men being pulled apart.
.
Newtons Figs

2:50 pm July, 25 Southern Scrotic said...

Amy for HOH. Light bends around those sweater puppies.

3:16 pm July, 25 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Troy
.
I think we might be “talking” about different kinds of informational entropy. I believe that we can both agree that everything in the universe that we can sense in some way is made up of matter. What Hawking was originally saying was that information would be lost because it would be sucked into another “world” which would entail losing matter ( a fundamental no-no in both classical and quantum physics). Suskind called bullshit be proving (lots and lots of high-level math) that the information would still be there around the black hole but in a two-dimensional form, kind of like a strip of film (ahhhh, the old days). We could get that information back by examining the film and placing the matter back to its original form. Think of blowing up a building. We can film it and then collect all the pieces of the building. By running the film back, we can put the building back together. All the information was on the film and allows us to not violate the conservation of mass. Hawking pussied out and invoked a separate idea saying that many worlds would be involved and what is “lost” in one world has to be “gained” in another to make sure matter isn’t created or destroyed. Total cop out if you ask me. He’s starting to buy into this string theory shit that isn’t at all provable in the slightest. Well, unless you believe in a 9, or is it now up to 10, dimensional world. Sure their math works or a lot of things but their theory is completely unprovable. I told my wife that if somebody can prove we live in more than 4 dimensions while I’m still alive that I would eat my dog’s shit for three meals a day for the rest of my life and stop doing science forever. Any takers? I’ll even give 3,000,000 to 1 odds.

4:02 pm July, 25 Manager of the Quarter said...

Dudes sporting nipslip and glasses. Anybody else turned on right now?

4:07 pm July, 25 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I’d like more informational entropy about that nerd girl with the hoo-has.

4:28 pm July, 25 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Dr Bunsen….I once attended a friendly debate between Suskind and Wm F Buckley back in my college days…yea, the information is still flying around, likely in the form of bullshit, now that Buckley has passed on too..
But for the main point here, why offer Snausages to the “winner” DB1? I can vouch that I am no dog, nor are most of the other posters here, but we might enjoy some Puperoni with our porch beef jerky.

4:33 pm July, 25 idfma said...

Okay, you guys did some solid work–way over my head, but I’m going to slash this one with Occam’s Razor:
.
He’s holding onto the rail behind Karen and the doucheness cannot be explained by science. DB1, let me know how to get you my information for my snausages. Thanks.

4:38 pm July, 25 Manager of the Quarter said...

I prefer Pupperoni as well. Less salt and more dignified.

4:40 pm July, 25 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Everyone
.
Sorry ’bout the uber-super-nerdyness of my previous posts but it is exactly this kind of stuff that sets off my science hornyness meter. The fact that we have found out so much but still don’t know A LOT is fascinating. For me at least.
.
.
.
And now back to your regularly scheduled mocking.

6:02 pm July, 25 BuddyLembeck said...

That douche is actually in orbit around that chick’s ass.

6:36 pm July, 25 Charles said...

^Typical Buddy statement.

6:45 pm July, 25 Troy Tempest said...

@ Dr B:

No. In my understanding of things there is no matter or energy. Matter is simply “frozen” energy. (Einstein e=mc^2)

Something plops into a black hole it eventually radiates out at the quantum level as hawking radiation in a billion trillion years or so. The black hole evapourates, and all the matter is released as energy. You don’t lose anything except the configuration of energy as matter in the object that fell into the black hole. I intensely dislike people talking about “the information universe” and treating te “brain as a computer” because its just this technological fetishism that has been going on for centuries – viz. the clockwork universe of the 18th century.

The universe has no information. There is no information. There is no matter. There is no energy. There is just THIS and our feeble human attempts at understanding it, something we were not built to do. We call this MATTER and that ENERGY. They are objects, and when we go to examine them, they retreat. Read Harmon, Bogost, and Melliasoux.

7:53 pm July, 25 Douchetastic Sam said...

Is the mere fact of being a Harley enthusiast and rider an autodouche signifier?

7:53 pm July, 25 Mr. White said...

Forget all this quantum noise–this picture simply demonstrates classical, Newtonian physics at work. Karen’s alluring-yet-meaty-yet-powerful thighs are simply capable of exerting enough force in the proper direction to perfectly counteract the force of Willie being pulled down by gravity. Interestingly in this case, the vector showing Karen’s opposing force originates at her crotch and points directly toward Mandy’s head. I’ll let the philosophers sort that one out.
.
.
.
Also, Karen can kegel a hole in space and time.
.
.
And thanks to the name tag in VIn’s picture, I now have someone to cyberstalk.

8:33 pm July, 25 idfma said...

@Douchetastic–I don’t know if it’s autodouche, but it is definitely a signifier, and dangerously close. However, there are some really scary, non-douche (if still evil) mf’s who ride harleys.

8:42 pm July, 25 Doucheywallnuts said...

All this science talk made me lose my boner.

12:51 am July, 26 Steve L. said...

is anyone still talking about Karen’s shy bestie Mandy?
.
because i totally want to introduce her to Everclear 190.
.
or absinthe.

12:52 am July, 26 Steve L. said...







FUCK. okay i’ll introduce her to tequila.

4:38 am July, 26 Roswell said...

erebus yes, i fail write a portio somebody like this excepting didnt effect time, may i repost this Willie and Karen Defy affectionate philosophy at the Office Party « Hot Chicks with Douchebags

4:45 am July, 26 Douchble Helix said...

How’s this nerds?:
.
The. Floor. Is. Painted, Black?

6:00 am July, 26 Nerds said...

Was it red before?

6:50 am July, 26 Plowboy said...

Dr. Bunsen, you had me at thermodynamics…

9:34 am July, 26 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Troy
.
I love the exchange of ideas we’re having about this. Maybe we should continue this off-line (if you so desire). I think you got to the heart of it when you said “You don’t lose anything except the configuration of energy as matter in the object that fell into the black hole.” EXACTLY! That “configuration of energy” is the information in and of itself that would have been lost. I looked at some stuff from Bogost, and Melliasoux (and his refutation of Kant’s ideas) but it seems like they are more concerned with the ideas and naming of ideas of information as opposed to what a more (for lack of a better term) sciencey definition of things. Might I suggest you look here and here. I will admit that I may not understand our differences with this idea but I’m always open for discussion.

9:36 am July, 26 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Hey Boss
.
Are you ever gonna let us know who gets the Snausages? My doggie would L-O-V-E them!

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