Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Ask DB1: Pumping Orange?

—–
Hey db1,

I have a question regarding the performative leniency rule.

I’ve noticed an influx of pumped up, greased up bodybuilders making their way onto the site.

While indeed ‘roided and oranged out to the point of oblivion, do they not get leniency for what their “profession” demands? That is, sure they look like fools, but no more so than your average pro wrestler. All that orange, grease, make-up, and ridiculous clothing has got to be some part performance, right?

So while the obvious doucheosity is strong in these guys (and girls), how come performative leniency doesn’t apply here?

Cheers,

Douche of Arabia

———

Excellent question, D of A. The Performative Leniency Rule, as it’s currently interpreted by the Ancient Mystics of Uttar Pradesh, relates to an element of theatricality understood in the construction of the douchal persona as it relates to character work and fictive settings.

For example: Wrestling. The W.W.E. is scripted melodrama, albeit within culturally acceptable crypto-gay undertones. The W.W.E requires characters to perform as “douchebags,” so to call them douchebags is simply wrong. They are paid to perform as actors. While the damage they do via steroids, etc, is mockable, their actions as “douchebags” are not. It is performance.

Similarly in music, the personas of stage performance often require elaborate and theatrical dress. Thus calling Keith Richards douchey for wearing crap in his hair, when it’s part of his mythos, is similarly misguided.

Bodybuilding, lacking any coherent form of narrative, is about pure spectacle. The nature of douche culture, the spectacle of the cartoonish in the age of media overstimulation, thereby allows bodybuilding douchery to emerge as legitimate mock, even under the rubric of organized sport.

And besides. They’re too orange/burnt umber not to laugh at.

That being said, the Mark Mark lookin’ dude pictured here is a classic example that not all bodybuilders are douchey. In fact, I’d probably give him a nottadouche, and then be terrified to flirt with Stephanie lest he kick my ass when he got back from the bathroom.

So all pumped up inflatathons are not autobag. So let it be written. So let it be done.

# posted by douchebag1
11:17 am August, 24 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

That singer from Sugar Ray sure has had a lot of spare time on his hand.

11:20 am August, 24 schlicht bindenburger said...

damn that broad is butt…as in lacking one! YOU CUNTS!

11:24 am August, 24 This Chick's Mom said...

Groin veins that are not on the penis themselves don’t really do it for me.

11:34 am August, 24 Choad The Douche Sprocket said...

He’s actually prettier than she is….because she is a he.

11:37 am August, 24 Mandouchian Candidate said...

You just had to sneak in Poppa Squatter again didn’t you. I just want to go one day where the orangest/burnt umberist thing I see is my own corn laden fudgedragon, as it rests comfortably, wrapped around the bottom of the bowl a few times…

11:38 am August, 24 Mandouchian Candidate said...

And does she get a discount on assless chaps?

11:39 am August, 24 Choad The Douche Sprocket said...

Look at the evidence! (and ignore the fake cans)
.
.> no hips
.
.> slight bulge in the crotch region
.
.> Fred Gwynne face
.
.> vein-y arms….
.
.Geez DB1….it’s not like you to get fooled transgenderly like that..
.
.Of course, that doesn’t mean @Rev Chad doesn’t want to do the horizontal mambo with him/her….just that the rest of us discriminating sorts don’t appreciate the bait and switch.
.
.
.Wayne’s Newtons

11:39 am August, 24 Mandouchian Candidate said...

She has less ass than most infants.

11:40 am August, 24 Mandouchian Candidate said...

She has more dick than most infants.

11:41 am August, 24 Mandouchian Candidate said...

She has less feminine features than Mickey Rourke.

11:41 am August, 24 Mandouchian Candidate said...

She has more masculine features than Mickey Rourke.

11:44 am August, 24 Mandouchian Candidate said...

And Poppa Squatter is darker than the black guy in the Alternate reality picture… Damn you Poppa Squatter.

11:45 am August, 24 schlicht bindenburger said...

i believe he/she is celine dion!

11:46 am August, 24 This Chick's Mom said...

Check out those veiny arms on the guy on the right!

11:46 am August, 24 schlicht bindenburger said...

… i mean ….she/he, YOU CUNTS!

11:54 am August, 24 This Chick's Mom said...

I bet right dude loves anal.

11:58 am August, 24 Mandouchian Candidate said...

I bet left dude likes Anal too… especially the transition move from pitcher to catcher.

12:09 pm August, 24 Chumanominom said...

I stand here alone with my extra pulp OJ ready to spritz Ms. Stephanie.
.
that is my final answer

12:12 pm August, 24 Chumanominom said...

…. she does have the ass of a potato …
.
nevermind
.
my new final answer

12:31 pm August, 24 Vin Douchal said...

These guys are exuclting in adulation, look at the way they are waving to their multitudes spread out far and wide

12:52 pm August, 24 This Chick's Mom said...

@ Vin, sad thing is there is probably noone within their immediate area.
.
.
Disillusioned Alphas

12:55 pm August, 24 Et Tu Douche? said...

Let it be known that there is NOTHING douchey about Keef Richards.

1:03 pm August, 24 Vin Douchal said...

Talking Fried Eggs say :


.
“Sorry, this guy is douche”

1:08 pm August, 24 This Chick's Mom said...

@Et Tu. His doucheyness lies in the extreme drug use and disregard for personal hygiene, but other than that dude is my guitar hero. I sure as hell wouldn’t marry him, but I’ll dance naked in the shower to him.
.
.
.
Catch TwentyJews

1:11 pm August, 24 Retard said...

It’s not the time in the gym that’s the problem. It’s the need to rip their shirt off & show it to everone first chance they get. At least this roidbag doesn’t have any pathetic trendy ink.

1:21 pm August, 24 Stephanie said...

If he’s in a wrestling ring sure,wearing tights,etc,but armpit at the beach and showing off? That’s pure douche,sir.

1:23 pm August, 24 Et Tu Douche? said...

@ This Chick’s Mom,
You’re out of your mind!!!!!!!, Keef = NOTTA regardless of hygiene and alleged extreme drug usage.

1:27 pm August, 24 DoucheyWallnuts said...

GSR, hospitality tent at a some kind of pool bar, bleeth of undermined gender all indicate DOUCHEBAG!
.
And that is one dirty GrannyTrannyBleeth.

1:28 pm August, 24 pyrpylkyrtynz said...

Hey, I EARNED this body, and I’ll be GODDAMNED if I have to hide it becase of your club policy
JUST TRY TO THROW ME OUT, BITCH
Bouncer is off duty cop
asks again nicely
is pushed
attempts to identify himself
is pushed again
two more bouncers wrestle deeb to the ground
he’s arrested
goes to jail
where he can really impress
and get the kind of ass he really wants

1:54 pm August, 24 Bret Easton Douchis said...

If we accept the “professional exception” of body builders from our definition of douche bag, then we have to ask when the line gets crossed into The Douche. Is it:
a) At the first garish tatt in a troubling location?
b) Dabbling in Ed Hardy/Audigier?
c) Displays of “the shocker” or other douche hand signifiers?
When does a mere “Closet of Poo” body building monster slip into Douche Territory?

1:55 pm August, 24 Bret Easton Douchis said...

ETD, you’re right….Keef Richards has absolutely no douche in him (and neither does Mojo Nixon).

2:19 pm August, 24 DouchYouWannaDance said...

Much simpler answer: Jack LaLane was not a douchebag, thereby demonstrating that one need not be a Douchebag to be a bodybuilder.

2:23 pm August, 24 This Chick's Mom said...

@Et Tu, would you have his retarded drug babies? Yeah. That’s what I thought.

4:08 pm August, 24 Jeet Kune Douche said...

Me suspecteth that Mark Mark the Nardo-dork and his squeeze Stephanie may be health fanatics try to fend off encroaching geezerage.
To wit:
Nardo-dork is rather nondouchey – except for that fuckin’ faux-polynesian necklace – but is clearly steroidially laced with veinage that evokes science fiction horror flicks of people exploding from an internal erruption of alien worms.
And Stephanie – succulent as she is – has quite a pronounced eyeliner. Furthermore: note carefully her left hand and arm. Wizened haggitude doth cast a shadow over her otherwise delectable accoutrements, ’tis sure.

6:38 pm August, 24 Baron Von Goolo said...

Let’s take a look at Stephanie.
Okay, what have we got here…
Long, thick, healthy hair – the kind any man likes to see spread across a pillow…
Come hither stare…good, good…
Coquettish smile…excellent…
Flawless, tattoo-free skin over supple shoulders…
Massive yet not quite unbelievably massive breasts…always a crowd pleaser…
Taut, flat tummy…
aaaaand creepy, overly-veiny, possessed Evil Dead II hand.
.
I’m in.

7:22 pm August, 24 Chris in 'Baghdad said...

Stephanie (“I’m thirty something but not telling you how many”) is giving me Bangkok Eye of Coitus…but I’m not buying.

6:27 am August, 25 Hurl Scheibe said...

The gentleman on the right is known in Thailand as a Lady Boy.

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