Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Beachclowns Discover The Pear

Next up: Beachclowns discover The Boobs.

It’s like a Summer ‘Bagling How-To Guide that mediates between discovering puberty and buying stupid hats.

Thankfully, they’ve pre-coded their backs with I.D. tattoos, so assimilation can proceed more effectively when Soylent Green production ramps up in the Fall.

# posted by douchebag1
7:00 am August, 24 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

She’s already discovered puberty. Soylent Green is Boobies!

7:15 am August, 24 Chris in 'Baghdad said...

Like donkeys looking at the Space Shuttle: they have no clue what it is, how it’s used, or its sensational utility value.

7:18 am August, 24 DoucheyWallnuts said...

I was going to vote, Notta until I saw the second picture. She’s Jailbait Hott….Although I think if she has implants the age of consent is waived.

7:22 am August, 24 Ted Brogan said...

She’s hott for sure. But the choice of ridiculous implants is unfortunate.

7:35 am August, 24 Mandouchian Candidate said...

You would think if a chick was fortunate/crafty/golddiggy enough to attain fake boobs, she would have got them a little higher. I think these puppies may just be the real mccoy. And by real mccoy, I mean good jizz landing strip.
*
She is girl next door sensational and I would hide under her bed for days just to drink the sweat I wring out of her jogbra/tennis skirt combo.

7:58 am August, 24 Mr. White said...

The overwhelming douchosity of these two pics is what caused the East Coast earthquake.
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And since she’s clearly into degradation, Medusa and I have a large plastic bucket and some flexi-cuffs I think she would enjoy.
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geologists

8:00 am August, 24 Douchey Lewis and the News said...

I am envious of those white sunglasses…

8:44 am August, 24 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Medusa and I have a large plastic bucket and some flexi-cuffs I think she would enjoy.
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Your ideas are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

8:50 am August, 24 Choad The Douche Sprocket said...

I’m with @Douchey Wallnuts on this one. She is one tasty piece of bikini pie, and regardless of age, when fake cans get that boobilicious, even Judge Roy Bean would give a pass to anyone pulled into their orbit and tempted…nay FORCED to fondle them and her other nether regions.

9:01 am August, 24 UFO Destroyers said...

Just as in a recent posting, we deconstructed how we could tell a young “lady” had gotten some work, we shall now do the constructing to show how this tasty piece of 5 to 10 has realsies.
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1. Notice in both pictures there is not a hint of rib, clavicle, or sternum showing. Probably still a little bit of baby fat.
2. Notice the full facial features and roundness of cheeks.
3. Notice the full roundness of the other cheeks and lack of pelvic protusion from hip area.
4. Still smiling when the clowns are around means too young to know better.
5. I says so because I want them to be real and she still has a chance to be rescued. If that means a “rehab period” with Medusa and Mr. White, so be it.

9:07 am August, 24 jonezy said...

btw, I’ve said it before, but dudes with white sunglasses frames- autodouche if you ask me. Same for spotless white shoes that aren’t sneakers.
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If I had email, maybe I’d send the inquiry to DB1 for his monthly “is it autodouchery” post.
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side note: I recently had to re-enlist in a club that I was part of in high school. It was a weird situation where they couldn’t let me re-sign up because I didn’t have an email or password but I already had a membership number. Kind of odd when pre-email days collide with current times.

9:19 am August, 24 schlicht bindenburger said...

those boys are in for an rude awakening! once the chemicals in the monster beverages turn their stack of buttons into soggy noodles and rot what is left of their brain, pointing at sweet ass,and not knowing what it is, will be the least of their worries.

9:20 am August, 24 Anonymous said...

Boobies and Pear! Oh my!

9:21 am August, 24 schlicht bindenburger said...

if she’s pushing 17 thats good nuff fer me. YOU CUNTS!

9:28 am August, 24 Baron Von Goolo said...

Gawddammit. By the time you’ve boiled the beachclown out of it, Soylent tastes like wet cardboard. Guess I’ma hafta go native and rustle me up some hobos for the long winter.

9:37 am August, 24 Anonymous said...

@schlicht, keep trying dude, but I’ve got this mellow on lockdown. BUTTER BALLS!

9:53 am August, 24 Ferris said...

Bagling on the left is confused because he feels a tingling in his privates ant wonders if its related to his recently sprouted “big-boy hairs.” I would let 1974 Nolan Ryan throw sea urchins at my groin just for the chance to stare at the impression her chest monuments leave in the sand.

10:51 am August, 24 Bret Easton Douchis said...

She is tasty.

The collective thoughts of these barely pubescent human skid marks would make the Marquis de Sade blush.

10:54 am August, 24 Chumanominom said...

sand in the clam … definitely sand in the clam

11:02 am August, 24 Magnum Douche P. I. said...

Can’t wait til this girl’s mom joins in the thread to tell us what a bunch of dirty pigs we are and what a good girl her sweet daughter is. Then someone stumbles upon her portfolio at model mayhem and all shit breaks loose.

11:06 am August, 24 Anonymous said...

@Bret, pretty sure its nothing more than chants of Boobies and Asspear going on up there. Pretty standard issue DB thought process. Occasionally, something interesting about the Schwarzchild Radius pops up.

11:11 am August, 24 This Chick's Mom said...

My daughters a whore. Have at her pervs.

11:45 am August, 24 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Her bff had to be taking this picture. How do I know? It seems that most wimmin have a problem using the rule of thirds when taking pictures. Notice all the ocean and sky to the left and the ‘baglings up top? Yep, that’s the tell tale sign. For all we know she could look like this.

12:24 pm August, 24 This Chick's Mom said...

Er, I mean I am outraged and shit.. Lawsuit and what not.

1:07 pm August, 24 Rick Derris said...

Those guys are complete f-ing douchebags. I won’t be surprised if they end up in the local police blotter for rohypnol possession, date rape and gang-buggery of the smallest bro-migo.

1:15 pm August, 24 Wheezer said...

Chumanominom said…
sand in the clam … definitely sand in the clam

.
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That sad song always makes me cry salty fuccen tears…..

1:22 pm August, 24 Wheezer said...

Re: “Discover the boobs”
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Sooooo…..they tattooed “Winning” on their backs, I assume in reference to Charlie Sheen’s not-quite-recent assclownery.
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(grinds teeth together)
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Will this whole fascination with instant gratification E V E R disappear? Sure, we like to see ass pear on Fridays and would probably prefer it to even Friday Haiku on Fridays, and even Rebecca Black’s “Friday” or T.G.I. Fridays, or…..sorry, I was careening into Ellen Degeneres territory there…..
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OK, if people want to get tatts, they’re old enough to do so, have the disposable income, etc. etc. then fine. But why that one????? It’s already beyond dated, just like the “Winning” and “Tiger Blood” graphic t-shirts no doubt constantly in the dirty laundry their mothers have to pick up off the basement floors.
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Yes, my generic insults were metaphorical. I may suck at it, but hey, it fits.

1:27 pm August, 24 Stephanie said...

All they get to do is look and point like monkeys. Then it’s home in bed under the covers with a magazine.

6:49 pm August, 24 Baron Von Goolo said...

Kids today. Like they’ve never seen a turtlehead coming out of a thong before.

6:23 am August, 25 Guid is Good said...

These Beachclowns don’t deserve pear. Shame about the bolt-ons.

9:16 am August, 25 Douchetastic Sam said...

It’s a real shame that Wank Wankerson and the Wankmaster Baiters will never experience the hotness that is Plumpified Perfection. Screw the wankers anyhow.

2:55 pm August, 25 Collaz B. Popped said...

I dont understand the douche on the far left’s pose.

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