Thursday, August 4, 2011

Breaking: Football non-legend Jeff Reed Still Has A Job

In breaking sports news, defending two time Douchiest Athlete of the Year (2009 and 2010) and former Pittsburgh Steelers layabout, Jeff Reed has been signed by The Seattle Seahawks, bringing his patented brand of doucheclownery to the Pacific Northwest.

The Reedbag first became noted for drunken, shirtless barbaggery back in 2007. Reed Vegased it up in 2008, and his career peaked with his Tom Hanks like back-to-backs at the 2009 and 2010 Douchie Awards.

And here we thought baseballer Brian Wilson of the S.F. Giants, The Jets’ Mark Sanchez, NHL’er Brandon Prust or Dallas Cowboy’s Dez Bryant might have a shot.

Looks like the Reedbag could go for the NFL Douche Trifecta, a run of douchebaggery not seen in the league since early 90s Deon Sanders.

And in sad football news, R.I.P to the great football player and star of the “Police Academy” movies, Bubba Smith. Here’s hoping the great Hightower will finally get time to tend to his florist shop in the sky.

# posted by douchebag1
5:26 pm August, 4 mandouchian candidate said...

As a Steelers Fan, allow me to extend these heartfealt words to one Mr. Jeffery Reid.
*
“Fuck you. Eat a bag of dicks. And please enjoy your next 8-10 weeks in the Pacific Northwest, and than when you get cut, please keep going West.”

5:43 pm August, 4 Megan's Shorts said...

Being dumb, drunk and and a Seahawk is no way to go through life…

6:08 pm August, 4 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

What ever happened to Jeff Reed Towel Dispenser?

6:13 pm August, 4 Grand Douchemeister said...

I think you’re being a bit hard on Brian Wilson there. Yes, the shirt is pure douche, but he’s actually a pretty funny guy with with an offbeat sense of humor.

I know, I know, defending the douchewear is never a good idea, but I’m willing to put my rep on the line and say Wilson is definite nottadouche.

Wait, I don’t have any rep.

Okay, then ummmm my collection of hand-painted portraits of obscure Transformers.

6:34 pm August, 4 Anonymous Pro-Tipster said...

Yeah, where is Jeff Reed Towel Dispenser? And thank Jeeves this asstool is more than 50 miles away from me now. Go douche up Seattle, like 4 Prong hath before you Jeff.

6:37 pm August, 4 Soy bomb said...

Not Seattle! Nooooooooo! It’s a sweet city s’all.

6:40 pm August, 4 Soy bomb said...

“ass tool” FTW
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Winos.

6:46 pm August, 4 Anonymous Pro-Tipster said...

When do the 3-Peat shirts go into production? Or maybe 3-Tarded would be better. Its cool DB1, you can use that if you want. I won’t go all DB1 on you if you do.

6:48 pm August, 4 schlicht bindenburger said...

doooshbaggerie originated from sports…gooogle it!

7:05 pm August, 4 Vin Douchal said...

AJ Burnett is a huge douche. His after game interview last night showed him sporting silver dime sized earrings that a homeless woman in Bed-Sty reported missing , the hair gel was thick and greasy , and you can easily see his horrible tatts poking out of his sleeves.
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It’s a shame we don’t get to hammer that meatballer this weekend in Fenway

7:09 pm August, 4 Anonymous Pro-Tipster said...

@schlict, I wouldn’t go that far. Pro Sports just provides a somewhat controlled environment where it is accepted and often times rewarded. For every douchebag there is a normal athlete who realizes how lucky they are to be getting paid for what they do. Unfortunately we don’t hear as much about those guys.

7:59 pm August, 4 Vin Douchal said...

@ A P-T : Yes we do hear about them , all winter long. They play in the NHL

8:06 pm August, 4 schlicht bindenburger said...

@vin…you’re hittin the ball outta the park! good one!

8:16 pm August, 4 creature said...

there you have it Pfah!
…& what about Matthew Stafford, boss?

9:34 pm August, 4 Wedgie said...

Is that a testicle on his chin?

9:36 pm August, 4 Chris in 'Baghdad said...

ReedBag will be the First inductee in the yet-to-be-established Douchebag Sports Hall of Fame. Different team, same ‘Bag.

10:29 pm August, 4 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

It has recently been proven that homo sapiens and Neanderthal man inter-bred. However, from the looks of Jeff Reed, his branch of humans interbred with baboons.
Which would explain at least one thang ( besides his nose and upper lip ratio to the rest of his face): Baboons don’t take no shit from nobody.

7:22 am August, 5 Et Tu Douche? said...

want to thank the Boss for mentioning Bubba Smith. Here he is starring with my hero.
RIP Spare Tire Dixon. John Largeman approves
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_BJ7-_-omnU
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John Largeman approves

7:42 am August, 5 Bueller said...

Oh Dear god. We already have an over abundance of hipster douche in Seattle…we don’t need the full on East Coast douche infecting the beautiful NW.

9:02 am August, 5 Collaz B. Popped said...

Any guy that goes fat, drunk and shirtless at a bar,,,with that Pauly D hair style,,,,and is a pro athlete?
AUTO DOUCHE.

9:24 am August, 5 Doucheophobic said...

@Grand D. Wilson not a Douche??? I beg to differ.
http://content.usatoday.com/communities/gameon/post/2011/07/brian-wilson-skin-tight-tuxedo-espys/1

He’s UberDouche

3:27 pm August, 6 Stephanie said...

Going to sports bars and getting ugly people to love you is no way to go through life,son…

12:46 pm August, 8 Schnappies said...

I concur with Grand Douchemeister…Brian Wilson’s just a crazy guy, not really a douchebag at all.

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