Saturday, August 27, 2011

Comment of the Week: Hermit

As the DB1 battens down the hatches in preparation for something or other in NYC, the always creative ‘bag slaying linguistic thespian Hermit wins the coveted Comment of the Week for summing up the absurdities of life in the face of nature with this elegiac riff:

——
DB1 has bought-out all the Ho-Ho’s, Mr’ Pibb and fortified wine for twelve blocks in each direction as he prepares for an extended power outage and the subsequent rioting and apocalyptic sex romps which are certain to take place in the squalid gutters and debris-strewn alleyways of The Big Apple.
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Back here in mid-west Amërïkä it’s summertime and the living ain’t easy. We struggle through the sweltering heat to preserve our tomatoes and other semi-rotted vegetables over electric ranges and the overheated engines of abandoned Buick’s.
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The squatters and homeless families which have begun to inhabit the forclosed houses are the twenty-first century’s New Pioneers, blazing trails with the desparate conflagrations of a thousand meth pipes.
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I prefer to do my food-processing naked, with my moderate, secular-sized cock bouncing along the counter top like a happy tuna at a minstrel show.

——

# posted by douchebag1
12:28 pm August, 27 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I never thought of Hermit as a noodly lesbian. I’m at the projected outer, outer, band of the hurricane and am getting prepared for tomorrows wrath with a clean BBQ and marinating steaks and doobies. The Canadian Army has called out it’s soldier in case of riots.
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Imperialist Christian Dogs

12:35 pm August, 27 Anonymous said...

Hermit for HOMP (Hall of My Pants).

12:53 pm August, 27 Doucheywallnuts said...

^wtf?
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Despite warnings of armageddon it really isn’t even raining in central jersey…lame ass NYC ABC affiliate is calling it a historic day with live shots of central park like it’s a fuccing parade about to start…fucwit female anchor woman calling it a “historic day” and mayor Bloomberg at his “presser” talking about minutiae of the emergency services operations. I really think these asshats want a catastrophic event so they can cover something other than the horrendous economy and our incompetent government.

12:55 pm August, 27 Doucheywallnuts said...

BTW I stocked up in limes, tonic and Tanqueray so let that fat bitch Irene do her best…I’m pouring…

1:08 pm August, 27 Doucheywallnuts said...

Update: The NY Governor, scion of the corrupt Cuomo/Kennedy political machine, is calling in the National Guard even though it isn’t raining yet. Look out the window azzhole!

1:10 pm August, 27 I douche, therefore I am said...

Doucheywallnuts, have you ever tried cuccumber with your Gin Tonic?

Concerning Hermit: I am awed by just about every single post that fine eremite blesses us with.

1:28 pm August, 27 Yanno said...

Shit, I’d use a hurricane as an excuse for fucking in the street. Hell, Im ready to go when the plumber shuts my water off for an hour.

1:29 pm August, 27 Stephanie said...

It’s a hat party. Whoo!
I feel like I’m getting passed over as comment of the week,and it’s hurting my self esteem a little bit. I’ll get over it though,It must be because I’m the only women on here fighting the fight. Where’s Dicy?

1:34 pm August, 27 hermit android thumbs said...

It’s not easy being a thespian trapped in a man’s body.

1:41 pm August, 27 Anonymous said...

@Stephanie. It’s because you have a vulva. It freaks them out.

1:57 pm August, 27 Doucheywallnuts said...

@ I Douche

Regarding cucumbers, I use them when I am mixing with Hendricks Gin. Have you tried G-vine Gin? It has a hint of lime, so nice…good for martinis or G&Ts.

2:54 pm August, 27 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

^ I second Mr.Wallnuts assertion that this is a spectacle of political diversion. I must however unsecond his choice of gin although it is a classic. I don’t always drink martinis, but when do I prefer Bombay Sapphire dirty martinis with 8 olives. Stay salty my friends.
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Ginboots

4:11 pm August, 27 Doucheywallnuts said...

The last time I had Bombay Saphire was at the Rainbow Room in NYC around 18 years ago. Five in about two hours. When I was settling up the tab I lost the ability to count. Moments later I lost the ability to keep my inner monologue silent and insulted a vast swath of blue haired, old monied types on the way to, and on the way down, the elevator. Ever since, Bombay has been on the ” do not buy” list….make mine Tanqueray….stay drunk my friends.
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Junipers

4:23 pm August, 27 Douchie Arnaz said...

Hermit needs to learn how to use a fucking apostrophe (and when not to use it).

5:24 pm August, 27 Anonymous said...

@spam, Do you have anything with lipstick thespians in it?

6:36 pm August, 27 Mr. White said...

I see you, Sarah the Semitic Princess on the right in the blue sweater. Our names were close together in the alphabet–your last name started with “Cl” and mine with “Co”–so I spent many days in homeroom staring at your perfect teen butt. Remember those stretchy black pants you had? Oh, I remember. But I was a shy young boy, so I never told you how I wanted to plunder you sexually.
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Plus you seemed kind of uptight, so that approach probably wouldn’t have worked anyway.
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But now here you are again. I’m older, wiser, and more successful now, and since I’m in relatively good health, my cocck still works. So what say you and I….wait, what? That’s not you, that’s your daughter, Shalome?
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Um….
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Shalome, I work in education. I’d like to sit in on one of your high school classes. Please let your teacher know. And save the seat behind you for me. Yesss…..

5:34 am August, 28 Wheezer said...

Let’s see…..would you rather look at links for “underage nudes” (as our lovely spammer has provided)…..
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…..or make up captions for Hipster Baristas?
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You decide.
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.
.
.
.
.
.
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Irene is a bleeth!

5:43 am August, 28 The Dude said...

Watching CNN’s coverage of the hurricane, I wish one of these twits standing out in the middle of it would get swept away and fish slap a skyscraper.
.
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Really fuckn stupid

6:59 am August, 28 Sir Boo said...

“Buicks” doesn’t have an apostrophe.

7:41 am August, 28 Anonymous said...

@Wheezer. 5:34a. Hahahahahaha! Those snobby ass baristas think they know everything. You know how you shut them up? Just duck the shit outta them.

8:16 am August, 28 Anonymous said...

And then you fuck the shit outta them. Pussy ass autocorrect.

5:52 pm August, 28 creature said...

Hermit, are ya sure thats’ not ‘menstrul’ show?

8:30 pm August, 28 troy tempest said...

Hey darksock – look what I found:

http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/7jrn/#by=sp

5:54 am August, 29 Douche Wayne said...

“Suspect is hatless, repeat, hatless!”
– Chief Clancy WIggum

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