Friday, August 19, 2011

Friday Haiku

“I use Magnums, girls…”
Later they found that he meant
Butt plugs, not condoms.

or:

Jack proudly displays
His daily ampule full of
Horse and mule steroids.

*UPDATE* – See? DarkSock’s failure and procrastination pay off, as usual. Behold the bounty of 5-7-5 Snark:

Magnum goes full Kahn.
Sommelier to the sluts.
I’ll take seven Bra.

— Reverend Chad Kroeger

Not to be outdone,
Dewey’s steroid enhancements,
Compete with Fay’s cans.

— Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt

Vic has a tough choice:
Giant bottle or huge cans
Right chick needs a shave

— saulgoode42

That is how much booze
It would take me to have sex
With him. All of it.

— I give up

Magnum of Cristal
Compensates for one small peen
Dom Perignon weeps

— Choad The Douche Sprocket

Napolean Bone
Overcompensates for peen
“Gimme the big one!”

— Douche Wayne

Here’s the wine cellar
Deep in Mr. White’s basement –
Drink up, you douchebag.

— Medusa Oblongata

Bottle service
means Something very different
To gay porn star here

— Jacques Doucheteau

The midget vintner
Shows babes ” The Roid Rage” pinot
Crushed grapes between legs

— Cool Hand Douche

Big Heaving Bosoms
Narcissism on Display
There Are Girls Here, Too

— DoucheyWallnuts

Jack Lalanne becomes
reincarnated as douche.
Fuccen juicer works?

— Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche

Katie smiles and says,
It will take a more booze than that
Til you flick my bean

— Dude McCrudeshoes

Nipple nipple nip
Nipple nipple nip Nipple…….
nip nipple nipple

— McWhatadouche

One out of the three,
Can deep throat the whole bottle,
Hint: It’s not the blondes

— Condouchious

My dream tale would read:
“Bottle cracked over ‘bag’s head;
‘blondes’ strip, bathe, wrestle.”

— Wheezer

# posted by Bagnonymous
6:59 am August, 19 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Yo. There. Adrienne.
Now yoose all old and broke. Rock
Rolls with the Crystal.

7:01 am August, 19 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Magnum goes full Kahn.
Sommelier to the sluts.
I’ll take seven Bra.

7:02 am August, 19 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

Not to be outdone,
Dewey’s steroid enhancements,
Compete with Fay’s cans.

7:02 am August, 19 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Jeroboam Joe
Is ready to blow. Too much cash
To impress the hotts.

7:04 am August, 19 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Hey ladies!. Let me
Take my shoes off so I can look
You square in the tits.

7:04 am August, 19 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

I’m guessin’ it’s a
bit nippy in the cellar.
And totally Douche.

7:07 am August, 19 Wedgie said...

Five seven and five
Are not enough syllables
To describe this mess

7:07 am August, 19 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I can’t continue.
Lefty’s back arch and Eye of
Coitus made me stiff.

7:09 am August, 19 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

Joe shows the blonde hots
The grease jar he filled this month.
Pecs and hair sweat, man!

7:10 am August, 19 Wedgie said...

Soon to discover
What “anal discomfort” means
Two clueless old MILFs

7:10 am August, 19 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Price Is Right girls day
Off. Head to Sonoma. Make
Sure they neuter Douche.

7:11 am August, 19 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

Joe’s so addicted
to Golden Showers, that he
now bottles his own.

7:11 am August, 19 SonnyChibaChoad said...

Midlife Crisis nears
Bleeths Feeding my Affliction
Bottle full of roids

7:11 am August, 19 saulgoode42 said...

Vic has a tough choice:
Giant bottle or huge cans
Right chick needs a shave

7:12 am August, 19 Wedgie said...

From here, a short trip
To that “Gaping Asses” site
As they will find out

7:12 am August, 19 Douche Wayne said...

“This will fit nicely
now bend over and . . . awe damn”
hot dog down hallway.

7:13 am August, 19 Wedgie said...

Any second they both
Will learn a painful lesson:
What “prolapse” feels like.

7:13 am August, 19 Wedgie said...

^For you, Rev.

7:14 am August, 19 I give up said...

That is how much booze
It would take me to have sex
With him. All of it.

7:15 am August, 19 Choad The Douche Sprocket said...

Botox’d bottle blondes
Envy douche cleavage reveal
One gives moustache rides

7:15 am August, 19 Douche Wayne said...

Keebler Elves decide
to expand cookie empire;
bottled pixie piss.

7:17 am August, 19 Mandouchian Candidate said...

Oldbag buys some hots
Bottle service; it’s on me!
Enjoy STD.

7:17 am August, 19 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

I would like a poke
in the eyes from left hott’s cans.
They look like tire valves.

7:19 am August, 19 Douche Wayne said...

Edgar Allen Poe
penned of walled-in drunken douche
Give me my trowel . . .

7:20 am August, 19 Mandouchian Candidate said...

This guy wears tight pants
So His Odor is contained
Ballsack Smells Like Poo.

7:21 am August, 19 Mandouchian Candidate said...

What the fuck ladies
This bottle wont drink itself
Drink yourselves pretty!

7:22 am August, 19 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

He’s got an eighties
cassette player in his pants??
Douchin’ the Oldies!

7:22 am August, 19 Choad The Douche Sprocket said...

Magnum of Cristal
Compensates for one small peen
Dom Perignon weeps

7:23 am August, 19 Douche Wayne said...

Napolean Bone
Overcompensates for peen
“Gimme the big one!”

7:23 am August, 19 Douche Wayne said...

^ Choad
Great minds, baby, great minds . . .

7:28 am August, 19 I give up said...

This douche landed hotts
By claiming to be photog
Psych! Model Mayhem!

7:30 am August, 19 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

Looks like his shirt says
“Don’t Blow Me”. This is because
he’ll do the blowing.

7:34 am August, 19 Et Tu Douche? said...

I suck at Haiku
Guy is a tool with Milf Bleeth
Wine Cellar now Tainted

7:37 am August, 19 Douche Wayne said...

At end of the night
he will climb the ladder and
sleep in his cubby.

7:43 am August, 19 boone doggle said...

marshmallow candy
wrapped in see through black fabric
i think i see neeps

7:43 am August, 19 Douche Wayne said...

While that’s some bottle
I think the message within
is probably blank.

7:47 am August, 19 Medusa Oblongata said...

Here’s the wine cellar
deep in Mr. White’s basement
drink up, you douchebag.

7:47 am August, 19 Claude Douchenbagger said...

Ladies will you please
do me a special favor?
Jam this up my ass!

7:49 am August, 19 Medusa Oblongata said...

DarkSock’s commercial:
“I don’t always pee in horse.
Stay thirsty, Douchebags.”

7:50 am August, 19 Medusa Oblongata said...

I’m rather obsessed
with drinking pee this morning.
I’ll try something else.

7:52 am August, 19 Medusa Oblongata said...

Sly Stallone’s brother
has special youth elixir.
Damn. It doesn’t work.

7:53 am August, 19 Douche Wayne said...

The family that
golden showers together
will stay together.

7:53 am August, 19 I give up said...

Is this the porno
Rendition of “Sideways” with
Paul Giatwatty?

7:56 am August, 19 I give up said...

Or

Is this the porno
Version of “Sideways” with
Pole Giatwatty?

8:10 am August, 19 Douche Wayne said...

^ It’s called, “Longways”

8:28 am August, 19 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Bottle service means
Something very different
To gay porn star here

8:31 am August, 19 Douche Wayne said...

Douchebag Price Is Right
Showcase Showdown Number One
Bottle, jet-ski and crabs.

8:56 am August, 19 McWhatadouche said...

Without just4men he’s 64
Bottle of HGH for sure
Who cares, nip show on left

9:02 am August, 19 Condouchious said...

Bottle of steroids,
Makes man cleavage prominent,
Matches shriveled balls

9:05 am August, 19 Mayor McDouche said...

He wears nad tight pants
Ladiez are not impressed much
Yo, livin’ the life

9:10 am August, 19 Cool Hand Douche said...

The latest vintage
From Douchlio Gallo smells
Strangely like semen.

9:13 am August, 19 Cool Hand Douche said...

The midget vintner
Shows babes ” The Roid Rage” pinot
Crushed grapes between legs

9:20 am August, 19 schlicht bindenburger said...

lips and asshole! YOU CUNTS!

9:23 am August, 19 Condouchious said...

Bottle is twofold,
Has roids and compensates junk,
I count seven boobs

9:38 am August, 19 I give up said...

@schlicht sphincterburger, that’s only 6-0-0.

9:46 am August, 19 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Big Heaving Bosoms
Narcissism on Display
There Are Girls Here, Too

9:54 am August, 19 Ferris said...

Douche uses bottle
To point out to everyone
That nip is showing

10:05 am August, 19 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Jack Lalanne becomes
reincarnated as douche.
Fuccen juicer works?

10:07 am August, 19 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Grieco virus goes
mutant. Can now infect plants.
Have to swear off wine.

10:15 am August, 19 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Bleeths had no idea
of what Jack meant when he asked
“You like micturation?”

10:18 am August, 19 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

While twatties twitter
Overcompensation Jack
prepares for long night.

10:25 am August, 19 schlicht bindenburger said...

@ i give up… i went to public skool!. YOU CUNTS!

10:25 am August, 19 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Nipples McBoobie
says no to “Spin the Bottle”
’cause it smells like pee.

10:40 am August, 19 Anonymous said...

the wifebeater shirt
in a wine cellar is like
knighting Flavor Flav

10:48 am August, 19 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Katie smiles and says,
It will take a more booze than that
Til you flick my bean

12:06 pm August, 19 DarkSock said...

Sock’s meeting ran looong;
So front-pagers are delayed.
More to choose from! Son.

12:09 pm August, 19 DarkSock said...

They’ll post this evening.
And they will be as epic
As this tool’s booze jug.

12:15 pm August, 19 McWhatadouche said...

Nip nipple nip
Nipple nipple nip
Nipple nip……….nipple

12:25 pm August, 19 Condouchious said...

One out of the three,
Can deep throat the whole bottle,
Hint: It’s not the blondes

12:41 pm August, 19 Ferris said...

@ condouchious – hilarity. You win.

12:43 pm August, 19 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Since when did Waffle
House hire sommeliers? Bleeths
try grits and pinot?

12:54 pm August, 19 Colossus of Choads said...

upper pectorals,
that’s; pectoralis minor,
upper pectorals.

1:25 pm August, 19 Wheezer said...

My dream tale would read:
“Bottle cracked over ‘bag’s head;
‘blondes’ strip, bathe, wrestle.”

1:26 pm August, 19 Wheezer said...

Opportunity
never knocks like this for day
shifters; gotta try…..

1:27 pm August, 19 Wheezer said...

Jagoff LaLanne holds
Great-grandpa’s urine sample;
seeks fountain of youth

1:29 pm August, 19 Wheezer said...

Didn’t read all^ posts…..
sorry if I copy others;
unintentional.

1:29 pm August, 19 Wheezer said...

Ignore 5-8-5^
as it’s a rush job, much like
douchebag’s bedroom skills.

1:33 pm August, 19 Wheezer said...

Left ‘blonde’ has hard nips;
chilled wine cellar pic thrills me,
just ‘Shop out the ‘bag.

1:34 pm August, 19 Wheezer said...

Karen’s Mom and Aunt
will return soon with legal
team for pic takedown

1:35 pm August, 19 Wheezer said...

“More than three straight posts
means you’re playin’ with it”; guess
I’m about to come.

1:36 pm August, 19 Wheezer said...

Old “Oddly Enough”^
rules from Yahoo; they would love
this fuccen site, natch!

1:40 pm August, 19 Wheezer said...

‘Ctrl’ and scroll up:
better view of left’s boobies
and hardened nipples

1:53 pm August, 19 Wheezer said...

At the Belle Mount Stakes,
‘Sock’s meeting ran over like
his love in horse butt.

1:53 pm August, 19 SonnyChibaChoad said...

Lefty Blonde MILF arches
silicon domes peek-a-boo
Methinks it’s a tuck

2:40 pm August, 19 SonnyChibaChoad said...

Dianabol Douche
Twin MILFs Maximum Bubbly
Nebuchadnezzar

2:51 pm August, 19 FoghornLeghorn said...

“Mine is really big”.
The girls didn’t know he meant
his champagne bottle.

3:02 pm August, 19 FoghornLeghorn said...

Spent too much time here.
Read each one of the haikus.
Wheezer cracks me up.

4:14 pm August, 19 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Douche shows off magnum
of wine made from yeast obtained from
Karen’s runny snatch.

8:04 pm August, 19 Elwood BluezBag said...

Daughter to the left of me
Milf is to the right Here i am
Douche in the middle with you

8:22 pm August, 19 SonnyChibaChoad said...

Guidouche hefts magnum
runneth over with Olestra
Leakage then prolapse

2:05 pm August, 20 The Dude said...

“Nipple nipple nip
Nipple nipple nip Nipple…….
nip nipple nipple”

Another keyboard
Gets drenched with coffee instead
Of champagne, dammit!

7:13 pm August, 22 blaster said...

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