Wednesday, August 10, 2011

HCwDB of the Month: The Most Interesting Douchebag In The World and Brittney

He may not always be a douchebag macking on hot chicks. But when he is, he…

Oh, who are we kidding? When is The Most Interesting Douchebag in the World not a douchebag?

A solid victory in the monthly and a slot at the 2011 Douchie Awards in December for our speedo wearing groin shave revealing ubersquat and the tasty suckle thigh in his presence. The voters speak:

Mandouchian Candidate: TMIDBITW brings a whole new level of douchebaggery. Oblivious of his own stench and unaware of his vomit inducing aura, he is the winner, and by winner, I mean most likely to be tied up and drug down the Vegas strip by a foreigner in a Scion.

icame isaw idouched: He doesn’t always suck cock but when does, they call him the Dyson. He’s TMIDBITW and a winner

Guid is Good: Yeah gotta go with teh Most Interesting Douchebag in the World and Brittney. He is all that is roided, veiny and wrong with the world. Plus he’s probably stolen his mum’s diuretics too. Brittney is 6, maybe 12 months away from complete Bleethdom. Too peroxided, too orange. The perfect couple.

Bret Easton Douchis: The Post-Empire Answer is the Douchiest man in the world. He is unrepentently Douche. The bleeth to the left matters little. The Hottie/Douche paradigm is soooooo “Empire Thinking”.

G.C.: interesting douchebag and his legs that never get any steroid-love.

Douche Assassin: steroid-based physique? That’s a check. Strangely thin pin-head? Check. Eurobriefs? What the hell man. Creepy vein/stretch marks originating from his groin shave reveal? I don’t even know what to say. This guy is losing so hard he went past #winning and already won.

Whoop-di-douche: a veritable combo of half-nekkid bods in the glaring sun, “Hey, yo, look at me and my tatts and ripped muscles and tighty swimsuits.”
Time for a dunking.

soy bomb: This is a tough month. I’m just gonna keep it short ‘n sweet and vote for the guy with a hockey puck strapped to his wrist.

tall guy: my vote goes to TMIDBITW and Brittney for their sheer reptilian repulsiveness.

Lady Scatterly: The Most Interesting Doucebag in the World, for his nut huggin shorts with sock and shoe combo. And the whole DB vibe he’s got going on.

Douchey Lewis and the News: He doesn’t always wear shorts, but when he does they are package squishers.

The Reverend Chad Kroeger: He doesn’t always wear a George Michaels type beard. But when he he does, he likes it stroked by a penis.

Wedgie: Seldom do we see the personification of all this site despises contained with such perfection in one photo. His list is complete: GSR, 10 lb. watch, shirtless, marble bag, stupid tatts, etc. Plus, white socks with black shoes thrown in for bonus points. Stupid choad, even in Vegas you don’t make that mistake. She is heavenly, all bikini’d up with high heels; I love her deeply. And by deeply, I mean completely superficial sex lasting all of 36 seconds, if I’m lucky.

Dude McCrudeshoes: “I don’t always sodomize chimpanzees, but when I do, I always take them to dinner first. Stay douchey, my friends.”

Hurl Schelbe: In the end, I went with TMIDITW because of those bitchen GSR Tendons.

Well parsed, team, and TMIDITW jokes celebrate the best ad campaign of 2010 in nicely satirical style. Good work. Coming in a solid second place, the classic jerzwankery of The Broctopus and Melinda:

El Bastardo Magnifico: Broctopus is Busch league Ab Lobster, with a room temperature IQ and the comedic timing of a threshing machine accident. Party Girl Melinda would be equally impressed by a shiny Spongebob keychain and a roll of bubble wrap, and not necessarily both things at once. I don’t want to believe creatures like this are capable of excreting waste without some kind of extensive nine week training program, much less possessing the ability to dress themselves and use language. Here’s to a genetic dead end, gentlemen.

Medusa Oblongata: At least the other three look somewhat content to be in the company of bouncie boobie succle hott. But Broctopus? Squeezing out a Chore-Boy buttplug. And Melinda looks like the chick that I’d have the best shot with. So, for the smug, and the luscious thigh, Broctopus FTW and the aforementioned Alpaca trampling.

stephanie: The Broctopus is so sickening as a non entity. Nothing but a tube of hair jell.

Herodouchous: Over spiked hair, douchal expression, chin pubes, jeans that came from the store ripped up, white belt, Incredible Hulk ab reveal in a location where his shirt should remain on, and a leg warmer hottie. Yep, I’d say Broctopus is going the extra mile to win the monthlies.

McDouche: They make me sick. If I was at that bar I would light myself on fire.

They are bar light fiery indeed, McD. But in a surprising voting result, the clubbaggery of Crotch Johnson and the Hottness of the Sara Bikini Twins came in a distant third. Dr. Bunsen Honeydouche writes the dissenting decision:

Dr. Bunsen Honeydouche: Crotch Johnson and the Sara Bikini Hotties FTW! Why? The tatt. The tatt right above what I’m almost positive would be a GSR. It works like the focal point of the picture. Sure, you look at the hotts and have your dirty little thoughts but then you keep noticing it. You look again at the reduochulous hat but then you’re staring at the tatt again. You spend an inordinate amount of time looking at the female GSR’s but the tatt is still in your field of vision. No matter how hard you try it is always there. All the others provide some form of relief (Young Mom Carol’s blue eyes, the fucck me boots of Party Girl Melinda, or the smashed boobies and taught tummy of white trash Brittney) but this one leaves you with that same feeling you get when a finger breaks through the toilet paper. And you had Taco Bell last night.

creature: Crotch Johnson is the rancid meat in a chlamydia bleeth sandwhich…they are all 3 vile & are prompting me to put my entire portfolio into the body condom market…it’s a gross, er, growth industry

Well said Creatch and Dr. Bun. “Broken Toilet Paper Taco Bell Buttwipe” was my favorite thrash band in the 80s. Moving on. The Silverlake Stubble ™ of Silverlake Todd and Young Mom Carol also tied for third, but with support.

dbBen: Silverlake Todd. He tells people that he’s the Brody Jenner of Texas.

All four couplings brought the HC/DB dialectics in gellatinous spades. But there was no beating Crotch Vein. Wait, that sounds vaguely nasty. Lets let long time ‘bag slayer Chris in ‘Baghdad take us home:

TMIDITW & Brittney….he may indeed be the most interesting ‘Bag yet tagged, not the most exotic, but since he never wore a shirt, even to church…and she is a bleethy bleeth for sure. Chrome off a trailer hitch and more. He also might be the Ugliest Douchebag in the World, which, if he holds twin titles, surely puts him over the top for the monthly.

Chalk ’em, Dano. They’se in the Yearly and the DB1 brings his laptop in to get fixed after spilling ‘Train on it last night upon learning that internet legend Mecha Hineyho, aka “Zyzz,” passed away in Thailand at the age of 22. R.I.P. to this frolicking legend who joins the late Pumpy in the sky.

# posted by douchebag1
7:52 am August, 10 Et Tu Douche? said...

Well deserved and by well deserved I mean what an asshole!!!!

7:55 am August, 10 Hurl Scheibe said...

I think it’s time we start a new category for the best (worst) of the GSR Tendons.

8:38 am August, 10 Douchie Arnaz said...

Is “dies in Thai sauna” code for some filthy bareback sex act with a baboon?

8:50 am August, 10 Baboon said...

^No way I’d fuck that guy.

9:18 am August, 10 Baron Von Goolo said...

Zyzz died in a sauna? In Thailand? Did he have a suitcase of panda meat with him?
.
Seriously, you can’t write this shit.

9:22 am August, 10 Hurl Scheibe said...

They’re saying it was from a “congenital heart failure”. Riiiiiiiight. Maybe he was going after the Lady Boys to receive supplemental injections to the other injections he took in his tukus?

http://zyzzcentral.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/steroid-injection1.jpg

11:41 am August, 10 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

I can’t believe I fuccked up spelling taut 🙁

1:41 pm August, 10 Ol' Dirty Douchebag said...

Much props to the pair (him too) who take down Party Girl Melinda. She’s everything I could never speak to. Or afford. Gotta be the favorite for this year’s most expensive first date (without threat of legal action). But I digress and by ‘digress’ I mean inappropriate office wood.

6:39 pm August, 10 Guid is Good said...

Pumpy in the Sky with Douchebags.

6:17 am August, 11 Misc said...

You beta fags are so fuckin gay you pencil wristed little bitch boys are mad as fuck cuz.

6:36 pm August, 11 Baron Von Goolo said...

Yes, yes, yes – all us neckbeards are jelly cuz we’re mirin the aesthetic blah blah blaaaaaaaaah is all the turkey gone? Gawdammit, I was gonna eat that.

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