Monday, August 29, 2011

The Pear Conundrum

iPhone Bathroom Pics = Autodouche

Quality Suckle Gnaw Spankle Pooch Pear = Auto Holy

This paradox in logic, in which a ‘Bag hunter faces both the draw of the spankle pooch and the intellectual cognition of probable Bleeth is what we call The Douchadox.

We sin.

Because we are mortal.

# posted by douchebag1
1:11 pm August, 29 Anonymous said...

Ass pear like that trumps all. We are flesh. We are helpless in the face of that. And by face of that, I mean on mine.

No bleeth, no douche, just celestial perfection.

1:13 pm August, 29 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

I’m sorry, but my immediate thought was Ant Body. Teeny tiny little waist with bulbous buttocks region. And is that a powdered doughnut that she is about to fortify her buttocks with?

1:14 pm August, 29 creature said...

BA-DUNK-KA-DUNK!

1:17 pm August, 29 Charles Nelson Douchely said...

Excuse me, Miss! There’s two bald midgets hiding in your dungarees!

1:31 pm August, 29 Vin Douchal said...

And here we have:
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Good iPhone self portraits
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Really bad iPhone self portraits

1:38 pm August, 29 tall guy said...

Well as I’m about to walk out the door and strike another blow for consumerism, that photo lifts my spirits (and I know she won’t love me not even for a ‘long time…’)

1:45 pm August, 29 Rick Derris said...

It looks like Jesse Jane’s little sister!

A W E S O M E

1:52 pm August, 29 YA said...

Riley Steele. Google her.

1:56 pm August, 29 Vin Douchal said...

That asscrack is hydroponic. Drop some pot seeds in there and watch what happens

1:56 pm August, 29 Findertweet said...

The only conundrum here is in my pants.

1:59 pm August, 29 Steve said...

That IS a pornstar, but not Jesse Jane. I don’t remember her name but she showed up a lot in those Attack of The Show After hours porn shows. Not Sasha Grey obviously.

2:04 pm August, 29 Mr. Biggs said...

No, it’s because the douchebag has reduced the male/female dynamic to the lowest common denominator of “he who gets his dick in the hott wins.” And since there is no intellect without the biology which reproduces it, we are obliged to go down and compete on his level.
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That being said, nice pear but I think she’s missing a couple ribs.

2:16 pm August, 29 boone doggle said...

And now…the rest of the story.

http://www.phun.org/index.php?navigation=riley_steele

2:18 pm August, 29 UFO Destroyers said...

We’ve seen a lot of vile things on this site, but this one may be the worst!
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Who the hell eats a cupcake in the bathroom?!?!
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It’s almost like Mr. White was directing this photoshoot. I thought there were some things even he wouldn’t do.

2:25 pm August, 29 Mad Douchigan said...

“Who the hell eats a cupcake in the bathroom?!?!”

Um…. a porn star with an over developed sense of herself and her grotesquely abnormal ass crack.

2:50 pm August, 29 Leery said...

Hard to judge this one. I am stunned and speechless as I contemplate “Objects in REAR view mirrors are closer then they appear”

No close enough for me.

2:59 pm August, 29 The Dude said...

PEARNUNDRUM

3:05 pm August, 29 Chumanominom said...

Something about the curvature of that spine, roundness of the pear and juiciness of that fruit that order the Chuma to de-pant and tug the first appendage with vigor.
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Note to all hot women — DO THIS

3:13 pm August, 29 Chumanominom said...

I’d eat butter cream frosting from all nooks and or crannies of this perfect vixen, I vote a pass on the cupcake.
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continue eating Riley Steele look-a-like, i’ll just sit here and watch…

4:02 pm August, 29 percy douchetonsils said...

Her name may be Riley Steele, but she’ll always be Granite Janet to me.
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Now wiggle yourself on over here, girlfriend, so I can introduce you to the fine art of donut-hole making.

4:20 pm August, 29 DoucheWeasel said...

In a decade, that pear will be a suitcase….

4:31 pm August, 29 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Excuse me, my cock seems to have flown off. Anybody see a big one with a saggy nutsack around here? It’s OK. I’m going outside to punch my wife.

4:40 pm August, 29 Stephanie said...

Pears? Those are watermelons.

5:18 pm August, 29 creature said...

doucheweasel…it’s already a rumble seat!

5:27 pm August, 29 The Dude said...

CULONUNDRUM

5:47 pm August, 29 Deja Douche said...

I thought we already agreed to this pearadox awhile back with a Playboy Playmate bathroom pic. I believe she had a shamrock on her buns. You guys decided that if she’s hot she can be a douche and she gets a pass. Double standards are here for a reason. To allow hot chicks to get away with murder or bad behavior in general. If she’s a fatty or ugly then she must be mocked. Remember to give in to the hot chick. Do her bidding. She is better than other people. You are helpless under her hotty power. Yes, become that human doormat you were born to be. I can’t wait to wipe my dirty shoes on you. Thanks for being so easy to manipulate.

5:56 pm August, 29 Deja Douche said...

And yeah he who gets his dick in the hott does win. Sorry boys, its science. Women choose their mate. If she didn’t choose you or she dumped you its her loss.

6:34 pm August, 29 Doucheywallnuts said...

Something about fawning over a pawn star seems a bit, shall we say, douchey.
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http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/lanow/2011/08/porn-performer-tests-hiv-positive.html

7:12 pm August, 29 Douchie Arnaz said...

What we have here is a severe case of steatopygia. The only cure is a liberal application of analingus.

And they say a classical education isn’t good for anything….

7:27 pm August, 29 Deja Douche said...

@Douchie Arnaz, that diagnosis is usually paired with an elongated labia. I Googled it, Bitch. Tongue punch that fart box but watch out for loose lips. They sink ships, you know.

8:06 pm August, 29 Whoop-di-douche said...

I reiterate and repeat, DUH: There is no top quality ass pear without a finely attached wasp waist, which Riley here definitely has both of.
Va va VOOM.

8:18 pm August, 29 Anonymous said...

I think the term we ate looking for to define this type of pic is pearstatution. She is a pearstitute. Get money, get paid ladies.

8:35 pm August, 29 Cheryl Licked said...

If this pic was taken with an Android instead of an iPhone she would be a little less bleethy. I still watch her get fucked though. Is that so wrong?

9:36 pm August, 29 eatshit said...

Obviously photo shopped. Yuk.

1:37 am August, 30 The Dude said...

DB1, you gotta invent a password so as to make it possible for your loyal mockers to avoid these twits sending espama about bullshit. You prolly won’t even need to tell us what it is!

1:45 am August, 30 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Didn’t sleep but damn that is one astounding picture.
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She is an image of a reflection that holds beauty to the extreme. If not re-touched after God’s sweet caress of life this is the picture of she that we could not resist yet feel guilty for our aching loins and the lust we feel for her as she is at the crossroads of the whole shit. Is she ridiculous irressistible woman or is she the bleeth just turning. Or is she the Shecrux, the Temptress, the Whore/Mother. Is she young or old? Innocent or obviously guilty of lusting her womanlust that she lusted for lo those many years seem fleeting the linquist and as the mountains of the New York Adirondacks begin to glow a familiar glow from my time as a youth watching from the river’s side. The sign of life. The provider of Life, The Sultan of Flares, Ol’ Sol is going to come out again today. And I’m not going to the fucking lion park cause I don’t fucking want to.

2:21 am August, 30 Chris in 'Baghdad said...

Guessing then that she is giving Mayan Eye of PROFESSIONAL Coitus…which does not count 🙁

3:55 am August, 30 Cheryl Licked said...

@The Dude, would the password be Boobies or Asspear?

6:09 am August, 30 Wedgie said...

Brittni Palmer from Escondido, CA. I used to get coffee from her at a golf course up there. I didn’t know she became a porn star. Bet it pays better than Starbucks. Then again, the coffee customers usually don’t come on your face, either.

7:23 am August, 30 DarkSock said...

I used to like girls with ant-shaped thoraxes, but now I only prefer women with Zune-shaped asses!
aegr

9:32 am August, 30 Douchble Helix said...

She’s not holding a donut or any kind of food. She’s hold a Zune™ mp3 player.

4:04 pm August, 30 Pliny said...

For the ‘bathroom mirror / iphone’ connoisseurs:

http://bathroommirrorshots.tumblr.com/archive

http://hotgirlswithiphones.com/archive

4:55 pm August, 30 Dork said...

Grade AAA Prime. Nothing else to say. ~drooling uncontrollably like a retard~

5:45 am August, 31 Tanath said...

Is your arm supposed to be wider than your waist?

8:09 am May, 10 Radhika said...

Amazing Stuff, i like this.

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