Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Worst Stepfather Ever

Candi’s son, little Billy, is home alone right now, trying to fall asleep, and talking to his Snoopy nightlight like it’s his real father who will some day come and rescue him.

Too depressing for a Tuesday?

I blame the Malomars.

# posted by douchebag1
1:52 pm August, 30 DarkSock said...

Candi, I have looked into his eyes and see that there is a heavy tarp, some lye, a shovel, seven dildos and a secluded wetlands area in your near future.

2:12 pm August, 30 UFO Destroyers said...

That there is ten pounds of shit stuffed in a five pound flour bag.

2:17 pm August, 30 troy tempest said...

Candi’s a cocktail waitress at the Boom Boom Room. Sometimes she takes a customer home for some extra money.
Little Billy weeps for the childhood he will never have.

2:20 pm August, 30 Vin Douchal said...

They both bought their expressions at “Crazy Eyes ‘R Us”

2:22 pm August, 30 Vin Douchal said...

Zsa Zsa GaWhore

2:22 pm August, 30 Vin Douchal said...

Mary Tyler Whore

2:23 pm August, 30 Vin Douchal said...

Ursula Undress

2:24 pm August, 30 Vin Douchal said...

Ellen Burstyndress

2:24 pm August, 30 Vin Douchal said...

Jane Fondle

2:25 pm August, 30 Vin Douchal said...

Julie Hairless

2:25 pm August, 30 troy tempest said...

Katie Kuntlicker and Jerry Jizzwand – a modern couple!

2:26 pm August, 30 Vin Douchal said...

Lee Rimdick

2:28 pm August, 30 Billy said...

Mommy,
Our neighbor, Mr. McFeeley keeps knocking on the door and asking me to let him in. What should I do? I was busy snooping around and found some of that white “nose candy” in your dresser so I thought I would try some. YUCK! It doesn’t taste anything like candy! It’s bitter! Then I found the gun you keep so my daddy “doesn’t bother us again”. Why do you keep it loaded Mommy? I saw a commercial saying not to keep a gun loaded in the house because kids might find it. I think I’ll play cops and robbers with Mr. McFeeley. He keeps waving his hands really fast and telling me to put it down. This part is kind of squishy so I’ll make sure I don’t touch…

2:32 pm August, 30 Vin Douchal said...

Lisa Fartman

2:48 pm August, 30 boone doggle said...

Neep!

2:48 pm August, 30 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Do you think it’s alright
to leave the boy with Uncle Ernie
Do you think its alright
He’s had a few too many tonight
Do you think it’s alright, yes I think it’s alright

2:49 pm August, 30 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Anal Margaret

2:51 pm August, 30 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

True story. I pulled the thing he’s wearing on his head out of my kids’ shower drain last week after the water was 6 inches deep.

2:54 pm August, 30 Wedgie said...

Wow, that John Ritter (d) can still pull some tail.

3:01 pm August, 30 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Elizabeth Faylor

3:03 pm August, 30 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

That Dennis Quaid sure made a good Jerry Lee Lewis.

3:05 pm August, 30 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

I picture these two doing a whole lot of inserting large objects in places they don’t belong. and filming it. These two may actually be creepier than Poppa Squatter and Tina.

3:09 pm August, 30 Miss Tina Marie Anal said...

Al least I shave my stupid stache.

3:11 pm August, 30 Southern Scrotic said...

She looks a little heavy with Billy’s new sister.

3:13 pm August, 30 Vin Douchal said...

♫ ♫ And she was breeding a dwarf ♫ but she wasn’t done yet ♪

3:26 pm August, 30 Chesty LaDouche said...

These two look like the couple that propsitioned me for a three way at 7-11. I responded, “That’s cool, but why don’t I just cut out the middlemen and drink a HerpesSlurpee instead?”.

3:35 pm August, 30 The Dude said...

Julie Candrews
.
Jennifer Caniston
.
Christina Baguilera
.
Lucille Ball

3:37 pm August, 30 The Dude said...

Jayne Cansfield
.
Katherine Herpburn
.
Julianne Whoore
.
Jeremy Piven

3:44 pm August, 30 Anonymous said...

@ Billy, get a job kid.

3:58 pm August, 30 hermit android thumbs said...

When Candi first attempted to breast feed Billy, her cigarette ash fell on the infant causing him to scream pitifully.
.
Billy still carries that physical scar, along with a host of emotional ones.

4:03 pm August, 30 FoghornLeghorn said...

Scary as heck, but not a douche.
.
Not a hot chick either.

4:08 pm August, 30 Chicken Hawk said...

^Pussy

4:08 pm August, 30 Debbie Nair said...

CokedOutChicksWithMethheads should post this.

4:10 pm August, 30 The Dude said...

Billy is a Vegas version of Michelle Bachmann.
.
.
Don’t worry, he’s an independsdent
.
.
Crap

4:18 pm August, 30 The Dude said...

Agnes Whoorehead
.
Elizabeth Cuntgomery
.
Uma Whooreman
.
Jeremy Piven

4:21 pm August, 30 Vin Douchal said...

Goldie Hawny

4:21 pm August, 30 Vin Douchal said...

Knobjobya Kinski

4:26 pm August, 30 Vin Douchal said...

Raqueef Welch

4:36 pm August, 30 Debbie Nair said...

@The Dude 4:10p, so is he Sigfreid or Roy?
.
.
.
Beard

5:16 pm August, 30 Douchble Helix said...

That Danny Bonadouchey can sure pull some tail.

6:22 pm August, 30 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

They only I like about this is the nipple. Everything else smells like a prison cot after Gay Porn and Taco night.

8:04 pm August, 30 Bret Easton Douchis said...

Cautionary tale.
.
Hot Chick and Douchebag, 20 years later.
.
Cumulative scorecard: 5 failed marriages, three sessions of cosmetic surgery and liposuction, one restraining order, lots of tatt removal, and three stays in rehab between them.
.
It matters not how you divvy that stuff up.

9:08 pm August, 30 Stephanie said...

These two met on the web,and they’re pretending this is a “fun date”.

12:10 am August, 31 Whoop-di-douche said...

Hot Nips and Nottadouchebag

9:41 am August, 31 Roach said...

They are just a couple of middle aged people taking a break from reality, having a good time out on the town. Jane is at least a 7, a degree of hotness most of us mere mortals would be lucky to bag. Nope. The smiles are sincere. The dress is sexy, and the dude is nottadouchebag.

10:19 am August, 31 Steve L. said...

Malomars make you depressed now?
fuck, man. the world is coming to an end.

10:20 am August, 31 Steve L. said...

but the world had probably already ended for Candi’s son. poor Billy

11:05 am August, 31 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

They should not have missed that AA meeting. Or the 20 before that.

11:37 am August, 31 Capt. James T. Douche said...

He looks like the kind of guy who comes to the pharmacy counter to see if he can get Rohypnol or NMDA,

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