Monday, September 12, 2011

Ask DB1: Matt Stafford Reconsidered


In honor of the start of football, Nick writes in with a question about The Staffordbag:

—-
My roommate considers you an asshole for calling Matt Stafford a stage-2 bag. He claims that Matt Stafford is not a douche even though he wears classic signifiers such as the plaid shorts and tilted hat. Please correct him. I demand a quorum in order to solidify Stafford’s place in the hall of baggery.
——-

There is no Sports Leniency for douchebaggery. None.

Staffordbag would earn a stage-2 fratbag for this pic alone.

No pass, no matter how well he does this season.

Douche.

# posted by douchebag1
2:01 pm September, 12 Vin Douchal said...

I had to look up “quorum”. I felt the need to post

2:01 pm September, 12 Vin Douchal said...

I meant post THIS

2:13 pm September, 12 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Of course he’s a douche. Always has been, always will be. Why do we “need a quorum” for this?

2:14 pm September, 12 Claude Douchenbagger said...

Jeez Zusss backward hat, finger, goggles, red cup, plaid shorts and that is just what we can see in this poor photo.

2:56 pm September, 12 Vin Douchal said...

That chick is looking a little rugged. Can’t tell if she’s hot or not

3:28 pm September, 12 Charles Nelson Douchely said...

Maybe if Matt Stafford ends up getting clobbered like this CFL QB and doesn’t stay on the ground with all the style of any soccer player who got breathed on, I’d give him a pass.

Until then, a grade A douchestain.

3:28 pm September, 12 soy bomb said...

Well, hope he doesn’t douche it for my my fantasy football team. He’s destined to put up some great stats this season, no matter how choady he gets during his personal time.

3:29 pm September, 12 soy bomb said...

…*douche it up for my…

4:19 pm September, 12 The Dude said...

who is Matt Stafford? More importantly, who’s the blonde?

4:41 pm September, 12 Indiana Choad and the Temple of Douche said...

Vin@2:01
I think you meant to post this
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=doing%20a%20Stafford

4:42 pm September, 12 Southern Scrotic said...

Here’s a photo of Matt Stafford (in red) watching his old college football team.
.

4:43 pm September, 12 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

He was born in Tampa. ‘BAG!

4:52 pm September, 12 Tankapotamus said...

go on youtube and search “matthew stafford mic’d up”

there is no way you can make the douchebag claim after that

5:17 pm September, 12 Wedgie said...

That wall-eyed blonde looks familiar. Pornstar? Stripper? Mrs. Stafford? I don’t know….ask Vin. He knows all those girls.

5:59 pm September, 12 Spmock said...

From the looks of him I bet he makes a mean sandwich. Notta douche, go in peace.

7:00 pm September, 12 Doucheywallnuts said...

Nick is a douche, Nick’s roommate is a douche, and Matt Stafford is a HickDouche.

7:50 pm September, 12 Stephanie said...

Don’t need to discuss,he is a douche. I think the only leniency these people get is if they’re super old bags,and don’t whip me the bird because they have class…but if you have a contract with a sports team,you’re 25 years old, and you’re whipping the bird,you automatically are on my shit list and you are a total douche until you die. Burn you turd.

8:38 pm September, 12 The Dude said...

Regarding oldbags, questions linger, like a fart in an elevator:
.
What is the ratio of ‘giving back’ versus douche? Is there a “Milken exception”? Hey, the guy went bald, as opposed to getting balled.
.
Say there’s a guy living the life of Mahatma Gandhi, starts pulling a douche-schtick at age 63. Does his life of sacrifice apply?

10:34 pm September, 12 Whatevs said...

@The Dude, I don’t think his life of sacrifice should be completely forgotten, but maybe if he had a little more balance earlier on he wouldn’t have felt the urge to do a complete180. So it should be noted but it doesn’t grant him a free pass to douche it up. A price must be paid. Like I always say to the strangers I pick up at bus stops, “I accept ass, cash or grass. Noone rides for free. Unless you’re a fatty then its just cash or grass.”

11:00 am September, 13 Medusa Oblongata said...

Nick: Tell your roomie to come in here and make the case himself. If he’s not crying when we get done with his theory, then maybe he might be right.

1:47 pm September, 13 i drive moms car said...

Look guys and gals, I call him a douche because he is 23 years old, has all the ladies and a 41 MILLION DOLLAR contract. And I drive moms car on friday nights if she lets me.

41 million dollar contract, and he’s 23 years old
41 million dollar contract, and he’s 23 years old
41 million dollar contract, and he’s 23 years old
41 million dollar contract, and he’s 23 years old

[…] • Report: Matthew Stafford still considered douchebag […]

6:09 am September, 15 Douche Wayne said...

A quorum simply means that enough of those with voting rights are present to make a decision final. Doucheywallnuts, The Dude, Medusa, Wedgie, Vin: I think we’re just missing Darksock for a full quorum.

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