Thursday, September 1, 2011

Ask DB1: The Baby Daddy ‘Bag?

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DB1,

I propose a new Douche category: The Baby Daddy Douche.

We have all seen them, as we enjoy an adult beverage sitting outside our favorite pubs. Here they come,proudly pushing their progeny in a cheap umbrella handle stroller that they bought at the Goodwill.

Wifebeater??.. check. Wife beater tucked into their halfway down their ass, oversized manpries??.. check. Chin fung.??.. check. 30 degree hat tilt on their Yankee’s hat.??.. check. Crappy lime green tats on arms,back and neck??… check.

Unfortunately,you will never see a Baby Daddy Douche on HCWDB.The reason,you only see a Baby Daddy Douche with his larger then life baby momma, who is wearing a pair of jeggings stretched paper thin by her large backside,and a pablum stained mumu top.Oh,and the babies hands tattooed on their cleavage.

Your opinion please.

sincerely,
the Flying Douche

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Good point, TFD. The Baby Daddy Douche is rarely seen on HCwDB because the BDD is rarely with hot chick. Since he’s ruined his douchin’ years by not wearin’ a raincoat during the proverbial coital windstorm and is now in hock for child support and alimony until that scratch ticket investment plan finally pays off.

Lets go with some K-Fed/Britney remembrances of things past (Proust) as we delve into the nostalgia of yesteryear to illustrate the concept.

# posted by douchebag1
1:25 pm September, 1 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Being a babby-daddy douche is it’s own punishment. You start with this: http://www.shoppingblog.com/pics/glee_heather_morris_britney_spears_toxic.jpg
And end up with this: http://www.prettyboring.com/files/images/britneys%20blown%20pupils.jpg

1:25 pm September, 1 Anonymous said...

^Darksock, is that you?

1:26 pm September, 1 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

^^Err, no. I’d prefer if you don’t touch my phone.

1:34 pm September, 1 Janet Reamo said...

From my knowledge of this site you don’t necessarily have to be a hot chick to be on here. I’m pretty sure plenty of baby daddy douches have been featured here with, surprise surprise their other baby mammas. As for the pic, too bad Gay-Fed looks nothing like that now.
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Binge eaters

1:35 pm September, 1 Douchble Helix said...

This year’s winner, a prediction: http://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/style/miss-universe-in-brazil/2011/09/01/gIQAtydfuJ_gallery.html#photo=16

1:44 pm September, 1 Janet Reamo said...

@Doucheble Helix, its either gonna be Miss El Salvador or Miss Israel.

1:48 pm September, 1 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

@Douchble Helix,
Idontnkso. But your bet on Nicaragua.

1:54 pm September, 1 THEONETRUEDOUCHE said...

I disagree with the new category. Many Douchebags on the site may well be Baby Daddy’s- Think of all the old bags-the only thing that makes a difference is that the poor child is in the picture. Let that innocent mistake, er child, not bear the burden of daddy’s doucheness. Unless he is old enough to join in the pudwhackery by choice or she brings her friends over for him to buy beer for and hit on.

1:55 pm September, 1 Janet Reamo said...

^is it because she was pointing at shoes, McCrudeshoes? Yeah shes definitely gonna be a finalist as well, sorry Finland. Not your year I guess.

2:07 pm September, 1 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

@Janet, she could be pointing at a cow pie, and I’d still pay attention. She looked the most like universe material in that slide show. Though I’d bet a donut Israel looks the best without any kind of makeup or photo magic.

5:21 pm September, 1 Hotspur said...

and for god sakes hold the baby properly you gotta support the head when they are that young

5:23 pm September, 1 Et Tu Douche? said...

K-Fed was and is the vilest of scum. Married her for her money and potential shot at fame. He openly flaunted the fact that he was blowing her money big time. The one that got me was when he and by he I mean Brittany pay for a custom Ferrari with customized calipers that usually say “Ferrari” instead he had this done ( “Federline” ). What a dick this guy is. He’s the exemption though, in my neck of the woods the BDD, wearing pretty much the same garb, are unemployed or unemployable and living off their largess of baby momma’s and or off the baby mommas already suffering lower income parents. It really disturbs me that they bring children into this world with no concept of how to raise and support them thus perpetuating the cycle over again. Their all fucking trash and more scumbag then douchebag.

5:24 pm September, 1 hermit android thumbs said...

If a baby-daddy is forced to consume his bastard child’s afterbirth, studies indicate he will be five times more likely to make child support payments beyond the offspring’s first birthday.
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Just thought that was pertinent and somewhat interesting.

5:37 pm September, 1 jeasuskejw said...

, , , ,

6:40 pm September, 1 DarkSock said...

If a baby-daddy is forced to consume his bastard child, studies indicate he will be five times more likely to get ripped at the gym from all the Human Growth Hormone and prime protein.
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Medical FACT.

6:44 pm September, 1 schlicht bindenburger said...

please trip and squash that ‘ lil bag of mostly water that is doomed from conception’, so the torture of the doosh may finally cease for the following gen! YOU CUNTS!….im high, rocky mountain high!

7:46 pm September, 1 troy tempest said...

You know why douche daddy was banging the bleeth mom all through pregnancy right up to her going into labour?
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Because he was convinced the fetus was giving him a blow job.

9:35 pm September, 1 The Dude said...

Britney Spears looks frumpy in that pic. Is frumpy a form of Bleeth?

6:36 am September, 2 Douche Wayne said...

As I stroll through the New Jersey malls with my own sons searching for stores that still sell cd’s, I witness these crimes firsthand. Jackass “fathers” dressing their own children like jackasses. Small children with small hats with small tilts. I’ve seen toddlers wearing gold chains and wifebeaters. Nikes come in sizes clearly not designed for children who actually old enough to walk, yet the price of those shoes assume they have already started NBA careers. It’s not just the males; 4-year old bleeths are rampant making my wife and I not-so-secretly thankful we don’t have daughters.
I weep inside, knowing that those children, much like those born into street gangs (Blood drop fo’evah, yo), don’t stand a chance.
I remind my boys of their grandfather’s sage observation: “No one is completely useless. You can always serve as a bad example.”

8:33 am September, 2 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Geez and just yesterday I was instructed by my pusher to ignore this kind of shit and not to let it bother me and I should think about things like how to stop the starvation that is occurring in the world and how to help the people who need it in my community. “You always seem so angry” observes my pusher. “Why do you let these things bother you?” they ask. “You should let it go because ‘it is what it is’.” Are you fuccen kidding me? It is precisely these motherfucckers who waste my fuccen money (tax dollars) on “bling”, the already aforementioned $150 Nikes for 8 year old kids, and rims for their 1984 Honda Accord that bother me. I feel like I’m one of the few people left that observes the law and general social mores. And I’m a dumbass for it. I should be just another fuckwit who goes through life without a care in the world knowing that if I scream loud enough and long enough about a perceived injustice to me I’ll get taken care of by someone or something who will bail my ass out and a warning label will be created for it. What the fucck happened to personal responsibility and working for the greater good? Oh, that’s right, “live for today” and all that other fuccen hippie shit that fuccked this country up starting in the ’60s. So remember next time fellow hunters and huntresses, the next time you see this type of shit on display, let it roll off your back and start thinking about how you can solve the crisis in Somali.
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Assmunchers

8:34 am September, 2 Medusa Oblongata said...

^Indeed. Wee babes with mohawks. Blingy studded leather jackets. Hat tilts. Ugh. I have yet to squeeze out a wriggling gorgon-pod of my own, but I assure you, I’ll be dressing the little turd in whatever I pick out of the Goodwill. When it’s old enough to buy its own clothes, it can go buy all the douchey shit it wants. And then I will proceed to verbally assault the little shit in front of its friends, causing it unbearable humiliation, and I will refuse to pay for its therapy. Winning!

7:12 am September, 4 my friends call me @$$hole said...

as you can tell by the name, i’m not particularly well known for giving out compliments, but +1 to The Flying Douche for breaking this down so eloquently… if anyone is writing their dissertaion on the subject of 35 year-old trailertrashbags and their 16 year-old baby mamas and the baby mama’s mama that love them, ’cause back in the day she was almost his baby mama, and ’cause she still buys her crystal meth from him, come to Baltimore, that’s right, Charm City, hon, and hang out on 36th Avenue in Hampden for a couple hours… on your way out of town, stop by the Golden West Cafe, the Paper Moon Cafe, or Rocket to Venus (aka Rocket to Uranus) to tag some world-class hipsterbags, these cats are so ironic they don’t get themselves… just be careful to remember gaybag doesn’t count… then hit the Dizz for a meal and a drink, the owner is OUT OF HER FUCKING MIND!!!!! but the grub is good and the people are real…

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