Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Burning Crotch

Somewhere in San Francisco’s Mission District, an earthy coffee chain that uses only recycled products and filtered water is missing a barista.

# posted by douchebag1
9:36 am September, 27 boone doggle said...

Guy Pierce and Hugo Weaving sure can pull some douche.

9:40 am September, 27 Vin Douchal said...

And a parole officer has misplaced three files

9:43 am September, 27 Choad The Douche Sprocket said...

Terrence Stamp called.
.
.
He said his human butt plug was missing.

9:45 am September, 27 Choad The Douche Sprocket said...

….and perhaps this is as good a time as any to consider the cultural scrotal plague that Burning Man has come to signify.
.
.Discuss.

10:05 am September, 27 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Give us the gas! Or the Axe body spray. We’re not that picky.

10:21 am September, 27 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

” My life fades. The vision dims. All that remains are memories. I remember a time of chaos. Ruined dreams. This wasted land. But most of all, I remember The Large Warrior. The man we called “John”. To understand who he was, you have to go back to another time. When the world was powered by the black tar heroin. And the desert sprouted great clubs of alcohol and loud music. Gone now, swept away. For reasons long forgotten, two meaty warrior tribes went to war and touched off a rave which engulfed them all. Without Audigier, they were nothing. They built a house of poo. The margarita machines sputtered and stopped. Their bleeth talked and talked and talked. But nothing could stem the avalanche. Their dance floors crumbled. Their parents basements exploded. A whirlwind of fist pumping, a firestorm of bad tan lines. Men began to feed on men. On the Jersey Shore it was a white line nightmare. Only those drunk enough to frollic, jelly enough to pump metal would survive. The scrotes took over the parking lots, ready to wage war for hair gel. And in this jelly dong of homo eroticism, ordinary men were battered and smashed. Men like John. The warrior John Largeman. In the roar of a “Groooo!”, he lost everything. And became a huge shell of a man, a big, double-cheeseburger-with-chili man, a man haunted by the demons of his past, a man who grabbed a baseball bat and wandered out into the wasteland. And it was here, in this blighted place, that he learned to live again… “

10:21 am September, 27 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Burn it. Burn it all down.

10:51 am September, 27 Douche Springsteen said...

Spending a week wandering around the desert in a druggy haze actually sounds kind of awesome, but if I had to do it surrounded by douchebags in pink tutus who are there to be “free” then I might go off on some kind of Manson family trip and never come back.

10:59 am September, 27 Teddy Doucheamp said...

I’ve looked at this picture as long as I dare and I still can not figure out what’s in his head.

11:00 am September, 27 Teddy Doucheamp said...

On his head, even.

11:02 am September, 27 Vin Douchal said...

Mr Scrotato Head FTW
.
And this:
.

11:09 am September, 27 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Further evidence of parental failures (like those in this picture)
.

.
At least it wasn’t beer. Score another one for Florida.

11:09 am September, 27 Capt. James T. Douche said...

Middle Bleeth looks like Fiona from Burn Notice. Speaking of which there will probably be alot of burning going on this looks like a swirling nexus of drugs, veneral disease and sunburn. I cannot imagine being able to handle the profound irony of tripping off some green glowy shit I drank out of a test tube or dropping acid whilst catching crabs and being red as a boiled crab with sunburn. Too horrific for my fragile mind to bear I think it would look something like this @ 3:25

http://youtu.be/DQYVRr0EYBA

11:25 am September, 27 Et Tu Douche? said...

@Mr. Scrotato Head
BRAVO Sir!!!!!, BRAVO!!!, man that was good stuff.

11:27 am September, 27 Et Tu Douche? said...

Re; Vin’s pic
Anyone notice the “come at me bro!?, I’m stilling chuckling about that.

11:29 am September, 27 Et Tu Douche? said...

If Mr Scrotato Head doesn’t get comment of the week then there is something wrong.

11:33 am September, 27 Capt. James T. Douche said...

I second Et Tu for Mr Scrotato!!

11:43 am September, 27 Et Tu Douche? said...

For all you uninitiated I give you the man, the legend that is John Largeman and one of Mr. Scrotato Heads earlier spot on commentary’s

11:57 am September, 27 Douche Wayne said...

Burning Man gives drug addicts a bad name.

12:18 pm September, 27 Douche Wayne said...

This is one of the few pics on this site where the females piss me off far more than the males. I can’t even get too mad at the lads, what do you expect from someone with an E-addled mind that’s been baking in the Nevada desert for several hours, being brainwashed non-verbally by awful music? Sure they’re dressed like freaks, but they are merely yuppy college baglings who are tripping for the first time and taking things a little too far. At least they had the forsight to bring a chaperone along with them, even if he’s dressed like the Crocodile Hunter. PLEASE don’t take this as a pass. It is not. There’s a time and a place for everything, but that leniency only gets you so far.
The women, on the other hand, are not even bleeths – they are the true douchebags in this photo. I can smell they’re attitude, and it stinks worse than there leather-clad loveclams, which have also been baking in said Nevada sun for several hours. Low tide is hundreds of miles away, and yet . . .
If necessary fall back on the traditional ‘bag indicators. Stupid sunglasses? Yup. Non-gang gang signs? You bet. Vente Mocha and the Short Skim Milk Frapaccino are both making kissy lips, and Bunny LaFontaine has resorted to drinking her own urine to avoid dehydration. I saw Waterworld, and it wasn’t as bad as people said it was.
I can only hope that this pic was taken minutes before Tina Turner’s henchmen rounded up the lot of them to be put through the Thunderdome.

1:29 pm September, 27 Douchie Spellcheck said...

@Douche Wayne: “they’re attitude”? “there leather-clad loveclams”?!?

Learn the third person plural possessive pronoun, stat.

3:48 pm September, 27 Stephanie said...

Burning Man = DEA Festival.

4:10 pm September, 27 Jeff said...

Burning man! Woooooooooo!

4:35 pm September, 27 Jeff said...

@Douche Wayne, loveclams is two words brah. Literacy….Catch it.

9:43 pm September, 27 Steve L. said...

@ Vin Douchal 11:02 AM,
i’ve never understood the allure of Jagerbombs. sorry.

9:44 pm September, 27 Steve L. said...

i am, however, a big fan of 151 proof rum.

9:45 pm September, 27 Steve L. said...

last but not least:
somewhere in Africa, a coffee plantation just decided to ship its Free Trade (TM) coffee to Seattle instead.

6:22 am September, 28 Douche Wayne said...

@ Spellcheck – noted

@ Jeff (if that is your real name) – just send me the citation and I’ll believe you, broseph. BTW, you used it as one word also, stooge.

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