Friday, September 16, 2011

Friday Thoughts and Links

Every time I think douchebags are no longer a viable source of mock, that they’ve become rodeo clowns and circus performers, I remember that boyz like the Lancelot Boyz are still out there.

Still spending day and night preening and prepping to try to mack on the Slutty Hotts that power our Priuses.

It’s enough to dive a man to Malomars.

Here’s your links:

Your HCwDB BBC DVD Box Set of the Week: “People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect, but *actually* from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint – it’s more like a big ball of wibbly wobbly… time-y wimey… stuff.”

When douchebags kill puppies: Queens Bodybuilder throws his dog out of a window. This is why we mock.

Riff Raff got bling, yo!

If you haven’t seen the perfection of the purity of Semitic suckle thigh coy pearliciousness of the leaked Scarlett Johansson iPhone pics, you owe it to yourself to do so (NSFW).

In sports douche news, The New York Islanders have designated an official tattoo parlor.

In Defense of Plastic Surgery.

Source Plague Typhoid Mary of the douche virus: The Grieco joins Facebook. Scroll down to check out the first item listed under “Activities and Interests” and it’ll all make sense.

Courtesy of Hurl Scheibe in the comments threads: Brazilian Beer. For when third world hyper-inflation gets you down.

You think the Honey Badger cares? “Thanks for the mouse, see ya later!”

Grandpa Gets a Webcam. Oh, lookit that monkey!

But you are not here for confused old people and gay nature films. You are here for pear. Here ya go:

P! 2009 Pear.

Sure labeling humans by writing on their bodies has terrible historical antecedents like slavery and the holocaust. But Pear cures all haunting ills of the past in one semi-globulic formula.

Go forth and chomp.

# posted by douchebag1
12:51 pm September, 16 Et Tu Douche? said...

Mmmmmmmm Scarlett Johansson, Brahma Beer, Brazilian Beach hotts and P! 2009 Pear.

12:53 pm September, 16 Et Tu Douche? said...

Douche who threw his dog out the window needs to have his shriveled roided out weenis slathered with peanut butter and then have to be caged with multiple honey badgers for at minimum 60 minutes. What an Asshole!!!!!!!!!

12:59 pm September, 16 Robert Rusler said...

Sweet jumping jack rabbits, that was a lot of butts. Oh and FYI Bleeth are now Brocks, it was determined in the previous thread. It’s gonna take some getting used to but I think I can swing it.
.
Badgers are great. Especially the angry ones. Happy Friday y’all.

1:00 pm September, 16 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I just got back in from cuttin the lawn, throwin’ my dog out the window, and hurling feces on neighbour’s rooftops. What’s going on here?

1:08 pm September, 16 tall guy said...

Pictures or it didn’t happen, Kroeger.

1:09 pm September, 16 Robert Rusler said...

^What time is the couch barbecue?

1:13 pm September, 16 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I thought Scarlett Johannsen OD’d. Nice ass for a dirty dead girl. Honey Badger got nothing on the Canadian Orange Panted Fisher. Sons.
.

1:21 pm September, 16 dB said...

omfg Scarlett….THANK YOU….

1:23 pm September, 16 Wheezer said...

Milan Rysa = fucking asshole. He needs to be tossed head first out a fucking window.
.
Hopefully, shards of glass and a few sharpened railroad spikes await below to cushion his fall.

1:24 pm September, 16 Choad The Douche Sprocket said...

So Scarlett has some decent sized Johanssons….big friggin’ whoop.
.
.The old Choad was always more of a Thora Birch fan:

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/224/525566879_6e09f55728_o.jpg

.
. Either way….the honey badger don’t care.
.
.And I needs to gets me some Brahma.

1:26 pm September, 16 Vin Douchal said...

Lancelot Boyz are late for their circle jerk with the Greasepitz
.
Scarlett shold have taken more photos. I need more.<br.
.
And I think I speak for all when I say ” I’d pee in her butt”
.

1:42 pm September, 16 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Wheezer
.
You said “Milan Rysa = fucking asshole. He needs to be tossed head first out a fucking window.
.
Hopefully, shards of glass and a few sharpened railroad spikes await below to cushion his fall.”
.
I must disagree. All I need is a syringe full of curare and an empty warehouse. Someplace preferably far away from the sensitive ears of the general public. A good place to start would be the removal of his eyelids so I know that he’ll be able to see everything that’s about to happen to him. After that I’ll leave it to someone else (you wanna take a stab at it? Pun intended.) and just sit back and watch because I’m too sadistic. My latest psychiatrist (my third now) says I have anger issues and she can’t legally prescribe me a higher dosage of my “happy pills”. Bitch. Don’t believe me? Ask Rev Chad. He can fill you in on part of the story.

1:50 pm September, 16 Wheezer said...

@Doc Bunsen: I think I like your idea better. That way the dickhead suffers longer.
.
But I’m sure if Medusa shows up, she will have some more wonderful ideas…..and that thought cheers me up just a bit.

1:53 pm September, 16 Wheezer said...

Oh, and check out the first shot of the Lancelot Boyz from yesterday – Bob Mcadouche nailed it in the thread that the choad on the right is Predatorbag.
.
Go give Bob some kudos for his keen eye. And Lancelot Boy Melvin has alo been here before – that pec tatt looks familiar.

1:53 pm September, 16 Wheezer said...

also* – DUH.
.
But I’m sure Melvin uses aloe for…..something.

1:58 pm September, 16 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

If Doctor Bunsen goes higher on his meds he’ll never get off or he could go into seratonin syndrome which is as bad as benzodiapine syndrome and die. The side effects of withdrawal are crippling. Lenny The Box got me some cyclobenzeprine to deal with the peripheral neuropathy (chronic forearm and lower leg pain for no reason) that the drugs cause. Sometimes you got to dip back into the devil to feel OK for awhile. Dr. Bunsen needed help because he started throwing his students out the window and flinging feces at the Dean of Science. He met a good woman who straightened him out.
.
Please correct me if I am wrong Dr, Bunsen because I only have a Doctorate in Hindu Mysticism.

2:00 pm September, 16 White_Ass_is_Right_Ass said...

>Dat Ass

2:09 pm September, 16 Baron Von Goolo said...

That dog story just ruined my day to a point where neither Ms. Johansson nor the return of who I’m assuming is Ms LaPlante even register with me on any level.
.
I want to grab Casey Anthony by her skinny bitch ankles and beat Milan Rysa with her until even his dental records are worthless.
.
Fuck. I need a palate cleanser.

2:10 pm September, 16 jonezy said...

fuck, I just wrote a tome about my new favorite 80s movie in the last thread, not sure I have much energy left in my hungover fingers, but I will ask one question.
.
does anyone have the acumen to create a Pear gallery for DB1? I’m thinking, we get these each week, but if there was a central repository with a slideshow type feature, we could enjoy historic pears by the gallon, and not just rely on the Hall of Pear links.

2:18 pm September, 16 BenchWarmer said...

@Jonezy, I nominate Douchble Helix for that ASSignment. Dudes got serious skills. Do you remember his Hello Kitty collage?

3:25 pm September, 16 DarkSock said...

I’d P! in her butt.

3:27 pm September, 16 DarkSock said...

Rysa has been charged with aggravated animal cruelty and reckless endangerment, and was taken to Elmhurst Hospital Center for a psychiatric evaluation.
.
Can’t they just put him down?

3:31 pm September, 16 Rick Derris said...

Look at the Riff Raff moron – he thinks that he has found the Headpiece to the Staff of Ra!

http://hotchickswithdouchebags.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/RiffRaff21.jpg

Bet the spirits in the Ark dislike d-bags as much as they dislike those who gaze upon the Ark’s power.

3:44 pm September, 16 Douchble Helix said...

Benchwarmer, you have made my day! Here’s why:
1. That had to be 6 months ago, at least.
2. I don’t remember anyone commenting on it.
3. Most times when I get a shout out, it’s from the Jeffs of this site.
4. I love thinking about Hello Kitty.
5. The King O’ Sears has got to be the funniest nickname in history.
6. The mention came out of the blue. From way out in Right field.
7. I slave over my collages. (You don’t want to know what else I do over my collages. Trust me.)
.
Did I say you made my day? I lied. You made my year.
Thanks!!!

3:46 pm September, 16 Douchble Helix said...

Now, what I was going to say is, that’s a pretty good run of some might fine ass for the Prancelot Boyz.
Maybe only bettered by the real King, Douches IV, hisself.

3:52 pm September, 16 BenchWarmer said...

I’m thinking I should friend Richard Greico on Facebook. Quit my job. Devote most of my time to observing him for a course of 1 to 2 years. The challenge will be if I can escape unBleethed by the time I am done. I of course will blog my findings here, daily.

4:03 pm September, 16 BenchWarmer said...

@Douchble Helix, First off, who is Jeff? He sounds kinda hot. Secondly I’m sorry, I should have said something the first time. Quality craftsmanship should not go unnoticed. Third off I’ve been told that my particular skill is identifying other peoples skills and then encouraging them to further develop said skills. I guess that’s why they pay me the big bucks. So I think it would please the gang at hcwdb if you would put together a little pearfection in the form of ass photos set to music.

4:32 pm September, 16 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Rev Chad
.
Correctamundo! I forgot to mention I’m on anti-seizure meds too (fuccen migraines) so I’m not sure what the fucck is goin’ on in my body half the time any more. Exsanguinate a chicken for me over some incense. I need it.
.
@ Baron
.
Why give the bitch the pleasure? That is unless you chloroform her up good, tape her fuccen mouth shut, and then wrap her in some plastic bags first until she’s mostly dead. After you get done, you can leave the mess in his apartment because one of those will do anything about it like they did nothing when they knew he was abusing the dog in the first place.
.
@ DarkSock
.
“Can’t they just put him down?” Yes, yes they should. Only it should be done VERY slowly. And VERY painfully. Not anything quick like being thrown out a window. Medieval style fun should be at work here. On a brighter note, maybe this should be your theme song? (The You Tube video was removed and there is only a sample of the song here.).

5:13 pm September, 16 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

^Dr. Bunsen what type of anti-spasmotics are you taking. Please let it not be Klonopin.
.
Pharmacologists

5:51 pm September, 16 Douchble Helix said...

BW – Jeff is a nobody troll from the last day or so.
Did you ever read the book, Huck Finn?

5:53 pm September, 16 BenchWarmer said...

Day1: I could only make it through half of his pics before getting queasy. It appears he considers himself to be a brooding artist type. But basically Greico shits on a canvas and calls it art. So far no mention of Yasmine in his Updates. As for me I have started to tease my hair and wear more jewelry. This does not bode well.

5:53 pm September, 16 Douchble Helix said...

And an MS Paint collage is a far site aways from “a little pearfection in the form of ass photos set to music.”

5:58 pm September, 16 BenchWarmer said...

@Douchble Helix, yes I did read it awhile back. If you think I’m tricking you into painting a fence for me (in this case the fence is made out of back to back ass) you may be onto something. But seriously, you have a gift and this is the perfect forum for it to shine.

7:15 pm September, 16 Douchble Helix said...

A gift, eh?
When I got married, my mother in law said I was getting a real prize. I never got nothing.

7:35 pm September, 16 Hermit said...

The honey badger video was as informative as it was interesting. The study of animal behavior can be quite fascinating.

7:41 pm September, 16 BenchWarmer said...

Maybe you ended up with a real gem instead. Anyway enough girl talk. To the Hall of Buttocks with you! Those pears arent going to crop and then organize themselves according to juicyness factor themselves. Looks like you may need to pull an all nighter, while pulling your all nighter.

7:44 pm September, 16 BenchWarmer said...

The above comment was for Douchble Helix, but nice to see you too Hermit. They’re having a sale on Nyquil Red down at Long’s if you’re interested.

8:41 pm September, 16 troy tempest said...

The fix is in – I sacrificed my right leg to some termites. (I’ll get a new leg) The termites were so grateful they asked about reciprocity. I said “Do something about Milan Rysa” and told them about the dog.

You never really see termites and ants fight over much of anything, cuz’ they’re cool. So, Milan is going to wake up to a colony of ants eating his shriveled roid ruined nads in a few weeks…

10:29 pm September, 16 The Dude said...

The Lancerots are starting to get on my nerves. Most of my nerves produce the urge to mock, sock and there’ll be some fish slaps in your pathetic future.
.
.
Scarlett is getting on my better nerves. What was I saying?

12:48 am September, 17 Douchble Helix said...

BW – The Boss just needs to figure out “Galleries” the “next” button, and “autoplay” on this blogsite.
Then, you could put your choice of ’70s porn soundtracks on at home.
.
This is as much as I’m contributing to your twisted and sick self-gratification. Now, I’m going to wash my hands.

1:23 am September, 17 tall guy said...

Scarlett’s a definite hottie. And that cruel knob wrench who threw the dog out the window is an arsehole.

2:00 am September, 17 Douche France said...

These Scarlett Johansson photos prove that god exist. I”m postponing my suicide.

2:01 am September, 17 Douche France said...

“exists”

8:19 am September, 17 BenchWarmer said...

DH, I am saddened to hear that. I guess Jonezys request will go ungranted. That is until someone who really cares about pear (The nation turns its lonely eyes to you DarkSock.) steps up to the plate. I’d throw some more sports jargon in that speech but its early and I’m only on my first cup of coffee.

8:28 am September, 17 DoucheyWallnuts said...

This is your unofficial, self-appointed comment thread ombudsman checking in after what has been a very busy week. In no particular order.
.
1) I like my celebrity pear to be superior – far superior – to random, anonymous, everyday pear that is seen here, on other web sites and in public places of accommodation and unaccommodation. Not so, Scar Jo.
2) I prefer the Booby Dance to the Honey Bear, even though the Honey Bear is bad ass.
http://youtu.be/S3Ucz3aluoA
3) I think being a short douchebag, like the Lancelot Boyz, is a far more egregious offense and affront than being a tall douchebag. Small hands, smell like cabbage.
4) Another great commenter name appeared earlier this week – Bob Mcadouche. Bravo for the sports reference.
5) For as pathetic as we are, commenting on the douchieness of others, “commenter” HiGuys is the lowest of the lows, trying to direct us to a Cougar site. Lame. Shitty site, as well.
6 )I’m concerned regarding the absence of commenter schlicht bindenburger and his liberal use of the word “cunt,” as he has not been seen on the sight in almost a fortnight.
7) Looking ahead to tonight’s Oklahoma/Florida State game, I realize I miss the original FSU Cowgirls/Bleeths.

9:13 am September, 17 Hurl Scheibe said...

My Coffee is kicking in and I think Riff Raff wants out soon.

As for Milan Rysa, I have one word for several of you were flirting with – VIVESECTION.

9:25 am September, 17 hermit android thumbs said...

Since there is no clear frontrunner for The Yearly, I nominate Rysa because based upon what we know, he’s clearly the biggest Douche we’ve seen on this site.
.
.
He makes Stackhouse look like Ghandi.

10:12 am September, 17 BenchWarmer said...

@ Hermit, I concur. If Stackhouse won without hot chicks, then this roided up shitstain should win something. Preferably a mauling by a pack of hungry wolves.

12:07 pm September, 17 troy tempest said...

Milan Rysa – he needs a special award this year.

Boss – you can find him on Facebook – his photos are wide open – there are PLENTY of pictures of him with bleethy tail. He must be mocked. He deserves to win the weekly and stand a chance for the annual.

He is scum. And his women are bleeth.

12:37 pm September, 17 Scrotation Marks said...

Look at the Security douche in the background. He needs to carve neck definition in his beard because he spends his time staring at guys with washboard abs and eating Powerbars when he should be powerwalking from Jersey to Italy and back- fat fuck.

3:53 pm September, 17 Steve L. said...

i couldn’t have gotten through another barrage of Lancelot photos if it weren’t for the Scarlett Johansson make out pics.
.
wait the link doesn’t work any more…

fuck it.

12:25 pm September, 18 Elwood BluezBag said...

Tickled Pink.

8:22 am September, 19 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Rev Chad
.
Sorry, no klonopin. I’m on Depakote. Apparently my problems have problems.

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