Friday, September 23, 2011

Friday Thoughts and Links

As this crisp Los Angeles Friday turns breezy and gusty with the desperate cries of frustrated servers working at Chipotle who really totally could’ve gotten that part in “Footloose” if the casting director wasn’t such a pidge, I meditate on underfed Ukranian hott.

Underfed Ukranian Hott in creepy blue bathrooms, with succulent pokey poke power boobs, heapings of euro attitude, and zebra purse.

Enough to make Todd (with his oft ignored but great at Scrabble sis Mandy), start to hat tilt and sunglasses hook. You almost had the notta Todd. But hat tilt and chin fung must not pass.

Yup.

‘Tis Friday.

Your humble narrator pees on Hollywood.

Here’s your links:

Reader Stefan suggests we make LMFAO’s“Sexy and I know It” the official theme song of HCwDB. Gonna be hard for me to ever replace either the great Vin Douchal’s “Donkey Opus in Douche Major” or Foglizard’s “Hot Chicks with Douchebags”

Some Friday Zen: An incredible series of color photos taken of New York City between 1941 and 1942.

There have been many movies made since 1895 when the Lumiere Brothers first projected “Train Arrives at the Station” on a sheet at the Grand Cafe in Paris. Trog is one them.

Some days it’s time to chat about Heidegger. Some days, not chatting about Heidegger, but wine. Other days, chatting about Gordon Ramsey Lookalike Pornstar Dwarfs Killed by Badgers.

My cousin (on my father’s side), Lu Louis, stars in My Roommate The Athlete. Give it up for what the cast of Swingers would’ve been up to if the internet had been around back in 1996.

Got red hair and sperm? No thanks.

If you’re ever in Southern India, the term for douchebag is Tumbida koDa tuLukuvudilla. Translation: “The pot which is full does not splash.” Makes sense. Sort of.

Boogity Boogity Boogity Amen!

Speaking of Pear, now’s a good time as any to remember that formerly barely famous something or other, Jennifer Love Hewitt, once complained about being called a ‘Pear Ass.’ Ladies, it may be reductive and objectifying, but it’s still meant as a compliment.

Kim Jong Ill: O.G.

The great, cryptic and mythic hero of HCwDB, the legendary John Largeman, was caught on camera catching a foul ball, Ferris style.

But you are not here for John Largeman Ferris moves. You are here for Pear. And it’s time we go back to a classic:

Suelyn Froth Pear.

Like two fleshy sea grapefruits gargling jello.

# posted by douchebag1
12:57 pm September, 23 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Man that Joe Piscopo is buff. He can pull some skinny tail too!

1:04 pm September, 23 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I think I divulged the story of the Polish hooker who was saving for medical school before. They all look like this but weight varies by two pounds. Did I mention they are really hot when your pregnant wife is away? I hope Nadja is a real good doctor.
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Prost

1:05 pm September, 23 Capt. James T. Douche said...

Why do Eastern European girls always have to cop an attitude? Its not like you weren’t wiping your asses bare handed back in the old country.

1:19 pm September, 23 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

New York City photos are great for people older than my pappy Rev. Chad Kroeger Sr. who was born in 1943 before the Baby Boom. I don’t know if that should be capitalized or even mentioned anymore because we may be the last generations of civilization.
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That President Obama is about as useful as Metamucil on a tomahawk. Son. Get the fuck rid of him now and sell everything you have. Run to the Phillipines with gold or stay and ye shall perish. We need a good WAR!!!!!
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I’ma canning food this year, yes sir, I’m thinking of ordering a new still for the times coming but don’t want to discourage Mrs. Kroeger. I got two 7 year-old boys in a barrel for the young uns. We let em dry off from time to time. Cloning the dog is a problem. Keeping the foos dehydrated is a discombobulation.
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Hard to buy excess ammo hear in Khanadar. God damned liberal hid my rounds and I was just about ready to load up and………………………………………………

1:22 pm September, 23 tall guy said...

At home for lunch one day this week I tuned in to an episode of The Love Boat. It featured the older girl from The Waltons, one Judy Norton, looking incredibly jump-worthy in one of those really revealing scooped-out-in-all-the-right-places 70s-style halter dresses. I want to book a stateroom on the first Love Boat that includes Waltons Mountain in its itinerary. Good Lord what a body!

1:24 pm September, 23 tall guy said...

@ Cap’n James BA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!

1:26 pm September, 23 Barron von Douchehoven said...

To Stefan; your name is “Stefan” … Harden the fuck up Stefan.
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For a fine performance I recommend John Largeman a pass on his next “texting while driving” infringement. Since he clearly has the fundamental multi-tasking skills necessary to play professional sports and run his jaw I figure he should be able to text his bookie while in traffic on Hwy 95, and not kill anyone in the process.
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And to sweet Jenny Love Hugetits; I say unto thee… If we wanted you to open your trap we would jiggle our zippers!
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I am now off to single handedly (and by that I mean using one hand) froth some pear.

1:46 pm September, 23 PuddingSkins said...

The athlete in “My Roommate the Athlete” looks like Stackhouse, but with better teeth and no spare tire.
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I used to refer to her as I Jennifer Hate Hewitt, but it never got any laughs. Maybe that now that everyone see dumb she is it will. Fingers crossed.
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Now off to find me a red headed man and capitalize on his lowered self esteem after I show him that report.

1:49 pm September, 23 Barron von Douchehoven said...

I’m still soaking over the “Gordon Ramsay Porn Star Badger Den” thing… I wish I could make that kind of shit up.

1:50 pm September, 23 PuddingSkins said...

And I meant *sees how dumb she is* regarding Miss Hewitt. But I think what really learned today is how dumb I is.

2:24 pm September, 23 Merle Baggard said...

Nothing is douchier than talking on the phone during a ball game, unless you’re doing it while on roids and have 45 degree hat tilt.

2:27 pm September, 23 DarkSock said...

Fuck everything.
.
It’s over.
we

2:34 pm September, 23 Vin Douchal said...

The “Great Vin Douchal” , eh? I’ll take it
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I love the clothes back in the 40’s . In those New York photos even the homeless bums had style.
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Furthering the case for Alt-Country:
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Son Volt:

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The Jayhwaks

2:46 pm September, 23 anon said...

hard to tell, but scrawny mcbigtits looks like the vacant eyed girl of a similar description who’s been frequently spotted in the company of King Douchous.

2:47 pm September, 23 anon said...

and I dont mean that hello kitty travesty

3:06 pm September, 23 Hermit said...

The NYC stills are sweet, taken at a time when Amerikä was strong and growing stronger.
My grandfather was a drunken Irish brawler and native New Yorker. I’m sure he had his ass kicked in McSorley’s Old Ale House at least once. My parents grew up in Queens, but when I was born they left the gritty, real-life City for the false security and pre-fab and concrete Levittown plasticity of Long Island. There I spent my formative years masturbating to images of June Cleaver, reciting the National Anthem and ducking for cover under my elementary school desk as we prepared for total nuclear vaporization .
I moved west, altered my consiousness with carefully selected chemicals, smoked Panamanian weed in service to my country, aged ungracefully and finally settled in my current hovel, where I now watch the Nation steadily decline on my computer screen.
John Wayne beget Perez Hilton, Shirley Temple beget Miley Cyrus, Grandma Walton beget Rosie O’donnel.
Where noble and profitable whorehouses once stood, we now find mass-produced fast-food traps, complete with diaper-changing stations in the MEN’S restrooms to ensure total emasculation and prepare us for government-mandated castration.
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I won’t even duck and cover, nuclear vaporization can’t come soon enough.

3:14 pm September, 23 I R A Darth Aggie said...

I came for pear, and got Jennifer Love Hewitt? hey, that works.

3:15 pm September, 23 Steve L. said...

my knowledge of New York photography stopped after the early 1930s. because… well… ironworkers and window cleaners.
i especially like this pic. nothing like a photographer who risked his life to take a photo.

3:22 pm September, 23 Steve L. said...

oddly enough, i like Scrabble extraordinaire Mandy better. i’ll show her how to land a jackhammer into a triple word square. and then i’ll show her how to land a jackhammer into her succulent…. um…









okay i never actually got a jackhammer into a triple word square.

3:24 pm September, 23 PuddingSkins said...

@Hermit, June Cleaver did have a pretty decent ass pear for a lady her age. You have good taste.

3:29 pm September, 23 im a dude said...

should be called gay old shit nobody cares about anymore links n shit

3:32 pm September, 23 Steve L. said...

while i’m on nothing in particular, the only New Yorker i’ve worked with really is obsessively cultured in that New Yorker way. he’s the only coworker i’ve ever known who goes to the sauna every other day after work (or – who knows – maybe even every day). the rest of us lowly Canadians in the crew are far more likely to talk about projectile boogers being forcefully driven into someone’s ass. Shane you sick bastard!

3:38 pm September, 23 PuddingSkins said...

@I’m a dude, no man, that’s what your name should be. At least that’s what I’m gonna call you from now on. In my head.

3:45 pm September, 23 Douchble Helix said...

Skinny Bigtits. mmm, mmm, mmm!
Nice color photos. Too bad they’re all about NYC.
Due to my skirmish earlier this week, Imma let that Hello Kitty comment go unnoted.

3:46 pm September, 23 Douchble Helix said...

Is Ms. Bigtits giving me the MEoC?

3:51 pm September, 23 hermit android thumbs said...

@ im a dude 3:29,
Get used to it. Soon you’ll be paying for mine and about four other old fucker’s social security and Medicare.
.
.
Better get to work.
.
.
Son

3:56 pm September, 23 Steve L. said...

@ gay old shit nobody cares about 3:29 PM,
.
PuddingSkins’ post @ 3:38PM is really inspiring. that is all.

4:05 pm September, 23 Et Tu Douche? said...

Mmmmmmmmm Suelyn Froth Pear.!!!!!!
.
Any mention of John Largeman makes for a good way to head into the weekend. He kinda hammed it up thought but he’s John Largemanesqe so it’s ok.
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@Hermit,
Brilliant!!!!!, I laughed and wept cause it’s soo true.
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“Where noble and profitable whorehouses once stood, we now find mass-produced fast-food traps, complete with diaper-changing stations in the MEN’S restrooms to ensure total emasculation and prepare us for government-mandated castration.
.

5:24 pm September, 23 Medusa Oblongata said...

@ Hermit–as I try to soothe the torn abdominal muscle from today’s widow-replacing project, I can scarcely read your dire projections without weeping. Especially after seeing photos when men dressed like men, bums dressed like they had their pride and humanity left about them, and everything wasn’t flavored with mercury-laced corn syrup.
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Photographers

5:37 pm September, 23 PuddingSkins said...

@whoever thinks I’m Douchble Helix, I am highly offended that you would confuse me with him. C’Mon! I thought you guys knew me by now.

5:46 pm September, 23 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I never used one of them MEN’S diaper-changers
.
Do you think John Wayne was gay Hermit? I’ve had others suggest that. Marion Robert Morrison was not gay and anyone under 60 in the great USA must realize that their social security premiums are supporting a PONZI. Same shit here in Canada. Invest in seeds and cash hidden in relatives backyards my friends. Shit is getting UGLY on the econoshizbat today. Word! Follow the teachings of Jack ans Rexella Van Impe this Sunday at 10:30 am and see how the End of Times is here.

6:00 pm September, 23 Douchble Helix said...

I’m beginning to worry about the Reverend. Invest in seeds? These jokers advertised on Glenn becks show. That’s for the ig’nant.
.
http://www.survivalseedbank.com/

6:12 pm September, 23 PuddingSkins said...

@DH, I thought he was talking about marijuana seeds.

6:27 pm September, 23 Hermit said...

@ Rev,
Yes, John Wayne was definitely gay.
.
If you’ll watch the Van Impe tapes very closely, you’ll notice that about midway through tape #6 Rexella’s top opens accidentally and her left boob pops out knocking over a potted plant.

6:36 pm September, 23 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Bulimia hott with perky tits FTW. Froth pear is one of the best in recent months.
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NYC has smelled like piss for going on 250 years. A major accomplishment for the New World, but it can’t touch old world charmer Rome for piss stank that is older than JC himself. Viva la civilization.

7:13 pm September, 23 troy tempest said...

changing tables in the men’s room are great. I took a nap on one once.

8:16 pm September, 23 creature said...

…don’t forget tanning booth colouring on Todd, Boss

8:20 pm September, 23 Whoop-di-douche said...

Thanks for the ZEN that was early 40’s NYC, Boss.

With Suelyn Froth Pear, it’s as if she has two sets of Asspear, the big’uns, and then those teensy heels of hers pokin’ outta the water under her big’uns.

Changing tables in the men’s room are great graffiti attractants. The words are as smutty as the smells.

9:02 pm September, 23 Doucheywallnuts said...

Ukrainian hott was the star of Vladimir Putin’s favorite Russian show, “Guess How Many Abortions I’ve Had?” and also did a brief stint on another show that was big in Uzbekistan, “I Drank Too Much Vodka and Got Gang Fucced.”
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For anyone who cares, I will be spending the rest of this rainy weekend watching football, reading Christopher Hitchens and Richard Dawkins, drinking copious amounts of Knob Creek and playing Xbox. I’m 14 going on 21 going on 50-ish.
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Razorbacks

9:04 pm September, 23 The Dude said...

I peed in a sewer once. Then I was told I was peeing on Hollywood.

9:26 pm September, 23 Capt. James T. Douche said...

Doucheywallnuts I like your style and taste in authors too!!

9:50 pm September, 23 Douchble Helix said...

D W – What did the guy from Family Feud ever write?

5:34 am September, 24 Hermit said...

@ Medusa,
If I can be of help with the soothing, let me know. I’d love nothing more than to lay my healing hands upon your abdominal muscles.
*mmmmmmmmmmmm*
.
Yep, maintaining the house is a constant struggle. I was hoping that space debris would fall on my hovel last night and burn it to the ground. I could then collect the insurance, say to hell with home ownership, and retire somewhere in the Caribbean.
.
.
.
How long would $12,000 last in Barbados?

5:38 am September, 24 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Richard Dawkins is one of the great atheist, scientist, game-show hosts. He wrote the books, “Survey Says; There is No God,” “Family Feud; Why Jesus Hated His Father,” and “Blasphemy is a Victimless Crime.”
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Non-believers

5:39 am September, 24 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Oh, and also, “The God Delusion.”

5:39 am September, 24 Douchble Helix said...

Beautiful.

7:19 am September, 24 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

google Santorum ya bunch of Hot Carl’s. and that Bachmann is batfuck crazy

8:18 am September, 24 DoucheyWallnuts said...

I’m bored waiting for the day’s college football schedule. So bored that I keep checking in here while staring at the bottle of Knob Creek, waiting for the clock to strike 3pm. So without further ado, here are my college picks for the day.
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Take Arkansas getting 12.5 points versus Alabama in Tuscaloosa. Great match-up of two douchebag coaches, Bobby Petrino and Nick Saban and two teams from the biggest hick states in the country. Watching teams like this play makes it easy to see how slavery was so big in the south and makes you wonder if it ever truly was abolished.
.
Take Army and give 5.5 versus Ball State. The fact that Army is less than a touchdown favorite in any game is an indication of how far we’ve fallen as a country. Our military teams should be dominant and crush a team like Ball State (Celebrity Douchebag David Letterman’s alma mater). If Army can’t beat Ball State do we have any hope against the Red Chinese? Feel free to riff on the name Ball State.
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Take LSU and give the 6 on the road versus West Virginia. I was tempted to take WVU since their head coach is known to be a drunk and has been thrown out of casinos and strip bars in the Morgantown area, but I opted to go with the team that engages in better illegal recruiting practices and thus, has better athletes and football players. I am not aware if there is a douchebag element in play for this game.
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Take the home team Pittsburgh Panthers and the 3.5 versus Notre Dame. Notre Dame football is proof that there is not a God. There has never been a bigger group of suck-up, kiss-ass Catholics than ND, and yet they still can’t beat Michigan and hold on to a late lead. Seriously, if there were a God he would reward ND’s slavish fealty to the big old man in a white beard who watches over everything, demands loyalty and lets kids die from cancer. Huge Irish-Catholic douchebag aspect to this game, as well. Go Pitt!
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Take Clemson and the 3 versus the visiting Florida State Semenoles. The Semenoles might be without their starting QB EJ Manuel, are coming off a tough loss to top-ranked Oklahoma and Clemson is tough to beat in Death Valley. While I am not aware of a douchebag factor in this match-up, there is the bleeth factor, as Florida State was the home of the Florida State Cowgirls and Jenn Sterger, who was the recipient of Brett Favre’s cellphone junk photos.
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Prognosticators

2:46 pm September, 24 Charles said...

Suelynn Froth Pear is a major bleeth. She was caught drunk driving in LA a couple of months ago.

http://www.tmz.com/2011/07/14/suelyn-medeiros-model-claudia-jordan-dui-arrest-footage-hollywood-sexy/#.Tn5ScOy8h1w

6:12 pm September, 24 Stephanie said...

Those Ukranians still wipe their asses with their left hands and eat with their right. Care for any dip?

7:16 am September, 25 DoucheyWallnuts said...

For the record, I went 3-2 with my douchebag picks of the week…Not too bad.
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Bookmakers

1:08 pm September, 26 jonezy said...

DW- I’ll have to keep an eye out for your pics next week- maybe you can make use of the “forum” link on this site and provide a weekly service to our little community here- does anyone ever go in that forum anymore?
.
I myself polished copious amounts of whiskey this weekend as well, and we managed to get Bo Jackson over 1000 yds rushing in Super Tecmo. Some quick interwebs searching showed that 1400s are possible.
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still hungover from yesterday’s nfl tailgating- ugh…

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