Friday, September 30, 2011

Friday Thoughts and Links

Sometimes ‘bag hunters will stop me in the street and ask me, “DB1, why you smell like prunes?”

After I explain the intricacies of the digestive tract deprived of fruits and vegetables outside of a Hostess Pie, they then ask me something else.

“DB1, if you grant a performative leniency rule for scrotes whose job it is to perform scrotily, why doesn’t it apply to D.J.s?”

And I answer softly. Because D.J.s are camel poo. And Linda needs a sammich.

Here’s your links:

Your HCwDB DVD Indie Doc of the Week: “Kill Your Idols!”

The winner for douchiest energy drink of 2011? Blue Storm. Bringing douchey American culture to Afghanistan since 2002.

Speaking of the military, eagle-eyed reader justadouchalo catches Closet of Poo legend, Poo, being called out for pretending to have been a military P.O.W. Irony alert: When his ‘real’ name is “Winslow Jefferson Ballsworth” it may not be a real profile. Just a consideration.

Ever wonder what happens when a nerdy math geek meets a douchey hairstyle? Of course you have.

Jon Stewart takes on The Nanny. Back in 1997.

The greatest punk band of them all: The Buzzcocks. 1978.

Speaking of old music, there is only one B.O.C.

Or if you’re looking for current stuff, lately I’ve been digging on Cut Copy. Even if the video is hipster stupid, that track both evokes, and subverts, New Wave tropes.

More Cut Copy here. Walking the fine line of techno douchey, but I’d argue they transcend.

Some days I like to sit by a fire, enjoy a tasty chocodile and milk, and read some Vonnegut or Melville. Some days I like to gnaw on this.

But you are not here for Gummi gnaw. You are here for Pear:

Real World Russian Pool Pear.

Where droplets and Green Cards collide.

Enjoy. For the Weekend is upon.

# posted by douchebag1
12:37 pm September, 30 Wheezer said...

I love Russian Pool Pear hotts.
.
The math geek douche likes turtles.

12:41 pm September, 30 tall guy said...

I like skinny Linda. Russian pool pear isn’t too shabby either.

12:54 pm September, 30 Et Tu Douche? said...

Digging that Buzzcocks vid, Always loved the passion the punks brought to their music.
.
Mmmmmmm…Real World Russian Pool Pear.

12:55 pm September, 30 Lev said...

One might argue that Cut Copy isn’t hipster in their presentation, at least in the “Need You Now” video. I’ve dug upon that video for some time, and not only is it a good song, but there is an unpretentious innocence about it. The athletes’ attempt to try out each others’ respective sports does indeed digress into mayhem, as does any discussion in which people are too used to their own perspective to acknowledge the validity of others. However, with some introspection, it is revealed that stability can be found within.

12:59 pm September, 30 Hurl Scheibe said...

Love You More, Homosapiens.

1:02 pm September, 30 Hurl Scheibe said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OW672HSzeRg

1:07 pm September, 30 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

“. My penis is the size of a can of Lysol.” made me shat myself.

1:18 pm September, 30 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

Spit my drink all over my keyboard on the Poo Ballsworth profile. Great stuff.

And the thick Russian pear aint so bad either.

1:27 pm September, 30 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I got chunks of guys like Cut Copy in my stool.

1:36 pm September, 30 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

Awright. I gotta thang for Fran Drescher, or maybe its the Nanny, but if I could just hear that nasally moan when I gets my peen action goin’ I think I’d get double the volume, double the distance. Then I’d really be spent!

1:49 pm September, 30 Choad The Douche Sprocket said...

Couldn’t agree more with the DJ = autodouche axiom.
.
.
.Over the course of my 5 decades long existence, I have watched the simple-minded task of playing popular songs in a certain order go from a low-paying, no-account job with a certain louche, loser appeal, to being a “finely-tuned craft” (of playing songs in a certain order or side-by-side, to now being thought of as “artists” who have fans of their “art”…which consists of playing songs in a certain order or overlapping with each other on machines that make arranging such things painfully easy.
.
.Making matters worse are the billboards all over Vegas hyping “DJ MasterSphincter Friday/Sat at Rehab!” or “Celebrity DJ Paul FoldedDick at Haze” or other such nonsense.
.
.If the song-delivery dudes can be famous, then waiters ought to be on billboards too.
.
.
And don’t one of you numbnuts tell me it’s hard to mix and match tunes. You know what’s hard? Being a musician is hard. And takes talent. DJing is for music lovers without one and not wanting the other.
.
.Zeus hath spoken.

2:03 pm September, 30 Hermit said...

Let me say this, and make no mistake. Anyone who questions the authenticity of an American hero like William Jefferson Ballsworth should be shot for the treasonous, cowardly bastard that he is.

2:06 pm September, 30 Stephanie said...

Douche bag of the week would have to be Arnold having statues commissioned of himself with a larger package than what he really has. Now that’s an asshole.
Yes,Buzzcocks are one of the best no one even seems to care about anymore. Good solid lyrics and albums. Spiral Scratch is the earliest UK punk album,and one of the best.
But that doesn’t make me like you DB1.

2:18 pm September, 30 Hermit said...

Stephanie, please clarify.
.
Are you stating that you are not now, nor have ever been similar to DB1? Or alternately, that even under the current circumstances, you are in no way fond of him?
.
.
Thank You

2:18 pm September, 30 Wedgie said...

Is that King D without his spikey crown?

2:26 pm September, 30 Vin Douchal said...

Choad the DS really has a thing for them worthless DJ’s and I gotta agree.
.
I watch the 10 O’Clock news each night to see what boob popping outfit Vera Jimenez is wearing and to see if there’s been a mass murder of DJs in Vegas with Choad’s pic on the screen as the “Suspect Still At Large”
.
.
.
Buck Dharma

2:29 pm September, 30 Stephanie said...

I don’t think that was the original band Blue Oyster Cult doing that song,it sounded like a cover band. Are my ears full of wax? The video is great though. Funny joke: Lemmy called them Blue Oyster Cunt. Naughty boy.

2:35 pm September, 30 Vin Douchal said...

Not Safe For Work “Assplay”

2:37 pm September, 30 Vin Douchal said...

Assplay ^ Close yer HTML, idiot

3:19 pm September, 30 im a dude said...

wow i used to think this site was funny. but now i just think its lame and boring. more and more 80s bullshit nobody cares about, random trolls and shitty news articles. PUNK ROCK? the fuck? man. I WANT MY 5 MINUTES BACK ASSHOLE.

3:26 pm September, 30 Wedgie said...

^What a dick. Come back again when you can’t stay so long.

3:47 pm September, 30 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

DJ’s are douche. I used to spin for weddings, dances, etc. in high school and made some cash. I used to stagger around drunk and skip records and shit and leave my smokes burning on the fabric of my speakers, you’ve all seen me somewhere. So I took on partners to drive and do all the work and shit. Fucking Jeff Potts what an arsehole.
.
And “i’m a dude” take out your buttplug.

4:25 pm September, 30 soy bomb said...

“i’m a dude,” thanks for your input. Too bad people care more about the “80’s bullshit” than anything you have to say. F*ck off.
.
.
.
Cut Copy is legit, I’m seeing them next week in Hollywood with the equally legit Washed Out opening.

7:55 pm September, 30 Anonymous said...

@soy bomb, is it weird that Cal Ripkin Jr.’s number is also my ring size?

8:37 pm September, 30 DoucheyWallnuts said...

You gotta know that there are sick fuccs out there who would do things to that Gummy Bear that involve cutting a hole in it and, you know….And I bet Winslow Jefferson Balls is one of them.

9:20 pm September, 30 soy bomb said...

No anon, it would be weird if people found that to be weird.

11:22 pm September, 30 Steve L. said...

that;s as good as Russian pears can get. aside from Maria Sharapova, that is.
.
did i just say that out loud?

11:24 pm September, 30 Steve L. said...

punctuation errors FTL.
.
also, 9-inch tall gummy bears are starting to look like real living animals. so chewing on them is kinda… y’know.

7:08 am October, 1 troy tempest said...

No hot chicks but one sad puppy and two TOTAL DOUCHEBAGS:

http://tinyurl.com/3n8sc5o

8:06 am October, 1 icame isaw idouched said...

When Mr. Ballsworth dies they are going to give him an enema and bury him in a matchbox.

9:00 am October, 1 creature said...

Buzzcocks the best punk rock band of all time????
me thinks your sample size to small Bosss
they were good, maybe great….but MANY better
to numerous to list!

9:13 am October, 1 Et Tu Douche? said...

Apropos of nothing, I just scored me a Sansui AU-717</a. It's been cleaned, recapped, the works now if I could only find the matching TU-717

.
.
.
Audiophiles

12:08 pm October, 1 Wheezer said...

More Christina Hendricks boobs.
.
You fuccen hatters were always talking about her. Now look what you’ve made me do…..

12:48 pm October, 1 creature said...

thank you wheez!

1:07 pm October, 1 Douche Springsteen said...

I had never heard Cut Copy before this past summer and an out of town friend happened to be staying at my place and saw that they were playing nearby and insisted I accompany him. I rather enjoyed myself, I’d like to think that maybe they could have played the Haçienda in the early-mid 80s but neither were they derivative 80s crap like some bands who are riding the wave of detached synthesizer irony.

and by the way, D.J.s are definitely autodouche. No one’s even a D.J. anymore, it’s all just a fucking playlist on a laptop. Once I was at a bar and all the “D.J.” did was play the latest Girl Talk mash-up start to finish and walk around the place mugging the suckle-thigh who didn’t know any better.

Leave a Reply

What is 12 + 11 ?
Please leave these two fields as-is:
IMPORTANT! To be able to proceed, you need to solve the following simple math (so we know that you are a human) :-)