Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Giggle Ladies with Daddy Issues, Part 2

Continuing our recent study of Giggle Ladies with Daddy Issues (GLwDI), here’s Maria and Consuela getting back at their dad for moving them out of state back in 2nd grade.

The tool of their revenge, and by tool I mean tool: “Tommy Pak.”

Poor, poor Mario.

He just wanted a better life for his kids.

He’ll carry the karmic and existential pain of Tommy Pak through the retirement years.

# posted by douchebag1
7:17 am September, 21 OMG en español said...

Salma Hayek in the background looks pissed. One time my Dad moved us from SoCal to Norcal when I was in second grade. I got back at him by being aloof and moody during my teenage years. I also TPeed a house once.

7:22 am September, 21 Et Tu Douche? said...

Wow!!!, a lot of fail going on here. Hidden D-Bag from behind finger gesture, Faux Hawk, etc;. I wonder if this was what the B-52’s envisioned when they wrote “Party gone out of bounds”. Couple entering party in background have that “What the fuck did we just walk into” look on their faces.

7:31 am September, 21 Douchble Helix said...

I could eat a couple of fish tacos right about now.

7:36 am September, 21 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

This party make me think of Mexicali Blues. I can only hope it also ends in a shootout.

7:44 am September, 21 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I woke from a dream I was having involving fun casual sex with a giggly taller Selma Hayek. I smiled and went back to sleep. I started sweating with the jungle fever and she turned into the Williams sister’s and I woke again with a simian rage, took the dog outside and made it eat it’s tennis balls. Fuck I hate tennis. Fucky fuck fucker. Fuck off tennis.
.
This guy’s a douche of the nth degree. Nice hair Obi-wan-Kafuckbag.

7:49 am September, 21 OMG en español said...

The middle finger of the unseen douchebag appears to be hyperextended at the tip. Do you suppose its because it was recently used to test the elasticity of Tommy’s tush hole?

7:54 am September, 21 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Oh to be young again. Scoring tang would be like shooting fish in a barrel.

7:57 am September, 21 Armchair Psychologist said...

You know The Reverend Chad Kroeger, Andre Agassi also hated tennis. But some of that had to do with his obearing and abusive father. Where do you think your hatred of tennis stems from? If you could enlighten us with a summary and a John MacEnroe name drop I think we might be able to get to the bottom of it once and for all.

8:03 am September, 21 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Ghey Chuevara gives the sex workers of Local 1091967 the good news after a long round of negotiations with Pudwhackers Local 666 that they can use banana AND strawberry-flavored condoms when giving blow jobs. One worker, who wished to remain anonymous, disagrees with the decision.

8:17 am September, 21 C.G. said...

one of the shortcomings of steroids are that they don’t make your hands bigger. nice lady fingers.

8:29 am September, 21 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

^Johnny MacEnroe’s a good solid Scot with a terrible Irish temper like mine. And he likes a we drink of a dram.
One day I was really wrecked and woke up to seeing the Gorillas duking it out at some tournament and puked. I hear they are much more grotesque in person. Now I’m not down on the sistas, but I hate the Williams sisters. Sistas have an ability to relapse their private parts like no other race. Something to do with walking behind hoes or something. But the Gorillas are something that all hetero men hate, regardless of species. I mean race. But maybe the chinks like powerful black sista hentai or shit. Anyway I switched the channel to the movie shit and Mr. Deeds was getting his drunk on with Johnny Mac and from that day on I hated tennis. That and my emphesyma prevents me for participatory sports other than skateboarding.

8:42 am September, 21 Barron von Douchehoven said...

whoa … dude has an extra hand coming from his naval … hopefully he can get that looked at today at the free clinic.

8:44 am September, 21 Armchair Psychologist said...

@The Reverend, very interesting. It appears you have a fear of powerful black women. Pray tell, were you raped by Oprah as a young Kroeger. Perhaps your father was a rich black woman who never paid that much attention to you. I need you to delve deeper. And I agree, The Gorillaz are a great band. I think part of their mystique is MJ one really knows what they look like.

9:44 am September, 21 SomeGuy said...

DieselDouche isn’t excited about seeing the other dude’s hand giving him the finger. He’s excited about where said dude’s left hand is, and he’s really glad he cut the seat out of his jeans.

9:46 am September, 21 troy tempest said...

Et Tu Douche nailed it – the best comment on this photo is in the photo – the couple who just walked in through the door.
.
Their faces say “Holy fucking shit. What inner circle of HELL did we just waltz into here?”

9:46 am September, 21 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Here’s something to keep the Rev’s nightmares going, and mine, too.
.
http://stupidcelebrities.net/wp-content/old_pictures/3619.jpg

9:48 am September, 21 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Oh, and usually when someone has a severe aversion to tennis it is because they were violated with the handle of a racket.

9:49 am September, 21 Armchair Psychologist said...

^DW, FT Diagnosis Win!

10:13 am September, 21 Miss Scarlette said...

To solve the mystery of Reverend Kroeger’s fear of powerful black women, I believe it was Reverend Chad’s Uncle in the Conservatory with the Mrs. Butterworth bottle. And I think we all know where said bottle was placed. Repeatedly.

10:25 am September, 21 The Dude said...

Wholly Smackerel!!

10:28 am September, 21 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

As Michael Flatabsly performed his final performance of Lord of the Douche at the Pepe’s Restaurant – Des Moines, it was brutally apparent that the world had grown tired of his shtick.

10:55 am September, 21 Medusa Oblongata said...

Uh oh..some asshole leaked the ending of the story. See Tommy’s waistband. Well, if anyone in the story dies, I’m glad it’s him.

11:15 am September, 21 Douchble Helix said...

The Rev is way over the line. That shit should be deleted immeditely.

I don’t come to this site for obnoxious racism.

1:28 pm September, 21 DarkSock said...

His head is shaped like a dying man’s last involuntary turd.

1:45 pm September, 21 Stephanie said...

Judging by his lack of fear for a reach around hand,near his crotch,he must request that a lot.

1:59 pm September, 21 Face Ripper Monkey said...

@ DH
.
God, you’re just like Ben fucking Affleck. Most of us are here because we’re not PC. Now go off and tell the internet police what happened and see if they respond. Better yet, just go away.

2:13 pm September, 21 Douchble Helix said...

FRM. Go fuck yourself.

2:25 pm September, 21 Douche France said...

Non-mocking use of the word “racism” in a comment thread : auto douche.

2:32 pm September, 21 Face Ripper Monkey said...

^ Oooooooooooh. OUCH! You wound me with your rapier wit. Oh please, I give up. I can’t possibly stand another one of those witty retorts. Consider myself fucked. So, are you going to go away or what?

3:18 pm September, 21 Ruonicss said...

this is be cool 8) Child Super Model ecy

3:58 pm September, 21 Miss Scarlette said...

@Mr. Monkey, if DH goes who will make the Hottie collages? Dudes got skillzzzzzz.

8:10 pm September, 21 Douchble Helix said...

Choosing to have “France” in your registered ‘baghunter name: Kade-level douche.

2:54 am September, 22 Douche France said...

Hum… since I am, indeed, a French citizen living in France, I consider it to be more “obvious” or “descriptive” than “douche”, but who knows ?

By the way : “Douce France” is a famous song by Charles Trenet. True fact.

3:37 am September, 22 Douchble Helix said...

Being “a French citizen living in France”: auto douche

3:41 am September, 22 Douchble Helix said...

Non-mocking use of the sentence, “By the way : “Douce France” is a famous song by Charles Trenet. True fact.” in a comment thread : auto douche.

4:29 am September, 22 Douche France said...

OK. Thank you kid. Don’t be mad at me and don’t skip class in Ball state university for me !

Let me guess : sports scholarship ? Affiramative action ?

8:35 am September, 22 Hurl Scheibe said...

This picture reminds me of the Warren Zevon song, Carmelita.

The best way to deal with the horrors of this picture is to be strung out on heroin.

8:41 am September, 22 Hurl Scheibe said...

Wait a minute, calling out racism and then calling someone from France an autodouche? WTF? Isn’t xenophobia a wholly owned subsidiary of racism?

DF – don’t know if you really are French or not, but if you are I went to Paris and fell in love with the place.

I guess that makes me a douche too.

9:19 am September, 22 Douchble Helix said...

That’s a BS False Equivalency, HS.
Re-read the Rev’s screed. It’s disgusting That’s the topic at hand.

9:52 am September, 22 Face Ripper Monkey said...

@ Hurl Scheibe
.
Paris is indeed a beautiful place. If you ever get a chance to get back, tour Provence. Even if you didn’t know you were a wine snob, you’ll find out then. The myriad of wines is awesome.
.
It seems that what you, me, and our natural-born Frenchman (Douche France) fail to forget is that DH is on a waiting list to attend this fine institution and has yet to grasp the nuances of (1) being funny and (2) how to make a logical connection between (1) and the point or butt of a joke. All jokes have a target and most are offensive to some degree. That’s why they are funny. Really, it is that simple. Now if he would just go away like I’ve asked before.

7:12 pm September, 22 Hurl Scheibe said...

Yeah it was pretty bad, but calling someone an auto douche for being French doesn’t exactly qualify you for a bully pulpit either. Remember what Mark Knopfler said in Solid Rock – when you point your finger there are three pointing right back at you.

FRM – One day I will get back. If for nothing else to see a Lance free Tour.

7:46 pm September, 22 Douchble Helix said...

He said it first!!!

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