Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Reader Mail: The Pauly D Bag


Sean writes in with more evidence of the regressive effect the Jersey Shore douche posse’s fame and success is having on the human race:

———-
This is a picture of my friend Faith. She is a major hott who just started seeing this BAG. She used to listen to metal and do cool shit like MMA, but now she spends all her time with this Jersey Shore Pauly-D wanna be…

His entire lifestyle is molded after that gay show Jersey Shore and more specifically Pauly-D. Thats why I call him Pauly D-Bag!
———-

True crime, my friends. Witness the effect ironobaggery has on causing real douchepuddery in the echo of its discursive wake.

EDIT: I should mention that while the pic does demonstrate a trend worth monitoring, there are a number of self-evident problematics at work in the accompanying email that suggest a more complex discourse of douchebaggery at work within variant subdivisions.

# posted by douchebag1
2:20 pm September, 14 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

By his colour I would be inclined to call him Hepatitis D.

2:36 pm September, 14 american bagger said...

wait a second…when did MMA become “cool stuff”? i thought MMA was autodouche. if tattoos are to be considered autodouche, than i’m starting the ‘MMA is autodouche’ club. who wants to join me? and i’ll say till the day i die, tattoos are not autodouche – i’m talking to you, douchie arnez. i’m so confused. who’s a douche again?

2:37 pm September, 14 tall guy said...

This cautionary tale needs music. Several songs by Faith No More spring to mind (via my finger tips that is):
#1 Digging The Grave
# 2 The Gentle Art of Making Enemies
# 3 Jizzlobber
#4 She Loves Me No More

2:38 pm September, 14 tall guy said...

Also, this guy looks like such a cock smoker.

2:48 pm September, 14 Capt. James T. Douche said...

Tattoos do not necessarily = autodouche but I agree MMA = autodouche. Pray for a tanning bed accident incinerating him alive before one of his retarded sperm manages to reach her cervix and condemn her to a life of Bleethdom.

2:54 pm September, 14 SortaDamocles said...

Life imitating Douche

2:57 pm September, 14 Southern Scrotic said...

She’s not that hot.

3:11 pm September, 14 douchebagel said...

i can’t stop staring at his nipples. is that ghey?

3:40 pm September, 14 Vin Douchal said...

I don’t like uncircumscized cockks or gingers in my porn. They would not get my click

4:05 pm September, 14 Horace Dangleballs said...

His hat reads “12 Adam.” Can we hope that Reed and Malloy will show up to pop several .38 rounds through his remarkably rectangular cranium?

4:10 pm September, 14 Choad The Douche Sprocket said...

A contemplative thought has occurred to the Choadster (and no, it doesn’t hurt):
.
.Does a shaved chest = autobag?
.
.
.Do real men shave anything but their faces?
.
.
.And what should one’s response be to a girlfriend who keeps insisting he trim up the black forest around his nethers?
.
.
.The Choad gives not two shits about the answers….since they are “yes,” “no,” and “shut up and suck,” but thought he should reveal his sensitive, Jack Handy-side to his fellow ‘bag hunters.
.
.That is all.

4:17 pm September, 14 Douchble Helix said...

The 2nd generation of most businesses runs the enterprise into the ground.
We’re seeing the genesis of this dynamic with the younger ‘baghunters who think MMA and metal chicks rule.
We have to take what we can get. Kids will be thier own selves, even if they’re just like everyone else. But they won’t be just like we were or just the way we want them to be.
The ungrateful little turds.

4:28 pm September, 14 DoucheyWallnuts said...

I would like to echo the sentiment that MMA is the sign of the douche; it is just a different manifestation of the strain. Just as there are many kinds of diseases, there are many kinds of douchebags. So one may start out a FratBag, change to a MMABag and then a Jersey Shore bag, yet a bag is a bag is a bag.
.
What’s in a name? That which we call a Douchebag by any other name would smell like Axe Body Spray; So Pauly Bag would, were he not Pauly Bag call’d, retain that dear perfection which he owes without that title. Douchebag, doff thy name; and for that name, which is no part of thee, take all myself.

4:35 pm September, 14 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

^What DW said, and what is wrong with metal chicks.
.

4:48 pm September, 14 douche nozzle said...

This chick is my friend. I thought it was cool that a girl would learn to fight and could kick most guys asses. She used to listen to old school metal like Priest, Dio, and Metallica.
Now it’s shit like Lil Wayne and using sayings like “yeah buddy” all the time.
I’m afraid she has turned into a Bagette… 🙁

4:55 pm September, 14 Anonymous said...

I stand corrected

4:55 pm September, 14 Anonymous said...

sb:
I stand corrected?

4:56 pm September, 14 Jeff said...

Dudes, when did tattoos become autodouche? As for this broheim his torso is weird looking. And that thing attached to his neck and below his cap is fugly. And gotta admit I’m not too bummed about Faith turnin’ bleeth. Maybe because the caliber of chicks I have in my stable are a lot hotter. MMA is AWESOME!!!

4:57 pm September, 14 Douchble Helix said...

wtf?
I stand corrected?
.
.goddamned tablet.

5:29 pm September, 14 Medusa Oblongata said...

She could use a little work.

6:11 pm September, 14 troy tempest said...

MMA was never cool.

She is bleeth.

He is bag.

That is all.

7:17 pm September, 14 Douchie Spellcheck said...

Dear “Jeff”: maybe the caliber of chicks you have in your stable is a lot hotter? MMA is AWESOME!! [SIC!!]

It’s you in the pic up there, isn’t it? Come on, admit it, let your freak flag fly, we’ll accept you…

Oh wait — No. You’re a douche.

7:27 pm September, 14 mandouchian candidate said...

Hot chicks with Douchebags is the name of this website last I checked. This picture resembles the tip of the penis of a jack russel terrier and the new waitress at Waffle House.
+
Come on; the formula works.

7:52 pm September, 14 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

Pretty sure Picasso painted this d-bags chest.

9:01 pm September, 14 Rick Derris said...

This guy is a total f*ing douche.

Sean, don’t worry too much. Your friend Faith is still clean and disease free. No way she could’ve caught anything from ramming YO YO YO PAULY D-BAG with the strap-on.

9:20 pm September, 14 soy bomb said...

I’m going to give Red here a pass. It might just be a bad angle. The douche is doing his best to squeeze her out of the frame, as camera-hogging is surely one of the few things this smug, Jersey Shore wannabe is actually good at. I actually know a guy who’s training for his first MMA fight come Oct. 1st. He’s busting his ass to get ready, logging an enormous amount of hours at the gym or dojo or wherever the hell it is they train. He’d be the first to rip on the poseurs who swarm around the sport; the losers who wear the gear but can’t man up and square off against anyone. These are the choads most deserving of mock.

9:33 pm September, 14 Steve L. said...

if bashing a crater into this guy’s nose with a sledgehammer can make the girl hotter, i’m all for it.

9:36 pm September, 14 Jeet Kune Douche said...

There are even unholy spirits that find this DOUCHE to be completely beyond the pale.The existence of such baggery threatens the very fabric of the Universe.

2:52 am September, 15 Slap said...

The Milf shows potential. Too bad there’s a skinny faggot blocking the view.

6:04 am September, 15 I R A Darth Aggie said...

It’s a two-headed bag! Run away!
.
It isn’t? oh. Run away, Faith, run away!

6:13 am September, 15 my friends call me @$$hole said...

sorry to tell you, Sean, but… being able to fight: NOT autodouche, doing it for fun/exercise: kinda’ douchey, highly suspect (so is metal), doing it for trophies and/or a “living”: fuckin’ AUTO!

6:39 am September, 15 Douche Wayne said...

MMA = all of the steriods of baseball coupled with none of the drama of WWE.

Oh, and Woodpecker From Mars. Just sayin’.

7:21 am September, 15 Jeff said...

@Douchie Spellchuck 7:17p, no dude, that is not me. My pecs are 10 times pecier. Also how is having a stable being a douche? I’m not married and I like variety. You would do the same if you could. Now bro to bro, its been awhile since you’ve gotten some tang hasn’t it. I can tell by your anger at which you attacked me. Now I know this hot older chick who would go apeshit for you. Lemme know and I will totally set that shit up. But bro dude seriously, you should probably grow a pair and ask her yourself.

8:20 am September, 15 Hurl Scheibe said...

1 Adam 12, 1 Adam 12. Where the hell is Officer Pete Malloy to arrest this douche?

Please add my voice to the growing chorus:

MMA = AUTODOUCHE.

11:41 am September, 15 Douchie Spellcheck said...

@Jeff. That would be awesome, but I’ve fucked your mom already this month. She sends her love. Good luck with those moobs.

11:55 am September, 15 Jeff said...

@Douchie, that’s awesome dude. Was her vagina like I remember it from when I shot out of it? I hope so. Shit was dope.

12:20 pm September, 15 Daggerbagger' said...

MMA is instant douche in my opinion, no excuses. It is basically just a show-ponied, tribal-tatted diversion from the real martial arts, the modern opium for the bro’ masses…. since when is fighting cool?? Mr Miagi is rolling in his grave whilst Stackhouse is fist pumpiiiiinggg

7:30 pm September, 15 idfma said...

Jeff, as long as you haven’t worn Axe, bling, or tats to bag the hotts, we might give you a pass. However, achieving a ‘stable’ when you are not a pro athlete, rock star, or politician (scratch that last one), usually requires some dishonesty, and that is autodouche too.
.
So is the word ‘pecier’. Is that french?

7:32 pm September, 15 idfma said...

She is not attractive. Note the partial mark of the bag on her forehead. Let her go, Sean, there are better girls than this one–although I can understand: you figure you have a shot at fucking her, what with her bad judgement and all.

10:12 pm September, 15 Stephanie said...

I think I saw him working a hole in a wall at the local truck stop. He also looks like a special needs child.

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