Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Sunny Meets The Tatt Vortex

—–
She’d heard the rumors.

Alas, alacrum, across the great expanse of the Vegas Parties, the legend persisted. Passed along, Sorority Hott to Sorority Hott. Stare at The Tatt Vortex for too long and your first born would have “The Mark of the Ed Hardy” uponst his forehead.

But Sunny didn’t listen.

And, nine months later, poor Timmy came along. Timmy would spend the grade school years trying to live down the ignominy of the wretched curse of… The Scarlett Doucher.
—–

This excerpt from “The Scarlett Doucher,” reminds you to support your local public library. For without books, there’d be no books.

# posted by douchebag1
9:15 am September, 7 Vin Douchal said...

While eating a Vegan panini
To muzak warbling Pagnini
They wonder why “vagrant”
Rhymes with “fragrant”
And the cure for that wart on his weanie

9:15 am September, 7 The Dude said...

Another pupa has emerged from its stinky cocoon — he was wrapped up in there for months! — and ruined another wiccan hott. Makes me want to slap a fish. On the side of his head.

9:29 am September, 7 DoucheyWallnuts said...

It’s the Mayan Tatt of Douche.

9:30 am September, 7 schlicht bindenburger said...

she gots them wonderful bedroom eyes, he looks like a rectal skintag!

9:31 am September, 7 Vin Douchal said...

This is a mismatch from hell. She is überhott and he is a toad. What the fuck? C’mon, fertile female types at a delicious sexual age. You can do better

9:35 am September, 7 Hot Waitress said...

A tattoo that draws attention away from his weird nipples would have been a better way to go.

9:57 am September, 7 I R A Darth Aggie said...

If you gaze into the douche, the douche gazes also into you.
.
— Friedrich “Freddy da’bag hunter” Nietzsche

10:05 am September, 7 Hurl Scheibe said...

Nipples?

I thought those were wounds left from blood engorged ticks.

10:06 am September, 7 Douche Springsteen said...

Her ancestors were frost giants and woodland nymphs who walked the primal Scandinavian forests when the rocks were young, eons before the first rumblings of the Grieco virus made themselves known in the new world.
His people fished the waters where the sewers met the sea and were prone to bizarre skin maladies, the likes of which even the medical journals can’t explain. He doesn’t deserve to be breathing the same air as her. Sorry if this sounds a little Third Reich, but can you say that I’m wrong?
.
.
.
.
Übermenschen

10:34 am September, 7 tall guy said...

So very tragic so very questionable. She is uber hott, and the black nail varnish may possibly indicate her randomly aired, peculiar bent for the darker side. Her choice of company for this seemingly exotic journey fails to meet minimum standard requirements for anything except, of course, for his hourly rate of pay.

10:50 am September, 7 Hot Waitress said...

@ Douche Springsteen, she’s obviously into him. And she’s got fake cans, plus she likes Vegas and I’m pretty sure her Scandinavian ancestory came from a bottle of hair dye. She may come from a family of wooden forest nymphs but she prefers the company of douche. What are you gonna do? They can’t all be Einsteins. Dumb gals need love too.

11:03 am September, 7 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I think you guys are more stoned than me. Or maybe you seem that way because I am stoned on the new Purple Kush to deal with the boredom of working again. She looks like Scarlett Johanssen, keep the fucking drugs away from her ,I think she’s dead. ……Funnt thing this morning, I got sued twice for separate issues from a decade ago for a little less than 500K. Fuck the solarium additions were only worth 50K a piece and their suing for corporate oppression and using high-handed sales tactics. I’ll take that as a complement. Buyers remorse is a funny thing when people get alittle leak after I bankrupted the company. My old Golden will be acting as my attorney in these cases and frivolously countersuing for 150 billion dollars for defamation of bad character. If the court dismisses the counterclaim I will be calling Stackhouse the Poets before turkey season comes to get the name of Cam. Fucking Star Wars talk has me looking for my Lando Calrissian dolls. Time to drink before Mrs. Kroeger finds out she’s on the larger statement of claim.
.
I’m goning to sed thes fuckers a bag of flaming dog shit buy courier. That might not work. Fucking Elton John had a lot of talent for a queer.

11:09 am September, 7 Choad The Douche Sprocket said...

Let’s deconstruct the Douche shall we?
> facial fung? or is it a wart?
> -0- musculature
> “call me unemployable” tatts
> stupid hat
> giant shades
> “What, me worry?” Alfred E. Newman grin
> concave, prepubescent girlie-man chest…….but worst of all….
> nipples so close together they look like they belong on a two year old.
.
.
.So what exactly attracts Little Miss Sunshine to him?
.
.
.Methinks they must be Christian soulmates.
.
.
.Or she likes some huevos with her rancheros.
.
Heisenbergs

11:22 am September, 7 THEONETRUEDOUCHE said...

Does his belly tat say Stained? Maybe Stench?

11:30 am September, 7 DoucheyWallnuts said...

It’s more like the Tatt Valtrex.
.
Also, Rev’s comment is one for the archives.

11:38 am September, 7 Anonymous said...

Man is this guy fucking ugly! The only answers are that he has one massive pecker and lots of dough, the ONLY answers…..

11:51 am September, 7 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

Rev, keep your head up man. It will all work it self out. And I just hope I don’t get sent the summons to serve your ass on the suits. I don’t picture you being the easiest person to serve.

12:28 pm September, 7 skrag2112 said...

On his chest is an image of the Aztec deity Coxalitl, god of small willies and big egos.

3:29 pm September, 7 douchebagel said...

i had something funny to say…
then i read “fucking elton john had a lot of talent for a queer”. now i got nothin

4:17 pm September, 7 Stephanie said...

She had to be looking at the tattoo and went dizzy headed, lost her mind to date this overly decorated stain.

4:53 pm September, 7 Medusa Oblongata said...

Please tell me that tent is the place of ritual sacrifice.

6:27 pm September, 7 Steve L. said...

hot librarians are on the decline at local libraries. just saying.

12:39 am September, 8 Chris in 'Baghdad said...

I think the Hot Waitress has it right. Fake cans and platinum hair from a bottle offend my Norwegian sensibilities. Her taste in guys leaves me speechless….almost.

7:55 am September, 9 anthony said...

everyone one of these guys sounds like foreign retards, if your not an american, go f*ck yourselves, you sound like a bunch of wankers. and the guy talking about sueing and counter sueing, go back to playing dungeons and dragons, your retarded, and making everyone read your long post about nothing, this website is a joke, and so is everyone on here, have a nice day, oh yah and i forgot, GO F*CK YOURSELF

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