Monday, September 19, 2011

The Byronbag


From Byron Bay, Australia, comes this Aussie toolshed and tasty Sheila Hott.

Count up the signifiers, Mates:

Six pound watch.
Stupid shirt.
Half-finished garish tatt.
Glazed expression.

And sweet, sweet, Sheila, with the giggly breasteses, who’s never been on a plane and is very uneasy around Aborigones.

Yet more depressing evidence of the global spread of the Grieco Plague.

# posted by douchebag1
2:18 pm September, 19 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

What exactly is that sign still-living Patrick Swayze is throwin’? It’s part sideways peace sign, part hang loose. Or is it hang loose and thumbs up?
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Nobody puts boobies in a corner.

2:20 pm September, 19 wonderdouche twin said...

It’s a douche sign that Byron screwed up, East side boy try’in to throw the west side sign!

2:32 pm September, 19 Choad The Douche Sprocket said...

He can count to two and that’s a good start.

2:33 pm September, 19 Choad The Douche Sprocket said...

Or is he counting to three?

2:34 pm September, 19 Choad The Douche Sprocket said...

In which case he’s clearly not looking at the same two things I am….
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Or maybe he is, and just can’t count.
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Lactosetolerant

2:37 pm September, 19 Wheezer said...

To hell with this bloody wanker…..how about Christina Hendricks and her milky white love coconuts arriving at the Emmys?
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Tree palmers.

2:53 pm September, 19 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Sheila appears to be breathing a sigh of relief knowing that she will never be fondled (at least not properly) by this wanker because a dingo ate his fingers. Poor dog.

3:19 pm September, 19 Hermit said...

Sheila’s fear of flying and distrust of aboriginals stems from a childhood incident involving tiny bottles of Jim Beam® and a month-long coma caused by an errant boomerang which struck her underdeveloped frontal lobe.
On a positive note, she’s a natural blond who is comfortable sans make-up and never shaves her legs, armpits or “down under.”
Far from unhygienic, Sheila bathes exclusively in salt water and thoroughly scrubs her vagina with the fragrant leaves of eucalyptus trees. Her supple breasts bare the numerous tooth scars of the orphaned koalas she’s nursed back to health at the behest of the Australian Nature Society.

3:27 pm September, 19 Guid is Good said...

Strewth cobber a Douche. Stone the crows. Flaming mongrel.
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Alf Stewarts

3:45 pm September, 19 DarkSock said...

I’d toss my shrimp on her barbie.
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Wait…

3:45 pm September, 19 DarkSock said...

^Yarrr

4:37 pm September, 19 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

^”boobies in a corner” made me cry. That funny SON.
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Yaarhg!

4:47 pm September, 19 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

She looks like the offspring of the retarded helicopter guy from Road Warrior crossed with Toni Collette.
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He looks like a guy I met in prison plus a tooth.
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ARRRRRR!

4:48 pm September, 19 Choad The Douche Sprocket said...

Shiver me timbers….it’s National Talk Like A Pirate Day!

5:19 pm September, 19 BenchWarmer said...

You’re quite right about the Greico plague spreading DB1. In my case its spreading directly to my genitals via repeated viewing of his Facebook page.
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Day 4, I gotta admit, when Richard wears a white wife beater and a leather jacket, magic happens. In my groinal parts. I’m thinking about buying some of his art. I bet the reason he broke it off with Yasmine is she didn’t appreciate his art enough. I find myself figuring out ways in which I can outBleeth the original Bleeth. I’m thinking its gonna take a whole lot more than a duckface, coke addiction and sparkling white butthole. I have to go one louder. I’m gonna have to get a tattoo. But not just any tattoo. It’s gonna be of me and Richard inside of a heart inside of Garfield. It will be purrfect. And even though I am allergic to cats, I will risk it. For this is for Richard fucking Greico, the alpha douche.
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I know I started these entries as a campaign for a woman in a bikini to be placed in a place where people may view her at their masturbatory leisure, but now I submit this as evidence of the power of Greico.
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Seacrest out.

5:37 pm September, 19 DoucheyWallnuts said...

I’d walkabout her outback…
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Wallabies

5:40 pm September, 19 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Byronbag should be flogged for attempting the impossible-to-pull-off, tri-fingered boobie hold. His thumb is too high, and he’ll never be able to control it with out the thumb. Fool.

5:48 pm September, 19 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Dirty Dancing 3: The Reanimator, staring Undead Patric Swayze and Less Cute Lexi Belle. Directed by Uwe Boll.

5:56 pm September, 19 creature said...

he’s ordering ‘tres glassen’

5:56 pm September, 19 creature said...

‘trei’?
matey’s

5:56 pm September, 19 creature said...

yarggh!

6:02 pm September, 19 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Dear DB1, what is the difference between Richard Greico, Lorenzo Lamas, and John Stamos? Are you sure these are different people and not just different phases of the same virus?

6:34 pm September, 19 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Creature. Say goodbye to your nazi balls.
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AAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m going to get stoned mateys.

6:55 pm September, 19 creature said...

btw, the ‘westies’ are the kooks in Sydney…akin to our SoCal ‘vals’
hodads
buccaneers
Arggh!

7:25 pm September, 19 troy tempest said...

chick has some serious saddlebags.

7:31 pm September, 19 Stephanie said...

That man is not attractive,and the bling isn’t helping,mate,even if he was holding a Fosters.

3:21 am September, 20 tall guy said...

I feel somewhat obliged to comment: ByronBag has a familiar face. I’m fairly good at recognising the more dentally challenged of my countrymen, plus the East coast, though a long stretch geographically, isn’t so populated. It’s likely that any Bag making their way to Byron (a cool, country style retreat-type place during the 60s & early to mid 70s, now merely a Welfare-by-Sea ‘burb) on a semi-regular basis would sooner or later make their way to Sydders (my home town). In fact the more I look at his ugly dial – the things I do in the name of service for you, my fellow ‘Bag hunters – the more I’m reminded of an overbearing loud, attention-whore bore with a look of hate-frustration on his face who I once sensed had wanted to talk to me (and if it is him, I also recall replying “Umm” to each of his inane questions until he finally got that I wasn’t really into a chat…)
As for sheila: tempest is right, she could lay off the starchy food for a spell, and consider using a higher grade sunblock. Otherwise okay.

5:36 am September, 20 Douchble Helix said...

‘ey Mate! Doncha call the women down there “Sheila”s?
DB1 slipped that right by me.
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. Name the movie. Bonus points for naming the actor!!!
“You call that a knife?”
“That’s not a knife.”
“Now, *this* is a knife.”

6:21 am September, 20 Et Tu Douche? said...

Tis good to see that Hermit is back in the fray, I was beginning to get worried.
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Land Lubbers

6:22 am September, 20 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Did someone say “Christina Hendricks”? bunk!

7:15 am September, 20 Anonymous said...

@DH 5:36a, is it Seth Rogan in “3 Men and a Baby”?

5:12 pm September, 20 SomeGuy said...

Crocodile Dundee, Paul Hogan, and I’m old.

3:39 am September, 21 MissMon said...

Yep we do have PLENTY of douchebags downunder, especially in our big cities like Melbourne & Sydney & NO we don’t call our women ‘Sheila’s.’ That is crap you have been fed from old shit films like Crocodile Dundee… oh well, at least the movie made a lot of money due to ignorant yanks believing we all like like Croc Dundee… hahaha.

3:40 am September, 21 MissMon said...

Believing we “are all like” Croc Dundee I meant.

9:49 am September, 21 tall guy said...

@ MissMon
Umm…

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