Monday, October 3, 2011

Breaking ‘Bag To the Future

It’s like a prom photo from a Bizarro 1950s Enchantment Under the Sea dance in which 40 year old douchebags travel back in time to go to prom with their mother, and then end up cooking meth out of a camper before they die of cancer.

Wait.

I appear to be mashing up my pop culture references in some Brundelfy-esque clash of contradictory signifiers.

Lets start over. His chin dribble looks like melted ant raisins. Mama Mary was once very hott, and the echo remains.

# posted by douchebag1
11:16 am October, 3 Et Tu Douche? said...

I bet she still bangs like a champ, and Jaunita Largeman in the background is jealous.

11:17 am October, 3 Vin Douchal said...

The echo you’re hearing is this guy yodeling up her birthin’ pipe

11:17 am October, 3 Vin Douchal said...

Hey Et Tu, did you read my Jayhawks for you thingy a few days ago?

11:27 am October, 3 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Hellboy and Cruella. ’nuff said.

11:27 am October, 3 Hurl Scheibe said...

I wonder if her vagina is as fierce as the badger she’s wearing on her head.

11:44 am October, 3 Et Tu Douche? said...

@Vin

Yes I did and thank you. Sorry I didn’t respond. I wound up getting “Tomorrow The Green Grass”, it’s good but I’m still digging on the Bottle Rockets. My next purchase is gonna be Live in Heilbron.

11:46 am October, 3 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I never knew that the Body By Jake guy went for caucasians. Fuck you Jake Steinfeld!!! I want Kaylani!!!!

11:48 am October, 3 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

And I want my three easy payments of $29.99 back you smutchz!!!!

12:01 pm October, 3 Wheezer said...

‘Bag to the Future, eh Boss? Does this mean we should refer to this choad as “Whiff” (as in “of Poo”)?

12:01 pm October, 3 Douche Wayne said...

“Who the hell is John F. Kennedy?”

12:06 pm October, 3 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

These old fuckers really need to give it up and go home. Oldbag looks like he needs a nap.

12:27 pm October, 3 Douchble Helix said...

Ya know, other than that LBD, that necklace, and high heels, she’s not wearing a thing.

12:28 pm October, 3 Douchble Helix said...

That, and the reverse-Marv-Albert thing on her head.

12:45 pm October, 3 creature said...

wtf is up with their hair?

12:59 pm October, 3 hermit said...

@ Et tu,
“Smokin’ 100’s Alone” my fave Bottlerockets song.
.
If you like Bottlerockets, you may also dig Southern Culture on the Skids. A good album would be “Ditch Diggin'”
Another good band is Old Crow Medicine Show.
.
If you want reduced brain function and are fond of fingernail-scraping dying cat sounds, listen to anything by Rush.

1:02 pm October, 3 hermit said...

@ hurl,
If that vag can shake off a cobra bite, she’s my kind of gal.

1:12 pm October, 3 Southern Scrotic said...

She could use a sandwich. She could also make me one when she’s in the kitchen. Of course, I may just sneak up behind her as she’s reaching for the loaf of bread, push up that dress a bit, and slide in my salami for a little extra special sauce.
.
Tasty.

1:13 pm October, 3 Hurl Scheibe said...

Hermit – If she has Rikki Tikki Tavi tattooed above her vajayjay, you’re in like Flynt!! I love Get on the Bus as my fav BR’s song, and SCOTS – how can you ever go wrong driving a Voodoo Cadillac?

1:29 pm October, 3 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Mickey Rourke continues to go downhill, but he still can pull the… I dunno what that is. Maybe she didn’t know she had a brunette wig already on when she put on the blonde one??

1:43 pm October, 3 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Mother Mary likes two kinds of sex, “Is it in yet?” and “Do I smell like onions?”.
.
Thank you very much for your patience.

1:54 pm October, 3 tall guy said...

More like baggin a future; or trying to, anyway. They look like a pair of ambitious pop stars five minutes after realising that the only way they’ll get a number one hit and end up selling Coke to kids & being famous’n’shit is to suck cock.
Better late than never.
Living the dream (but acting in a nightmare).
Only in America…
Music executives.

1:54 pm October, 3 Wedgie said...

If you ever saw that movie “Teeth”, you know what’s in store for that guy.
.
.
.
.
Dentists.

2:02 pm October, 3 UFO Destroyers said...

Mama Mary has an 18-inch double-ender powered by a 23 cc Briggs and Stratton lawn mower engine since Barry’s not bringing home the Viagra anymore. Pfizer just couldn’t have his kind hanging around doctor’s offices anymore: what with the Axe hair gel making patients and doctors alike retch when he walked in.

2:03 pm October, 3 Mandouchian Candidate said...

From the looks of things, I bet she can suck a tennis ball through a tenis racket. I bet he requires some sort of pneumatic assistance to get half a chubb. I don’t care- I will put my pride to the side- she is awesome! The hair is a bit distracting, but this is a Honey badger in the bedroom, guaranteed. Or is it quarantined?

2:05 pm October, 3 Mandouchian Candidate said...

I have a couch that looks just like that guys shirt. Mental note: buy pack of matches on way home.

2:15 pm October, 3 Vin Douchal said...

Inside Plinky’s mom’s vagina and these two are Mr and Miss Chlamydia 2011

2:16 pm October, 3 Et Tu Douche? said...

@Hermit,

Good tune!, my current fave right now is Hard Times as it encapsulates my being this past year. “Hard times ain’t nothin’ Hard times pass
I ain’t broke down I’m just outta gas” Great Lyrics!!!!. I’ll check out those bands you mentioned.

2:23 pm October, 3 creature said...

I believe she served me pancakes this morning

2:39 pm October, 3 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Is that club on fire? Please tell me it’s on fire.

3:12 pm October, 3 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

I’m guessing that the skunk took a dump of his head just before it died on hers?

3:41 pm October, 3 Stephanie said...

He looks like a leather saddle face.

3:47 pm October, 3 Barron Von Douchehoven said...

Her head resembles the seat of a 1976 schwinn stingray wearing one of those fuzzy toilet seat covers, but i’d hit it…
.
.
His head is the near echo of a Kohler Wellworth toilet with bonus anal emission smudge.
.
son

3:55 pm October, 3 Face Ripper Monkey said...

Wow. Just wow.
.
“Ya know, other than that LBD, that necklace, and high heels, she’s not wearing a thing.”
.
It’s like the dumb fountain sprung a leak and this shit came forth. If it weren’t sooooooooo pathetically lame it would almost be worthy of being made fun of.
.
And then this gem: “That, and the reverse-Marv-Albert thing on her head.” Bra-fucking-vo! Who writes your shit? Kids with severe Down’s syndrome come up with better stuff than this. And they have an excuse. What’s yours?

4:16 pm October, 3 Hermit said...

Et Tu 2:16,
.
I’m feelin’ ya man.
.
Here’s an excerpt of S.C.O.T.’s lyrics, as Rick Miller waxes philosophical about the sensitive and delicate issue of young love, unsafe sex and unplanned pregnancy in RedState Amerikä.
.
The song is titled “Shotgun.”
.
.
.Buckshot, salt rock, climbin’ up a ladder,
Window sills and doctor bills, and she keeps getting fatter.

.
.
Pure poetry.
.
(No tongue-lashing from The Rev?)

5:19 pm October, 3 Señorita Loca said...

@Hermit 4:16p, re: The Rev, tell him he has shitty weed. That will get him going.

7:42 am October, 4 Medusa Oblongata said...

Mama Mary was once very hott. Before falling prey to an unscrupulous plastic surgeon, bulimia, and the worst ubiquitous hairstyle trend since The Rachel. Please, God, if you can hear me, make that deep-fried skunk look go passe NOW. Thanks, and I will eat all my broccoli at dinner.

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