Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Breaking: Someone Named Brenda Song Gets Engaged to Some Herpster

ehcuodouche writes in with news of barely legal Asian Hott Brenda Song getting engaged to Billy Ray Jr. or something:

———–
A sad day for me, as uberhott Asian goddess Brenda Song has gotten engaged to an uberdouche Cyrus spawn…apparently because he knocked her up. I blame Disney. Nothing else can explain how such a sweet young woman can so embarrass her ancestors. Attached is a pic of the “herpy” couple.
————-

I don’t know who any of these people are, but I do know they are silly people. And that if L.A. Radio plays “Pumped Up Kicks” one more time, I’ll set Silverlake on fire.

# posted by douchebag1
12:29 pm October, 18 Tyrannosaurus Douche said...

Me Chinese, me play joke, me marry douchewank, …damnit, couldn’t think of anything funny to rhyme with “joke.” Anyway, I guess that Disney money must be long gone for her to settle with Hepatitis-Cyrus here.

12:31 pm October, 18 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

I just had a yawntasm

12:39 pm October, 18 Wheezer said...

I hope that before the big day arrives, she takes another such look at him and realizes “OMG, WTF am I thinking?????”
.
She can even think it in those^^ Internet abbreviations if she chooses, just as long as she gets smart in time.

12:42 pm October, 18 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

She likes that he never finishes what he orders.

12:44 pm October, 18 Douche Springsteen said...

@ Wheezer,

Hey man, don’t judge, I bet he has a good personality.
.
Actually, no one with a good personality would put tattoos on their face. You’re right, I hope she comes to her senses as well.

12:47 pm October, 18 Choad The Douche Sprocket said...

She: “I love staring into your Wolverine neck tattoo….especially when you’re humping my tight little body.”
.
.
He: “Uh…what? You’re like Asian or something, right? My bros told me you girls were better..and won’t get fat, right?

12:58 pm October, 18 Vin Douchal said...

If this kid played his cards right he was fucking all the young Disney supplied talent he could find hanging around his sister’s TV show.
.
Although I’d move my act over to Nickelodeon to bang a few of their young babes if I were him. Starting with tasty Victoria Justice

1:01 pm October, 18 Mr. Ed said...

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, “Why the long face?”

1:06 pm October, 18 SomeGuy said...

“Musician” is, of course, code for “unemployed loser following in his father’s footsteps by trading on his sister’s career as long as he possibly can.”

1:12 pm October, 18 douchebagel said...

sweet sweet brenda, thats sad. he’s sad, now im sad. i couldn’t agree more about the pumped up kicks… i haven’t hated a song more since the ataris changed the lyrics to “a black flag sticker on a cadillac”

1:28 pm October, 18 jonezy said...

jesus- talk about the getting the ugly gene.
.
Someone achy breakied his face.

1:44 pm October, 18 DarkSock said...

Marilyn Manson washed off the greasepaint and went all Pedo-Bear?
Nothing’s sillier looking than Marilyn Manson wearing heavy grease-paint.
.
Wait…..
.
rqgg

1:56 pm October, 18 Wedgie said...

Sock, you are a fine-looking specimen, if I do say so myself.

2:09 pm October, 18 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

That Cyrus dude is a trainwreck. I don’t like that girl because I had to watch her over and over and over and over with my two rotten little daughters. If I wasn’t watching it haunted my very efficient tympanum within a hundred yards. That fucking show with those fags that get uglier AS THEY GROW TOWARD DOUCHEBag adult make me ill and she was as annoying as hell. But, who am I kidding? I’Zack her Kody.
.
Art Buzz Song:
.

2:16 pm October, 18 Douchetastic Sam said...

She could suck my dick. That ‘s probably the only way to shut her up, her damned annoying bitch voice.

3:03 pm October, 18 Vin Douchal said...

Db1, your first mistake is turning on the radio here in SoCal. Each hour is filled with 49 minutes of commercials with annoying bumpin’ beats in the background and there isn’t a channel here that plays a damn thing worth listening to. And their traffic reports are always wrong, always too late to tell you where the shit is until your ass deep in a Sig Alert … and Ryan Seacrest is the number one rated show, ’nuff said
.
May I suggest Radio IO.com?
.
Their Alt-Country station kicks ass and if that isn’t your cup of tea they have stations broken down by decades or very specific genres.
.
Also, Bubba The Love Sponge is now free which sucks for a mark like me that plunked down the cash for his K-Fabe back door rip. I call ” Shenanigans”, a modern day Reverse Zabida if you ask me.
.

L.A. radio sucks

4:05 pm October, 18 Stephanie said...

Facial tattoos are so stupid. Do you think the government will allow SSI checks for people who cannot get a job for too many tattoos on their neck and face? Discuss.
Or you better have rich parents.

4:06 pm October, 18 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Q107.com
.
Warning: Canadian Content.

4:10 pm October, 18 Mr. Biggs said...

Wait, if he’s the one who plays Pumped Up Kicks, wouldn’t be hilariously ironic if someone shot him? Not dead mind you, just causing a debilitating speech impediment so he sounds like a retard the rest of his life.
I mean he is a retard, just would be nice if the speech reflected it.

4:12 pm October, 18 Stephanie said...

It’s like a fake punk rocker and a hippie getting married. How long do you think that will last?

4:41 pm October, 18 C.G. said...

dearest Brenda,

You think THAT is cool? Being a tatted-up, dirty punk or a poorly dressed, cliche hipster with unkempt facial hair in a crumby band isn’t hard. If I didn’t have obligations, i would every night and write crappy music too. What IS hard is being a clean-cut, middle-aged dude, staying in shape and just trying to maintain what I’ve worked for. All that effort and I’m still very flawed …so yeah, I AM a little bitter about it.

4:42 pm October, 18 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

So let me get this straight… one talentless Cyrus begets not one, but two more talentless Cyrusi who both successfully leverage the family talentlessness into their own talentless careers? Kinda like putting up a bad check as collateral for two more bad checks.
.
Is this what Uncle Walt had in mind? Did he really say, “Gimme some artless hack writers, and a whole bunch of retarded kids. I wanna put those fuckers on TV. Throw in some crypto-jailbait cuz there’s an untapped pedo demographic out there and I want them strokin it to Disney, not those assholes over at Nickelodian.”

6:47 pm October, 18 Wedgie said...

^No, Uncle Walt just told Steamboat Willie to kill him again.

7:37 pm October, 18 Jurassic Douche said...

Sorry to see a new generation of hotts get polluted by the offspring of Billy Rae Scrotus.

9:06 pm October, 18 Anonymous said...

I like this website. I get most of my news from here.

11:47 pm October, 18 Jacques Doucheteau said...

I have two pertinent questions regarding this fascinating development: “Who cares?” and “who the fuck cares?”

12:01 am October, 19 Guid is Good said...

Is he banging that little chipmunk face too?

4:16 am October, 19 tall guy said...

Dude’s awfully suspect and she’s probably gonna regret her decision sooner than later. Facial tattoos. Fucking kill me know!

4:36 am October, 19 CB Popped said...

CyrusDouche.

Douchal purity.

Ive long awaited the larger pic of Dark Sock’s avatar, tks.

7:25 am October, 19 Medusa Oblongata said...

“So let me get this straight… one talentless Cyrus begets not one, but two more talentless Cyrusi who both successfully leverage the family talentlessness into their own talentless careers? Kinda like putting up a bad check as collateral for two more bad checks.” MCCRUDESHOES 2012!
.
I had no idea who any of these people were. And now that I know that the Cyruses are some sort of holy trinity of ass, perhaps this is the time to suggest that the prophecy has come true? The time is nigh. And by that I mean we must eat toaster strudel and take out the garbage on time this week.
.
He better run, better run, faster than my taint punch.

7:32 am October, 19 Nostradouchus said...

I see reality TV, matching tattoos, and neglected offspring in the future.

8:04 am October, 19 LicketySplicketyYourDickety said...

All the other chinks with the pumped up kicks better run better run away from Douchey Cyrus love gun…..or you know, there will be even more of them.

8:47 am October, 19 Southern Scrotic said...

@Medusa

Actually this one is the child of Cyrus’ wife from a previous engagement.

8:48 am October, 19 Southern Scrotic said...

Damn you DB1. That song is now running (run, run, run) through my head.

9:10 am October, 19 LicketySplicketyYourDickety said...

^It’s a good song. I totally predicted it would be a hit. Stop hating because you didn’t write it. Now go knock up an Asian C-Lister and shaddup already. PS. What time does the game start today?

9:40 am October, 19 Douche France said...

Never heard that song but I know it’s awfull.

9:43 am October, 19 kneejerk said...

As a great man once said “He needs killin’ real bad”.

11:52 am October, 19 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

@Medusa,
It is indeed the end times. I plan to celebrate by washing down a dozen corn dogs with a case of Chateau Lafite, and then going hot-tubbing with my toaster oven.

7:36 pm October, 19 Steve L. said...

i have no idea who these fuckers are either. and as far as i’m concerned, Brenda Song is fucking ugly in this photo, bleeth or no bleeth (bleeth for sure anyway).

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