Saturday, October 22, 2011

Comment of the Week: Medusa Oblongata

Hall of Mock enshrinee and noted ‘bag huntress Medusa Oblongata weighs in on the tattooed Bleething of Barbie, with the following righteous rant, and wins the coveted Comment of the Week:

————
Tattoos are not for kids, and it sickens me that people are trying to make it this way. They’re not for kids, they’re for grownups, and this Barbie has the worst possible example of tattoos there is: The neck tattoo.

Not to mention, everyone who sees shit like this thinks the tattoos that are screen-printed on the neck of a smooth, plastic doll will look the same when carved onto the blubbery, pimply neck of a sunburned human being. Stop making my job hard, you sleaze merchants, and lest us take it back behind closed doors where the wee ones can’t see. And her little pet there? Bastardino? Unless you’re a total tool, you can make that one out. That’s real Italian for “little bastard”, Nice. I’m going to take Hermit’s advice one step further.

I’m going to have Mr. B. give me a good fisting, and tear out my uterus. He’ll toss it to our three-headed hellhound, Peanut Oblongata, who will surely gobble it up. No seed shall ever creep in there to bring forth life to which Madison Avenue can then market. And bullshit that doll won’t be in toy stores, I’ve seen the Bob Mackie Barbies in with the pedestrian Barbies, Mattell is full of pink plastic shit.
—————-

# posted by douchebag1
1:10 pm October, 22 Wheezer said...

Heh heh…..I endorsed Hermit’s comment from yesterday’s FTAL, but this one is also fully CotW-worthy.

1:13 pm October, 22 Wheezer said...

The choice of “ORANGE” is interesting on a douchewank who hasn’t yet sacrificed his remaining fleeting job prospects for time spent creaming up and in the tanning bed. I guess this will be a case of self-fulfilling prophecy…..?

1:39 pm October, 22 creature said...

bedheads ribs say ‘orange’…heh heh
hey bedhead, the joke is on you!
MO, I love your shit…no, really!

1:40 pm October, 22 creature said...

oh…& BOOBIES!

2:07 pm October, 22 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Yes, that was a great comment. Fisting and uterus.

2:08 pm October, 22 Ken said...

I fucked this white doll with a neck tattoo. She has a pink convertible and all her clothes are new.

2:12 pm October, 22 Wedgie said...

So, this girl in the photo walks into the tatt parlor and says: “I want two angels holding a bow tie coming out of my snatch.” Those are supposed to be angels, right? Not crab heads.

2:30 pm October, 22 Hug Natzi said...

Reading that was like chicken poop for my mole. Somehow I escaped my late teens and twenties without any ridiculous tattoos and bizarre piercings, pretty sure my kids will follow suit. And if not its something I can use to make fun of them about and when they come back to me down the road and says”You were right Mom, tattoos ARE un-original and a total Sheeple move to set myself apart from the rest of the tattooed Sheeple.” I will reply with “In your face bitch. Now run along, Mammas gotta unprolapse her uterus and tape up her matronly bingo arms because tonight me and your Dad are watching “Weekend at Bernie’s 5″.

3:11 pm October, 22 Organic Alpaca Nutrition said...

Medusa,
No need to take such drastic steps to ensure good canine health. We now offer dog and cat food just chock full of the protein your active, growing carnivore craves.
OAN Pro-Uterine 2000® is a nutritionally balanced blend of semi-organic beef tongue, soy oil and re-hydrogenated hog rectums.
.
But Wait, we didn’t stop there!
.
Every bag of OAN Pro-Uterine
2000® contains no less than 15% supplemental llama uterus, for that healthy glow and shiny coat your pet deserves!
.
Order in the next 30 minutes, and we’ll ship to you, at no extra charge, a box of our tasty, dried alpaca- labia chew toys!

3:33 pm October, 22 Hug Natzi said...

@OAN, do you carry yakk placenta too?

3:58 pm October, 22 hermit said...

Wedgie 2:12 F.T.W.

5:06 pm October, 22 DoucheyWallnuts said...

For as bad as the tatts are the piercings are fuccen worse. So her dad fondled her. Boo-fuccen-hoo. You don’t have to etch it into your skin. Go away.

8:20 pm October, 22 The Dude said...

@Organic Alpaca Nutrition – wrap that in a blueberry pancake with some taco sauce with some chew toys on the side, and you’ve really got something!

9:38 pm October, 22 Doucheywallnuts said...

So, this girl in the photo walked into the tatt parlor and said: “I want a tattoo that deflects attention from my stock, bolt on, fake tits, tattoos that are hideously colorful. And please recommend a hair stylist who will butcher and bleach my hair until it’s fried dead so I can attract the bottomest of bottom feeders.”

10:28 pm October, 22 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Medusa is my secret love crush. Don’t tell anybody.
.
And Fwippy McDoodlesketch, now what rhymes with “Orange”?
.
That’s right. “Shovel”.

10:52 pm October, 22 SphincterRanger said...

@Mr. Scrotato Head: Actually; Leonard Cohen DID rhyme something with Orange. “Door Hinge”. Which will be exactly what Mr. McDouchwafflicus will find himself being hit with in the ass the very moment tattooed-yet-sadly-Bleethed Medusa (whom I’d still give a live showing of the ol’ LD to) realizes her error in choosing a crapperiffic ‘Bag her loveies.

2:07 am October, 23 Anonymous said...

Her “Lego” designed bikini confuses my eyes, almost creates an illusion making her tits look real.

Mr. Biscotti is a lucky man.

2:11 am October, 23 CB Popped said...

Ok, that was me again, posting at 6am is hard,,,

I like when the Douchebags comb (glue) their hair over their receding hairlines. Like the Eblow style.

I do envy Mr. B.

4:39 am October, 23 Et Tu Douche? said...

This is kinda unfair as anytime Madame MO post it’s usually CoW worthy. Loves me some Medusa!!!!

4:42 am October, 23 douchieo said...

Tattoos are for adults? Since when?

6:51 am October, 23 Et Tu Douche? said...

I would gladly challenge Mr. Biscotti to a best 2 out of 3 thumb wrestling match just for the slim chance to bed Medusa which would invariably, seconds later, end in disappointment & shame as she chased me out of the bedroom beating my about the head with Frank Mercurio.

7:51 am October, 23 Medusa Oblongata said...

SphincterRanger @ 10:52
That’s not me in the photo, you fucking twatwaffle. That’s not the aforementioned Mr. B. in the photo, either. I have no idea who those people are and it’s a damn good thing because I’d throat-punch both of them if I did.
.
That being said, thanks, boss. I didn’t even catch this last night, as I was too busy trying to stop up the bleeding. Mr. B. didn’t get it to all come out in one shot, he had to keep yanking and…well, I’ll not spoil anyone’s breakfast. Let’s just say that the dog got a bit of my large intestine for dinner, too, I think.

8:40 am October, 23 creature said...

MO you truly are a peach!
bedhead, pictured above, looks as if he fell asleep on an East LA bus bench & a teenage tagging crew got busy on his torso with a Sharpie

6:48 am October, 24 Hurl Scheibe said...

These two are required reading for second year med students in Infectious Diseases.

6:31 pm October, 24 SphincterRanger said...

Mea Culpa; Madame M. I’m new to the site and kinda fucked up with who was the post-er and who was being referred to in the setup line.

7:27 pm October, 24 Anonymous said...

^No worries SphincterRanger we all were “new” once. I’m sure one of the regs will show you the salty fuccen ropes if you ask nicely.

7:04 am October, 25 Medusa Oblongata said...

I say we have another Real Avatar Tuesday to eliminate confusion. Egads, if I did look like that thing in the photo, however, you were doing the right thing by calling me out on it. I actually look like the love child of Bette Davis and Sideshow Bob.

3:16 pm October, 25 morty said...

stupid little whore. if either one of these queers showed up on my property, i’d have the law out here in five minutes. toss their stupid asses in jail, where they belong. these little shits.

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