Sunday, October 9, 2011

Comment of the Week: Troy Tempest

No Sunday clip this week. Instead, since I didn’t post yesterday, instead atoning for lusting after so many suckle thighs, we’ll do our Comment of the Week today.

And the award goes to HCwDB’s own legendary talking puppet Troy Tempest, who wins the coveted HCwDB of the Week with this explanation of the rising Herpster phenomenon via some classic Ron Howardism:

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This is actually Nashian math in practice. It’s like this: You have, say, 5 women. 4 are average to attractive in appearance brunettes. 1 is a stunning magma hot blonde. 5 guys go to the bar where these 5 women are. If all 5 men chase the blonde, only 1 comes away in victory, and the others get to meet the less than happy brunettes who know they’re second tier.

It is much more useful to focus on one of the brunettes. The odds of success are higher as everyone competes over the blonde. Furthermore, the blonde is non-plussed by your attention – she’s used to being adored. So, by focussing on a brunette, you have not only a greater odds of success, but also a stronger bond and alliance.

Now, here we have The Herspter and his Wingman. The wingman knows that all the trashy babes gravitate to the Herspter like moths to a flame. The Wingman doesn’t get the fakey librarian hott or her kinky role playing sex games. He DOES get the brunette with the mighty fine rack.

Herpster is the kind of oaf who “goes for the blonde”. He doesn’t always succeed, but when he gets tail, it is high quality kink. However, his hook ups are short term and empty. Wingman here will be pounding the well racked brunette for quite a while and will gain from the experience. This is how secondary / B-list status members use A-List status members in their own pursuit of tail.
————-

I would’ve used the Gung Ho analogy, otherwise known as the “Long Duck Dong” rule, but otherwise excellent work.

# posted by douchebag1
8:47 am October, 9 Shameless ButtPlug said...

Brunettes are where its at!

9:29 am October, 9 DoucheyWallnuts said...

This is a weekend/vacation bleeth who when she goes back into the real world dresses down and bears no resemblance to the sucklehottygnaw stick that she is in this picture. I think this is rare breed and also a great catch, when caught.

9:30 am October, 9 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Check this shit out…WTF happened to her!
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http://www.idontlikeyouinthatway.com/pictures/20111008/mj%20tribute%20concert/mj_tribute_015_wenn5736123.html

11:09 am October, 9 creature said...

I dunno….as a younger creature while trolling for babes at the Belly Up Tavern, I had a pal who’s theory was to always aim for the hottest gal 1st & upon failure have a receding scale of acceptability…often he would bag the hottie…it’s kinda like driving thru the parking lot to look for the space upfront, if you automatically park in the rear ’cause it is easier you don’t score the prime real estate.

having said that, cograts Troy, the theory is sound…I just believe in reaching for the ‘Brass Ring’

11:44 am October, 9 The Dude said...

That girl has a belly button the size of Manhattan Island. Her belly button is so huge, they haven’t mapped it. You could land a planet in there. Imagine contemplating a navel that size — you’d need a brain like New Jersey or something.
.
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Thing’s fuck’n huge, ladies and germs!

2:53 pm October, 9 FrogFaceFucker Monkey said...

@Troy, I enjoyed your game theory. Never underestimate the sneaky freaky brunette. Especially one that knows the game and plays along just enough to get you hooked. And then Bam! Nothing. You really gotta lock those types down.

3:03 pm October, 9 The Dude said...

Can we change the name to Douchebook?
.
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Just askin’

3:38 pm October, 9 troy tempest said...

Geez – I go to Niagara Falls for a day and look what I come back to. Nice!
.
for those who are wondering, the theory I was working from was developed by Nash in the 1950s. It is very well illustrated in the movie “A Beautiful Mind”. Holy shit – I just hit a button and now everything is full screen. How the fuck did that happen? Weird. Anyway…
.
What Nash was talking about applies to trading partners in large scale multinational partnerships. Basically, everyone wants “The Blonde”. You can replace blonde with “object of desire”. And if object of desire exists in a field of objects of desire, then it pays to go after “not the blonde” as your odds of success are higher and the quality of connection is likely to be better. Nash won the fucking Nobel Prize for this shit, so it’s not like I’m just “making shit up”.

The only problem is Nash was suffering from paranoid schizophrenia when he cooked all this shit up…

He also stated that the only thing to do in the prisoner’s dilemma was the cheat, and to assume everyone else would cheat too. But then, he was a paranoid schiz case…

Anyway, my development is to take Nash’s “theory of the Blonde” and spin it around to the guys. Because among the 5 guys one of them is likely to be “a blonde” to the women. Therefore, the other guys can USE the “blonde” guy to acquire hotts. Because Blonde will go for the Blonde, and if he succeeds or not, the Blonde is used to being pursued, and the character of the relationship will likely not be as deep or rewarding as with the “brunette”, but since “Blonde” guy always goes for the Blonde Girl, the wingman says “sure go for it, asshole – I’m gonna talk to the brunette with the might-E-fine rack…”

So if wingman has any game, he gets the brunette with the fine rack regardless of what Blonde Boy does in terms of Blonde Girl. It’s all mathematical – basic game theory.

Here’s the section from the movie that explains the Nash equilibrium theory:

And why Adam Smith was WRONG.

4:29 pm October, 9 Douchble Helix said...

You said it TT!!! An invisble fucking hand? That’s not science, that’s religion fercrissakes!!!!

6:07 pm October, 9 McCrude said...

The horror of fat Christina Aquafina. Is there any diva that doesn’t long to swell up like a thumb that’s been struck by a hammer?

8:09 pm October, 9 Douchble Helix said...

So, let’s help DB1 come up with a new name for his site. And a new name for him.
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I’m thinking a Hef kind of thing. “Jay After Dark” is my first idea. I’m sure prizes, like old, remaindered copies of his book, could be offered as prizes.
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Or… “A Few Minutes With [fill in clever name here]…” now that Andy Rooney has retired. DB1 could still gripe about expired Ho Hos and shit. He’d just have to start his BS with, “Did you ever notice…?”

8:34 pm October, 9 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Troy must have been sober for that last one about Nash. I took an MA in economics. Never applied for graduation. Never used the fucking thing. Always self-employed. Fucking school. Stoners. I forget to much about math to understand the Nash Equilibrium. But as all people do they go to the insurer of last resort. And my last resort is as a salesman of borrowed money. O’ lo to the sprit of Jupiter how did this happen? I should have been a dentist?
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Anyhow. It was a good programme shared between the two universities in Ottawa and we never heard of Nash while I was in school. I always mixed arbitrage and moral hazard to come to that conclusion. For example: A dude who hates his wife, is fairly virile, and has a nice car and loads of cash has more information than the little piece of Private School Meatskirt he wants to suck his cock in the bathroom. He also knows that he is the principal of his penis. She is an agent licensed to suck on it. So he has been morally hazardous in not letting her know that, he knows, that she wants to have him and his stuff but all she’s getting is a mouthful of his Salty Irish spice load with a side of turmips. Ya know what I’m sayin’?
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Arbitrage is performed when he uses the unfair competitive advantage he has over her to bang her for a market price slightly less than an appropriate whore.
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I have no math to support this as I am full of Butterball turkey and pie.
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Go forth young mathemeticians and prove me wrong about the economic strength of the well-to-do penis.

8:48 pm October, 9 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

^I meant Hash.

9:03 pm October, 9 Douchble Helix said...

Is that economics or law?
Should she be expected to know that he will never divorce his wife?
It may be an equitable, johnson’s-length, market transaction.

11:01 pm October, 9 Whoop-di-douche said...

Surely Troy Tempest practices what he preaches. I was diappointed that it wasn’t Steve Nash he was referring to. Damn, want me some good hoop.

5:20 am October, 10 Chris in 'Baghdad said...

Not sure who ever determined that blondes (many of whom are actually not blonde at all) are a higher quality of tail. Or for that matter, even more aesthetically attractive.

For instance, I could be very happy in the Philippines forever, not even seeing a blonde except in the airport. And as for quality, it is subjective, but maybe contemporary culture, influenced (poisoned?) by ridiculous Hollywood stereotypes, has inculcated the American male mind to accept that the “blonde” is the higher order of catch.

If one has spent some time down in the “real” Philippines (outside of Manila, Cebu or Boracay) I think there would be agreement on the notion that black haired beauties there can be of extremely high quality.

6:05 am October, 10 DoucheyWallnuts said...

I think the Dude With Lots of Cash Scenario is not bound by the rules set forth by Nash, as cash rules and overcomes all. Just like being an actor, rock star or athlete. However, some of the most successful and happy womanizers I have known applied the principles TT details in his post.
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Lotharios

8:09 am October, 10 Face Ripper Monkey said...

Whiny Little Bitch, go start your own fucking website and get the hell off this one. All you do is bitch about DB1, call him an asshole and other things, and then want to turn him into a pathetic modern day Jerry Seinfeld? Don’t go away mad, just go the fuck away for the umpteenth time.

9:52 am October, 10 Wing Commander Faustficken, RLM Clitwaffe said...

Chris in ‘Bagdad: +1 for good taste.
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Face Ripper: -1 for flinging poo. So let me get this straight… It’s DB1’s website (I agree) and we surfs are never to make a suggestion, but just the same you will be the arbiter of who can contribute and who cannot?

10:19 am October, 10 Face Ripper Monkey said...

^ Suggestions, yes. Assholery, no. And unless you’re Whiny Little Bitch in hiding, then no. But if you are Whiny Little Bitch in hiding, then yes. “It” can go contribute elsewhere, not just here. No one likes “It” but “It” is too stupid to figure that out and go away so it is kind of a personal mission. From God.

10:28 am October, 10 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

^Whatever you say, skipper. If I learned one thing from going to the zoo, it’s don’t get in a poo flinging contest with a monkey.

5:41 pm October, 10 Laura said...

^I think its time to hug it out.

6:53 pm October, 10 Laura said...

And a modern day Jerry Seinfeld FTW. “What’s the deal with boobies?” and “What’s the deal with glasses on hot chicks?” are my all time favorite bits of his. LOL.

2:37 am October, 11 douche equis said...

Nice one Troy. As I was about to comment on your misuse of “nonplussed” to mean exactly the opposite of what it actually means, I was moved to do some research, and I find that said misuse is common enough to be creeping into the language as an acceptable use. So instead of further comment I’ll copy in this usage note, for your interest:
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The adjective nonplussed means “surprised, confused, and uncertain what to do or say.” It is increasingly used in the almost opposite sense of “untroubled,” especially in U.S. English (Nonplussed by the criticism, she continued to direct her films in the very same offbeat manner for which she was famed.). This new meaning is not yet accepted as standard, and it may cause ambiguity in sentences such as He seemed nonplussed by the news. It possibly derives from a misunderstanding of the non- element, perhaps also influenced by nonchalant which does mean “calm and unconcerned.” But nonplussed goes back to Latin non plus “no more,” and does not have a positive or affirmative form plussed.

5:41 am October, 11 Douchble Helix said...

de – How about that? I’ve never heard, well, actually read, it used as per that paragraph. I’m in the US of A. Where are you, that people are using it correctly?

7:59 am October, 11 Face Ripper Monkey said...

^ See Whiny Little Bitch. You are stupid. Now why don’t you head off to somewhere nice like Pakistan or Iraq where you can get kidnapped and no one will care.

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