Sunday, October 23, 2011

Hiphop Wigga Douche Discovers After Effects Plug-Ins

Hilarity does not ensue.

A free bottle of Jelly Beans to the first viewer to make it past the :30 mark!

Editor’s note: This video is neither psychedelic, nor futuristic.

# posted by douchebag1
7:42 am October, 23 Medusa Oblongata said...

Out of respect for the household who still sleeps, I’m watching it with the sound off. What’s with the meatloaf in high heels?

7:43 am October, 23 Medusa Oblongata said...

He seems to be having a stroke or something.
.
I’m at 0:45. Where the fuck are my jelly beans?

7:44 am October, 23 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Fuck it, I’m drinking the bacon grease today. Bars open.

7:57 am October, 23 Et Tu Douche? said...

Ouch!!!, the she-beast at about 0:10 seconds caused me great emotional & visual harm at which point I wanted to throw my laptop against the wall. Bring on the jelly beans.

8:10 am October, 23 Ted Brogan said...

I had to bail by 16 seconds. Jelly beans, you are safe. For now…

8:36 am October, 23 Charles Nelson Douchely said...

Why is he wearing his mom’s culottes?

8:41 am October, 23 Scooby Douche said...

What’s wrong with you guys? I watched the entire thing, totally mesmerized. It was all so fresh and original. Nobody has ever done anything like this before. This guy is so creative.

His wardrobe will soon be copied by kids all over the world, his use of innovative musical beats, and those lyrics! And who ever thought of just talking through the music while waving yours hands in such meaningful gestures?

This guy is gonna win some kind of Nobel Prize for trailblazing an entire new genre of music.

All except for the gyrating whale in the swimsuit. Dude, spend a few bucks for at least a slightly attractive video slut.

9:25 am October, 23 Wedgie said...

Fat Chicks With High Heels.
Thanks, totally messed up my morning coffee. However, always the optimist, Wedgie now has to take a dump. See, there’s always a silver lining. When you’re psychedelic.

10:03 am October, 23 creature said...

currently eating an old baseball to make me forget a horrid 20 sec.

11:24 am October, 23 Colossus of Choads said...

52 seconds….

11:32 am October, 23 DoucheyWallnuts said...

I must be numb to this douchery as I was able to watch almost to the halfway point. I was compelled to stop the video when one of my kids walked into the room and I didn’t want him to be scarred for life.

11:33 am October, 23 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Titles for Video
.
White Men Can’t Dance
.
White Douches Can’t Rap
.
Looking into the Face of Douche.
.
I’d Rather Drink Drano Than Watch This Video

12:13 pm October, 23 idfma said...

Even though he doesn’t realize it, his name is not ironic.

1:15 pm October, 23 Hug Natzi said...

Horiscrunkulous.

1:21 pm October, 23 Hug Natzi said...

The ads for ITT Tech were more interesting. And douche went shopping for video hoes at Jenny Craigslist.

1:28 pm October, 23 Douche Meter said...

Please send my jelly beans to the intensive care unit where I’ll be for a few weeks after watching that crap. His father must hate himself.

1:48 pm October, 23 Hug Natzi said...

@Douche Meter, those hospital gowns can be a bit drafty. Better bring some sweats.

1:49 pm October, 23 Mr. Biggs said...

I got a minute in and stopped out of boredom. Hilarious, namely that they don’t have a trace of irony or self-deprecation.

3:13 pm October, 23 Vin Douchal said...

Thanks to my super fast internet, I could slide to the very end of this video. Sad to report that he does not get bludgeoned by a sledge hammer
.
Nor does he get his eyes thumb-gashed out of the sockets by a rabid bonobo
.
In other words, this sucks, a lot

3:31 pm October, 23 CB Popped said...

41 seconds,,,,wasnt gonna drink tonight, changing my mind now.

3:38 pm October, 23 Anonymous said...

^Don’t do it CB Popped! You should come to my intervention erm, store meeting instead. No pizza this year though.

4:32 pm October, 23 tall guy said...

i was so put off I could even bring myself to check the clock before I exited. What a cockneck! And, note to hambeast: fatty boom-bas shouldn’t get above ’emselves’n’shit.

4:50 pm October, 23 El Bastardo Magnifico said...

Wait a minute… so the douches have discovered fat chicks now? Fuck. I didn’t see that one coming. My dating life’s gonna get real weird for a while.

6:09 pm October, 23 Mr. White said...

10 seconds. I’d rather sit through the 9-hour director’s cuts of the Twilight movies than suffer through any more of that.

8:21 pm October, 23 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

As the third quarter ended, the New Orleans Saints put away their fourth string, and suited up a group of French Quarter tranvestites to further humiliate the opponent for the next 15 minutes.
.
The only game I had the chance to watch and I spent it milling a corbeil for my dude space.
.
Mannings

8:23 pm October, 23 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

^corbel. Fucking, fucky, fuk ,fucker Dallas.

9:50 pm October, 23 ehcuodouche said...

I’ll give him this: His stage name is 100% accurate.

9:51 pm October, 23 ehcuodouche said...

WTF Caps? 7-0-0 and made the Red Wings your bitches.

8:23 am October, 24 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

1:16 Keep the jelly beans Boss. Sweet baby Jeebus in a trash compactor. At first I thought I was hallucinating when Al Sharpton came on at :10 or :15. And then I was like “No that wasn’t him. It couldn’t have been him.” But then he showed up again. And again. After the fourth or fifth time I had to give up. It took all the remaining undamaged brain cells that I have (killed waaaaay too many in my younger years with the beer and such) to hit the pause button. I’ll be off soon to go walk through a car wash about 17 times to try and get this out of my system.

10:37 am October, 24 Troy Tempest said...

bailed at 1.14.
I think it is psychedelic, because4 the chubby chick doing the dancing is totally weird. It’s like watching the blue meanies in Yellow Submarine, or this thing:

11:16 am October, 24 Jacques Doucheteau said...

I made it about 38 seconds in, turned it off, and went on to peruse various other websites, giving this video not a second thought.
.
I had a very productive day after that. Changed the oil and filter in the car, went to a yoga class, jammed like a madman with the band, then went out to the bar to check out a Cramps-esque group from SF I know a couple of the members off and got shit face drunk off micro brews. Came home, did the dishes, and watched an old episode of MST3K until I passed out on the couch. I was even able to squeeze in some coital relations with Mrs. Doucheteau in the middle of that whole day.
.
Then I woke up at 4:30 this morning in a cold, shivering sweat. Visions of futuristic psychedelic wombat women dancing in my head. Contorting their scantily clad blobbular frames in inhuman ways. Then they unsheathed insanely large stiletto daggers (from God knows where) and began jabbing then into my ocular nerve as overly compressed bass beats repetitively throbbed behind by temples.
.
At first I thought it was all the micros, but this level of torture replete with asinine blathering being yelped through a megaphone has no equal in the medical realm.
.
This dick shitting ass hat isn’t anywhere NEAR as good as J-Roc.

2:37 pm October, 24 Scrote_Scratcher said...

Um, yea.. I watched it all the way through.. Did you see the Asian kid?

I’d say, normal white, spoiled, jersey kid with no rhythm which thinks he can rap.. And dance; wtf is he trying to do the humpty dance?

3:45 pm October, 24 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

You know as soon as this was done and they listened to it in the studio they said, “SHIIIIIIIT! Boy that is off the hook and poppin’! Motherfuckas gonna be jelly. We’s gonna be bigga then the Peas!”
.
I hope someone set them straight.

6:15 pm October, 24 Anonymous said...

@Jacques, that sounds like the perfect day, well up to night terrors part. I’m glad someone around here is getting some consistent action on the regular.

7:11 pm October, 24 ehcuodouche said...

They had to slow things down to 25 BPM because he couldn’t rap any faster.

11:23 pm October, 24 douchieo said...

Looks like Diet Pepsi point of purchase graphics circa 1996. Probably burned into his sub-conscience from when his mother would send him to 7-11 for her favorite sugar water and pack of smokes.

10:21 am October, 25 welshman767 said...

i made it to 29 seconds when my eyeballs started to bleed. i gave it a try…No jellybeans.

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