Thursday, October 6, 2011

The Herpsters Spread

I’m telling you. It’s a new breed.

One that needs monitoring. And by monitoring, I mean the art of the collective mock.

Oh Sophomore Year Pre-Med Major Kimberly. How I make sickly moaning and pooching noises under your dorm room bed when you’re helping the sisters of Kappa Kappa Thigh hold a bake sale out by the quad. While you sell red velvet cupcakes for two dollars each, I sniff your dresser like a homeless koala on paint thinner.

# posted by douchebag1
2:13 pm October, 6 creature said...

spring break at the Beirut Best Western

2:20 pm October, 6 tall guy said...

Idiotic glasses on Habib look, erm, idiotic. That’s all I got.

2:20 pm October, 6 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Boss
.
I think our “little buddy” Stacky needs a good ol’ ass kickin’ left-handed cam Jew Lawyer style
.
http://www.douchebagswithhotchicks.com/

2:21 pm October, 6 soy bomb said...

I always thought Adam Sandler was unfunny choad. This picture is proof.

2:23 pm October, 6 tall guy said...

Hey! I’m not a ‘fat homo’. Semi-lol.

2:25 pm October, 6 soy bomb said...

Great find Bunsen! Looks like Stack has been feeling left out now that no one gives a sh*t about his “lifestyle” anymore. I was kinda hoping he he had taken the “Zyzzzxxz” way out by now.

2:37 pm October, 6 Douchetastic Sam said...

She could suck my dick anytime.

2:37 pm October, 6 Pobladura de Valderadouchey said...

As someone who came for the hot chicks and stayed for the writing, I must admit that “I sniff your dresser like a homeless koala on paint thinner” is a new high for you.

breathlessly,
Pobladura de Valderadouchey

2:55 pm October, 6 Vin Douchal said...

@ Doc
.
RE: DBwHC
.
I don’t know about being “a fat fuck minion”, but the other night in L.A. I went to Cantor’s deli and had a fat fucking Mutton , Lettuce and Tomato Sandwich and the mutton was niiiice and leeeean

3:02 pm October, 6 creature said...

nor am I a ‘fat, fuck minion’…apparently I’m a ‘fucking old ass faggot’ who’s gonna drag his faggotty old ass down to the strand for a bike ride & watching of bikini clad young mothers play beach volleyball…culminating with a stop at the Poop Deck to drain half a dozen glasses of cheap beer

3:09 pm October, 6 Capt. James T. Douche said...

They say never to hit a man with glasses but I can’t think of anything I’d like to do more to both of these menstrual stains than…

3:17 pm October, 6 FoghornLeghorn said...

@ Douche France
.
I should heeded your warning! That young man resembles a youthful Robin Williams, and that is not a good look.

3:21 pm October, 6 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Jeff Goldblum hasn’t been involved with anything this hot since he was in the second Jurassic Park movie.

3:22 pm October, 6 DoucheyWallnuts said...

I would love to braise her porch beef.

3:25 pm October, 6 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

So, is this the best commercial or what?
.

3:30 pm October, 6 Vin Douchal said...

The Poop Deck should have the Bruins game on

3:38 pm October, 6 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Vin
.
Did you have fun stormin’ the castle later?
.
I guess according to Stacky that I’m a “fat homos with no people skills, or social functions”. OK, I’ll give him out of shape but not fat (shit I’m down to 230 from 240 lbs) and I am pretty anit-social but I don’t know what social functions are? Does he mean like parties and shit? People skills? People skills? I have mad people skills. Why just the other day I managed to make my student bring me donuts to class. Hell, most people do it the other way around here.

4:03 pm October, 6 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

I’m outta pork rinds goddamn it and my Rascal battery’s f*cking dead. Somebody needs to call my neighbor and have him make a 7-Eleven run for me. My phone’s in the shitter and there’s no way I’m crawllng all the way in there. Facebook me. Some of you fellow losers know who I am for real.
.
Now if you’ll excuse me I gotta lift up my double gut and rub out some more cottage cheese. Kimberly is my dream come true. Definitely worth cleaning out my fat creases.
.
But seriously. I’m stranded here in my basement and nobody’s home. I think I did something to my penis because its pussy and bleeding around the base. Maybe someone call a doctor for me.
.
Or Pizza Hut.

4:23 pm October, 6 soy bomb said...

@ Creach, I live about 10 min bike ride south of the Poop Deck in Redondo. In fact, if one were to fall out of my condo and roll down to the pier, you’d land at Naja’s. Go B’s!

4:26 pm October, 6 hermit said...

Kimberly’s top has a hole in the center which is cool. It would be awesome if she had a corresponding body orifice located just below the sternum.
.
Call me a dreamer, banging old ladies through the tracheotomy hole is ok,(other than the gagging) but a direct lung-fuck would be sweet.

4:27 pm October, 6 Boner Patrol said...

Re: Stacky’s DBwHC. I’m a real ass woman who appreciates the male form and mind and while there may be some stupid as fuck commenters on this site, it doesn’t apply to everyone. Stacky will get his just like Zyzz before him. And if you don’t believe me then you may as well be one of those stupid as fuck commenters.

5:10 pm October, 6 WOD said...

I think Kimberly has been on this site before. She looks a lot like Sophie. Attracts the same type of douches too.

http://hotchickswithdouchebags.com/2011/06/nobody-eats-cheeseburgers-anymore/

5:14 pm October, 6 DoucheyWallnuts said...

I take offense at the term “Fat Homo,” and insist that from now on the term, “Fat Fag” be used whenever possible or plausible. Now where did I put that 1.75 litre bottle of Knob Creek…

5:19 pm October, 6 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I relish my job here at “Fat Homo Magazine”. If only Boner Patroll would go away with her other selves. I’m not drinking anight, 12 hour fast so I gotta doobie it.
.
Phlebotamists

5:20 pm October, 6 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

I want eat sushi off of Kimberly’s taught tummy, and dip soy sauce in her belly button.
.
The Goldblum twins are slime mold.

6:19 pm October, 6 DoucheyWallnuts said...

I’m somewhat upset that Pixie Lott gives me wood. I’m confused and scared. So I’m upset, confused and scared…
.

6:28 pm October, 6 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

Stackbag is and always will be a complete self absorbed loser. Apparenty his jason stackhouse (not his real name, for those who aren’t regs) site isn’t quite taking off, so now he’s resorted to stealing someone elses idea. Stick to pouring drinks at the bar and hitting on girls a dozen years younger who don’t know what a tool you are.

6:43 pm October, 6 ehcuodouche said...

She’s got great definition in her abs. It looks like she works out her labia too.

6:57 pm October, 6 Blah said...

Secretariat mated with Barney Fife and gave birth to the guy on the left.

7:00 pm October, 6 The Dude said...

No, Kimberley — not THAT kind of sandwich!

7:50 pm October, 6 troy tempest said...

Kimberley is a repeat as WOD noted. She still has no hips.

8:12 pm October, 6 ehcuodouche said...

WOD is correct, and the douche on her left is the same douche on her left, just douchier since he added the 75 degree hat tilt.

8:14 pm October, 6 Guid is Good said...

“While you sell red velvet cupcakes for two dollars each, I sniff your dresser like a homeless koala on paint thinner.” – that is Pullitzer prize material right there.

I would like to nuzzle Sophomore Year Pre-Med Major Kimberly, at least until the cops came.

That dorky-glasses wearing Jeff Goldblum can sure pull some HOTTs.

8:16 pm October, 6 DarkSock said...

Hermit had me at “direct lung-fuck”.
.
Medical FUCKT.

8:46 pm October, 6 Medusa Oblongata said...

Oh, lord. So Stacky is ogling the man-meat and comparing their abs, calling dudes “Brad Pitt and Jesus” in one body….I think we know who the fat homo is……
.
That being said, I’m gonna go finish off that Kielbasa in the fridge. And not all like the chick in Howard Stern’s ‘Private Parts’. I mean like Carl from Aqua Teen Hunger Force. I’m gonna put on a wifebeater and sweatpants, fart a lot and get grease stains on my gunt. Awww, yeah. Baby, get me more a’dem kosher pickles, too. I need to be well-fed before I ‘BREATH AIR ON THIS EARTH’ or whatever Stacky said.

8:47 pm October, 6 Whoop-di-douche said...

Why, just the other day I saw a placard for the new herpster vaccine alongside the one for herpes at the family doctor’s office. Convincing the parents to let their kids get BOTH vaccines might be a problem. Perhaps it’s a good idea to have photos such as this one and other shots of herpes side-effects……sort of like looking at “viral meth” if there was such a thang.

8:47 pm October, 6 Medusa Oblongata said...

RE this photo: Why does that dude have a tattoo of a hand holding a corn cob? Musta got it for winning the ring toss at the county fair or something.

9:00 pm October, 6 creature said...

URP!

6:51 am October, 7 Douche Wayne said...

Awe, isn’t that cute? He thinks he’s people, starting his own widdle website.

7:45 am October, 7 hermit said...

@ Dark Sock,
.
I’ll retract “direct lung-fuck” when you apologize for a “hissing fetus.”
.
Stackhouse’s lame website proves what I proposed during his hcwdb of the year win. Winning the yearly was his greatest achievement.
.
Pretty bad when one’s life is all downhill after being recognized as a Douchebag.

11:28 pm October, 7 Indiana Choad and the Temple of Douche said...

I guess when Stackipoo won the yearly, it was supposed to make him world famous and shit. Didn’t happen (for obvious reasons) and now he’s pouting. Poor Stackipoo.

11:18 pm October, 8 Whoop-di-douche said...

Every time I read that name “Stackhouse” I think of days gone by when women with big boobs were called “stacked” and chortle at the thought of what a big boob is Stackhouse..

11:20 pm October, 8 Whoop-di-douche said...

If I keep looking at this photo I will convince myself that is Jeff Goldblum on the left wearing blue-rimmed frames and looking asinine.

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