Wednesday, October 5, 2011

The Moocow Brothers Flex for Amanda and Tonya

Classic inflata-douchebaggery in presence of tasty strawberry flavored hot chicks.

Guy Passerbie is not amused.

# posted by douchebag1
9:26 am October, 5 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

This fine establishment appears to have a jury box. A fine idea, if I do say so. If they have a gallows out back, and no-nonsense judge who upholds anti-douche legislation, I want to work there.
.
And while we are meting out the punishment, allow me to spank these Bleeths for the court, your honor.

9:29 am October, 5 Phil said...

guy on the right looks like a douche Chaz Bono

9:35 am October, 5 Douchial Webster said...

Jenna Jameson, perhaps?

9:38 am October, 5 creature said...

Hay Carumba! center blonde has a land mass I will dub,
“Chest Titty-Fukkah”
…just have to firm up my ‘dubbing wand’

9:39 am October, 5 Hurl Scheibe said...

Place these two turds into the hands of 12 honest men.

9:39 am October, 5 El Bastardo Magnifico said...

Oh Amanda, with your hat and you shapely shoulders and proportional rump. I would gladly nuzzle your tummy for fifty pesos.

9:41 am October, 5 creature said...

…wanna season those melons with a ‘salty substance’

10:00 am October, 5 baffomet said...

It’s looks like Chelsea (From Chelsea Lately) is hanging out with Chuy after the show….

10:19 am October, 5 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

Blond bleeth in the middle has her own inflatables. And wtf is with dark and smiley douche ? No tatts ! Come on bra, get with the program. I mean the wristdana, fauxhawk and redbull and goose may get some of the bleeths, but you ain’t gonna compete wit yo boy Chaz Bono on roids without some tatts.
.
Guy in the jury box looks like he’s about to blow chunks over this scene. I agree.

10:19 am October, 5 Medusa Oblongata said...

Always tip your bartender. Ladies, quit hanging out with douchebags. How’s that for a tip?

10:20 am October, 5 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Carlos walked back to the bar and for the briefest of moments thought about pulling the pistol from beneath the register and emptying it into the four of them. Not that anyone would have noticed. Or cared. $100 shirts. $50 tans. $200 pants. $400 liquor bill. And a $15 tip. Carlos reached under the register, his fingers dancing on the cool metal of the gun, before instead closing around his cell phone. A quick call to Miguel was a much better, and more entertaining solution. The donkey show at the “Swollen Sagauro” needed new entertainers; the most recent ones had simply worn out. The ones from Wisconsin just couldn’t hold up under the brutal schedule. This quartet though, they should last at least a month before succumbing to disease and exhaustion. Carlos punched the keypad, nodding and smiling energetically as one of the boys waved his empty glass spasmatically above his head. “Si! Si!” he exclaimed through clenched teeth, before whispering under his beath, “See you in hell”.

10:31 am October, 5 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Special guest jurors Kevin Costner and Jimmy Kimmel.

10:43 am October, 5 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

As you regular hatterz know I’m a big fan of song parodies. Always fun to take a popular tune and turn it to our needs in the war on all that is douche. And some songs are better than others as a platform for mock. My personal favorite is still the parody I did of Bowling for Soup’s “Girl all the bad guys want”, which was dedicated to our own Medusa Oblongata.
.
But lately I’m hearing more and more songs on the radio that simply don’t require any help from me to expose the absurdities of today’s consumption and “F*ck it I’ll do what ever the f*ck I want, consequences be damned” culture. The obsession of today’s young “adult” population to pursue a twisted conbination of pleasure and faux celebrity has resulted in concepts such as pride, dignity, and self respect, being tossed upon the trash heap of civiliation along with absurd expectations like hard work and sacrifice.
.
Now arguably the male of our species has nearly always taken the lead in racing unrestrained down such hedonistic and self destructive paths. The male pension for consumption and self absorption is well documented. However, in the last decade women have kicked their pusuit of equality in terms of career and civil rights square in the nuts, and are now attempting at sub-lightspeed to “out fail” their male counterparts. And nothing I’ve heard to date better sums up the deplorable and dismaying state of young women today then Katy Perry’s “Last Friday Night”. Honestly, I have changed NO WORDS in this “song”.
.
There’s a stranger in my bed,
There’s a pounding in my head
Glitter all over the room
Pink flamingos in the pool
I smell like a minibar
DJ’s passed out in the yard
Barbie’s on the barbeque
Is this a hickie or a bruise?
.
Pictures of last night
Ended up online
I’m screwed
Oh well
It’s a blacked out blur
But I’m pretty sure it ruled
Damn
.
Last Friday night
Yeah, we danced on tabletops
And we took too many shots
Think we kissed but I forgot
.
Last Friday night
Yeah, we maxed our credit cards
And got kicked out of the bar
So we hit the boulevard
.
Last Friday night
We went streaking in the park
Skinny dipping in the dark
Then had a ménage à trois
Last Friday night
Yeah I think we broke the law
Always say we’re gonna stop
Whoa-oh-oah
.
This Friday night
Do it all again
This Friday night
Do it all again
.
Trying to connect the dots
Don’t know what to tell my boss
Think the city towed my car
Chandelier is on the floor
Ripped my favorite party dress
Warrant’s out for my arrest
Think I need a ginger ale
That was such an epic fail
.
Pictures of last night
Ended up online
I’m screwed
Oh well
It’s a blacked out blur
But I’m pretty sure it ruled
Damn
.
Last Friday night
Yeah, we danced on table tops
And we took too many shots
Think we kissed but I forgot
.
Last Friday night
Yeah, we maxed our credit cards
And got kicked out of the bar
So we hit the boulevards
.
Last Friday night
We went streaking in the park
Skinny dipping int he dark
Then had a ménage à trois
.
Last Friday night
Yeah I think we broke the law
Always say we’re gonna stop
Oh whoa oh
.
This Friday night
Do it all again
Do it all again
This Friday night
Do it all again
Do it all again
This Friday night
.
T.G.I.F.
T.G.I.F.
T.G.I.F.
T.G.I.F.
T.G.I.F.
T.G.I.F.
.
And repeat until you vomit.
.
I now understand why the Chinese, under their now not-so-strict “One Child” policy, would put pillows over the faces of new born daughters. Who in their right mind would want to raise girls if this is what they’re being told to aspire to?
.
Favorite line of the whole confession: “Oh well.”
.
Oh well. What the f*ck. Whatever. I’m a whore. Who cares. Let’s do it again! And sadly, they will. Again, and again, and again.

10:57 am October, 5 Douchie Spellcheck said...

@Scrotato Head, I don’t know, are you sure Dylan Thomas is dead after all?

10:58 am October, 5 Douchie Spellcheck said...

As an antidote, I had to run to the turntable to cue up “He’s Misstra Know-it-All.”

11:14 am October, 5 Et Tu Douche? said...

Carlos is me new hero

11:32 am October, 5 Steve said...

Thanks Scrotato. Seriously. My day was going great. Now I wanna kill myself. But only after I kill everyone under the age of 30………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….Ah fuck it. Everyone under 50.

11:52 am October, 5 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Mr. Scrotato Head. Thanks for another image and song to cause me great distress about the world my pre-teen and pre-pre-pre-teen daughters with be caught up in.
,
Katy Perry has been banned along with Ke$ha and the other auto-tuners in this house. I need a bottle.

12:03 pm October, 5 Wheezer said...

The Yupster choad in the red shirt is getting a good look at someone’s ass.
.
I’m not sure I want to know which ass it is, however.

2:33 pm October, 5 Boner Patrol said...

Chaz Bono on the right has got nothing yet. I’ll be back to inspect post op. Because it is my duty.

3:25 pm October, 5 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

I think the hotts feel pretty safe to smile in the environment because they know no one in there is going to hit on them. The only one who looks vaguely interested is the bartender.

8:52 pm October, 5 Wolfram74 said...

Where do you even start with those two Scrotegibbons?

9:38 pm October, 5 Stephanie said...

You know melons are tainted. The best thing to do,is shake up your beer,shoot it all over these guys,and blame it on the bartender.

10:39 pm October, 5 Whoop-di-douche said...

Two Moocow pitchers of beer coming right up all over her bolt-ons….served with strawberries dipped in chocolate tucked into both their decolettes.

5:00 pm October, 7 Arbitrary Name said...

Past-his-prime Victor in the quarantine booth gives a drunk rape-stare toward post-makeover Sandra Dee. She’s definitely the “one that he wants”. His clenched fist of fury exposes his rage at Father Time. After getting drunk, he’s going to peel out of the parking lot in his distinguished-gray Chrysler Sebring convertible, telling all who’ll listen how much happier he is being single. Top down, natch.

2:29 am October, 12 doucher said...

you guys are all haters who can’t get laid have fun payin 500 an hour for chicks that look half as good mean while all us douche bags are gettin it for free aaaaaahhahhahahahhaha!!!!!!!!!!

2:30 am October, 12 doucher said...

This is as close as you will get to hot girls enjoy!

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