Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Timmy Clown Scores Perfect Jenna

Somewhere, off in the violet hued dawn sky, across dry plains and cracked wilderness where sagebrush withers and sand dust sputters, a weary coyot’ sees this picture, sniffs sadly, howls forlornly, and drops a steamy turd on a cactus plant.

# posted by douchebag1
12:05 pm October, 19 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Timmy is celebrating his first pubic hair. Jenna, I’m sure, has taken a sacred vow of hairless pubic chastity. And now you’ll have to excuse me while I weepsterbate.

12:09 pm October, 19 Vin Douchal said...

Remember when the ultimate swimsuit chick was Christie Brinkley?
.
.
I promised her that I wouldn’t release the sex tape she and I made but dammit I’m tired of all these pretenders, and anyways, nobody has BetaMax anymore

12:13 pm October, 19 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I got fingered by a nurse practitioner today and am swearing off anal sex unless begged. She had fingers like an oak.
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Buttfuckers

12:14 pm October, 19 Hurl Scheibe said...

I guess the stupid pec tattoo is just his way of letting us know that he’s the Court Jester in the Court of the King of Sears.

12:17 pm October, 19 Douchetastic Sam said...

Perfection farts and scratches it’s ass. “Oooh! Should NOT have eaten that burrito”. Perfection takes a big steamy shit, “Ahhhh, that’s better”. This picture is the result of Perfection’s bowel movement.

Oh, and she could suck my dick.

12:20 pm October, 19 Douchble Helix said...

Good one, Hurl.
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I was thinking it was Ben Grimm, The Thing, wearing a crown.

12:26 pm October, 19 Douche Springsteen said...

I’m waiting for the guy from the Atlas body building ads in the back of old comic books to come up and kick sand in Timmy’s face and run off with Jenna.

12:49 pm October, 19 Mandouchian Candidate said...

Mmmm.. she is tasty, although after being near/on this chump I would require her to shower before entering my county.

12:50 pm October, 19 Mandouchian Candidate said...

Too bad the cameraman didn’t get a zoom in on the hipster just over what should be Timmy’s right bicep. Striped jail house A-shirt and shitty fedora??? I bet there is plenty more on the list

12:57 pm October, 19 DoucheyWallnuts said...

The world renowned philosopher James Ambrose Johnson, Jr., said it best years ago:

“A little girl came up to me, acting young and shy
A look of curiosity was flashing in her eyes
She had seen my face before and thought she knew me well
So I said “Shall we talk some more, you’ll come to my hotel”

She was only seventeen, seventeen
But she was sexy

1:49 pm October, 19 Wedgie said...

When I have nightmares about my youngest child, and only daughter, bringing home some loser to “meet the folks”, this guy could be the poster boy for those poisonous night visions.
This is why fathers don’t sleep worth shit as their kids grow up.
Well, that, and seeing Amy Lee of Evanescence and wondering if your piano-playing kid will grow up to poke holes in their face and screech on stage for a living.

1:58 pm October, 19 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Good Lord son, I’m pretty sure some of the survivors at Dachau had bigger biceps than you when they were freed. And Jenna? Make sure not to break his bony little hip either.

2:12 pm October, 19 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Now I know why the Birds are Angry…

2:34 pm October, 19 Et Tu Douche? said...

This is a great example of why I came to this site. It’s these types of moments that tear at my soul and make me weep & wonder why?

2:43 pm October, 19 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

Young lad has obviously never seen the inside of a gym, desperately needs a script for propecia, and has the face of the the banjo player from Deliverence. So his solution to this predicament is to assume the bag identity. Meaningless, randomly placed tatts, earing pierce, 130 degree hat tilt, etc. Now he has a hott on his side. Which only causes the other schlubs poolside to be envious and follow suit and assume the identity. I’m afraid all our mocking may be going to waste here. Very depressing.

3:46 pm October, 19 Southern Scrotic said...

@Wedgie

Has Amy Lee tatted out lately? For someone who sings Goth Metal, she looks amazingly clean.

3:51 pm October, 19 Douchetastic Sam said...

Back story: Perfect Jenna had recently undergone a procedure that is commonly known as a frontal lobotomy.

She could suck my dick.

4:34 pm October, 19 Wedgie said...

@SS
I don’t know; honestly, I just picked on her because “Bring Me To Life” was blaring in the background when I wrote that.
But I bet she has a spiderweb tatt on her vag, ‘cuz that’s how my sick mind works.
.
.
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Arachnoids

5:27 pm October, 19 Nostradouchus said...

I see a mother being hit on and a father-daughter lecture in the future.

6:41 pm October, 19 LicketySplicketyYourDickety said...

Dang. This one does sting. She looks like fun. Oh well, you lose some, you lose some.

6:58 pm October, 19 SphincterRanger said...

and yet; at the end of the day; I must remind myself that when this douchewaffling fool wakes up in the morning; he’ll still be a skinny little tool. Then I weep that he likely woke up with Miss Jenna. le sigh.

7:54 pm October, 19 Steve L. said...

when Jenna turns 30 (give or take a couple of years, of course), she’ll realize the stupidity of her younger days and marry a fat and bald middle management twerp.
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hey i’m liking this antisocial vibe of the ironic application of intrinsically vacuous terms like “middle management”.

8:23 pm October, 19 Steve L. said...

Jenna might go on to become a middle management marketing professional one day.
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if “middle management” makes me antisocial, then “middle management marketing professional” makes me want to die from crab fishing in the Bering Sea.

8:38 pm October, 19 Smart Girlfriend said...

^As a middle manager I find that highly offensive. I am angered and offended at that statement, some might even describe it as outright outrage. Grrrrrr. Um so how’s that chubby comin along?

12:49 am October, 21 SphincterRanger said...

if She’s gonna marry a middle manager; then I’d like to become a middling manager. errr…what? end ff the day; I’d like to be in her end. If I need to clarify; go spank yourself and walk away.

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