Friday, November 11, 2011

Friday Thoughts and Links

Douche-Neck shirts.

Still out there. Still a harbinger of stupid hair, chest shave, and the apocalypse of tainting Jenny and Kelly’s perfect globbs.

Your humble narrator muses on the power of herd mentality to drive the masses to stupidity, and is appalled and bemused simultaneously. We flatter ourselves with thoughts of individualism.

But we are simply crumbs on the cone nose of a Carvel Cookie Puss.

Here’s your links:

Your HCwDB DVD Pick of the Week: ” I tell you what we’re gonna do, Marlboro. You’re gonna take that goddamn J.C. Penney tie off and we’re gonna have an old fashioned man to man drinking party.”

HCwDB televisual mock continues to spread with Britain’s hit show“The Only Way is Essex.”

‘Bag hunters fight back: Petition to keep Nickelback from playing halftime show gains support. Don’t forget to sign the petitition!

Raging ass pimple on the butt cheek of society, the retched “Nik Ritchie,” who writes HCwDB ripoff site “The Dirty,” managed to keep his desperate clinging to Z-List fame alive by going on Anderson Cooper to talk about his defamation case. Back when that clown launched “Dirty Scottsdale” after being inspired by HCwDB, he used to beg me for links to his crap. And look at him now. What a hero.

Scientists identify World’s Sexiest Dance Moves. Sadly, White Man’s Overbite not included.

Since I got all reflective earlier in the week looking back at 2007’s Why Jeffy is ‘Bag, here’s another nostalgic look back The Oompa Prompa Photoshop Contest. Back in 2008. Like another universe.

Remember that cute Jerry McGuire kid? Now he likes to work out. You had me at “Too Much Time On Your Hands.”

Apparently he hasn’t been using his time to earn an Online-MBA. (Resource Link)

Ubiquitous Red Cup for sale. No sign if John Mayerbag is thinking of making a bid.

Ever wonder what happens when a sexytime threesome goes wrong? For one Florida douchebag, it involves throwing a TV at his wife and ending up in jail.

Okay, you’ve been good. You’ve earned it:

Shower Pearfection.

For the twilight is ‘ere and the November rain means Axl Rose shivers.

# posted by douchebag1
12:50 pm November, 11 Charles Nelson Douchely said...

And Nickelback is also booked for halftime show at the Grey Cup in Vancouver later that weekend. My kingdom for some drunk from Flin Flon running on the field and kicking arse.

1:07 pm November, 11 Hermit said...

Nik Ritchie’s and Anderson Cooper’s hair was separated at birth.

1:25 pm November, 11 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

@Hermit,
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Shouldn’t that be “parted at birth”?
.
.
.
Sorry.

1:29 pm November, 11 Hermit said...

On this Veteran’s Day, I’d like thank all who have served in the Armed Forces, and pay a special tribute to my Mom who was a Marine Colonel and fighter pilot during WWI. She was portrayed in a movie by Tom Hanks as the infantry sniper who held off an entire battalion of Hungarian, Viet Cong with a loaf of bread and a tire iron, making it possible for the French to make their bloody and valiant retreat into the Ardennes Forest. She returned home to a hero’s welcome, but stayed only long enough to tile the bathroom floor, have a brief but torrid love affair with Mr. White and produce a litter of pups under the basement stairs. As a civilian, Mom was a mediocre, middle-aged MILF with moderate skills as a Midwestern mid-wife. She presided over the births of most of our village’s unwanted bastard children and had the uncanny ability to determine the sex of an infant by flinging it’s afterbirth against the dining room window with a tennis racquet and analyzing the trail of slime as it slid down to the floor.
.
She retired with full military honors and busies herself whittling long, splintery dildos out of bamboo shoots and prostituting out her secretarial skills to local merchants in exchange for office furniture and cartons of Marlboros. She’s an avid collector of vintage hubcaps and writes children’s books for the hearing impaired. She now spends her days sitting on the front porch in her bra and panties, picking pigeons off telephone poles with a single-shot rifle.
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Thank You Mom for your service, and God Bless America!

1:48 pm November, 11 Wheezer said...

Awarding Comment of the Year™ just^^ got a lot easier…..

2:09 pm November, 11 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

^Hermit is a time-traveling savant of allegory and hyperbole. Where does he store his NyQuil in the winter?

4:54 pm November, 11 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Hermit, no wonder you turned out so great. That woman had to have been a Saint to deal with your shenanigans. Thank her for me.

5:12 pm November, 11 Sir David Douchenborough said...

Things could be worse for that Jerry McGuire fellow. He could end up like the Problem Child kid and be a roadie for an obscure alt rock band with an affinity for katanas .

5:37 pm November, 11 Chris in 'Baghdad said...

Great photo for Veterans Day. Apparently this ‘Bag, judging by his various, sundry and nonsensical insignia, is some kind of a Sergeant in the Douchebag Air Farce.

If it was 1973 again I would strafe him in my (USMC) F-4 II and chase him down Main Street in his underwear.

5:50 pm November, 11 Nancy Dreuche said...

Hey Sir D and D! Long time no see. How’s The Great White North treating you? And did ya hear, Zyzz is dead. I always think of the good times we had mocking that whole recockulous internets Dos attack when I hear that name. Will you be joining us for the Douchies this year? I’ve decided to lift my staunch policy of putting in zero effort on here and I’m gonna write up an award. I’ll wait until Thanksgiving to break the news to my family. Good to have ya back.

6:18 pm November, 11 Sir David Douchenborough said...

Wahey! Nancy, you are finally back to your own moniker! Before my impromptu exodus, I honestly thought you were posting under various aliases. America’s Hat is still being its bland self, even more so now that we have a majority government. Yes, I do remember the Zyzz’s ironic passing. It is amazing how all those “Alpha” followers ended up choosing such a woefully short-sighted and atavistic man as their leader. If he attains rock star status, nothing is sacred anymore. To think we are almost embarking on the anniversary of Troll Christmas!
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I am not sure about the Douchies. Admittedly, my time away has rusted my observational skills. This is more so because I have avoided the city center’s and its “club district” like it was a leper colony. Being surrounded by actually non-douchey people tends to let down your guard. However, as with anything, you have to ease back in, so hopefully, I can get roll with hunters in some shape or form eventually. I will jump in as a last resort.
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When breaking news to one’s family, Nancy, I humbly suggest a wagon full of Baby Duck with a bag full of beef jerky. That always tends to soften them up for the eventual news.

6:46 pm November, 11 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Sir David, ah yes, Troll Christmas. I remember when I had my own troll for awhile. She/he was a hoot. You would think I would give in already and sign in to have my own name thingy like the pros do. Again when coupled with my laziness and the fact I’m a bit of a commitment phobe, it just doesn’t seem to compute. And yeah awhile back I dabbled with different names, my faves, The Boston Red Sox and Society at Large. But apparently it really unhinges people when you do that, well that and spelling things wrong so I’m kicking it Nancy Dreuche-style for now. Thanks for the bag of jerky idea. Last year I did Turducken so live baby ducks wrapped in jerky is gonna flip lids.

7:25 pm November, 11 Nostradouchus said...

Designer calculator watches and Homer Simpson five o’clock shadows are mad pimpin’, yo.

8:28 pm November, 11 Doucheywallnuts said...

Am I the only one who would like to see Nebraska rape Penn State on TV on Saturday?
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Vigilantes

9:01 pm November, 11 Wheezer said...

Boy, that Nickelback hatter is really desperate to not have to listen to them:
.
Beyond Detroit, he said he’d even be more pleased with last year’s Super Bowl halftime entertainers, the Black Eyed Peas. “I’d rather see them wreck the stage again than watch Nickelback,” he said.
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I’d say that’s a toss-up, which is exactly what would be happening with my turkey and stuffing at the thought of either band.

9:05 pm November, 11 Whoop-di-douche said...

Hermit’s gotta crucially great head on his shoulders, and no doubt and equally crucial head between his knock-knees.

2:33 am November, 12 tall guy said...

Dark hair on right total babe.

5:21 am November, 12 Capt. James T. Douche said...

Tool sheds like Hippopotamus head in the middle with overly straight, overly white teeth make me wanna go a big rubbery one!

6:16 am November, 12 Douchble Helix said...

The serviceman from the Village People wants his uniform back.

6:20 am November, 12 Douchble Helix said...

The Oompa Prompa Photoshop contest was hilarious. I’d say that even if I wasn’t celebrated far and wide throughout ‘Baghuntingdom for my skilzz.
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DB1 should bring that back. Besides, it fits in perfectly with his stated goal of always doing less and less work keeping this thing going.

7:27 am November, 12 CB Popped said...

Cookie Puss and splintery bamboo dildos………..

7:09 pm November, 12 Medusa Oblongata said...

Let the threesome story serve as a warning. The wife’s fear is that the new woman will steal her man’s affections. The reality is, the two women decide they don’t even need ol’ dude in the picture, and he usually ends up crying in the bathroom with blue balls. Or clubbing his wife with a TV.
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I just boiled off seven pounds of tomatoes to make Medusa’s Hellfire Chili. It’s delightful going down, but the next day you will be shitting molten lava. Have a great weekend.
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Crappers.

8:40 pm November, 12 Douchble Helix said...

Went to a tea totaling family dinner with not-so-UBCs made by Hefty. Not navy blue, more towards UNC blue, I suppose.

8:45 pm November, 12 Blah said...

Fwippybag is making the same face my neighbor’s baby does when he fills his diaper. The girls are about to get a big surprise.

8:51 pm November, 12 Blah said...

A disembodied leg with blue shoe, a giant cupcake in the background, a Megan Fox lookalike and golden showers appearing to emanate from Fwippybag’s fwip. The fact that no one else even commented on this Dali-esque apparition leads me to conclude that you are all hopelessly jaded.

11:20 pm November, 12 Stephanie said...

Gimme a chance and that super large cupcake hits him right over the head,and I pee in my pants from laughing so hard.

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