Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Herpster Melvin Gets Lucky

And by lucky, I mean nasal conversation about the upcoming ironic “Occupy My Pants” app Melvin is developing for Facebook.

Slutty Sexy Joyce Hott is just slumming it at an indie bookstore in the cool area of Portland at 2am on a Tuesday until her boyfriend, Cal, gets out of prison.

# posted by douchebag1
6:48 am November, 8 Anonymous said...

What does it say when your shoulder tattoo is hotter than you?

6:52 am November, 8 Choad The Douche Sprocket said...

Herpsters give hope to nerdsters everywhere…thus meaning we must modulate our mock.
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She only gives hope(?) of a weeping herpes sore…oozing puss and regret.
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.Carbuncles

6:55 am November, 8 Nancy Dreuche said...

Slutty? Now that’s a bit harsh. How about “easy in the thighs”. The weird little troll dude next to her can do my econ homework, unless he’s got a big wang. If that’s the case he can fix my iPod that I washed in the dryer.
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She wearing red, I forget what that means again? Penis gallery, can you enlighten me.
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The Sybil War

6:57 am November, 8 Medusa Oblongata said...

I would give him a notta, were it not for the Harry Caray glasses and stupid haircut. So I’ll bring him to the playpen for some re-education. A good spanking, then I’ll dry his tears, make him sit on my knee while I give him a good talking-to. When Joyce tires of stripping, she’s going to regret that hand tattoo.

7:00 am November, 8 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

She looks like a cross between Elvis’ daughter and that Yeti Kardashian.
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We’ve seen him before.
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7:08 am November, 8 WillieHorton said...

Dude – she’s on the clock…

7:14 am November, 8 icame isaw idouched said...

This guy looks like one of those aliens from the X-Files with that green puss leaking out of his neck.

7:16 am November, 8 WillieHorton said...

BTW – “Occupy My Pants” – Awesome LOL!!!

7:18 am November, 8 DarkSock said...

Emo Bill Gates?

7:20 am November, 8 Nancy Dreuche said...

If Jacques hadn’t sent in a pic I would have thought this was him. Looks just like his old Emotar, well minus the glasses. Interesting under boob shave reveal she’s got going on there.

7:26 am November, 8 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Joyce has a closet-full of “I dig Nerds” T-Shirts. And it’s true, up to a point. If you are on your way to being the next Zuckerberg or Larry Page, Joyce will tolerate your miniscule weenus inside her hot-pocket. If, instead, your aspirations are to be no more than the best Battlefield 3 player on the nerdforce.net server, Joyce will make you wish you had never been born before kicking you to the curb and moving on.
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My guess is poor Melvin is in the latter camp. I give him a pity nadda.

7:34 am November, 8 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Most likely she’s a rent-a-model, paid to liven up some dreadful Nerd-con or similar Vegas convention-slash-geek orgy. I know, I know, she’s not a runway type model. Yet Vegas is filled with Bleeths who get paid to attend events simply because they are better looking than the normal event goers.

7:37 am November, 8 WillieHorton said...

Agreed Dude McCrudeshoes, agreed!

7:40 am November, 8 Nancy Dreuche said...

@McCrudeshoes, a pity notta? Ouchies. Thats worse than calling him a douchebag. Why don’t you completely castrate him while you’re at it. Sheesh. Dudes can be so cruel to eachother.

7:45 am November, 8 Nancy Dreuche said...

An accusations of paid to posery? Why that’s ridiculous! Theyve probably been dating for two years now. Look at how comfortable they appear in eachothers presence. Bunch of cynics on here just trying to out dick eachother.

7:50 am November, 8 Et Tu Douche? said...

DarkSock @ 7:18 am FTW!!!

8:03 am November, 8 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

I just remembered I met one of these Bleeths not to long ago. It was fascinating in a purely anthropological sense. She was gorgeous, though not ‘model’ gorgeous, dumb as a rock, but strangely savvy in one area: getting things she wanted from people (including some rather expensive schwag). There was nothing freelance or informal about her job. She worked for an actual marketing company who would call her with gigs. She supplemented the income with a bit of waitressing. Waitressing at a strip club, no surprise. McCrude was offered a BJ, but there were too many red warning lights going off in my head and I declined. Kinda regret it, but wtf.

8:12 am November, 8 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

@Nancy, I don’t consider him a full dude. Partial maybe. He’ll get the last laugh though when he powns my ass in Battlefield 3 and/or earns enough enough money to buy me and keep me as a pet.

8:27 am November, 8 Nancy Dreuche said...

@McCrudeshoes, you turned down a blowie from gorgeous woman? RevChad is turning over in his premature grave. Perhaps those are the services by which she acquires her goods. Viva Capitalism!

8:44 am November, 8 Capt. James T. Douche said...

Clearly she is paid entertainment for the duration of his Bar Mitzvah anything over and its extra.

8:46 am November, 8 RAPETIME said...

Huh. Looks like Digital Underground finally released another album. I haven’t seen Shock G in forever. He looks good for a guy his age.

9:09 am November, 8 Vin Douchal said...

The nose and ears came attached to the glasses

9:10 am November, 8 Wedgie said...

Another worthy entrant into the “Could be a lesbo” category, which is increasingly crowded. And I thought this was gonna be a no-brainer, which is the only reason I volunteered for the yearly.
Fuccen Reeve had it easy last year. 4-Prong, and everyone else competing for 2nd place.
Bite me.

9:18 am November, 8 Nancy Dreuche said...

I’m pretty sure I kick this guys ass. His pinky is raised of the glass. Hold that drink like you mean it Bizarro Sally Jesse Raphael!

9:32 am November, 8 Nancy Dreuche said...

Is she really going out with him? (Said in Captain Kirk’s voice)

9:33 am November, 8 harry r sohl said...

Hatters!

10:00 am November, 8 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

Someone needs to introduce Joyce to the sit-up and to a better fitting bra. Hey, since were being “hatters” might as well throw that in there.

10:03 am November, 8 TheTanIsAlwaysORANGERERER said...

The Dame is PREGGERS and she needs a Daddy skilled in C++ and Faithfullness

10:12 am November, 8 Tanath said...

Why? Did he not have to pay for that drink?

10:14 am November, 8 creature said...

“thanks for my first, dad…& she even comes with an animated panel!”

10:16 am November, 8 creature said...

…slutty Joyce can carry 5 cocks at one time

10:32 am November, 8 baffomet said...

She reminds me of Drew Barrymore’s ugly pregnant sister.

10:40 am November, 8 Douche Springsteen said...

that bozo is going to spill his $12 retro-prohibition era cocktail if he isn’t careful.
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I don’t think she’s preggers, I think she just has a nice little belly pooch.
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bootleggers.

12:30 pm November, 8 DoucheyWallnuts said...

I think he might be a retard. If so, notta.

12:53 pm November, 8 smackdouche said...

He was great in “Despicable Me”.

4:44 pm November, 8 Elwood BluezBag said...

Full arm tatt’s and a bunt = Pig.

6:46 pm November, 8 Stephanie said...

Those giant fake noses and glasses at Halloween are kind of cool. If Melvin talks like Jerry Lewis in the Nutty Professor,he’s cool,then.

12:11 am November, 9 Nostradouchus said...

Young emo Bill Gates- or Woody Allen-bag.

3:49 am November, 9 CB Popped said...

Emo Bill gates, Woody Allen Bag and modulating the Mock.

Fuck yes.

8:53 am November, 9 Xanadouche said...

Holy Shit – this guy is Wormser from Revenge of the Nerds. Remember the scene where Wormser is talking to the two Omega Mus and he’s at boob level. This is almost a recreation of that scene……..except the part of the Omega Mu is now being played by this whore.

Interesting Sidebar – Revenge to the Nerds is the first mention of the word Douchebag that I can recall hearing as said by Dudley “Booger” Dawson – played be the perpetual 80’s actor Curtis Armstrong. Although I’m sure that’s probably been mentioned on the site before. Just reliving some of my childhood – good times.

1:11 pm November, 9 Stephanie said...

Sometimes bras just aren’t strong enough for real boobage and it’s hard to find the right fitting one. She looks like a fun chick.

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