Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Herpster Steve Struggles to Remain Ironic and Detached Around Jennie

More references to his love of the new Chick-Fil-A on Sunset might help.

# posted by douchebag1
10:38 am November, 23 Nancy Dreuche said...

Poor man’s Donna D’Errico and poor woman’s Adam Levine finally found eachother.

10:40 am November, 23 Claude Douchenbagger said...

she needs to share share some of her silicon with his biceps.

10:41 am November, 23 Vin Douchal said...

This is what Ryan Reynolds would look like in his last days if he caught the gay then contracted AIDS

11:06 am November, 23 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Honest to God, no shit, true story.
.
A young ‘un of mine wanted to take a date to a “nice place” for lunch that had some ambiance to “get to know her better”. In his mind Chick-Fil-A was exactly the place that met his criteria. I am honestly not making this up.
.
So he takes his young lady-friend there and they proceed to get some lunch (at least he paid for it). They go through the usual small-time chit chat about families, friends, etc. before she made the mistake about asking him what he was doing this summer. Well, my boy launches into a near 3 hour discourse about a class he’s taking on the French Revolution and the significance of the guillotine and blah, blah, blah. Needless to say, he has only gotten the polite brush from said lady friend. But he still seriously thinks Chick-Fil-A is the best place to take a girl on a lunch date. Lord have mercy!

11:11 am November, 23 Douchble Helix said...

He’s ‘bag alright. But I feel like any old guy should get an ‘attaboy’ when they score some young thing, even if she’s not a 10.
.
Say, Doc, maybe some older fellow in that kid’s life should give him some tips regarding where to take a date, and such. Is there anyone in that role?

11:15 am November, 23 Wedgie said...

Nice to see that new bicep routine is paying off at the gym.
.
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I like Chick-Fil-A. So does my dog.

11:16 am November, 23 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Doc B, Chick-Fil-A wasn’t his downfall. It was the three hour discourse on something that obviously only interested him. I would meet someone I’m interested in at a rest stop bathroom and not bat an eyelash. And if its a first date, paying only really matters to some girls. Others would prefer to pay their own share so they don’t feel obligated to do anything in return. Tough break for the kid but hopefully he will meet up with a girl who is into the French Revolution as much as he is.

11:17 am November, 23 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ DH
.
He never told me he was going to do this and more importantly, they never listen anyway.

11:22 am November, 23 Nancy Dreuche said...

^He may listen now that he struck out.

11:26 am November, 23 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Nancy
.
The sad thing is he was happy to have learned something at all, God bless his heart (that’s a southern expression for the boy’s tryin’ to play solitaire with only 42 cards). I like the kid a lot but Chick-Fil-A is still his #1 choice. My wife had a chat with him before said date (unbeknownst to me) and told him this wasn’t a good idea. Strike two! A 3 hour discourse, strike three! Batter up!

11:28 am November, 23 soy bomb said...

She bears more than a passing resemblance to an Ewok.

11:28 am November, 23 Anonymous said...

Agreed. It wasn’t Chick-Fil-A, it was the fact that she is a brainless twit, had no idea what he was talking about, and was put off by the display of both intelligence and lack of fiscal pretense. The smart girl knows: A fascinating conversation over cheap chickenburgers trumps a fancy dinner with a vapid douche any day of the week. Good for the young Mr. Bunsen, he ran off a totally needy, shallow, uninteresting cunt. He’ll do well in life and will find a fine woman someday.
.
People put way too much emphasis on making a huge show of the first date. It’s supposed to be a test-the-waters scenario anyway. Coffee is fine. Sandwiches are fine. If the cunt expects lobster from day one, she is going to make your life a living hell, both in her demands for future displays of affection and wealth, and in her raging disappointment when you don’t deliver. I would just as soon not eat a nice meal with someone I don’t really know and might not like. I’d rather have a chat at Chick-Fil-A first, and then decide if this dude is worth my Saturday night.

11:28 am November, 23 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

This picture looks like Ron Perlman in drag trying to mooch free drinks off of the bass player from The Stray Cats. Yeesh!

11:29 am November, 23 Medusa Oblongata said...

^That was me. Whoops.

11:29 am November, 23 soy bomb said...

Herpster Steve needs to Occupy a gym.

11:32 am November, 23 Douche Springsteen said...

Chick-Fil-A might be run by Southern Baptist wingnuts that don’t take kindly to homosexuals n’ Muslims but goddamn do they have some tasty waffle fries.

11:39 am November, 23 Douchble Helix said...

Doc, I never had kids.
And I just broke my own rule about not telling other people how to raise their’s.
.
Still, you might want to give him the lowdown on oysters. Just sayin’.

11:49 am November, 23 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

It looks like Tim McGraw and Faith Hill went through 10 years of chronic meth,oxycontin and gin benders and spun in a malfunctioning bizarro machine. Or It’s Nancy Dreuche and her professor of Ugly 101.
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I have heard that Chic-Fil-A is good eatin’ in Confederate Country.
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Smowmen

11:53 am November, 23 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

^French Revolution? Is he taking an easy B.A. to get into law school or what? I should have done that, Fuck!
.
Overeducateds

12:05 pm November, 23 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Rev, how’s my homework coming along? It needs to be in by December 1st okay. 2 to 3 paragraphs on why I’m so annoying, no more, no less. You’re the best.

12:12 pm November, 23 Douche of Hazard said...

These 2 are on MTV. Whatever show morphed out of Rob and Big.

12:13 pm November, 23 Anonymous said...

These two are off Rob Dydrek’s Fantasy Factory on MTV. Not that it gives him a pass by any means.

12:14 pm November, 23 DoucheyWallnuts said...

This is one ugly broad. Is she Hellboy’s sister? I wouldn’t bang her with Bea Arthur’s dick.

12:18 pm November, 23 Capt. James T. Douche said...

I stick to White Castle… it is the shit… literally and figuratively!! She looks like she loves to snort vicodin then chase it with lorazepam and Popov to wipe her memory clean of whatever transpired during the evenings frivoloties. Fuck!! They made a sequel to Joe Dirt????

12:21 pm November, 23 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Now I know where I’ve seen her before.
.
http://images1.fanpop.com/images/photos/1300000/Troll-Doll-troll-dolls-1353648-640-480.jpg

12:22 pm November, 23 DoucheyWallnuts said...

She’s so ugly Tiger Woods wouldn’t bang her with Glen Close’s dick.

12:23 pm November, 23 DoucheyWallnuts said...

She’s so ugly Chaz Bono wouldn’t bang her with her/his dick if she/he had one.

12:28 pm November, 23 tall guy said...

Although I’ve surfed, run, cycled’n’shit for many of my 53 years I’ve always been fairly lean. Every so often I’ll dedicate some precious time to lifting weight in an effort to bulk-up but It doesn’t really work. Certain areas grow and tighten up a little and my appetite increases as does my shitting, but really I’m fighting a losing battle against nature and a genetic dice roll that decreed tall guy, while not quite a fully fledged string bean, shall nonetheless remain rather lean for all his days.
I’m okay with this. And my recurring delusory thinking often serves as a timely reminder of Einstein’s definition of insanity (which you’re all doubtlessly aware of). But Herpster Steve… Sheesh! I mean, he’s hideousness is made more so by his slevelessness. And I bet he’s rockin’ the double denim, too.
Also, I’m reading good things about Busters BBQ in Ventura, CA. I know this through an LA native who although he resides with the great unwashed in Sydders, Aus is currently visiting the USA (yo, Medusa! He’s a v. good member). Yet another tick on my rapidly growing list of places to visit when finally I make it to the states.
Anyway, more coffee.

12:34 pm November, 23 Nancy Dreuche said...

@tall guy, I think we’ve all learned from the great Zyzz that aesthetics and the like only yield short term gains. Add In N’ Out Burger to your list if you hit up Cali. But heaven forbid don’t make it a first date setting, she may blow you under the table.

12:41 pm November, 23 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

One more reason NOT to watch MTV, like you need another. Apparently they have run out of attractive people WITH tons of issues to fill the hours of programing they used to actually play music videos on.

12:47 pm November, 23 tall guy said...

‘In N’ Out Burger’ ? Sounds promisingly promiscuous when I say it out loud: “In N’ Out Burger-In N’ Out Burger”

12:48 pm November, 23 Southern Scrotic said...

The fact that she lasted for three hours shows potential.
.
The women I date get a phone call on the cell after the food is finished and have to leave to deal with an ’emergency’.

1:00 pm November, 23 tall guy said...

What about kissing on the first date? Typically, there’s uncertainty. How many times? What to do with the hands? The rules of kissing are quite elaborate: two kisses might seem quite enough whereas four is just too theatrical.
Confused.

1:05 pm November, 23 Nancy Dreuche said...

Anybody that brags about having a current show on MTV needs to reality check themselves. In fact they should listen to J Dilla’s “Reality Check”. No offense DB1.

1:17 pm November, 23 Nancy Dreuche said...

@tall guy, unfortunately there is no perfect recipe for the perfect first date. In fact I find doing the opposite of all the conventional dating advice to work best….at confusing the fuck out of your date. It makes for great stories to tell your friends the next day. ” You did what?!! On the first date?!!! What is wrong with you? You know you’re not supposed to do that, every article ever tells you not to.”. I’ll showem that I was right all along one day.
.
.
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Game Changers

1:22 pm November, 23 tall guy said...

Steve might be better off working in WA mining…

http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/He-drills-he-earns-he-spends-he-doesnt-apologise/

1:28 pm November, 23 tall guy said...

Oh, I totally agree, Dreuche. If I want boring happily ever after shit then I’ll do the allegedly romantic setting thing like dinner or something. I like the idea of maybe breaking into a railway holding yard and spray painting a train pink or talking our way into a senior’s folk dancing night at a local Rotarian so each of us can put the moves on the group’s glam couple.

1:29 pm November, 23 tall guy said...

Rotarian club

3:22 pm November, 23 Douchble Helix said...

There’s a Buster’s BBQ near Stamford, CT. They slop the grub onto wax paper that’s spread accross your cafeteri tray.
‘Cause that’s how we roll.

3:22 pm November, 23 Bueller said...

Drama and Chanel from Fantasy Factory

3:37 pm November, 23 Sir David Douchenborough said...

Oh isn’t that sweet, the once teenage actress from Full House is doing a special “Hipster World Vision.” I will happily send some caribou meat.

4:14 pm November, 23 Stephanie said...

Tall guy sounds like fun. And that’s one of thee saddest couples I’ve seen on this site. They both look like they hate each other.

4:25 pm November, 23 Steve said...

Ugh, I love talking about movie video editing, but when I’m talking to someone I CLEARLY know doesn’t know, understand, and most importantly, doesn’t care about it, I give them a quick answer to their question (which is the only way I’ll talk about it to begin with), and move on. If she’s really interested in seeing what I’ve done, I’ll send her the link to my youtube page.

5:47 pm November, 23 Doucheywallnuts said...

Zzzzzzzzzzz……

11:31 pm November, 23 Nostradouchus said...

This is what happens after Coldplay divorces Gweneth. They have to settle for a pregged up Jessica Simpson.

2:51 pm November, 24 DarkSock said...

Fuck-a-buncha Chick-Fil-A; Krispy Kreme is the muddafukken bawmb.
.
I’d trade ’em both for an In-N-Out Burger though.
.
And Krystals Krushes White Kastle. Medical FACT.
.
Hungovers.

3:44 pm November, 24 Holla McBalla said...

This is ‘Drama’& whats her face from fantasy factory.

6:40 pm November, 24 DarkSock said...

Also, re: Herpster Steve –
.
Amy Winehouse called, she wants her withered arm back.

8:31 pm November, 24 troy tempest said...

her left boob speaks to me. it says “Who will tell my drunken friend that she will die and go to hell? She sings la dee dee da, and if evil and sins are people’s beginnings, then I will be there (for all those feet that keen and bells that ring) Hear my call from the floor at the heart of the party (Always coming, guaranteed) Hear my call from the floor at the heart of the party (Life’s an oven, always loving, always coming, guaranteed)”

8:37 pm November, 24 Whoop-di-douche said...

His tatted arm is downright skinny-creepy.
Her bleached blonde hair is downright kinky.
God makes them and they deserve each other.

6:51 am November, 25 Mirror A said...

Chris Pfaf and Chanel West Coast..

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