Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Somewhere in Southern New Jersey…

….a Pontiac Crossfire Smells Like Coconut Oil.

# posted by douchebag1
11:23 am November, 30 tall guy said...

Haven’t seen many posts from Dreuche lately. Good to finally see a picture of her and nice that she got over that writer’s block shiz.

11:34 am November, 30 Nancy Dreuche said...

@tall guy, I was putting the finishing touch on my Douchie. Down to wire is how I work best. And I was really thinking RevChad would knock it outta the park for me, but I guess being a pinch hitter ain’t in his repertoire. So now that my work is done for the day I can party. But not with the Lane Bryant necklace wearing A-cup douche pictured here.

11:35 am November, 30 jonezy said...

and a herpetic labia sore smells like a Pontiac Crossfire.
.
maybe not the band name, but that should be the name of track 4 on your debut album DSock – “herpetic labia sore”

11:42 am November, 30 Wedgie said...

He looks somewhat swole. If you’re gonna juice, you gotta quit drinking and eating Cheetos.

11:47 am November, 30 DarkSock said...

He looks like he was dipped in John Largeman.
.
Son.

11:48 am November, 30 WillieHorton said...

“Somewhere in Southern New Jersey…

….a Pontiac Crossfire Smells Like Coconut Oil. ”

Line of the year dude!

11:59 am November, 30 Douche ex Machina said...

Aren’t you thinking of the Chrysler Crossfire? That would be more of an Oldbag car, not something this tool would drive. But yeah, whatever he’s in smells not just of coconut oil but of hair gel.

11:59 am November, 30 DoucheyWallnuts said...

As a Jerz resident I must cry foul…While my state leads the nation in Douchebags per capita, we produce a much finer (worse) quality (abomination) of Douchebag than this. Here in Jerz, we at least do Douche right. This is a mid-west douche if I’ve ever seen one. Fat and on steroids = Jerz, just fat = not Jerz. Plus this bleeth doesn’t seem to be exhibiting one bleeth trait. Definitely not Jerz….

12:29 pm November, 30 Charles Douchewin said...

Workingman’s Jennifer Love Hewitt is snugging up against the wrong workingman.

While perhaps a man, he doesn’t work on many levels.

12:56 pm November, 30 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Nancy D. works best after she hoses the Krispy Kreme drippings off of her gunt and polishes off two cans of Reddi Whip chaser.

1:03 pm November, 30 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

That’s some serious bloat. Is he retaining water, or does he skip the workout and go right to power eating after downing a couple bovine steroids?

1:08 pm November, 30 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Pear shaped Elvira made my dick shrivel up and retract so far into my abdomen I can feel it at the back of my throat as if I were gag fuccing myself.

1:57 pm November, 30 Nancy Dreuche said...

@RevChad, there’s my All-star. Where you been at?

2:07 pm November, 30 Wedgie said...

^Fer Chrissakes, will you two get a room already.

2:24 pm November, 30 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Good idea Wedgie. Sybil needs the Rev’s Jesus sized cock like Kim Kardashian needs plus sized panties. I dunno what the Rev needs, except for maybe a month at the best psychiatry college in Vienna.

2:27 pm November, 30 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

I think DB1 is getting his Jerz – guido / bleeth rides confused. Chrysler made a Crossfire. I think Pontiac had a short-lived Sunfire, which was a Chevy Cavalier with different emblems. This bloated tool is not fitting in any of those. I’m thinking an old Lincoln Town Car that his dead grandma willed him.

2:45 pm November, 30 Nancy Dreuche said...

Stop referring to us as a couple please. My dentist maybe reading this and I don’t want him to think ill of me. He has such high expectations for me.

3:01 pm November, 30 Baron Von Goolo said...

This cat knows fashion. Look at the way he layers and accessorizes about his head and neck; the turd cutter doo, the gold-rimmed X-Wing pilot sunglasses, the mandana, the necklace (dare I say, seashell?) and the piéce de résistance, the green mesh shirt masterfully coiled as a faux cowlneck to invoke a casual but intentional lust for life. Glorious! Somewhere in New York, Michael Coors just came in his own eye.
.
The only possible improvement to this grouping would be a cinderblock dropped from about four stories. I dunno. Too much?

3:04 pm November, 30 Baron Von Goolo said...

P.S. Is there another pic of these two? I’m thinking there’s some magic here and it would be nice to see her unsqueezed.

3:24 pm November, 30 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

I imagine when he bought the car used he immediately ran out and bought the first pair of zebra striped seat covers he could find. Only the sound of Plinky’s mom pulling a bale of Alabama cotton out of her vagina sounds worse than bare, shaved up, oily, guido back fat peeling off of a cracked and stained pleather seat on a hot,muggy, Jersey day. I may never eat fruit leather again.

3:43 pm November, 30 Nostradouchus said...

Now if he could only stop fake-lifting weights on the day the shirt is to come off and really lift weights everyday like a moob handler….Douches be triflin’

4:12 pm November, 30 Capt. James T. Douche said...

I fully agree with the Baron concerning his accessories. You’re gonna be seeing alot more of Vinny here because he’s the new spokesmodel for Axe body sprays new line of taint freshening products, inspired by the Jersey shore itself, Eu de douche! He’s the Jersey version of that W.A.S.Py mofo from the polo sport ads that you always see sailing on yachts and frogging trust fund poon in the club house at the local country club. The photo spread in the ad will consist of Vinny working off the books for his buddy Mikey on his booming parasailing business and on his down time trolling for barely legal vacay twat along Cape May and Sea Isle City.




Medical waste

4:21 pm November, 30 The Dude said...

My god, that gal is good looking. Lorenzo’s llama doesn’t deserve to be in the frame with her.

5:30 pm November, 30 Stephanie said...

He’s bloated from eating his hair gel.

8:27 pm November, 30 Medusa Oblongata said...

I’m gonna second Douchey Wallnuts’ assertation–while at a first glance, he looks like a guido, but I’m getting a slavic vibe from him. The midwest is chock full of these hammerheads; always somewhat inebriated, smelling of whatever labor job they half-ass work at…. Ugh. Sweet Home, Hanover Park.

10:33 pm November, 30 Whoop-di-douche said...

She’s hott, bless her bikinied boobies, and as for him, I see no tatts, plenty of meat, the usual douche accessories and most unfortunately, vertical craggy cliff hair leaning forward as if it was a divining rod carpet aimed at her slurpy curves.
She may well be laughing at the hot rod outta sight.

7:49 am December, 1 DarkSock said...

I had to read Baron’s post 5 times to savor its snarky goodness.
.
I may post every day, every thread, but it’s more of a carpet-bomb Plinky-style throw it at the wall and see what sticks type of boots-on-the-ground mass assault.
.
Baron’s the fuccen Delta 6 lay-low-then-storm-your-Pakistani-compound-and-then-shoot-you-in-your -bitch-eye type of laser beam.
.
Coconut Earl just got dissected by HCwDB’s Resident Evil.
.
Sons.

7:51 am December, 1 DarkSock said...

But it’s Michael Kors, not “Coors”.
.
Suddenly I feel gay and outed…

7:51 am December, 1 DarkSock said...

But it’s Michael Kors, not “Coors”.
.
Suddenly I feel gay and outed…
.
.
.
Sanduskies.

7:59 am December, 1 Douche De Leche said...

“…a Pontiac Crossfire Smells Like Coconut Oil.”

That’s probably the single best quote I’ve ever heard!

10:27 am December, 1 Baron Von Goolo said...

Really? Kors? But I spelled it like the beer?
.
MANHOOD REAFFIRMED!

2:51 pm December, 1 douchebagel said...

fuck. this. anal. spore. this guy is the result of one too many farts in some soggy undies. there is no redemption. ever

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