Saturday, November 19, 2011

The Judges Get Ready for the 2011 Douchie Awards

The following regs will be handing out awards at our all-star gala 2011 Douchie Awards ceremony, beginning December 5th:

Douchiest Douche-Face — Douchey Wallnuts
Most Annoying Rockerbag — CB Popped
Comment of the Year — Wheezer
Quartasians and Trannys — Douchble Helix
Douchiest Hand Gesture — tall guy
The John Largeman — Et Tu Douche?
Douchiest ‘Bag Who May Be a Lesbian In Drag — Wedgie
Most Trashcan to the Head Worthy — Medusa Oblongata
Douchiest Creature From Ancient Greek Myth — Jacques Doucheteau
The Douchebaguette — Mr. Scrotato Head
Most Euro Eurobags — Reverend Chad Kroeger
Smells Like Poo — Creature
‘Celebrity’ HCwDB Couple of the Year — Vin Douchal
Most Annoying ‘Bagling — Nancy Dreusche
The Ricky — Mr. White
Hottest Librarian Hott — The Dude
Greatest Crisis of Modernity — Hermit
Douchiest ‘Athlete’ — Bob McAdouche
Hottest Girl Next Door Hott — Douche Equis
Clearest Proof of Natural Selection — DarkSock
Most Expensive First Date Hott — Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche
The Yellowtail (Oldbag) — Mandouchian Candidate
Douchiest ‘Bag Trend — Mr. Scrotato Head
Greasiest Grease Stain — MusicFanatic
Douchiest Hair — dbBen
Douchiest Facial Fung — Douche Springsteen

Be sure to email me your winner(loser), as well as 3-4 runners up, along with your 2-3 paragraph writeup by DEcember 1st, so your lazy-ass narrator can put it all togethers.

Lets do this thing.

# posted by douchebag1
12:52 pm November, 19 creature said...

I know those girls, they clean toilets at CAA
…& by cleaning toilets I mean…

1:24 pm November, 19 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Nancy Dreuche has pre-emptively picked herself. I have to go watch a really bad Santa Claus Parade with my retarded brothers kids and his new squeeze and my family. And by Santa Claus parade I mean I’m as drunk as fuck and I don’t want to go. Fucking fuck.

1:35 pm November, 19 creature said...

reading my mind rev…uh ND, yaknow you can’t vote for yourself (that’s why I picked ‘smells like poo’ category)

1:36 pm November, 19 Nancy Dreuche said...

Shit I gotta get to work on this thing. It would be easier if I could pick myself and have the honorable RevChad write it up for me. What say you my Canuckian gentleman friend? Have we got ourselves a god damn deal? Have fun at your pride parade. I’m gonna go kick it childless and fancy free at a local pub to watch the Big Game. Go localer sports team!

2:31 pm November, 19 DarkSock said...

Ahhh, Clearest Proof of Natural Selection. YESSS!
.
.
.
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Tryin’ to remember WTF that means…BRB…

2:33 pm November, 19 DarkSock said...

I went back to 2010’s Douchies…now I remember what it is. *urk*
W

and before him there was Egg Yolk, who looks uncannily like what I pictured Tom Cullens to look like from “The Stand”.
agdg
M-O-O-N; that spells douche, mister! My Laws Yes!

2:46 pm November, 19 Jeet Kune Douche said...

Blonde chick bottom left –
I truly don’t give a crap how bleethy she is, I would give my family jewels to have her handcuff me and beat me with a stick. GGGNNNUUUNNNGGGHHH!!!!

3:43 pm November, 19 Nancy Dreuche said...

King D and Taylor Momsen go to the same makeup artist. Small world.

3:48 pm November, 19 Douchble Helix said...

First of all, Imma be at that party with the blonds and King Doucheus IV’s dad.
.
Second, consider this my final take-down notice regarding all content in any way associating me and the awards for trannys and quarts. CONSIDER YOURSELF ADVISED AND WARNED!!*
.
* An actual portion of e-mail I got back from someone I had previously addressed an e-mail to that began: “Here’s why you guys suck:”
[Not the tranny and quart part. It was prefaced by, “Don’t send any more e-mails.”]

3:55 pm November, 19 Nancy Dreuche said...

DH, I have an idea. You should write up a take down request, but in said write up you should include a tranny/quart side by side pic to accompany it when DB1 posts your takedown request for us to mock. Consider yourself advised!

4:21 pm November, 19 Nancy Dreuche said...

@RevChad, please refer to DB1s guidelines for my roast-up. 2 to 3 paragraphs at the most. You are pretty long winded sometimes, just sayin’. If you would like to include a paragraph dedicated to my prolapsed uterus, I suppose that is your perogative. Please have it in by Decembe 1st because DB1 is lazy n’ shit. And you can use a pic of Plinky’s mom for the accompanying photo. Remember I’m going to be reading this to my family at Christmas Eve dinner. So make it poignant, but throw in some serious zingers. This was a great idea of yours and you’re a sweetheart for doing it.

4:48 pm November, 19 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Working on it. Definitely NOT procrastinating.

5:47 pm November, 19 The Dude said...

I’ve gotta eat more leafy greens. That’ll give me the necessary NRG to seek out the librarian hott!

6:53 pm November, 19 Wedgie said...

King D has gravity, like a black hole. Pardon the pun.

7:13 pm November, 19 Manny 'Bagquiao said...

I know this may be old news, but, no Crucial Head? He’s a top-tier ‘bag hunter. Whatever happened to him?

7:20 pm November, 19 DarkSock said...

Crucial must’ve found a client.
.
LUCKY…

8:04 pm November, 19 hermit said...

Dude was a Chain-smoking poet.
.
Could be he was abducted by synthetic-nippled, robotic lesbian kidnappers.
.
.
.
Or emphysema.

8:07 pm November, 19 DarkSock said...

Or bulbous taint merchants, hell-bent on usurping the Lemon Merchants and the Keepers of the Cheese.

8:07 pm November, 19 DarkSock said...

Son.

8:21 pm November, 19 Nancy Dreuche said...

If Crucial Head doesn’t write up a Douchie, I am totally nepos!
.
.

Nepos-san

8:56 pm November, 19 creature said...

I believe the ‘croosh’ is at Guantanomo

8:57 pm November, 19 creature said...

Guantanamo…sheesh, stupid dark rum!

9:01 pm November, 19 creature said...

btw, Croosh, Fight on!

9:52 pm November, 19 creature said...

Hijo

10:35 pm November, 19 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

If I ever did go over to the douche side I would want the King to be my mentor and coach. Just can’t hate that guy.
.
Even if his cock does look like a sack of crushed puppies from all the diseases he’s fielding.

12:22 am November, 20 hermit said...

Perhaps he was captured by a band of crotch-sniffing, mutant baboons high on medicinal cranberry juice and Rolaids.

12:40 am November, 20 hermit said...

He was possibly seduced by a congregation of obese, ex-communicated Catholic nuns who pleasure themselves with the discarded tubes of paper towels and battery cables.
.
.
.
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3:55 am, Damn you Nyquil, you fucked me again.

1:12 am November, 20 hermit said...

Maybe he’s now the pubic relations director for the Professional Bull Riders Special Olympics, and just doesn’t have time.

1:13 am November, 20 hermit said...

Post-masterbatory carpel tunnel?

1:14 am November, 20 hermit said...

Tainted porch beef?

1:17 am November, 20 hermit said...

Stuck in traffic?

1:25 am November, 20 hermit said...

That Santa Monica Freeway can be a real bitch.^

4:37 am November, 20 Wheezer said...

Well, I think it’s safe to suspect Croosh was in Eugene last night, slipping Maker’s Mark mickeys into the Oregon cheerleaders’ pompons, hoping they’d be willing to drop their panties for those times they get tossed into the air.
.
Don’t interrupt my fantasies and projections, damn it; I have a point and I’m getting to it…..
.
Anyway, that would serve as a distraction for the Oregon players and help Croosh’s Trojans to victory last night.
.
.
.
.
.
Well, damn it, something worked: USC 38, Oregon 35.

4:39 am November, 20 Wheezer said...

Back to bed now…..

7:07 am November, 20 CB Popped said...

bulbous taint merchants,
crotch-sniffing, mutant baboons.

Def great band names,,,,the baboons must be crotch sniffing.

7:07 am November, 20 Medusa Oblongata said...

Croosh is here in the playpen. That is all I am at liberty to say.

7:27 am November, 20 Douchble Helix said...

I think this is what ND asked for, but who the fuck can tell?
.
http://imageshack.us/f/511/milakunisarticle.jpg/

8:34 am November, 20 Nancy Dreuche said...

@DH, no this is not the design I had in mind AT ALL. I need a tranny and I need a quartasian and I need them pictured side by side like only you can do. Putting the King with major league and minor league pussy makes no sense. King D, just gets little league tang. C’Mon, Pussyball 101, DH. Pussyball 101. Dont make me school you at your own game. That’s just sad.

8:53 am November, 20 Douchble Helix said...

“makes no sense”?
.
I just watched Techno Viking for over 3 minutes. That was the poo news. The good news is then I watched Techno Viking Girl in the pool.
.
Nothing makes any sense.
.
I’m skipping the response to the rest. DB1 already had to ask us to behave, once.
,
HARRUMMPPHH!!

8:55 am November, 20 tall guy said...

What’s with bleeth on right in top pic? Is the vertical line on her right boobie an indiction of cheaparse implants? Also, Dreuche, very cruel comments (once again) re. Kroeger’s (alleged) long-windedness.
Plus, I second, third and fourth (if necessary) the Crucial Head call. He (she or it) welcomed newbie tall guy aboard this ship of fools back then. I don’t forget that shiz.
Anyway, Monday morning. Blergh.

9:11 am November, 20 Douchble Helix said...

tall guy, there’s a whole lot of crazy in that pic. That weird jug line is just a small part. I think you’re likely right, though.

9:42 am November, 20 tall guy said...

Agreed, DH. Numerically there’s at least a total of ten bits of crazy if I count red eyed crazy in back: Bleeth crazy eyes X 3 sets + Greyhawk’s crazy eyes X 1 set. That’s like 10 crazy eyes!

9:58 am November, 20 Douche of Hazard said...

Boobs. Seven of them.

10:02 am November, 20 Nancy Dreuche said...

@tall guy, just sayin, the old Rev might benefit from an editor. Or a brain transplant. Whatever’s cheaper.

11:11 am November, 20 creature said...

you would benefit from a muzzle & full hand casts…er, make that we would benefit!

11:48 am November, 20 doucheywallnuts said...

In honor of the bleeth on the right, let’s have a Worst Boob Job of the Year, category.

11:51 am November, 20 doucheywallnuts said...

In honor of the bleeth on the right, let’s have a Worst Eye Make-up of the Year, category.

11:52 am November, 20 doucheywallnuts said...

And regarding the other two, am I the only one who can’t get the term, “Titty Fuc” out of my head?

3:11 pm November, 20 Nancy Dreuche said...

@creature, are you still mad that I called you old? Jeez, I had no idea how sensitive you were about it. I’m sorry.

5:09 pm November, 20 creature said...

(sigh) …still not funny, honey!

5:50 pm November, 20 Stephanie said...

Ignoring me doesn’t make me go away. And neither do those ugly douche bags.

7:36 pm November, 20 Douchble Helix said...

I have been inspired: http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/4/thekinguy.jpg/

7:43 pm November, 20 Nancy Dreuche said...

@DH, bottom row, second from the left, total tranny.

9:09 pm November, 20 Douchble Helix said...

LOLZ!!

9:26 pm November, 20 DarkSock said...

Stephanie was robbed, y’all.
.
Give ‘er a category. A special report, perhaps.

12:42 am November, 21 Nostradouchus said...

KD needs to trade costumes with the tranny below him.

5:44 pm November, 21 Sir David Douchenborough said...

It is a shame that Mecha Hiney Ho has left this mortal coil. If there were another reiteration, we could have had another stream of disjointed consciousness from the “bros” who seemingly have to assert constantly that they are alpha. I don’t think we had too many examples of “indignation” in the comments section this year to warrant a category on its own. “Tis a pity.

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