Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Wez Retires to Boca

After thirty years on the road chasing Mad Max, sometimes it’s time to hang up your gothic postapocalyptic football jersey and enjoy a Mai Tai by the pool with a Party Chick.

# posted by douchebag1
1:40 pm November, 30 I R A Darth Aggie said...

I thought he got squished? Apparently not. But if he plays his cards right, he’ll get to squish her.

1:42 pm November, 30 jonezy said...

interesting how the postapocalyptic world doesn’t really have many garrish tatts. Bleeths and Douches yes, but not all the signifiers transferred apparently.

1:51 pm November, 30 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Movie fact: in order to keep up his apocalyptic apoplexy during filming, Mad Max producers used to host bar mitzvahs in Mel Gibson’s trailer.

2:00 pm November, 30 SonnyChibaChoad said...

I can seez no Hott Chick here.

2:04 pm November, 30 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

Way to be creative with that severe, premature hair loss, Wez.
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And I am not a fake boob guy, but this girl really needs fake boobs. Just sayin.

2:08 pm November, 30 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Movie fact: “Two men enter, one man leaves” was originally a discription of what it’s like to have sex with Tina Turner.
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HCwDB fact: no hot chicks today.

2:12 pm November, 30 Nancy Dreuche said...

I can’t be sure but I think that’s part of his brain on the back of his neck. If I were to hasten a guess I would say it his occipital lobe. Man, she may not be the hottest hott, but at least she can fuck your brains out.

3:27 pm November, 30 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Melinda placed her fingers in her ears in a vain attempt to block out the high pitched squeal of all the class, culture, and dignity dying slowly and painfully behind her.

3:45 pm November, 30 Nostradouchus said...

Because zebra-stripped glasses are important for camouflaging himself in the African brush when “CLUBPLANET.com” comes along for a photo.

4:28 pm November, 30 Wedgie said...

I disagree that there are no hot chicks today. This girl is a cutie, she just has no boobies. On a more positive note, her mouth is open. Must be feeding time.

4:37 pm November, 30 Wedgie said...

BTW, congrats are in order to Darksock & Co. down in the bayou. Two of Yahoo’s “eight fattest cities” are in Louisiana (Baton Rouge & New Orleans). Well done, my good man. Keep pounding down Bananas Foster and chasing it with Sazerac Cocktails. No wonder the average Saints lineman weighs 400 lbs.
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.
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Jenny Craigs

4:52 pm November, 30 Nancy Dreuche said...

I’m pretty sure Wedgie just called DarkSock fat. You gonna let him talk to you like that DarkSock?

5:34 pm November, 30 Stephanie said...

Wez is losing his hair,and losing his battle with age. Welcome to the 40’s and 50’s. And no,getting younger girls won’t help you look younger,you’ll just look more pathetic.

5:46 pm November, 30 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Let me start the bidding at one level of loathing. Nancy Dreuche, as amusing as she may be to some of you is like an old pig stuck in my septic tank. She would be shot. The romantic shit suggested between the two of us are both awkward and profane and unwelcome. I don’t do heffer chicks.
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I would rather have those crazy Africans who do tests of manliness off loose limbs and vines to prove their worth to plunge tied to my giant balls than to be in the same tine-zone as said woman.
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May I also be the first to call her a Harpie, I won’t say cunt because she tries kind of hard to belong, and suggest that Creature will renouce his membership in the Hall Of Mock if she is nominated to the hallowed membership.
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Do I have a second?

7:51 pm November, 30 Wedgie said...

^Verbal “love eyes”. As proof, I offer the following true story.
Mrs. Wedgie, once upon a time, was a fit model of modest success. By modest, I mean she was in Makita & Kawasaki calendars, scantily clad. By now, you have correctly guessed why Wedgie loves the aftermarket parts we so affectionately refer to as “bolt ons”. But I digress.
She told her friends she couldn’t stand me, and resisted my advances for a long time. Years. And during this time, ridiculed my salty ass with some fairly colorful verbiage, such that she could fit right in amongst this august crowd at HCwDB.
All the while, she was falling for me. It just took her a while, and of course, marrying some other dumb ass in the meantime, to figure it out. So I had to wait a few years for that to peter out, quite literally, before making my move.
And now we are happily married, with three tax breaks, errr, children, and will live happily ever after. The End.
May I be the first to offer my congrats to you lovebirds.

8:05 pm November, 30 Blah said...

A preternaturally long index finger lurks In the background.

8:10 pm November, 30 Medusa Oblongata said...

@ Wedgie–snork. Will there be a registry?
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I would like to see photos of Mrs. Wedgie to confirm your statement. My spank bank is getting low.
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She sez to Wez: “Dad, come on, you’re embarrassing me in front of my friends!”

8:16 pm November, 30 Medusa Oblongata said...

Oh, by the way, This.

8:42 pm November, 30 Baron Von Goolo said...

^ This was funny.

9:44 pm November, 30 Chris in 'Baghdad said...

Gotta get me a pair of those Ed Hardy swim boardies…they would be all the rage when the Embassy pool in Kabul opens in March

10:03 pm November, 30 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Rev, why does Creature have to renounce his membership, but you dont? Seems kind if unfair. Anyways as beautiful and as heartwarming a story as that was Wedgie I can assure you I have no interest in that rotund emotionally unstable drama king. He’s like a male Miss Piggy and that ain’t right.

10:27 pm November, 30 Whoop-di-douche said...

Last of the Mohican Douchebags, NOT, with a half-breed Hott-Skank.
Mucky-muckers.

11:48 pm November, 30 tall guy said...

So back in the 80s on QLD’s Gold Coast a regular customer of the joint I managed was a hairdresser. His claim to fame was that ‘he did the hairstyles on Mad Max’. Bald as an egg, wore hideous long flowing smock things, and had a face only a mother could love. His name was Halfpenny and the waitresses (by betches, Dreuche) referred to him as “the amazing! Ian Halfpenny”). Yeah so anyway, he was screamingly gay.

12:10 am December, 1 Jacques Doucheteau said...

DUDE!!!! That guy has a dragon! Tattooed on his arm!
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Hey everybody, look! That guy has a dragon tattooed on his arm! Check it out!
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Dude, dude, DUUUUUUDE!! You’ve got a DRAGON…tattooed…on your motherfucking ARM, dude!!!!

12:37 am December, 1 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Funny how today’s douchebags and bleeths are 100 times more odeous than the ’80s concept of what the denizens of post apocalyptic Australia would look like. In other words, our society looks worse than if society had ended outright. I can’t wait for the comet o impact.

12:57 am December, 1 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

@Rev:
“both awkward and profane and unwelcome”
This is both deep and convoluted and hilarious. Comment of the week FTW.

1:54 am December, 1 tall guy said...

Yeah, Kroeger, I’m baffled why the presence of Dreuche causes creature to hand in his dinner pail.
Dreuche, you’re alright. And I hate working to deadlines.

4:30 am December, 1 DoucheyWallnuts said...

She may not be hot, but Grammar School Teacher Trish is good to go when she heads out to Vegas and the Rehab pool bar during teacher’s convention break. I’d take her over all the flashy bleeths.
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The Rev Chad/Nancy Drueche love parallel lines reminds me a lot of the David and Maddie romance on “Moonlighting.” There’s such sexual tension, you can cut it with a Jedi light saber….

6:01 am December, 1 Troy Tempest said...

Mr Scrotatohead @ 3.07 for comment of the week.

8:12 am December, 1 Hurl Scheibe said...

Wait a minute. Didn’t Wez like back door parties? Didn’t he have that fey BoiToi™ on the back of his motorcycle?

Didn’t the Feral kid break his heart with the mortal blow of the boomerang?

9:46 am December, 1 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

^Male Miss Piggy. That’s funny!

10:32 am December, 1 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

I miss Motorcycle Parts. And Flyteeth. I’m sure they would have an opinion on the whole Nancy/Rev Chad thing…

11:11 am December, 1 Wedgie said...

And Boatbutter, Crucial & Sarge. Geez, with unemployment so high, I’d expect you guys to have a little more spare time on your hands.

11:12 am December, 1 Stephanie said...

Oh and motorcycle parts is some kind of godhead to you?
Unless you’re in some relationship with him,and need to hear someone else’s opinion all of the time to support yours. Stop calling women on this site harpies and cunts,that is so small dick of you.
You’re lucky women come here to help you fight the douchebags. Unless you all want to be gay together. Which is okay if you’re into that kind of thing. Besides aren’t we entertaining enough for you?

12:15 pm December, 1 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Harpies. Really?

1:38 pm December, 1 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Wow Stephanie, what crawled up your ass and died? Wedgie and I were just saying that we miss some of the old posters, not that we wanted to have a lemon party with them or anything. And I’m not sure I called any woman on here a cunt. Or harpie. Ever. I love all the female ‘baghunters. Hell, I think we need a group photo of them. Purely for scientific reasons or course. You should be out the recruiting for our cause instead of turning on us. Sheesh!

2:41 pm December, 1 Wedgie said...

OK, Steph. I miss Dicey, too. Happy now?

2:42 pm December, 1 Wedgie said...

PS:
My dick isn’t small. I just got out of the ocean, and it’s cold.
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