Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Best Golden Globes (Bracket #2)

Because one vote wasn’t enough to appreciate the mammtastic year we’ve had, here’s your second round.

Best Golden Globes Finalist #1 (Bracket #2): Tiny Dancer Maria

From mid-November, Fratpud Juan simply doesn’t deserve this.

Tiny Dancer Maria is all that is golden about globedom.

I drink of her perktactiums, and beg for a powder in the green room.

I have no idea what that means.

Boobs.

Boobies.

Boobs.

Boobies.

Boobs.

Boobies.

Boobs.

Boobies.

Best Golden Globes Finalist #2 (Bracket #2): Asian Melons

From late October, these soft, pillowy mamms offer respite from a cold and harsh universe.

Boobs.

Boobies.

Boobs.

Boobies.

Boobs.

Boobies.

Boobs.

Boobies.

gazangas.

bazzzzzooooooooooooooogas.

I poke them softly with a feather and a spork.

Best Golden Globes Finalist #3 (Bracket #2): Melanie

From back in February’s Winged Shirts and Melon Salutations.

Melanie’s Melons are so strong of curvature, they’re one of the few to ever make the finals in this category without any major skin reveal.

Enhanced? Perhaps. Unsure. Unsure of myself. Unsure of anything you’re saying.

Gaghhrrrrghhhhhhh…..

Boobs.

Boobies.

Boobs.

Boobies.

Boobs.

Boobies.

Boobs.

Boobies.

Best Golden Globes Finalist #4 (Bracket #2): Gesthemane Boobies

From May’s Bird Poo on a Shirt, the consensus in the thread was fake, but I think real is also a possibility. Either way, they are firm and succulent and shine with Holy Cleavite. And so they are in the finals.

Boobs.

Boobies.

Boobs.

Boobies.

Boobs.

Boobies.

Boobs.

Boobies.

Honorable mention to the rest who deserve recognition, including The Holy Breasteses of Avalon, Female Ubergnaw, Grampa Joel’s niece Kelly, and The Jordanbag’s Heather.

Vote, as always, in the comments thread.

# posted by douchebag1
1:43 pm December, 7 Medusa Oblongata said...

Asian Melons. I would pile sushi on her bare boobies like in those fancy Japanese restaurants. Then I would throw the sushi on the floor and succle on them tittays like a Shiba Inu puppy with a tapeworm.

1:44 pm December, 7 jonezy said...

Maria is why I’m OK with Conquistadors inflicting genocide on the native of America to clear the path for her supple breasts to one day find themselves here in our country.
.
For me to ogle.
.
And fwap to

1:44 pm December, 7 Medusa Oblongata said...

I’m looking at his shorts. I imagine those are most appropriate, as, thanks to her, his crotch is The Land OF The Rising Sun.

1:46 pm December, 7 Findertweet said...

Hold me closer, Tiny Dancer.

1:49 pm December, 7 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Tiny Dancer for the spin.
.

1:51 pm December, 7 Anonymous said...

Yes, @Findertweet. Elton John would go straight for those.

1:51 pm December, 7 Capt. James T. Douche said...

Asian melons!!! Xie Xie for the tittays!!

1:52 pm December, 7 Mandouchian Candidate said...

Tiny Dancer Maria. Sidenote- Gethsemane should be a lead in for new category Navelliest Navel. That thing is big enough to store spare snow tires in.

1:55 pm December, 7 Choad The Douche Sprocket said...

The gravitational pull of Gesthemane globes is strong, and pulls the barely-there boobies of her bestie Brittany into their orbit…but sadly fail to pull my vote.
.
.
.Asian Melons are too obviously fake, and Melanie too much of a butterface to attract my crucial attention. And by “crucial attention” I mean getting Mr. Happy to come to or pay some.
.
.That leaves Tiny Dancer Maria…who looks like she would happily accept my man missile between her mamms….twice.
.
.
Maria FTW
That leaves

1:56 pm December, 7 Hermit said...

Asian Melons looks too much like corporal Klinger from M*A*S*H*
.
Melanie’s I.Q. and bad breath remind me of a golden retriever I had realations with.
.
Gesthemane’s boobs are abnormally swolen because she’s so hammered.
.
I vote for Tiny Dancer’s “headlights on the highway.”

1:57 pm December, 7 Hermit said...

^BTW, I count 2

2:05 pm December, 7 Vin Douchal said...

I sure hope there’s a third bracket becuase I don’t see Hot Mom Carol anywhere
.
.
Tiny Dancer Maria FTW . She’s got a look that could carry her through the managment program at Enterprise Rent A Car. In other words, one of the Taylor heirs would knock her up and she’d get a share of the fortune. Good on you , girl

2:07 pm December, 7 Wedgie said...

First of all, let me say that only having two rounds of this category is woefully inadequate. You lazy bastages, make an effort.
That said, I must vote for Maria. I have a weakness for the spinners.
@Rev, thanks for the spin last post; that tune brings a tear to my old eyes. And seeing Siouxsie & Co. from ’83 reminds me of, reminds me of……well hell, I can’t remember one fuccen thing from that year. It was a blur of coke, tequila & sex. Too bad someone stole my parachute pants, bitches.

2:25 pm December, 7 Wedgie said...

BTW, if you would’ve put Grampa’s niece Kelly in this or any bracket, she would get my vote.
Which just proves the point above.
You lactose-intolerant panty waists.

2:27 pm December, 7 Geoffrey said...

Tiny Dancer Maria

2:30 pm December, 7 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Fwap. Fwap. Fwapfwap. Fwapfwapfwapfwapfwapfwapfwapfwapfwap Fwapfwapfwapfwapfwapfwapfwapfwapfwapfwapfwapfwapfwapfwap.
.
FwapfwapfwapfwapfwapfwapfwapfwapfwapFwapfwapfwapfwapfwapfwapfwapfwapfwap Fwapfwapfwapfwapfwapfwapfwapfwapfwapfwapfwapfwapfwapfwap.Fwapfwapfwapfwapfwapfwapfwapfwapfwap Tiny Dancer Fwapfwapfwapfwapfwapfwapfwapfwapfwapfwapfwapfwapfwapfwap.

2:38 pm December, 7 Douche Springsteen said...

Tiny Dancer Maria FTW. She has a raging Mayan Eye of Coitus going on in that picture and is posed like a statue of Shiva and, there’s no need for me to lie, there’s something about a rack like that on a little frame that just slays me. And many thanks to Fratpud Juan for the point, as if my eye needed help finding something to look at in that photo.

2:40 pm December, 7 SonnyChibaChoad said...

Mamm’selle Tiny Dancer Maria FTW and for extensive Motorboatage.
.
.
.
Mother Udders

2:41 pm December, 7 CB Popped said...

I think Im seeing more naturals here – but Im in no position to confirm it. Im actually moments away from Scrotato’s actions.
We are all winners here. Even hot Mom Carol has wonderful naturals. Tks VinD.

Personally – I would pull open that zipper Melanie is wearing and motorboat her from head to toe. After luring her away from the Belorussian DB of course.

However, the category is Best Globes, and it has to go with our Tiny Dancer. They look real and DD – ish.

2:42 pm December, 7 Vin Douchal said...

Not for nothing, but do y’all realize there are16 pages of Fish Slap in the Hall Of Scrote?

2:47 pm December, 7 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Don’t get me wrong, Gesthemane’s amazingly hot, but I just can’t look at that picture without thinking she’s about to shoot a pingpong ball out of her navel into that ubiquitous clear cup.

2:49 pm December, 7 FredN. said...

Looks like a landslide (in my shorts. Or something).

Tiny Dancer Maria.

2:49 pm December, 7 Douche of Hazard said...

Tiny dancer looks like she’s paralyzed, but nice boobs FTW.

2:52 pm December, 7 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

And Asian Melons may be in season this time of year, but sh’e holding onto American Chumpa waaaaaay to affectionately for me to cast a vote her way.

2:53 pm December, 7 I douche, therefore I am said...

Tiny Dancer Maria, for being both Tiny and Huge at the same time.

3:03 pm December, 7 Melvil_Duchi said...

Tiny Dancer Maria

3:16 pm December, 7 C.G. said...

this is a tough one. my hip-shot reaction fires towards Asian Melons (ALWAYS in season, I might add). but as I take it all in… AM has what I hope is a promise ring (in that he got her to promise not to sleep around while he does) from that toolbag with the Anheuser-Busch logo on his chest.
dammit, she just fell hard a few notches.

I agree with Mr. Scotato Head: as much as I adore Asian Melon’s amazing melons (fake or not, who cares!) and adorable dimples, I have to give it to Tiny Maria simply on douchey-borfriend principle. had this been for Golden Globes + Douchfiance, she’d be an easy shoe-in for the award.

3:27 pm December, 7 Bueller said...

Hold me closer…!Please hold me closer…!

3:37 pm December, 7 Wedgie said...

@Vin
If anyone else had made that Fish Slap comment in the middle of a boobies thread, I would call homo. You get a kitchen pass due to your extensive body of work in prior threads. And by body of work, I mean Barstool Sports.
BTW, your girl Erin Andrews just filed a $10 million lawsuit against Marriott Hotels ’cause some guy saw her naked there.
Shit, if I had a dollar for every time someone saw me jay naked and dick down in Pacific Beach back in the day, I’d be retired already.

4:05 pm December, 7 Nancy Dreuche said...

My G-Money is on Titties #4 again.

4:08 pm December, 7 Nancy Dreuche said...

And these should be called Rack-its or Bracktits instead of Brackets. Come on people, why am I the first one to come up with that. Get your shit together.

4:18 pm December, 7 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Gesthemane FTW. Just her pose alone gives me Brazilian Walnut Wood.

4:40 pm December, 7 Fyodor Dostedouchesky said...

Maria in a mamslide, although if I lived my values it would be Asian Melons. What can I say, I’m torn…and turgid

4:59 pm December, 7 Nostradouchus said...

Maria FTW…Asian’s are probably enhanced (and uneven), all #3 was put on a nice funbag holster, and #4 just ain’t doin’ in for me. If you’re going to have nice boobs, don’t strap ’em back, #4…let ’em get some sun.

4:59 pm December, 7 Nostradouchus said...

#3 *did* was, I mean…

5:08 pm December, 7 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Tiny Dancer brings me back to my roots. By roots I mean I mean pubes. And by pubes I mean they fell off as I got older. So since Tiny is a Spanish/Indigenous she only aspires to one thing in life. The thing is to have a song named after her. And ny mane I mean her birth month. I mean late funk.early disco. And by pubes, Spanish, LFED I can only mean the one the only Earth, Wind, and Fire coming at us live from the World Environmental Summit in Durban, South Africa.
.

5:09 pm December, 7 baffomet said...

Tiny Dancer Maria

5:28 pm December, 7 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Rev, nice jam. I’m gonna have to add Earth Wind and Fire to my LadyBoner Jams 2012 Playlist I’ve made myself on Slacker radio. Maybe you could spin this DJ thing into a real thing. You got an Elk’s Club up there you can play at?

5:30 pm December, 7 storky said...

#1.

5:41 pm December, 7 idfma said...

Gotta go with #2…Asian melons. However, may I propose a second category for Gesthemane: “Best Gap Between the Legs While Kneeling”. I think she would win hands down.
.
Looking at the nominees, I realize how hard this category is going to be…but don’t let that stop you from keeping them coming DB1.

5:54 pm December, 7 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

Tiny Dancer for a Huge Boner! No. Wait! I meant win! Tiny Dancer for a HUUGE WIN!!

5:57 pm December, 7 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

And let me just add, this is a day that will live in infamy!! If Tiny Dancer is not picked for the win!

6:20 pm December, 7 Nancy Dreuche said...

^Too soon FDR, too damn soon.

6:21 pm December, 7 Nancy Dreuche said...

I meant FDD, but the message remains the same.

6:27 pm December, 7 ehcuodouche said...

While Gesthemane boobies are really nice (and features HCWDB legend He just bangs bitches and drinks), I’ll go with tiny dancer Maria because boobies.

6:30 pm December, 7 Wedgie said...

DJ Revvie-Rev doing a fine job. Last time I heard EWF I was wearing Angel Flights.
.
.
.
Tony Manero’s

6:36 pm December, 7 Joey Joe Joe Jr. Shabbadouche said...

What Findertweet said. Hold me closer, Tiny Dancer.

6:55 pm December, 7 Guns-N_douche said...

Hold my head close tiny dancer,
Let me motorboat those funbags,

That’s all I got… besides a woody from her mamamamamries.

Yep, Maria FTW.

7:05 pm December, 7 The Dude said...

Gesthemane’s boobies look like they need to be released from their straps, and they get my vote FTW.

7:17 pm December, 7 Tanath said...

Easier than bracket 1 – Tiny Dancer

7:28 pm December, 7 Nancy Dreuche said...

Now can somebody please refresh me (Full disclosure: I’m going to use your answer for hate fuck material.) Does the winner of Bracket 1 and the winner of Bracket 2, face off in a Boober Bowl at the end Douchies? Last year is kind of a blur on account I was mainlining Cheetos.

7:39 pm December, 7 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Tiny Dancer gives big wood. FTW.

7:58 pm December, 7 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Perhaps they’re pursuing the Ameri-Can League Pendulant. Competing for the Stan-D Cup Championship? Worl-D Cup? Olympeak Gold? The Highsmam Trophy?
.
Is it bad that I can’t uncurl my right fingers and my right elbow is thicker than my thigh?

8:19 pm December, 7 Douchble Helix said...

I’d be happy takin’ turns dancin’ with Maria as the band played “Night of the Johnstown Flood”.
.
But that wet chick gives me a boner every time.
.
“The boner wants what the boner wants.” – “Woody” Allen Stewart Konigsberg

8:48 pm December, 7 Indiana Choad and the Temple of Douche said...

Gesthemane Boobies FTW

10:04 pm December, 7 Whoop-di-douche said...

Tiny Dancer should win this race, cuz me’s suspectin’ she’s a descendant of that great racehorse Native Dancer, who has sired, grand-sired and great-grandsired many a winner. And the Natives are restless here at HcwDB and desire a true win in the BOOBS category.

11:19 pm December, 7 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Tiny Dancer Maria. I’m all out of clean socks because of that picture.

11:34 pm December, 7 Chris in 'Baghdad said...

Asian Melons are in season any time, anywhere. They are natural, wholesome, and great for motorboating.

12:32 am December, 8 Stephanie said...

Even though I’m not into breasts…Asian Melons. Too bad the guy next to her can’t even crack a smile,he’s a doofus.

12:43 am December, 8 tall guy said...

It came down to the wire between Asian Melons and TIny Dancer for me. Tiny Dancer isn’t to be overlooked as she’s in that stage of her life when she’s the hottest and probably the most approachable. But Asian Melons is my final choice. Why? She’s got the type of face I’d like to see in that contorted orgasm look. Yeah, anyway…

12:44 am December, 8 tall guy said...

So to confirm, Asian Melons FTW!

1:54 am December, 8 Douchey McDouche said...

Asian Melons, a fine pair of melons indeed.

3:12 am December, 8 Charles Nelson Douchely said...

Tiny Dancer Maria. At least who I think it is in the first picture. It is hard to tell through all the white stains on the computer monitor.

Wait a minute.

Oh fudge.

I was….uh…..painting. Yes. Plain white paint. That’s what it is. White paint.

3:31 am December, 8 JK said...

Asian
Melons.

3:55 am December, 8 YA said...

Tiny Dancer outclasses them all

5:14 am December, 8 Diego Rivera said...

I stink it will be Tiny picante Maria over Stephanie in the final. Mang.

5:14 am December, 8 Geraldo Rivera said...

I stink.

5:42 am December, 8 Olddog said...

One more for Tiny Dancer Maria.

6:01 am December, 8 Red Headed Woman said...

Asian Melons.

6:04 am December, 8 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

We got an early act gettin ready on the L.A. stage and by early I mean I’ve got to go to the chiropractor and druggist. And by druggist, I mean Lenny.
.
And by Tower of Power I don’t mean Oprah’s fart bassoon.
.

6:25 am December, 8 Wedgie said...

^One of my favorite bands. For a guy who spends most of his days wasted, you are surprisingly lucid when it comes to music.

6:30 am December, 8 Hurl Scheibe said...

Asian Mellons puts the Ho in Me So Horny.

I’ll take the sushi on her boobies for the win.

With a little Yellowtail for the bonus!!

6:45 am December, 8 dhill0125 said...

Tiny Dancer Maria FTW. WOW!

6:54 am December, 8 Et Tu Douche? said...

Asian Melons FTW and by FTW I mean For The Wank.

7:16 am December, 8 FoghornLeghorn said...

Tiny Dancer #1, please.

7:48 am December, 8 E-blo's Last Thought said...

Gesthemane ftw because bleethy, drunk and wet is a great way to live in Vegas until you turn 30.

7:50 am December, 8 I R A Darth Aggie said...

I have to pick one? dammit.
.
*fawp*fawp*fawp*
.
Tiny Dancer Maria FTW. ’cause I don’t need a douchebag to point the way.

8:22 am December, 8 the douche is alright said...

Gesthemane

8:24 am December, 8 merle baggard said...

Gesthemane – the way she is posing makes me horny.

9:01 am December, 8 Mr. Biggs said...

Tiny Dancer. Perfect shape, tautness, bustling with natural fertility. If they’re fake, that’s one hell of a surgeon. Which means her dad’s loaded.

9:46 am December, 8 Cmak said...

Gesthemane Boobies, because you can tell those chicks like to party.

10:04 am December, 8 Scooby Douche said...

If I was stuck on a desert island, and had only one photo of one of these sets to look at all, only one set to remind me of the glory of boobs, which set would I want to stare at all day?

Tiny Dancer FTW

10:05 am December, 8 Scooby Douche said...

*day, look at all day. Proof read you ass…

11:35 am December, 8 riverdouche said...

Maria, full of grace. or something.

11:45 am December, 8 Wheezer said...

I haven’t voted on this one yet. What’s wrong with that? Yikes! So, I’ll take Asian Melons for the sake of it.

4:49 pm December, 8 douche equis said...

Put on some leather, Maria,
And don’t dress like my wife,
Cuz that bitch won’t be comin’ home,
I’m a pro with a knife.
.
Just trying to get away from the Tiny Dancer motif . . .
.
Tiny Dancer Maria for the feel-cop.

8:20 pm December, 8 Anonymous said...

oh maria!

9:16 pm December, 8 Douche Enforcement Administration said...

MILFy Melanie, because I can be sure they’re natural and I suspect they have the highest boob:nip ratio.

12:56 pm December, 12 Alex said...

the GF and i concur–dancer Maria. Now i’m going to go play with my GF while continuing to contemplate my decision. And by “my GF” I mean her boobs. And by contemplate, i mean think about the contestants.

12:38 pm December, 13 Ol' Dirty Douchebag said...

Gesthemane Boobies because I’m religious like that.

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